Spiner Moon, part 5
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Ami Muyo!!!!
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[Scene: The Borg ship. Zoicite is looking at a computer moniter,
drinking a can of Calpis water. His hair is in the normal style,
but not much else is. A Ranma 1/2 cap sits on his head, an El-Hazard
shirt covers his chest, Levi (plug-, I mean, "TM") jeans, and
generic sneakers. He is reclining in his chair, and alternating
between hitting the page down button and moving his piles of
printouts, manga, cells, pins, ani-mayhem cards, catalouges, tapes,
LD's, CD's, dojinshi and other "fanboy items". Just then, something
catches his eye.]
Zoicite [giggling]: He he he! That Darken guy trips me out! If *I*
had that much power-... [he trails off as he continues reading. A
Nuku-Nuku shaped timer next to his computer chimes once, and he sighs.
] Back to work......
[He moves the mouse across his Ryo-ohki mousepad. The Eye-of-God
shaped icon dashes over to the group labled "NERV". He clicks the
item twice and the logs from the Enterprise comes on screen. He
begins scanning....]
Zoicite: Lesse.... start with the captain....
Captain's log, Stardate Really Long Number:
Well, it is really tough getting used to this new body! I mean,
geez, why
didn't Luna remind me about the ladies room? And boy, is it tough
aming!
Anyway, today was amazing! We saw this one ensign wearing a
PAISLEY
SCARF! Ugh, how totally grooooooooooooooooss!!!!!! We were over by
the bar today and that Woppie Goldburg looking lady handed me a
lighter.
It was so cool because I got to light some drinks for a group of
guys. Well, I
woulda if it hadn't been for that twit REI!!! Also, the tall
black haired guy
looked like Darian, but he had a-
Zoicite: It has to be that Sailor Moon idiot. What else is there....
First Officer's log, Stardate: Impossible
That idiot Serina almost got us killed! Guinan gave us some
lighter fluid and
a lighter and asked us to set up for a special barbeque. The fluid
was in cans and
she tried to LIGHT IT!!!! If it hadn't been for me she would have
blown us away!
Then she did that laugh that I hate soooooooo much-
[Zoicite remembers the laugh, nods. She places the can... somewhere
under the desk.]
-but find so attractive. I know I can never tell her this, but I
want so dearly to
hold her close, stroke her hair, press her soft, soft lips to my-
[Zoicite blinks twice, saves the file for Jadeite and Nephlite. She
looks at the next file]
It's Loooooog, looooooog! It's big, it's heavy, it's wood!
Seeing as my commanders probably forgot to put it in THEIR logs,
I note that
there will be a representative from the USS Soyokaze to give us a
priority one
message on a latinum marked data chip. I still don't see why they
couldn't have
sent it subspace, unless it is TRULY important. Probably something
to do with
our mission to the Forever World.However, as this is Star Trek,
anything short of
the Borg can be handled. The redevous point will be planet
XXXXXXXXXXX.
Also, no sign of "Q" since he has been yanked back by the
continuum. I hope they
don't suspect anything....
Data out.
[Jadeite comes into the room as she finishes reading the passage. She
turns in her chair to greet him.]
Jadeite: So, how is the search going?
Zoicite: Eh.... well..... not too good. All I can glean is that they
are going to be leaving for the Forever World pretty soon. Gonna
have a redevous with another ship, too. Probably going to see the
Gaurdian of Forever.
Jadeite: The what?
Zoicite: Gaurdian of Forever. It has the ability to send things
forward and back to any place in time, kinda like that timewarp spe-.
......
[They both stare at each other for a moment. Jadeite is the first to
speak.]
Jadite: YES!!!!! We can get out of this hellhole, go to a time when
the Sailors didn't even exist, and then-
Zoicite: Just one problem.
Jadeite: What's that?
Zoicite: At impulse power, our GRANDkids would be dead before they
get there.
Jadeite: Ah...... any ideas?
Zoicite: Yeah...... I saw this. [He roots through his piles on the
desks and produces a printout]. This is UCI Bookstore's Anime
Update! Lesse... [looks on the paper] ...Ranma 1/2 cards, Rayearth
Poster, 1000 Editions Urd Poser...ooooo![she circles it]..... El
Hazard LD.... Ghost In the Shell manga....here it is!
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Working Robotech Reflex Engines.......................................
................9,000 GPL
w/Protoculture.......................... 10,000 GPL
"They only work once but DAMN! do they WORK!" -Rick Hunter
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Jadeite: I am in awe of you!
Zoicite: Thank you!
Jadeite: So, how long till they can get it to us?
Zoicite: Well.... 4 day delivery to any area of Federation Space
for 20 GPL extra.... Only one problem.
Jadeite: What's that?
Zoicite: Check the power pack for the subspace signal generator.
[Jadeite does so, and sees 2 "Supervolt" battereys in the pack]
Jadeite: DAMN!!!! So this has a signal range of about, what...... 3
feet?
Zoicite: Well, one mile if you don't go for visual.
Jadeite: Let's get everyone together for a brainstorming session. We
have to find a way to get to that planet! Malechite is in the
library and... where is Nephlite? I thought he was with you.
Zoictie: He is [he points under his desk, where Nephlite is passed
out.... with a can of Calpis water in his mouth]. My... assistant,
if you will. [He smiles, and goes to wake him up]
Jadeite: Um.... is he still alive?
[Just then, Nephlite giggles in a bombed out way (just imagine
"Duke" of Doonesbury)]
Zoicite: Kinda....
