Childhood's End
by Lizsue
(scene: A few months after the series ended. It's a nice, calm Sunday
morning in Nodoka's back yard, . A lovely sunrise can be seen. It is quite
a peaceful morning...the most violent event that can be seen is the sunlight
hitting some cherry blossoms. Only a few singing birds can be heard.)
GENMA: (Yells from inside the house.) "Good morning!" (Throws Ranma through
the window into the yard.
RANMA: "We moved, remember? We got the house when Grandfather left....
Anyway, there's no pond here!"
GENMA: "So?" (Throws a bucket of cold water at Ranma.)
RANMA-CHAN: "AAAIEE!" (Wanders around the yard, then sees her mother lying
unconscious on the grass.) "AAAIEE!"
NODOKA: (Wakes up.) "Ow, my head...."
RANMA-CHAN: (thinks) She's alive...I was really worried for a minute....
NODOKA: "...Hey, my hair looks really shiny! Hi Ranko! What are you doing
here?"
(scene: The same time. Cologne and Dr. Tofu are talking in his office.)
COLOGNE: "Can I leave these things in your office? My great-granddaughter
needs the room at home for her own stuff."
TOFU: "ALL the room?!"
COLOGNE: "No, just the space in our refridgerator. She bought out the local
mall's supply of common potions, but we still have space at home
for anything we can keep at room temperature."
TOFU: "Sure, no problem. I don't keep anything in there besides lunch. By
the way, how's she doing?"
COLOGNE: "Pretty well. In fact, I think she's using some of those potions
right now."
(scene: Nodoka's back yard. Ranma-chan is still trying to explain what
she's doing there.)
RANMA-CHAN: "...I'm...I'm...just...visiting. Are you okay?"
NODOKA: "Don't worry, I'll be fine. Ow. Have you seen my son anywhere?"
RANMA-CHAN: "No, sorry."
NODOKA: "That's okay. I hope he's not doing anything girly, or..." (She
draws her finger across her neck, then goes in the front door.)
RANMA-CHAN: (thinks) No. Not AGAIN.
SHAMPOO: (Appears, holding bottles of the amnesia formula and its antidote.)
"Your mom forget you. She not so forgiving now either. Nabiki
tell me details about family secret for 1,000 yen. Is bargain."
RANMA-CHAN: "Are you trying to kill me?!"
SHAMPOO: "Course not. Marry me and I fix all her memory. Then we be one
big happy family! Besides, she still not remember what happen to
her father."
RANMA-CHAN: "Just leave my mom alone!"
SHAMPOO: "Suit yourself, Ranko." (Leaves.)
RANMA-CHAN: "Wait! Get back here and give me that antidote!" (Starts
running after Shampoo.)
GENMA: (Comes out the back door.) "Son! Stop chasing her! What about your
fiancee?"
RANMA-CHAN: "Dad, she made Mom forget about us! And Mom might really go by
the contract this time!"
GEMNA: "WHAT?!"
RANMA-CHAN: "I think Shampoo scrubbed her head too hard this time."
GEMNA: "This can't really be happening all over again...."
RANMA-CHAN: "It is!"
GENMA: "...then what if she finds out about us before she gets her memory
back...?"
(scene: A few minutes later, at the Tendos' front door. Ranma-chan and
Genma, as a panda, are standing outside and pounding on the door.)
SOUN: (Opens the door. He's half-awake.) "IT IS FOUR O'CLOCK IN THE
MORNING! What do you want?!"
GENMA: (sign) SHE FORGOT EVERYTHING. CAN WE MOVE BACK HERE?
SOUN: (Yawns.) "Can't you just tell her again? She didn't make you kill
yourselves last time."
GENMA: (sign) SHE REALLY MEANS IT THIS TIME!
SOUN: "Okay. I guess you can stay."
AKANE: "You JERK!" (Beats Ranma-chan over the head with a table.)
RANMA-CHAN: "AAARGH! THAT HURTS! Why did you do that?!"
AKANE: "That was for old times' sake. Welcome back!" (Hugs Ranma-chan.)
(scene: The Tendos' living room, three weeks later, at noon. Everything
seems back to normal.)
AKANE: "...so why don't you just say mean stuff to her? It worked against
that amnesia shampoo last time."
RANMA: "But she's my mom!"
AKANE: "So? You insult your dad all the time."
RANMA: "But I LIKE Mom!"
KASUMI: (walks into the room.) "Hello!" (Splashes Ranma with a bucket of
cold water.)
