At 14:24 29/06/96 +1000, you wrote:
Your idea of "toned-down" is interesting... but then you started out by
making him a "god".
Yes, I stuck his god like form in the one I'm writing now, Dark Empire...
The story is reasonably well written, but you'll need to work hard to
make it a story about Ranma with SHirow as a regular as opposed to a
story about Shirow with Ranma & co. as background.
That was just his Intro, and the rest of the stories dealing with him have
Him there, anyways, I had the other story Idea's before this one, and so
this was kinda forced...
1> In the scene where Ranma calls SHirow a thief and Shirow breaks
his bonds, have Ranma punch Shirow through the wall afterwards, not
cower. I'd like to see the theif provoke Ranma and get pounded.
E.G. Ranma punches Shirow through wall into pond.
SHirow-chan appears, Ranma jumps to pond.
SHirow-chan says the Treasure Hunter went that way (points)
Ranma jumps in pond and Ranma-chan says shes after a thief
Shirow-chan yells out treasure hunter and draws katana
Ranma-chan punches Shirow-chan out.
Akane comes out and beats on Ranma for picking on a girl.
Something along those lines (with appropriate dialogue) would (IMHO) be
much better than the suave, unflappable, Shirow making Ranma back down.
I like this, but, I would never think of that, well, time to go back and
rewrte it,..
I want to make Shirow sort f a dashing type character (To be honast, he's
Locke from Final fantasyIII...).
2> On SHirow's abilities - he's a sneak. Make him good at running,
hiding and other theif type stuff and cut back on the fighting ability.
Well, I am trying that, there will be some more sneaking bits, but the
running is a good idea, melt into the shadows, that kinda ninja type stuff...
It would be better if 1-on-1 he was barely able to hold off Mousse or
Shampoo, but could lose them in a race, and against Ranma or Ryouga all
On this, I was trying to protray thaT Mousse and Shampoo were enraged, and
taht meant that they made mistakes and over extened them selves, while
Shirow remains calm, and can explot weeknesses of his opponints, for later,
He does fight others, (Ranma, Akane and Ukyo) and he gets beat pretty bad by
all of them, becasue they were not going apesh*t...but I did have Ryoga kick
him...
he could do was delay his inevitable defeat unless he found a way to
flee. Come up with a character that has to *think* a *little* bit. It's
See, with the basement bit, with Shirow and the smoke bomb, running away, I
though of making this a running gage, he would use the smoke bomb and try to
escape, but he would trip over something or walk into someone and not be
able to escape...
been shown that Nabiki isn't that attracted to brawn, and the Shirow
you've painted doesn't *NEED* to think.
Well, I'm really trying to figure out how Shirow could get the hots for
nabiki, I mean, something more tahn superfical lust, I'm thinkning maybe I
do something like Nabiki is stadning on the balcony and Ranma and Aakne are
fighting, and Akane punches Ranma into the support and it falls, but Shirow
Grabs Nabiki before she could fall? (I don't know...I'm bad at comming up
with stuff like that..)
3> On the Amazon situation, it would be more useful if you kept
Shampoo & Mousse in the dark about Shirow's curse and retained them as a
menace rather than stressing how great Shirow is by taking them out in a
fight. Make SHirow use his head, not his fists. And if Mousse & Shampoo
are dealt with, doesn't that mean Cologne has to take a personnel
interest in him instead of sending out lackeys?
Actually, that's something comming up, Mousse was not really defeated by
Shirow, just Ryoga knocked him off the roof, so Mousse Is still valid, not
with Shampoo,
Colonge finds a loophole in teh law dealing with her situation, and she can
still presue Shirow, the Colonge will come after him, I was thinking
locking a coller with a bell on it around his neck s o he couldn't sneak
anymore..hey that not half bad...hmmm..and the only way is to get Ranma to
marry Shampoo..or Shirow to defeat Colonge...hmmm...
Well, the next part deals with Ryoga's new problem, He can find his way,
but, He has lost all of his fighting ability and streangt, and the only way
is to go to this hotspring far off at the northren end on Honshu. Ryoga,
Ranma and Shirow take off (Ryoga comes becasue he needs too, Ranma just to
go, and Shirow because
he's the only one who saw the map to it befor Kasumi walked in of Dr. Tofu
and he tore it up.) At the spring, the caretaker is a young Shinto Preistes,
who trns out to be Ryoga's 64th cousin, Shirow gets soemthing for her, but
she's too intrested in Ranma-CHAN...(and later, Kasumi, Nabiki, Akane, Ukyo,
Akari...sorta Alielle typr character...). But that one isn't for a while, I
really want to do Dark Empire, which has the Ranma cast, older and in a
SCi0fi universe, I do hope It works out, for thats what I'm good at...
Geoff Walker, The Tyrant Pax, Hentai Omega, Megumi Shirow-sama
Offical Grand Inqusistor Of the Cult of Nabiki Tendo
"Well, there goes the buisness, Hyuck! At least I got
paid!"
- Nabiki, Tendo Christmass Scramble
"Onward Bugrom Soldiers, Onward Muldoon Preistess, onwards Shadow tribsmen,
fight till you're deceased."
"Dammit Luigi, you told me to take a left at the Gallera, and now I'm her
flying over F*cking Mt. Fuji...I don't even think that Mt. Fuji is IN Canada"
"And Di iz how ve Say good-bye in Germany, dokter Jones."