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[Scene: The Enterprise bridge. Serina, Ami, Raye, Luna, and a an
ensign are present. The scene is VERY tense... all except for Ami
and Luna. While Raye and Serina are leaning over the two Nav consoles
with the ensign grabbing onto the bride rail, Ami and Luna are
leaning back in the Captain's chair. Raye and Serina are hammering
at buttons like crazy. We pan around to their backs, and see that
Ranma 1/2: Fighting Renessance is on the viewscreen. For those who
care, Kodachi is battling Mariko (note: if she isn't in the game,
then they are playing the 3rd Ranma Famicom game.]
Serina: Die, you black haired bitch!!!!!
Raye: You blonde airhead! Eat baton, twit!!!!!
[Mariko gives Kodachi a few good thwacks, then goes in for the air
attack. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad move.
Kodachi does the ribbon cyclone thing and slams her down. Ami and
Luna are watching the game... Ami's
eyes seem to often drift over to the ensign.]
Luna: Ami.... [she looks down, as Luna is on her lap]... could you
explain this to me?
Ami: Welllll..... are you familiar with "Virtua Fighters"?
Luna: Not really.....
Ami: Um... "Street Fighter II"?
Luna: Oh! Yeah, I do.
Ami: Well, it is like a 3-D version of it. Now Ranma 1/2 is a series
made by Rumiko Takahashi,
distributedinAmericabyVizentertainmentandifyoutrytosayotherwiseTrishwi
llcometoyourhouseandkneeyou
inthegroinwhileToshibeatsyouovertheheadwithaDPFlashIILD, about a guy
named Ranma. Whenever he
gets wet, he turns into a girl. He has several fiancee-
Luna: Sorry to interrupt, but I really want to know about those two
on screen.
Ami: Oh, Kodachi and Mariko? Kodachi is a sadistic raven haired
teen in love with a man who is already
spoken for any will use any means neccesary to get him. Mariko is a
squealing, ditzy blonde who is in love
with a super hunk of beefcake.
Luna [looks at the screen, then back at Ami][Thoughtfull]: Gee,
they're like avatars, aren't they?
Ami: Now that you mention it [She sees Kodachi slap Mariko]......
kinda eirie, isn't it?
[Mariko executes her power move and pummels Kodachi into the ground.
The screen says "You Win!". It
then changes to "Strong" and a Minn-Mei runs out to hug Mariko.
Please tell me someone got that...]
Luna: So, is there any real reason for me to be here? After all, I
see that you all have commanding the ship
soooooo well in hand!
Ami: I think that the ensign did alright in setting up that autonav
program. Hey Frankie!
Frankie (ensign): Yeah?
Ami: Good job! Oh, by the way, you're going straight to your
quarters after this and not leaving till we get
planetside. After that, you are going to leave.
Frankie: Huh?
Ami: Well, sorry, but you've seen too much for us to let just roam
the ship. After all, the other people on
this ship don't know what is happening here.
Frankie: Um, may I request to be beamed to the holodeck at specific
times?
Ami: Fair enough.
Frankie: Oh, and a suggestion: the meeting with the Soyokaze is
going to be in 3 hours. Perhaps you should
prep. the.... ahem.... "Captain"?
[Ami looks over at Serina, who is currently doing victory laps around
Raye's console.]
Ami: Hmmmmmm...... Serina! We need you to prepare for your meeting
with the Soyokaze!
Serina: Like hell! This ship has games that wouln't be available to
us for over 200 years!
Ami [under her breath]: If "to us" at all. [aloud]: True. However,
I'll play you for it. If I win, you come and
train in Starfleet etiquete. If you win, you keep playing. Luna, you
will have to get up.... while you may
LOOK like a kitty to me, you still are Beverly Crusher.... with all
of her mass.
Luna: Sorry... [She gets up moves to the replimat. She tries to get a
Slim-Fast.]
Ami: Is it a deal?
Serina: DEAL!
[Raye starts to chuckle. Ami takes her place at the console and
picks Shampoo. The match begins at 60
seconds..... and ends at 59. The computer voice gives a low pitched
whistle, the same kind you hear near a
car wreck.]
Serina: Ah, shut up! I can get her next round.
[Next round in intresting. Not nearly as short, but funny. Ami gives
a series of commands to the computer
via her console that gave the game some intresting moves. Onscreen,
Shampoo nuggies Mariko, gives her a
wedgie, and slams her with pie. None of these attacks to any damage,
however, and Serina wins the round.]
Serina: See! I told you!
Ami: Only because I was trying out some codes. Now... BEGIN!!!!
[This fight is shorter than the first. Even the AI would have missed
it if it blin-..... er.... did whatever
computers did to blink. Ami steps away from the conn and bows. The
bride arrupts in applause, then we
see Raye getting some money from Frankie. Serina quietly goes to the
Captain's ready room to wait/sulk].
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Commercial Break!
[Some dramatic, bass heavy music is heard. That really cool narrator
voice comes on. The screen is black.]
Narrator: On Saturday, they chuckle with Nick At Nite.
[Scene of an alien family sitting around a TV, watching Mr. Ed
Narrator: On Sunday, they laugh at The Simpsons.
[The same family, lauging]
Narrator: On Monday...
[Will Smith runs out of the Bell-Air mansion and into the cockpit of
a jet out front. Uncle Phil is in the co-pilots seat. Just as he gets
into the plane, the mansion explodes. We see the alien vessle above
it.]
Narrator: WE STRIKE BACK!
[Same plane, airborne.]
Will: Uncle Phil! Launch the Jazz missle!
[He hits a button and suddenly stock footage of Jazz being thrown
through the air is shown. The alien ship shows sign of damage, we see
Jazz clinging to the side of it.]
Will: Allright! Score one! Hey man, lets have some tunes!
Narrator: Will Smith in.... Sweeps Week... er, Day! [We see the logo
SW-$ come onscreen]
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