RANMA-CHAN: "What was that for?"
KASUMI: "We haven't seen Aunt Saotome in a while, so I invited her. She'll
be here any second now." (Opens the front door.) "Hi!"
NODOKA: (Walks into the room) "Hi everyone! Thanks for inviting me,
Kasumi."
RANMA-CHAN: "Hi, Aunt Saotome. Are you feeling any better?"
NABIKI: "I've got some aspirin for only 1,000 yen each!"
NODOKA: "Thanks, but my headache's already gone."
(scene: The Tendos' porch, mid-afternoon.)
NODOKA: "Ranko, can I talk to you alone for a few minutes?" (They go to the
guest room.)
RANMA-CHAN: "Are you sure you're alright? Shampoo can really hurt people."
NODOKA: "Don't worry so much. I'm fine! By the way, Kasumi told me about
what happened the other day."
(flashback: Two weeks earlier. Akane and Ranma-chan are in the schoolyard
for gym class.)
RANMA-CHAN: "...and you're flat and I'm not! Nyah nyah nyah!"
AKANE: "Shut up, creep! My chest is NOT FLAT!"
RANMA-CHAN: "So what? I'm still more womanly that you are!"
AKANE: (Looks down, at Ranma-chan's shorts.) "Ha! You're right!"
RANMA-CHAN: "What the...." (Looks down too.) "EEEEEEWWW, YUCK!"
KUNO: "Fear not, pigtail girl! For once, this is NOT a spell of the foul
sorcerer Ranma!..."
RANMA-CHAN: "I AM Ranma, you stupid idiot!"
KUNO: "...Indeed, your womanhood has just blossomed! I wish I could imagine
the bonds with nature that you now feel!..."
AKANE: (thinks) How tacky. How stupid. How embarrassing. (Smiles.) "Kuno,
you're doing wonders for her self-esteem!"
RANMA-CHAN: "Don't encourage him!"
KUNO: "...I am? Great! Well, pigtail girl, it must be wonderful having
this amazing cycle be so central to your life!..."
AKANE (thinks) Pounding him after he babbled that junk to the whole class
last week was FUN. I wonder why the teacher had to drag me away....
RANMA-CHAN: "AARGH! KUNO! SHUT UP!" (Kicks Kuno into the sky.)
(end flashback)
RANMA-CHAN: (thinks) At least Mom's not really mad at me the way Dad was...I
still can't believe that he thought I did it ON PURPOSE....
NODOKA: "Since none of the other girls around here have their periods yet
for some reason- is there something in the water?- Kasumi thought
you could ask me if you need any advice."
RANMA-CHAN: "Thanks...do you know if anything will make my cramps stop
hurting?"
NODOKA: "Try Advil and lots of tea. Actually, you seem to be growing faster
than any other girl around here, so I thought...."
RANMA-CHAN: "Yes?"
NODOKA: "Would you marry my son? Akane's nice, but you're just the most,
well, mature girl here...."
RANMA-CHAN: "Mature? Because of THAT? You haven't been talking to Kuno,
have you?"
NODOKA: "...Please? It means a lot to me."
RANMA-CHAN: (thinks) No no no no no. Very very very BAD idea.
NODOKA: (Looks into Ranma-chan's eyes.) "Please, Ranko?" (Almost starts
crying.)
RANMA-CHAN: (thinks) Mom.... (whispers) "Well...maybe...I need time to think
about this...."
NODOKA: "Thank you! Don't worry, I'm sure your mom and dad won't mind."
(Hugs Ranma-chan. They go to the living room.)
(scene: The Saotomes, Shampoo, the Tendos, and Ukyou are in the living
room.)
NODOKA: (whispers) "...Great, everyone's here!" (Turns to the group.) "I'd
like to announce that Ranko has agreed to an engagement with my
son!"
AKANE: "WHAT?!" (thinks) ...wait a minute...this is different....
RANMA-CHAN: "No I didn't! I said MAYBE!" (thinks) Mom's getting just as
bad as Dad!...Maybe THAT'S why they married....
NODOKA: "I'm going to China to try to find him." (Holds up an old letter.)
"Last time Genma wrote to me he said he would take Ranma to some
place called Jusenkuyo, so I'll start looking around there. As
soon as I return and settle it with Ranko's parents, they can get
married! Bye now!" (Leaves.)
AKANE: "Ha ha ha...awwww, you'll be a lovely bride!"
