[Scene: Engeneering, Geordie's office. Haruka is leaning back in the
chair, reading a book aloud.]
Haruka: Hmmmm.... this physics stuff is hard! And engeneering: "If
the captain requests to know what is
wrong with the ship under the circumstance that it slows down, choose
one word from column A, one from
cloumn B, and two from column C. Read this aloud and use it as a
technical reason. Example: Dilithium
Vibration Dual Refraction. Dilithium. Vibration Dual Refraction is
causing the ship to slow down.
[She repeats the words of the paragraph to herself, and continues.]
Haruka: "More than likely, the captain will want to know what you
are going to do. Simple make up a
short, complicated procedure with the word "phase" somewhere in it
and give it to 'em. The captain will
pretend to understand, and leave you alone. Then, call AAA as you
normally would. If it is a small problem,
just look in the Time Life Books repeair series, or just try
replacing the 46 D Batteries under the panel on the
side of the warp core." Hmmmmm.... easy enough.
[The door chime sounds]
Haruka: Come in!
[The door slides open, and Michiru steps in]
Michiru: Hey, what's up.... slut? [Grins]
Haruka[blushing]: It was just one time! Honest! I've never gone to a.
.. a... a....
Michiru: The word is prostitute.
Haruka: Yeah..... before. And I haven't after! And Luna never told
us about the "ite" family!
Michiru: Oh? That would have made a difference?
Haruka: Yes! No! I mean, yes, but no, augh! Yes, er,...... oh shit,
I have a 50/50 chance at this one.
Ummmmm..... no?
Michiru: Good choice! I've made you squirm enough, though. C'mon,
wanna go to Ten-Forward?
Haruka: As long as you promise not to bring a kareoke machine and
try to sing "Fly Me To the Moon"
again.
Michiru: Heh.... promise.
**************************[Screen wipe to Ten
Forward]********************************
[Michiru and Haruka are sitting in a table near a window, they both
have coffee, and are discussing very
heavy matters with husehd voices]
Michiru: But the joke worked because it is physically impossible to
chop down a tree with a herring!
Haruka: No, it was because of the knights asking for a stupid quest.
The ability to do it had nothing to do
with it! After all, the shrubbery scene was funny, no?
Michiru: However, the impossibility had a factor in it! You cannot
argue that!
Haruka. True. It wouldn't have been as funny if it had been to chop
it down with an axe.
Michiru: Actually, it wouldn't have been funny at all
[Haruka takes a sip of her coffee, and changes the subject.]
Haruka: So, have you given any thought to what Ami told us?
Michiru: You mean about how government can't cut taxes and increase
military spending without
increasing it's national debt?
Haruka: No.
Michiru: Er.... about how while the price of subbing is cheaper, the
subs sell less copies. Therefore, they
need to carry a higher price. However, if one were to lower the price
below that of dubs, they might actually
outsell them? This, however, results in lost revenues for the-
[Haruka leans over ans lightly smacks her head.]
Michiru: That's not it either?
[Haruka takes a sip of coffee while shaking her head]
Michiru: Then about the fact that she likes to dress up in spandex
and yodel while dancing to "Superfreak"?
[Coffee sprays everywhere. Haruka just stares at her, wide eyed.]
Michiru: Jodan! Joudan! I know what you are talking about: us being
in another dimension. Yeah,
compelling evedeince, isn't it?
Haruka: Can you imagine what it would mean if it were true? We'd be
doing what has never been done
before: crossing over a dimensional barrier! And we would be doing it
against our will: we were selected!
We are the first!
[Somewhere, Makoto, Willy DeWitt, Kirk, and Quinn Mallery all sneeze]
Michiru: She is probably right. For one, we KNOW that the moon
kingdom is to be established, right? So
where is it? We ARE far enough into the future. And where are all the
references to us in the past?
Someone must have saved a documentation of the Sailor Scouts.
Haruka: All logical.
Michiru: And what of all this stuff that Ami found? Eugenics wars,
nuclear wars, Romulan attacks, a united
government..... where was it?
Haruka: Again, it makes sense if the documents are true.
Michiru: So could you imagine.... something is out there that can
warp us between dimensions!
[Somewere, Ifurita sneezes]
Haruka: Amazing....
