God, was I ever stumped when I wrote this.

I knew what I wanted to do in general terms, but when it came to
the specific - BAM:  Writer's block.  I would have put this off
'til later, but I *wanted* this to be an interlude between Akane's
emotional catharsis in pt.13 and the beginning of the next story
arc.

I'm still not really happy with this, so everybody help me,

  --------------------------------------------------------------

                         RANKO 1/2

                           Part 14

                  "You're a natural talent"




One sunny Saturday afternoon at the Tendou home.  School has ended
and Akane and Ranma arrive, sweating from the glaring sun.

Akane:  Tadaima!

Kasumi:  Welcome home.

Ranma immediately slips out of his top and runs around bare-
chested.  Akane shakes her head and retires to her room to change
into something less hot.  Ranma settles in the living room and
tiredly watches Genma and Souun cheat each other at shogi.  Even
Genma is human today, preferring not to wear a fur coat.


Evening is drawing in when all of the family gathers around the
dinner table.  Suddenly Souun gasps and chokes.  Akane turns to
see what upset him and sees Ranko walk in, her breast stark naked.
Ranko looks around for a second, then walks over to her discarded
shirt and puts it on.  She sits down at the table, completely
oblivious to Souun's shock and Akane's angry stares.

Akane:  Ranko!

Ranko:  Huh?  What's up, Akane?

Nabiki:  You were showing off your complete lack of feminine
         modesty.

Ranko:  Lack of feminine modesty?

Akane:  You were running around topless again!

Ranko finally realizes what they are talking about.

Ranko:  Hey!  I put on my shirt, didn't I?

Akane:  You shouldn't have gone without a shirt in the first
        place.

Ranko:  I changed back in the kitchen because that's where the hot
        water is.  My shirt was here.  So I forgot to take it with
        me - So what?

Akane:  No, you didn't.  You didn't forget it, because the thought
        of covering yourself when you change back didn't even
        cross your mind!  You've been a boy for too long.

Genma:  I hope so.

<WHACK>

A metal pan is now molded to Genma's face.  All the food that was
in it has dropped down onto his plate.  With a <POP> he pulls the
cooking implement from his head, looks down to his plate and
begins eating unconcernedly.

Kasumi enters the room with a platter of fruit and sets it onto
the table.  Everybody stops fighting as she smiles at them.

Kasumi:  Here is some fresh fruit from the market.

Ranko grabs a lemon, halves it and begins sucking on it.  Then she
stops in wonderment.

Akane:  What's up, Ranko?

Ranko:  Kasumi, what kind of fruit is this?

Akane:  [before Kasumi can answer]  It's a lemon, baka!  Everybody
        can see that.

Ranko:  That's what I thought at first, too.  But try this...

She hands Akane the second half of the Lemon, and Akane is just as
astonished as Ranko is, when she bites down on it.

Akane:  It... It's sweet.

Kasumi:  The lady I bought them from said they came from
         Australia.

Akane:  [disbelieving]  Australia?

Ranko:  What kind of lady?

Kasumi:  A kawaii young woman in a tight, black jumpsuit.  [screws
         up her face trying to remember]  I think she was carrying
         a katana.

Ranko:  Sure, Kasumi.  Next you'll tell us she was really a female
        ninja who's just selling lemons for fun.

Kasumi just shrugs and smiles.  She returns to the kitchen.

Ranko:  Sweet lemons from Australia!  Sometimes I think Kasumi is
        having us all on.

She shakes her head.  Akane, on the other hand, has become serious
again and pokes Ranko in the ribs.

Akane:  The distraction didn't work, Ranko.  What are you going to
        do about your tomboyish behavior?

Nabiki:  [thinks]  *Her* tomboyish behavior?

Ranko:  What're you implying?  That I don't act like a girl?

Akane:  Yes!

Ranko:  Well, I was brought up as a boy since I was almost a year
        old - what's *your* excuse?


Kasumi is sweeping up the remains of dinner;  Souun is putting
away the halves of the once whole, wooden table;  Genma is
bandaging Ranko's head.  Ranko regularly shoots sheepish glances
over her shoulder at Akane, but Akane has angrily turned her back
to her.  Nabiki, who is watching them, finally sighs, gets up and
puts her arm around Akane's shoulders.

Nabiki:  C'mon, let's go upstairs.  No use sitting around here
         like that.

