The Princess Bride - A Ranma 1/2 Production ?!?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
     A shameless take-off of William Goldman's book, Rob Reiner's film,
and Rumiko Takahashi's comic book. There might actually be original
material in here, but we're not sure ;]

     Written by Martha McMahon and E. Bryan Rumph
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Introduction : Take Two ;]
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     "I hate colds." Akane coughed, and glared at the NyQuil bottle.
"Stupid stuff doesn't even --- Zzzzzzzzz" Akane suddenly collapsed as
the sinister cold medication took effect.

     "Akane?" Kasumi asked quietly as she carried Akane's dinner into
the room. "Akane, wake up."

     "Mmmm?" Akane replied, fighting off the treacherous NyQuil. <I
thought this stuff was supposed to be non-drowsy.> She grumbled to
herself.

     "I brought you a special present." Kasumi noted, as she set the
dinner down next to Akane's bed.

     "What is it?"

     Kasumi handed Akane a small wrapped present. "Open it up."

     "A book?" Akane asked, as she open the present. She gave Kasumi
a confused look. "It's in English."

     "That's right, this is a special book. It was the book our mother
used to read to me when I was sick, and today, I'm going to read it to
you."

     "Does it have any martial arts in it?

     "Yes. Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters,
chases, escapes, true love, miracles..."

     "It doesn't sound too bad." Akane smiled sleepily, "I'll try and
stay awake."

     "Oh, my. That's very nice of you." Kasumi smiled back, and took
the book from Akane. "You can eat while I read, okay?" Akane nodded
and Kasumi opened the book, "The Princess Bride by S.Morganstern,
Chapter 1."

                                *******

Kasumi:  Akane was raised on a small farm in the country of Florin.
         Her favorite past-times were running, practicing martial
         arts, and tormenting the farm boy that worked there. His name
         was Ranma. But she never called him that. Isn't that a
         wonderful beginning?

Akane (skeptical): You have _got_ to be kidding.

Kasumi (continuing): Nothing gave Akane as much pleasure as ordering
       Ranma around.

     The scene opens on a quaint little dojo-farm nestled in a wide
green valley. Akane walks in from a run around the valley. Seeing
Ranma working in the yard, she yells at him.

     "Hentai, fix those holes in the dojo. I want to be able to
practice in it by morning."

     "You Are SO Uncute."

Kasumi:  'You Are SO Uncute' was all he ever said to her.

     Akane walks up to a working Ranma. She holds out two empty
pails for him.

     "Baka, fill these with water....please?"

     "You Are SO Uncute."

Kasumi:  That day she was amazed to discover that when he was saying
         'You are SO uncute,' what he meant was,  'I love you.' And
         even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved
         him back.

     Akane and Ranma are standing in a kitchen. Akane looks at Ranma
and then at a pitcher hanging overhead.

     "Baka? fetch me that pitcher."

      Ranma, taking the pitcher and whispering, "You are So uncute..."

                                *******

Akane: Hey, wait a minute! Are you trying to trick me? Where's the
       martial arts? And why do those characters have our names?!

Kasumi: Wait, just wait.

                                *******

Kasumi: All would have been well, but Ranma was cursed and could
        not marry until it was lifted. So he packed his few
        belongings and left the farm to seek his fortune across the
        sea. It was a very emotional time for Akane.

Akane: I don't believe this!

     Akane and Ranma are standing on the road leading to the ocean.
Ranma has a pack over his shoulder.

     "You _moron_ what if you don't come back?" Akane asked angrily.

     (Enter the Inter-dimensional Mallet of Doom.)

     "Look," Ranma answered, eying the mallet, "It's a guy thing,
okay?"

     "If you hadn't gotten cursed in the _first_ place..."

     "I _said_ I'd come back. Relax, someone might actually think you
_like_ me..."

     "Then I'll help you leave!" Akane snapped, and the Mallet of Doom
worked its magic and sent Ranma flying towards the sea.

     "You are SO uncute!" Ranma called, and then impacted with the
ground. He gets up and continues towards the sea, half-way down the
path an old woman accidentally douses him with water from a ladle.
Ranma sighs and adjusts her pack to compensate. She mutters a few
choice words and continues walking.

Kasumi: Ranma didn't reach his destination. His ship was attacked
        by the Dread Pirate Roberts, who never left captives alive.
        When Akane got the news that Ranma was murdered...

Akane (interrupting): Murdered by pirates is good!

Kasumi (continuing): She went into her room and shut the door, and
       for days she neither slept nor ate.

       "Ranma no Baka" Akane said sadly.

(to be continued...)
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   Alright C&C-ers! Whadda'ya think? Better? Worse?

Inigo: I _must_ know.
Man in Black: Get use to dissapointment
Inigo (dissapointed): Alright...
							Martha (and cat)
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