RANMA-CHAN: "IT'S NOT FUNNY!" (Splashes herself with a teapot full of hot
water.)
UKYOU: "You're engaged to YOURSELF?! I can't believe you were dumb enough
to do that!...Speaking of engagements, who WILL you marry? You'd
better decide soon."
RANMA: "I don't know. I don't want to marry anyone yet!"
UKYOU: "How many more years do you expect me to wait?!" (Pounds Ranma with
the giant spatula.)
SHAMPOO: "Rules are rules! Ignore stupid girl and NO MARRY SELF!" (Attacks
with both bonbori.)
KODACHI: (Running into the room.) "HAHAHAHAHA! Don't listen to them! I'M
really your fiancee!" (Lashes Ranma with the ribbon.)
AKANE: "You CREEP!" (Jumps into the fray with the mallet.)
RYOGA: (Wanders into the room.) "YOU RUINED MY LIFE, ETC.! Ranma, prepare
to die!"
AKANE: "Hi Ryoga! You can pummel Ranma after I'm done."
RANMA: "EVERYONE! WAIT! I CAN EXPLAIN! AAAAAAIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
(scene: An hour later. The girls finally back off. Ranma then jumps off
the floor.)
RANMA: (Splashes himself with a bucket of water.) "I'M SICK OF THIS! FROM
NOW ON, I'M REALLY A GIRL! I WON'T EVEN CHANGE BACK UNTIL YOU LEAVE
ME ALONE!"
UKYOU: (Steps away, with the other girls.) "How could you...?!"
RANMA-CHAN: (thinks) Finally! Something worked!
GENMA: (sign) DO YOU MEAN IT?
RANMA-CHAN: (whispers) "Of course not, Dad. I don't want to be a girl, but
I'm going to stay female until they give up these engagements."
GENMA: (sign) EVEN THE ONES I ARRANGED? UNGRATEFUL BRAT! (Whacks
Ranma-chan over the head with the sign.)
KODACHI: "AARGH! Evil pigtail girl, what did you do to Ranma?!" (Attacks
Ranma-chan all over again.)
RYOGA: "Yay! My turn! I shall see you suffer before I kill you!" (Starts
pounding Ranma-chan.)
(scene: A few minutes later, in Kasumi's room.)
AKANE: "...I can't believe I almost married that JERK!"
KASUMI: "Maybe if you didn't hit her, or at least hit her less, she might be
more understanding...."
AKANE: "But the creep deserves it!"
KASUMI: "Not always. It's not her fault Aunt Saotome thought Ranko would be
a better fiancee than you. I don't think her wanting to be female
is so bad, either. If she says she's a girl, then she's a girl,
okay?"
AKANE: "But that's so embarrassing! And he keeps insulting me too!"
KASUMI: "If you were more forgiving, she'd feel bad about saying mean stuff
and then learn to be nicer to you. But if you really want to stay
enemies...."
AKANE: "Quit picking on me! I'm not THAT bad!"
KASUMI: "I'm sorry...at least you didn't say she disgraced our families by
getting a period and try to throw her out of the house the way Dad
and Genma did."
AKANE: "You're right. Disowning him was MEAN. I'm glad they let him back
after a few days...."
KASUMI: "...and remember why she moved out? Look, she's been under a lot of
strain lately. Can you please try to be nice to her for once? Give
her a chance."
AKANE: "Maybe."
KASUMI: "Thanks!" (Hugs Akane.)
(scene: Half an hour later, in Dr. Tofu's office.)
RANMA-CHAN: "...and then Kodachi tied my arms and threw me across the room
and then as soon as I got up Shampoo knocked me over with one of
those bonbori and then Akane punched me in the face and then
Ukyou jumped on my stomach and then...."
TOFU: "I'll get some painkiller medicine."
KASUMI: (Walks into the room.) "Hi!"
TOFU: "Hi Kasumi!" (Reaches into the filing cabinet.) "Here you go."
RANMA-CHAN: "A piece of paper? You sure?" (Eats it.) "Ow. That didn't
work."
KASUMI: "Did Ryoga hit you too hard on the head this time?"
TOFU: "Sorry." (Reaches into the refridgerator.) "Drink this." (Hands
Ranma-chan one of Cologne's bottles.)
RANMA-CHAN: (Drinks the bottle's contents.) "Eeeww."
KASUMI: "Bye!" (Leaves.)
TOFU: (Calms down.) "Ranma, is anything else bothering you?"