Reluctantly Akane leaves the room with her sister.  Ranko looks
after them and sighs.  Genma pats her shoulder.

Genma:  Don't listen to her.  You're the best son a man could wish
        for.

He smiles hopefully at Ranko, who gives him an annoyed  "Who're
you trying to fool" look.


At Akane's door Nabiki gives her sister an encouraging pat.

Nabiki:  Aw, don't lose your humour.  Making Ranko into a sweet
         girl is too big a challenge to contemplate.

Akane:  A challenge?  [ponders this]  Hmmm...  a challenge.
        Thanks, Nabiki.  You just gave me a great idea!

Akane runs back down;  Nabiki stares after her.

Nabiki:  [thinks]  Uh oh!  What *now*?


In the living room, Akane stands before Ranko and delivers her
challenge.

Akane:  I challenge you to prove that you can really act like a
        girl!

Ranko:  [unsure]  What exactly do you suggest?

Akane:  You'll act like a girl is supposed to, for one day.  If
        you can keep it up, you win.

Ranko:  [sceptical]  And if I lose?

Akane:  Then you'll apologize for that little "Tomboy" remark.

Ranko:  Hah!  And I gather, *you*'ll be the judge of my
        performance, right?

Akane:  Uh...

Ranko:  I accept!  ...Under one condition:  You have to try and
        understand my side, too.

Akane:  What does that mean?

Ranko:  While I show you that I can act like you say a girl
        should, *you* have to try yourself at being a boy!

Akane:  You mean...

Ranko:  Like I did for Ryouga.

Akane stares at her.


The early Sunday morning sun peeks into Akane's room.  Akane is
standing in front of the mirror door of her wardrobe, regarding
her unusual reflection.  She is wearing the most "male" clothing
she owns, A white shirt, straight-cut trousers and male shoes.
Her chest is flat - apparently bound with a cloth - and with her
short hair she makes a truly beautiful boy.

Akane:  [thinks]  Ha!  This will make their eyes fall out.  That
bet is as good as won.


Akane enters the living room shortly before breakfast.  Souun and
Genma-panda are already in the middle of a game; Kasumi can be
seen through the kitchen door.

Souun:  Good morning, daughter.

Genma:  [signs]  Morning, Akane.

They don't react to Akane's get-up at all.  Akane shoots them a
*look* and sits down at the table.  Nabiki comes in, still winking
the sleep from her eyes.

Nabiki:  Mornin', sis.

Akane:  [irritably]  Good morning!

Kasumi enters and begins to lay out the food on the table.  She
smiles at Akane.  But then, she always does.

Kasumi:  Good morning Akane, Nabiki.

Nabiki:  Thanks.  Good morning, big sister.

Genma begins to eat, as everybody settles down.  Kasumi looks

Kasumi:  Where is Ranma?  Is he missing breakfast?

Ranko:  Tee hee...

Everybody turns to Ranko, who is standing in the entrance.  The
jaws of the fathers drop in unison;  Nabiki gives an appreciative
whistle;  Kasumi smiles.

Akane:  "Tee hee"?!?

Ranko is wearing an incredibly cute dress.  She's looking so sweet
that you could get diabetes just from being near her.  The looks,
that she gets, make her blush and look down self-consciously.

Nabiki:  See?  I told you it'd look good on you.

Akane:  "*Tee* *hee*"?!

Kasumi:  My, you look *nice* this morning, Ranko.

Akane:  Whe- Where did you get that?

Ranko twirls around once, to show all of the beautiful dress.

Ranko:  I bought it from Nabiki.

Nabiki:  It's the one I offered to *you*, half a year ago, when I
         grew out of it.  Don't you remember?  You didn't want it,
         so I stored it.  Seems like Ranko has more use for it.

Akane:  I didn't take it because *normal* sisters pass on their
        clothes without requiring payment!

Ranko sits down at the table and begins to eat in a dainty, most
ladylike manner.  Kasumi nods approvingly at Ranko's sudden change
of behavior;  The fathers look at each other in despair.  Akane
just broods.

Akane:  [to herself] *mumblemumble* don't know why everybody
notices *her* change *mumblemumble*

Ranko:  If you would be so kind, to pass the soy sauce, please.

Kasumi:  Certainly.  Here you are.

Nabiki:  You said something, sis?

Akane:  [angry that Nabiki heard her]  Yes!  Why is everybody so
        astonished about Ranko's masquerade - and she's overdoing
        it, too - but nobody pays attention to what I look like
        this morning.

