Dang it, I have just become obsessed with this 'fic. Here's part four
already.
Well, your output has been quicker than mine.
If you haven't read my story, "The Right Side of the Ledger", I would
hihgly recommend it,
Actually so would I now that it is mentioned
This started out as a Ranma vs. Kodachi story, and ended up being a Kuno
and Nabiki story.
A lot of good stuff flows like that, glad you went with the flow.
Thy Inward Love
by Richard Lawson
Comments and Criticism welcome!
Vampire, Vampire, Vampire, comments incomming!!
"Well, I don't trust her." Ranma was looking fierce. "We can't afford
to let our guard down for a second."
He is starting to wise up some.
Akane frowned at Ranma. "Come on, Ranma, we can't just knock on
the Kuno door, ask for Kodachi, and then pound her until she agrees
to stop chasing you."
"That would be *my* recommendation," a voice spoke forcefully from
behind Nabiki.
Actually I would suggest a sniper using a tranq rifle. Knock, wait, then
give the sniper a clear shot.
Nabiki sat down between him and Kuno.
Best to make sure there was a buffer between them.
Good to show that Nabiki is still the "thinking" Tendo
Akane brought her arm up to touch her bandage again. "It's nothing,
really. Just a few stitches - well, actually lots of tiny stitches. I've
already had some of them removed, and Tofu-sensei thinks that the
scar will be nearly invisible - it's right along my cheekbone, so the
natural highlights of my face will hide it."
Hey! You took some of my suggestions!!! Thanks a lot!!!
Nabiki quickly got up and stood directly between Tatewaki and
Ranma, breaking their eye contact. She hunched down on her heels
and looked Tatewaki in the face. "Ranma was there, Tatewaki-kun.
He threw her attacker to the floor, picked her up, and ran through the
pouring rain to the hospital.
You might want to change that to [picked Akane up,]
Where is this coming from, Nabiki asked herself. He can't really have
changed his mind so completely. Nabiki prided herself on
understanding human nature, and she knew that these kind of
turnabouts did not happen spontaneously. They were usually
indicative of one of two things: either this was a ploy, an attempt to
get Ranma to drop his guard, or he had found something else to fixate
on besides Akane.
Nabiki flushed suddenly. She thrust the half-formed speculation of his
new fixation out of her mind. More important things to think about at
the moment.
I wonder what her subconsous was doing with this idea though.
Uncle grunted. "Does she have any weaknesses you can tell us
about, boy?"
Tatewaki merely gazed straight ahead, as if he hadn't heard the
question. Nabiki frowned; this was the reason she had brought him
here. She leaned over to him and shook him a little. "Well, Tatewaki-
kun? Does she?"
Tatewaki spoke with great reluctance. "If you mention our mother,
she will either attack in a blind rage or collapse to the ground in
tears."
Everyone stared at him in silence. Horror ran through Nabiki; what
kind of life had he known while growing up? She put her hand on his
arm, vaguely trying to reassure him. This kind of touchy-feely stuff
was not her greatest skill; she usually left that to Kasumi. She wished
she'd paid better attention to the tricks Kasumi used; she could use
them now.
There are several things I like about these paragraphs
1. The discription of Kodochi's weakness is a good leading for some of the
events later in the chapter.
2. Nabiki's thoughts about touching, while she is comming around she is
still thinking in her familar terms, not realizing that Kasumi is doing a
trick, but that Kasumi is being her nurturing self.
"If you will excuse me." He bowed. To Nabiki's surprise, Ranma bowed
back. The guy >was maturing, if only a little.
They all are, and you are doing a good job of showing it. As the series
progress though, you might want some _minor_ lapses to occur.
Nabiki looked after him, her mind reeling. There were layers and
layers to Tatewaki, pain upon pain yet to be discovered within him.
She wasn't sure it was a task she was willing to undertake. Much
effort would be needed; would the profit be enough? Nabiki didn't
know. Best to cut her losses now rather than risk more capital.
Nabiki continued to watch as his form was lost in the distance and
light. Somehow, this investment drew her as no other ever had.
Maybe it was worth trying to protect.
I like the way she is still thinking in monetary terms. Accurate
discription of her situation, but not how most people would say/think it.
Uncle looked at Nabiki. "See what you think. The conditions state
that if Ranma wins, Kodachi irretrievably, irrevocably, and
permanently gives up all claims to Ranma as his bride, concubine,
girlfriend, or lover of any sort. She agrees to never consort with
Ranma or Akane ever again, and will never interfere with their lives in
any way, unless she has specific permission from Ranma or Akane to
do so."
"I told Kodachi that threatening any friends or family members would
constitute interference. She agreed."
I think Geman is starting to show a little of the maturity that Nodoka wants
from him.
Tatewaki shook his head. "I will not permit this. You will not reshape
the world to fit your needs. To take advantage of Ranma's love for
his father and fiancee was dishonorable. What would Mother say?"
[smip: tale of Mrs Kuno]
A very good and logical explanation of why the Kuno kids turnned out the way
they did.
A psychologist or social worker could deffinetly feel sorry for them. But I
think Kodochi's lines of:
screaming. "If she believed in such things, why did she kill herself?
Only to prove them for the lies that they were!"
Indicate that she might have heading that way already (maybe an organic defect?)
He watched as the attendants strapped
Kodachi firmly to the stretcher. "She will be in there for a long time,
I think. It will not be forever. I hope it is not forever."
So, dispite all she has done, he still cares for his sister. Good.
Ranma looked at Nabiki; to Nabiki's annoyance, Akane did, too. She
glared at them both before turning back to Tatewaki. "We promise."
Well, Nabiki, your going to have to realise that fixing that part of your
reputation is going to take some time.
he was walking away, they could hear him say, "Also, tell the pig-tail
goddess I release my claim on him as well."
Ranma and Akane gaped after him.
Actually I might have wondered if one or both of them might have needed CPR
A strange, almost wistful expression came over him. "Nabiki-chan,
when I was tempted and the madness almost upon me, I thought of
you. I thought of how you would be hurt and disappointed if I chose
the fruit my sister offered, and it pulled me back from the edge. You
were my anchor, and I thank you for that."
Nabiki shuddered. What did he have to offer? Besides good looks,
wealth, intelligence, and devotion. He also offered his obsessive
nature, his crazy father and sister, his ability to ignore what he did not
want to see, and the threat of madness.
He also offered her his love. Somehow, that one thing seemed to
throw the whole ledger completely out of balance.
Damn, he was going to be trouble. She was going to have fun
making him dance for her. If she didn't decide to dance for him, first.
Tatewaki move his head down and Nabiki decided she would allow
him to do so. It was not her first serious kiss, but she was fairly
certain it was his. She reached up, grabbed his head, and showed
him how to do it right.
I like these paragraphs, it shows the developing relationship.
It also shows the base personallities of both Kuno and Nabiki, they are
still them, but they are developing in logical, and I hope good ways.
Keep it up!! Only Shampoo to go!!
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Ben L. Harrison - HM1(FMF)/USN/RET
Harriso3@ix.netcom.com
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Anime Excuse #212: Went on a mission with the Lovely Angels
Anime Excuse #213: Tried to help Linna start her car