RANMA-CHAN: "I'm still upset about what happened to Grandfather...I should
have known my curse would shock him that much...."
TOFU: "I understand...it's only been five months since that...but it was NOT
your fault. Don't blame yourself."
RANMA-CHAN: "I'm trying...." (Leaves.)
TOFU: "Poor kid." (Picks up the bottle and reads the label.) "Oops, I guess
he took the wrong medicine. Oh well. It probably won't do anything
this time."
(scene: A while later. It's another quiet morning. Everyone's in the
kitchen eating breakfast.)
KASUMI: "Want some cereal?"
RANMA-CHAN: "No thanks. I'm not feeling well."
SOUN: "What's wrong? You're always sick during breakfast, and you crave
that day-glo noodle junk the rest of the day, and you haven't even
turned male since...."
RANMA-CHAN: "I just really like day-glo noodles, that's all. They're good
if you don't look at them too closely."
KASUMI: "You should see a doctor, just in case you're contagious."
NABIKI: "Dad, I'll let you quarantine him in the basement for 100,000 yen!"
SOUN: "You don't own the basement. Keep him in your room."
NABIKI: "So? I don't want to share my room with Ranma's germs!"
AKANE: "Ranma's not sick! She's just finally learned that MY COOKING IS NOT
JUNK!" (Holds out a bowl of the noodles.) "Look, it's not so bad!"
SOUN: "Aargh, my eyes!" (Turns away from Akane and the bowl.) "YOU made that
stuff? Your cooking usually isn't so...bright...."
(scene: Later that morning, in Dr. Tofu's office.)
TOFU: "So, you think you're ill?"
RANMA-CHAN: "Maybe that medicine you gave me was the wrong one. I mean, it
probably has weird side effects."
TOFU: (Gets that bottle out of the refrigerator.) "Uh oh. Looks like it did
have an effect after all."
RANMA-CHAN: "What? What's wrong?"
TOFU: "You're right, but...well, you don't actually have a disease."
RANMA-CHAN: "Then how can I be sick?"
TOFU: "It's my fault...I gave you another medicine instead of a painkiller
...I'm sorry...."
RANMA-CHAN: (Reads the bottle's label.) "But this means...NO! This isn't
happening! AAAAAAARGH...." (Runs away, out of Nerima.)
(scene: Early one afternoon, at the mailbox in front of the Nekohanten.)
SHAMPOO: "Mail come early today. Let's see, bill, bill, catalog, bill...
What's this? For me?"
COLOGNE: "You got mail from Jusenkuyo? It could be important."
LETTER: (in Chinese)
Dear member of the Jusenkuyo mailing list:
As you probably know, the Jusenkuyo Cursed Spring Training
Grounds have been closed for renovations. However, as of yesterday
the repairs have been completed. In addition, the grounds are now
accessible by bus for your convenience. Due to recent lowering of
the water levels, the springs have been restored as wells rather
than shallow pools. We apologize for the delays.
sincerely, Jusenkuyo Department of Parks and Recreation
(repeated in Japanese)
SHAMPOO: "Look, Great-grandmother, it come with bilingual map!"
COLOGNE: "It's really too bad Ranma's not here so we can tell him the good
news. I wonder what happened to him...who's the idiot that let
Ryoga lead the search party? We were all lost for weeks!"
SHAMPOO: "He whine so much about revenge! Letting pigboy lead party only
way to make him shut up! But you right, next time run search
myself. Too bad he be anywhere in world by now...."
(Ranma-chan still doesn't return to Nerima, and soon everyone gives up on
finding her. With her favorite photography subject gone, Nabiki learns to
draw instead. Otherwise, everything pretty much stays the same. Some
people never learn.)
(scene: Late one night, at Nodoka's front door. It's so dark outside that
Ranma-chan is almost invisible.)
RANMA-CHAN: (thinks) ...I just hope she doesn't think I'm a disgrace now....
(Knocks on the door.) "Aunt Saotome, are you there? I REALLY
need to talk to you. Nodoka?" (No answer.) "NODOKA?"
NEIGHBOR: (From inside his house.) "Can you keep it quiet?"
RANMA-CHAN: (thinks) Maybe if I call her Mom she'll let me in. She can't
make me commit seppuku if I'm like THIS, can she? (Knocks
again.) "Mom? Mom?! MOM?!" (No answer.)
NEIGHBOR: (From inside his house.) "SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!"