Nabiki:  You?  You look just fine.  Like always.

Akane looks ready to explode, when Ranko drops the sweet act and
lapses back into her normal behavior and elbows Nabiki in the
ribs.

Ranko:  Stop it, or she'll break this table, too.

Nabiki:  All right.  Sorry.  I knew about your bet and I just had
         to tease you.

Somehow, Akane does not seem calmed down by this.


Ranko and Akane are walking down the street.  Everybody is turning
to look after them.  Both of them are aware of this and sweat big.
Akane whispers to Ranko from the corner of her mouth.

Akane:  Why are they staring at us.  Is my disguise that
        transparent?

Ranko:  [whispers back]  No idea.  Keep smiling and act as if
        nothing was up.  The restaurant is only a few corners from
        here.

A few paces behind them, a girl turns to her friend.

Girl:  Oooh, who is that *beautiful* boy?

[BTW, What's the Japanese term for that?  Was it "bishounen" or am
I mixing things up?]

Girl2:  I don't know.  I guess he's spoken for, though.  [points
        to Ranko] That girl with the pigtail is walking with him.

Girl:  Some girls have all the luck.  Come, let's follow them.


Akane and Ranko enter a restaurant.  Lots of girls press their
faces to the windows from outside;  Some follow them in.  The
waiter leads the two to an empty booth along the wall of the room.
The booths are separated by small wooden walls and are furnished
with a table and a bench that goes around the table in an U.  He
hands them the menu.

Waiter:  So, what can I bring for the young couple?

Akane:  We're *not* a couple!

Waiter:  My apologies, young sir.  I was mistaken, then.

Ranko:  Oh, we're just friends going out together.  I'll have this
        seafood dish, please.

She points to an entry on the menu and the waiter writes it down.
Akane places her order, too, and he leaves.

Ranko:  You're great as a boy.  You're a natural talent.

Akane:  Why the hell does everybody want us to marry?


In the next booth, three of the girls that poured in after the
"couple" sit anxiously.  One of them is kneeling on the bench
along the wooden wall that separates them from their target.  She
is trying to listen in on them.  The girl sitting opposite of her
speaks up.

Girl:  What're they saying Akiko?  What're they saying?

Akiko:  I can't make out a lot, the way you keep pestering me!
        They're talking about marrying, I think.

Girl:  Ayaaa!  We're too late!

The third girl, the oldest of the three,  gets a calculating look
in her eye.

Girl3:  Calm down, Mikari.  If he's just proposing to her, perhaps
        we still have a chance.

Mikari:  What can we do, Yoko?

Yoko just grins.


In the back room of the restaurant, the head waiter is enraged.
He is scolding three waitresses.

Waiter:  What kind of work ethic is this?  Not only are you too
         late, but you're *still* not in your work clothes!

Waitress:  Please, it's not our fault.

Waitress2:  Look, somebody stole our uniforms.


A figure in a waitress uniform stealthily looks left and right,
then heads straight towards Akane and Ranko's booth.

Waitress:  Good day, Sir.  My name is Mikari - I am your waitress.
           How may I call you?

Akane is a little thrown off by Mikari's fixed stare and the fact
that she leans *quite* far forward to be near Akane.  Mikari
hasn't so much as glanced at Ranko.

Akane:  Uh, My name is Aka-

Ranko:  Kaneda!  *His* name is Kaneda.

Mikari:  [without taking her eyes of Akane]  Kaneda-san, what can
         I do for you?

Akane:  Well, err, we'd like something to drink before the meal, I
        think.

Mikari:  Something to drink.  Thank you, Kaneda-san.

She backs away, never taking her eyes of Akane.  When she is
finally out of sight, Akane turns to Ranko.

Akane:  "*Kaneda*"?

Ranko:  [shrugs]  Better 'n letting you blab out your real name.

Akane looks in the direction Mikari disappeared in.

Akane:  What a strange girl.  She was *looking* at me this way.
        And she never even asked, what we wanted to drink.

Ranko:  [grinning]  She was doing what we sweet little girls call
        "sending signals."  It is known to boys as "I just can't
        figure out girls."

Akane:  Don't give me your "sweet little girl" act!

She looks in Mikari's direction again, worried.


Mikari is back with her two co-conspirators, both clad in waitress
uniforms, too.  She is holding her hands clasped across her chest
and has her eyes closed.

