Now, will you people believe me when I say it sucks?!
Can I trashcan the whole mess now without getting blasted?

only if you want to and I mean if YOU want to

<looks left and right to make sure SkyKnight and Twister aren't
close enough to shoot him>....

thereby missing the glint of cold hard steel clenched in the fist of 
Skywise as he silently swings to the ground behind him. 

Geez, some of these people are MILLITANT too!
cluttered room, sounds of light snoring eminated from the bed. Next to the 
bed, several dozen empty Mountain Dew cans testified to the caffeine intake 
of the young man on the bed.  Upon a desk next to the bed, a computer sat, 

dont use bed four times in one section we get the pictue

into computers heavily. Across the floor, a sea of cables, cords, books, 

was into them heavily you already have the subject being computers

John was average, really, teetering on the brink between manhood and 
teenager.

try to reword this
 He was 18 years old, with black hair, and hazel eyes. Standing 

about 5'6, he seemed to have an aura of power around him whever he stood at 

try he had not he seemed to have 

and several other chips, but oddly enough none of the chips were 

none were recognizable dont repeat the subject in the same sentance 
it is clunky

<I guess the only way to check out the card is to actually put it into my 

to check it out we know whta the subject is already

He carried the card over to his PC, and flipped the BigRedSwitch(TM). He 

over to his computer, switch names it lessens bordom and repetivity.  

losing cohesion. As his last thoughts themselves lost cohesion, the world 

thoughts themselgs disipated the world blacked out in his remaining 
sentances

universes. The reality-warping forces changing the "normal" ways of those

{shameless plug} look everybody Warped Reality how neet what an Idea 
letts see now who.... could be writing that fanfic?

Two such forces, well known to mankind, can be found in the Void. The
spillage from their planes can be found relatively nearby each other
and travellers going from universe to universe witness their mighty
clash. For these forces, siblings of a sort if you will, are both attracted
and repelled by the other.

They collide in an area where they meet and separate, for natural
laws are absent in one yet entrenched in the other. The energies stay in 
that
spot before going to other universes where they are tapped or dissipated.
Many beings have tried to control this spot when they discovered it, but in
vain. When either of the forces can control the controllers it becomes
a hopeless task. Experienced races merely leave this spot alone, knowing
what it is and gaze in awe over the power involved.

um this is a little dificult to read if you can you might want to try 
rewriting it. 

Only one man has ever actually tried to enter this area. The powerful
energies there are random and capricious. Only the insane would attempt 

energys are drop the there I think it just takes away from the effect

The story of that man, originally Darren Steffler, who became Twister, is 
related in the story Twisted Path.

this is defintitly in need of revition an ok plug but reword the 
second half like his story is the twisted path or something

John's energy form entered the Void, the rip closing behind him. His 

john enterd the void  its less clunky this way

consciousness
was still lost, as he had no physical mind. Passing by the famed Event, a 
few swirls of magic and psionics mingled with him then went on to their 
destinations.

watch your tenses here is it past present or what?

A new rip opened in front of him, and he was pulled in. Then, nothing.

another might be better than a new 

The dull sound of acid rain splashing among dying buildings filled the air, 
then a crash of thunder filled John's ears as his consciousness began to 

remove the then otherwise it sounds like a then this happend and then 
this and then this and so on

His eyes opened to a dark blur. Slowly, everything focused among his 

everything in his vision came into focus

vision. A dead metropolis, crumbling, lied all around him. Building after 

a dead metropolis lied crumbling all around him.. the way you have it 
it breaks up the flow of the sentance with starts and stopps

the rain. The faint markings on the building were burned into his mind 

no need for[ on the building]

forever... Genom... This was MegaTokyo! How had he gotten into an anime? 

um maby commas instead of dots

there was any life, you'd see some sign.. but this seems completely devoid 
of life!>

drop the of life and rewrite the sentance you are repeating yourself 

frowned and walked to the terminal. A message warning of low reserve power. 

up to it

Of course! The PC was running off a battery backup of some kind. In front 

of course! it was

of the terminal, a lone chair sat. He sat at the terminal and pressed the 
spacebar.

arg you dont always need to name what you are talking about. 

John shivered. Spending several hours on the terminal, he was able to at 

after spending several hours he was able to piece together

last piece together the final hours of MegaTokyo. The Knight Sabers had 

John also discovered files describing hardsuit design. A lot of the files 

a lot were wrecked with age

were wrecked with age, but enough was readable to get a basic idea how to 
John looked up from the suit he had just completed. <This suit looks like 

it looks like shit but it should

shit, but it should be able to get me out of here>. The hardsuit was a 

you might want to give us a reason for him to build a suit or a 
destination for him to go to

The readout was astonishing-- the card had been DESIGNED for hardsuits! It 
was a 'warpcard'. With it, a hardsuit pilot could switch universes in a 
flash. The hardsuit's computer could store the relevant data for a universe 
in its memory for later travel, but to FIND a universe, however, he had to 
cross his fingers and randomwarp. Meaning, it'd be quite some time before 
he got home.

let him get this info from the mainframe and then build the suit

John closed the expansion bay, sealing it, and took a deep breath. This 
experience was completely new to him. An odd thought occured to him, and he 
could but smile.. Could it be possible a fanfic was being created in his 
home universe about him?

try this a little diferntly and it will work 

well if you decide to revive it here is some c+c 
shade and sweet water 
skywise
kschultz1@isd.net
wschultz@randolph.spa.edu