[Just then, Serina enters. She is apparantly worn our from training
with Ami and Luna. She spies Michiru
and Haruka sitting at a table, and descreetly as she can (ie, not
very), she takes a seat in earshot of them.
Michiru is oblivious, but Haruka is not.]
Haruka [thinking]: Hehehe... time to have a little fun. [aloud] Hey,
did you ever wonder what I'd DO to
Serina if I.... "caught" her?
Michiru: No... why [her eyes narrowed, expecting to her that she'd
been cheated on].
Haruka [using hand gestures to emphasise her points]: Well, first,
I'd tie her down to a water bed with silk
sheets. [Serina starts to redden] Then, I'd put on that little
leather outfit that I found and get a whip and a
few other things [Serina's reaction reverses.... she pales]. I'd run
ice cubes down her sides and slowly kiss
her where the ice was. [Small sweat drops appear on Serina's forhead.
Uranus smiles.] Then I'd start
dripping hot wax on her chest while I ran the whip over her [Serina
big sweats, Uranus grins]. Then it'd
REALLY get erotic!
[Uranus launches into a hentai monoluge that includes (but not
limited to) lubricants, chains, a few plastic
devices, small woodland creatures, a Yogi Bear pendant, two pencils,
a coffe mug, a camcorder, VCR, and a
chiwauwau.]
Haruka: ....and then the chocolate would be smeared on the chipmunk
as is writhed under my grip and I
apply it to her sweet, sweet-
Serina: AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!!! [She
gets up,
face red, and bolts outside of Ten Forward.]
Haruka [laughing hard]: Oh man..... did... HAHAHAHA... did... ha...
you see the *sniker* look on her
face?! AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Neptune [cooly]: Yes... oh, by the way...
Haruka [still laughing]: *giggle*.... wha?
Michiru: Could we try that sometime?
[Uranus looks up, expecting to hear Neptune say "gotcha" or something
to that effect. All she sees is
Neptune staring intently at her. She gets up at a dead run and tears
out of the door, tripping over some
chairs as she goes. Just then, Neptune howls with laughter and the
sounds of Serina mistkenly thinking
Haruka is after her are heard.]
Michiru: Oh dear life, I live for such moments! [The entire case of
Evangellion sneezes.]
**********************************************************************
*************
[Scene: A planet seen from space. There is an asteroid in the picture,
and we zoom in on it. There, we see
Sasami and Ryo-ohki playing cards. Ryo-ohki has a huge pile of poker
chips on her side.]
Sasami: Ok, show 'em.
Ryo-ohki: Rrrrroyal straight flush! YOU all LOOSE!
Sasami: Stop that.
Ryo-ohki: Seriously, straight flush.
Sasami: Damn.... junk. So, what do I owe you when we get back to our
bodies?
Ryo-ohki: Ummm... indentured servitude and your first born.
Sasami: Oh well.... how about a bale of carrots?
Ryo-ohki: Tempting....ahhh....... no.
Sasami: Kuso! Hey.... [looks over Ryo-Ohki's shoulder].. hey... is
that a starship I see before me?
Ryo-ohki: Nyan! Where!? [looks around]
Sasami: Hehehe... dumber than advertised [starts scooping up chips
from Ryo-ohki's pile].
Ryo-ohki: You mean that one over there? [Sasami looks up and sees
the Enterprise.]
Sasami: Holy.... WE'E SAVED!!!!!
Ryo-ohki: Well, at least we can see what can be done about our
position.... so, it is good news Sasami-
cha...[sees Sasami transfering chips]... put them back, Genma-girl.
[Sasami sighs and returns the chips. They both set out, drifting to
the Enterprise.]
**********************************************************************
************
[Scene: the bridge of the USS Enterprise. Rei is in the captain's
chair, and it is set to "gentle massage". She
is waiting for an announcement from the communications conn. Ami has
the ship at relative stop, and Mina
is sitting beside Rei with a romance novel. Suddenly, Lita looks up.]
Lita: A signal has come in. It is the Soyokaze.
Rei: Thank you. [straightens up, Mina puts the book under her seat].
Onscreen.
[The Soyokaze apperas on the monitor, only to be replaced by a
familiar face]
Lt. Yamamoto [swivels his chair to face the screen, beaming]: Acting
CAPTAIN Yamamoto speaking!