Mikari:  [sighs]  Kaneda!

Yoko:  Did he say anything else?

Mikari:  Yes!  He said he wanted something to drink. [sighs]

Akiko:  Oooh!  My turn, my turn!


Ranko:  Oh, there's another waitress.  She's coming here with
        something to drink.

Akane:  I guess they put the first waitress in a straightjacket,
        so she had to switch duty.

Akiko comes with two glasses.  One, filled with rather brackish
water, is shoved unceremoniously towards Ranko, the other one she
offers to "Kaneda".  Akane eyes it suspiciously.

Akane:  What is this?

Akiko:  Oh, it's our special house brand.  You'll *love* it.

Akane:  Uh, yeah, thank you.

Akiko doesn't give any indication that she's about to go.  She
just stares at Akane, apparently waiting for her to drink.  Akane
stares back.

Akane:  *Thank you*!

Reluctantly, Akiko backs away.  Akane takes the glass and
stealthily pours it out over a plant that stands at the corner of
the wooden separating wall.  However, she spills some of it on the
floor.


In the next booth, there is a woman with a poodle.  The poodle
notices the spilled fluid and laps it up.  Immediately it begins
to get amorous with the woman's shoes.

Woman:  Ackk!  Fifi!  Stop that!


Akiko:  He said "Thank you" to me...

Yoko:  But he didn't drink it?

Akiko:  No.

Mikari:  Aww, damn!

Yoko:  OK, my turn!  [rubs her hands]


Ranko:  There's number three.

Akane:  God, what *is* it with the waitresses in this place?  We
        should have gone to a different restaurant.

Yoko arrives and bows to Akane and, surprisingly, to Ranko.

Yoko:  Good day.  My name is Yoko, I am head waitress on duty
       today.  I hope the service until now was satisfactory?

Akane:  Well, the other waitresses...

Yoko:  I must apologize;  We are understaffed today, and a lot of
       changes are bound to occur.  I hope it has not spoiled the
       romantic mood?  [thinks]  Please say it has!  Please!

Ranko:  [sarcastically]  Why, no!  Tomorrow we will get married
        and fly back to my home planet, where we'll live together
        forever.

The second half of her sentence goes unheard, though, because
suddenly Mikari and Akiko appear out of thin air, besides Yoko.

Mikari:  Aaieeee!  You can't!

Akiko:  Don't marry that tomboy, Kaneda-sama!

Ranko:  [jumps up]  Who's a tomboy?!

Mikari throws herself on her knees before the baffled Akane.  Yoko
makes a grab for her, but Akane evades.  Just in that moment, the
waiter arrives with the food.

Mikari:  We love you!  Don't leave us!

Waiter:  Here is your order, ...

Yoko:  Just grab him;  Talk later!

Akiko uses the chaos to grab Ranko's untouched glass and throws it
at her perceived rival.  The water arcs through the air and hits
Ranko straight in the face.

<SPLASH>

Before anyone can react, Ranma has ripped off the table and thrown
it, burying the three girls and the waiter.  He grabs Akane and
takes off at blurring speed.


A woman comes running from the restroom.

Woman:  Pervert!  Pervert!

Inside the restroom, Ranma stands before Akane, clad only in
panties, And holds the dress towards her.

Akane:  [trying not to stare]  What are you doing?!

Ranma:  Quick!  Take the dress and give me your shirt and
        trousers, before someone comes.  I can't walk home,
        dressed like this.

Akane:  Oh.


Akane and Ranma come around the corner into the street before the
dojo.  It's clearly visible that Ranma's plan wasn't perfect.
Akane's male clothes are all at least one size too small for him,
and the dress, more suited to Ranko's measurements, really doesn't
flatter Akane.  Before the Dojo they meet Souun and Genma.  They
seem to be very relieved to see the two.

Souun:  Ah!  Everything is back to normal.

Genma:  We already feared that I visited Jusenkyou with the wrong
        girl.

Ranma and Akane glow with anger.


Kasumi bows forward to inspect the bruised, beaten messes on the
front porch.

Kasumi:  Father?  Mr. Saotome?  What are you doing here?

Souun:  Crying.


-- End of part 14.


  -------------------------------------------------------------------

Next:  Part 15, "What a cute piglet"

I guess you know what *that* means. :)


Sebastian
--
       <http://enterprise.mathematik.uni-essen.de/~bastian/>
                         Comics reviewed
--
If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?
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