RANMA-CHAN: (thinks) Maybe she's with Dad...the anmesia shampoo can't last
that long, can it? She has got to be back home by now if she
remembers us...At least Mom might not hate me, even if Dad will.
She didn't try to disown me like he did...she even still liked
me after her father.... (Leaves.)
(scene: The same time, at the Tendos' house. Everyone else is asleep, but
Nabiki and Akane are awake and talking in Nabiki's room. Akane is wearing
a wedding kimono.)
NABIKI: "...why are you wearing THAT again?! Do you have any idea how long
Ranma's been gone?!"
AKANE: "I was just thinking about the time we almost got married."
NABIKI: "When everyone thought you turned into a duck?"
AKANE: "No, the other time, when the house got wrecked."
NABIKI: "Oh, that time. Still, you weren't like this before. I mean, a few
weeks after that wedding didn't work you two were arguing again as
if nothing happened."
AKANE: "I know, but...after he left, I started to miss him a lot....You
know, it still feels like he'll be back here any minute. He WILL be
back any minute, won't he?..." (Starts crying.)
NABIKI: "Don't cry." (Hugs Akane.) "I know this has been really hard on you.
Here, have a tissue. It's only 500 yen this time."
AKANE: (Dries her tears with a 500 yen note instead.) "Thanks anyway."
(Hears a knock on the door.) "I wonder who that is." (Takes a lamp.)
"Just in case it's some jerk." (Takes a mallet too, and goes to the
front door.)
(scene: The Tendos' living room. It's really dark. Only Akane is visible,
because of the dim lamp light.)
AKANE: (Opens the door.) "Hi!" (Can't see Ranma-chan, because it's too
dark.)
RANMA-CHAN: "Who the...?" (thinks) That's...Akane, I think...oh, now I
remember! She's one of my classmates!...wow, it's been a long
time since I even thought about the kids here....
AKANE: "Ranma?...YOU'RE BACK!"
RANMA-CHAN: "Oh, it's you again. Hi."
AKANE: "I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!"
RANMA-CHAN: "Really?" (Sees the mallet.) "Aargh!" (thinks) She wants to hit
me! (Sees the kimono.) "Aargh!" (thinks) She's trying to marry
me?! Even worse!...I almost forgot we used to be engaged in a
way.... (Runs and locks herself into the nearest room.)
AKANE: (Follows Ranma-chan.) "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" (Hits the door. No luck.)
"Can someone get the door open?"
NABIKI: "Okay." (Tugs the doorknob. No luck.) "I'll get someone else."
(Leaves.)
(scene: Several minutes later. The Tendos and Genma are all waiting
impatiently by the door.)
NABKIKI: (returning with Shampoo.) "Sorry Akane, but everyone else got mad at
me when I woke them up to ask if they could help."
SHAMPOO: "So, Ranma there? Why I let silly bride wannabe in?"
AKANE: "If you don't, neither of us can reach him. Please?"
SHAMPOO: (Sighs.) "Okay." (Breaks through the wall with a bonbori, then
turns the light on.)
SOUN: (Bursts into tears.) "WAAAAAAAAAAAH! MY HOUSE!"
RANMA-CHAN: (Now visible. She looks bigger.) "Please don't hurt me!"
GENMA: (sign) SON! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOURSELF?!
AKANE: (Starts crying again.) "You CREEP! How could you just leave me?!"
(Beats Ranma-chan with the mallet.)
RANMA-CHAN: "I was too embarrassed to stay- Ow!..." (Fends off Akane's
blows.) "Ouch!...Stop it!...Ow!..."
AKANE: "You DESERVE it!..." (Swings the mallet, without aiming, at
Ranma-chan. It misses her belly by a quarter of an inch.)
RANMA-CHAN: "TENDO AKANE, PREPARE TO DIE!" (Hits Akane in the face.)
AKANE: "What's wrong with you? I thought you don't attack girls!" (Knocks
Ranma-chan over with a blow to the knees.)
RANMA-CHAN: "Die! Die! Die!" (Gets up and grabs Akane's throat.)
AKANE: "No way! I'll kill you first!" (Punches, then kicks, Ranma-chan.)
RANMA-CHAN: (Steps back.) "I hate you!" (Throws a fireball at Akane, but
misses and sets the wall on fire.)
SOUN: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MY POOR HOUSE!"
NABIKI: "Wow, Ranma hasn't changed his fighting abilities after all this
time...."
AKANE: "I hate you too! The engagement's OVER!" (Jumps up and kicks
Ranma-chan.)