Rei: [beaming]: Acting CAPTIAN Riker speaking!
Yamamoto: Permission to beam aboard!
Rei: Denied!
Yamamoto: Huh? Why?
Rei: I'm just jerkin` yer chain. C'mon over!
Yamamoto: God, abusing power is fun, isn't it?
[Everyone on the bridge except Rei, who is still grinning, gets a
sweat drop.]
**********************************************************************
*************
[Scene: captain's ready room. Serina, Rei, Ami, Luna, Lita, and Mina
are present with Michiru listening in.
Lt. Yamamoto is taking the iso-chip out of its holder.]
Yamamoto: This chip has special information regarding your upcomming
mission. You must review it
carefully and then destroy it.
Serina: Wow! Is it that important. [Luna shoots her a whithering
look, and Serina regains a Picard-like
demenor.]
Yamamoto: Of course. Why do you think that we had to hand deliver it?
Ami: Lt. Yamamoto, how did the Soyokaze happen to come across this
chip? You're ship was not near
Starfleet command recently.
Yamamoto: They send the information via subspace and we put it on
the data clip.
[Everyone thinks for a second, trying to find the logic in that. No
chance in hell.]
Yamamoto: Anyway, you all need to see this.
[Yamamoto slips the chip into a slot on the table. Instantly it
starts to play.]
Monitor: Hi! I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such
communications as "Wolf 359: We're
Fucked!", "Honey I Reproduced the Tribbles", and "Our Shields Are
Failing!!!!!!!! I-XXXIX." Do you want
to meet more scientists? Sure, we all do! You're now in orbit of
, the planet in Gall Force.
Now, for this mission, you are going to get the top minds in the
Federation and head over to the Gaurdian
of Forever. Now... this is the top secret part [everyone leans
forward]..... The Gaurdian seems to be in
distress. We need to learn what is causing it, but without letting
any of the other empires know [Ami thinks
for a second, and nods as if to say "logical"]. This could be a tough
one, so you'll need to defrost a few
schmucks, er, "ensigns". You'll need an escort or two for the
scientists, and once they are on board get them
to the Forever World. Above all, KEEP QUIET!
Serina: Haruka. Did you hear all of that?
Haruka: Yes, sir. I'll get started on microwaving them. Do you want
human ones?
Serina: Doesn't matter... we're probably going to have a
"transporter accident" anyway. Heh...heh
heh... [everyone casts knowing looks around the table].
Haruka: Gotcha [she signs off].
Ami: Captain, I wish to lead this mission.
Serina: Permission granted. [To ceiling] Computuer! Give a message
to Geordie to have the ensigns meet
Data at transporter pad 3. And make sure they have the suits with
the bulls-eye design.
Computer: Message taken.
Serna: Data, please set out as soon as possible.
Ami: Yes sir.
**********************************************************************
*************
[Scene: the Borg ship. Zoicite is at her computer, and it is blaring
the conversation in the ship. They hear
"Yes sir" and Zoicite grins. She turns to look at Jadeite and
Malechite, who are sitting at consoles to her
right and left. She can see that they are deep in thought.]
Zoicite: Did you get all of that, Jadeite?
Jadeite: Yes..... hmmm... but how to use it to our advantage?
Malachite: I can't see a way to exploit it. We're still going to be
stuck here....
[Suddenly, Nephlite wakes up.]
Nephlite: Mhph! [He still has the can in his mouth. He promptly
spits it out.] Ah... much better. Say...
what's up....yeah......
Zoicite: We're trying to figure out how we can turn Ami going to the
planet into a windfall for us.
Nephlite: That's easy, man..... last I checked, she was gonna go see
some scientists, right?
Jadeite: Right....
Nephlite: Well, go down there and get some dilithium from a pre-
production shipyard. Y'know, where the
keep the "raw" suff? Then, send out the supspa... spu.... bur.....
subspace... yeah..... that's it....
hehehehe.....one them signals to that company that had those engines
that Zoicite found.....
Malechite: Yeah... but why now?
Nephlite: Simple, dude. It's like, y'know, Ami is the only com-...
comp-... good person on that ship, right?
Zoicite: I concurr with that. After reading a second set of logs, no
one really seems to know anything but
her.
Nephlite: Then if she's on the planet, then there is no way that she
could coordinate any sort of response to
any distress signal from a pre-production shipyard, ne? Get in and
out in about 20 minutes and you're safe.
Jadeite: How did you think of that?
Nephlite: The big hairy bats told me. Don't you see them?
Malechite: Um... Neph.....
Nephlite: Man, don't tell them they don't exist. They hate that!
[passes out]
Jadeite: I'm amazed... Anyway, I volnteer for this mission!
Zoicite: No! What if we have to engage in ship-to-ship combat!?
You're the only one who can orchistrate
that.
Jadeite: They have to find us first, ne? And who is working the
sensors?
Zoicite: It's Sailor Jupi-...... I see. Have a nice trip!
Jadeite: Malechite, see if you can find out what pre-production
shipyards here have dilithium. Then, beam
me down to one as soon as the sailor kid goes.
Malechite: Hai! [He stares intently at his monitor as he tries to
patch into that planets database. Jadeite
leaves.]
**********************************************************************
*************
[Scene: the transporter room. Ami and three ensigns are there, ready
to be beamed down by the transporter
operator. Yamamoto has already given her the transporter co-ordinants
and has left on the Soyokaze. Ami
is waiting for the transporter to start working.]
Ami: What's taking so long?
Operator: Well, it's the darndest thing: the transporters fail
their level one diagnostics.
Ami: What's wrong with them?
Operator: We can't tell. It shouldn't be anything big, though. I
mean, hey, how many transporter accidents
have their been in Starfleet? [The ensigns start to sweat] And after
all, you're on the pad with a high ranking
officer that is critical to this ship. [Panic] What could possibly go
wrong?
[Ami starts to tell him to abort, but he hits the send button anyway.
He holds up a jar of water with sparklies
in it up to the camera. He swishes it around a bit, and when he takes
it away, they're gone.]
Operator: Sorry about the FX...... cutbacks, y'know.
**********************************************************************
*************
[Scene: the Borg ship. Jadeite is looking veeeery leary at the
prospect of teleportation. Nephlite is trying to
sooth him.]
Nephlite: Y'see, man... there's not problem with these things...
they're, like, cool....
Jadeite: Pardon if I don't jump at the idea of putting my life in
your hands.
Nephlite: Man, I know all about transporting when you're stoned....
you just let you're fingers do the
walkin`.....
Jadeite:[thinking] Where have I heard that before? [aloud] Couldn't
Zoicite or Malechite do this?
Nephlite: They're.... otherwise occupied. [suddenly, Ojoosama to
Oyabi-nassai (Aeaka "S" Song) is heard in the background.] Y'know?
Jadeite: Isn't there another way down?
Nephlite: Yep, sure is. There's an elevator to the planet.
Jadeite: Where?!
Nephlite: On the other side of that pad.
Jadeite: Cool! [he starts to walk across the pad when he feels an
tingly sensation]. HEY! WAIT A M- [too
late. Jadite shimmers and is gone].
Neplite: Ain't I a stinker?
**********************************************************************
************
[Kick in El-Hazard next episode BGM.]
Data: In our next episode, Ami and Jadeite must survive on XXXXXXX
to get back to their ships! Can
they do it? They'd BETTER be able to, Jadeite owes me money! But the
ships may not be there when they
get back, as both experienced crews are going into battle. See ya
soon for Spiner Moon Part 6: The Brilliant
Girl Pretty Ami!
[Sasami looks up]
Sasami: Hey, wait a minute.
Data: Bye!
**********************************************************************
*************
Sailor Moon: We all know that sometimes we can really get mad at
people, but that's not a reason to hit or
SLAP them. We all need to learn to controll our anger, lest it get
the best of us! Violence is never an answer,
and those who resort to violence are nothing but fools. Conversation
can solve any difficulty. [thinks for a
minute] However, if you do fight, make sure to hit them in the
crotch! An always shoot for a movie deal if
you murder a person. Sailor Moon says!
**********************************************************************
*************
This part and the next one are pretty important, and I need to know
if this one makes sense. Does it flow
right? Is it confusing? Also.... WHAT is the name of that planet in
Gall Force
Eternal Story?!? That's what all the XXXXXX and blanks are.
Letters will be added later, and sorry about the format.
P-Chan