RANMA-CHAN: "Big deal. I stopped caring about that months ago." (Catches
Akane, punches her, and pulls her downward.) "What the-" (Akane
flips over so that she's above Ranma-chan.) "AAAAAARGH!"
(scene: Early the next morning. It's a nice, bright, sunny day but Akane
and Ranma-chan are still ruining it for everyone else.)
NABIKI: (Wanders back into the room.) "I couldn't sleep because you two were
fighting all night." (Yawns.) "Is someone dead yet?"
AKANE: "...Finally!" (Pins Ranma-chan onto the floor, on her side, and
pummels her.)
RANMA-CHAN: "Get OFF me!" (Tries to get up, but can't.) "Ouch, that hurts!"
SOUN: "You'd better have a really GOOD excuse."
RANMA-CHAN: "I made a choice to keep the baby, and then Akane tried to make
me lose it!"
AKANE: "WHERE? What baby?"
KASUMI: (Walks into the room.) "Hi Ranma! When's it due?"
RANMA-CHAN: "A few days, unless...." (Glares at Akane.) "I didn't want to
get pregnant, but now that it's on the way...I love this baby."
AKANE: (Releases Ranma-chan.) "Oh, THAT. Look, I'm really sorry...but
you're really a BOY...so it didn't occur to me that....Why didn't you
say so earlier?!..."
RANMA-CHAN: "I'm OBVIOUSLY a pregnant girl!...I'm sorry too, but...."
GENMA: (sign) HAVE YOU NO SHAME?
RANMA-CHAN: "Dr. Tofu got distracted again and gave me a magic drink instead
of painkiller medicine and if a girl drinks it she gets-"
AKANE: "That's the DUMBEST story I've ever heard in my life!"
KASUMI: "It's no dumber than amnesia shampoos, time travel mirrors, love
spices, cursed springs...."
COLOGNE: (Walks into the room.) "It's true. My granddaughter tried to have
children for years, with no luck. Then, just by drinking that
stuff, she conceived. See, the potion triggers parthenogenesis."
SHAMPOO: "What that word mean?"
COLOGNE: "Get a book and look it up." (Turns back to Ranma-chan.) "Relax,
your baby will turn out fine, just like my granddaughter's did."
(Points to Shampoo, who isn't listening. Everyone looks at her.)
SHAMPOO: "DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!" (Attacks Akane with an encyclopaedia.)
GENMA: (sign) WHAT A RELIEF. I HAD IMAGINED MUCH WORSE.
RANMA-CHAN: "You mean...you thought I...that's DISGUSTING! I'm a VIRGIN!"
AKANE: "So, why did you come back after all this time?"
RANMA-CHAN: "I was too humiliated to stay here...but now I'm scared because
I've never raised a kid before...I just want to talk to Mom...."
GENMA: (sign) SORRY. YOUR MOM'S LOOKING FOR YOU IN CHINA. SHE STILL
DOESN'T REMEMBER THE CURSES.
NABIKI: "Kasumi, what do you think will happen if she touches hot water?"
KASUMI: "I don't think about that kind of thing, and frankly, neither should
you."
(scene: The Tendos' guest room, that evening.)
GENMA: (sign) ...AS IF THE CURSE WASN'T BAD ENOUGH...WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!
RANMA-CHAN: "Do you think I WANTED any of that to happen?!"
GENMA: (sign) WHY CAN'T YOU BE A NORMAL SON? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CONTINUE
OUR FAMILY'S MARTIAL ARTS TRADITIONS AND INHERIT THE DOJO, NOT HAVE
BABIES!
RANMA-CHAN: "I thought you said it wasn't that bad, because...."
GENMA: (sign) EVEN IF YOU ARE STILL A VIRGIN, IT'S STILL RIDICULOUS.
RANMA-CHAN: "The baby will be here any day now! Please, can't you accept it
by then?"
GENMA: (sign) WHY WOULDN'T I LIKE THE BABY? IT'S JUST YOU THAT I'M ASHAMED
OF!
RANMA-CHAN: "I can't help it if I'm part girl! And I need your help,
especially since Mom's not here. Please?...Dad? Dad? Where
are you going?"
GENMA: (thinks) Pathetic brat.... (Leaves.)
(scene: The next day, in the Tendos' living room. Soun and Ranma-chan are
quietly eating breakfast.)
AKANE: (Walks into the room with a teapot.) "Would anyone like some tea?"
SOUN: "No thanks...I'm not thirsty...really...."
AKANE: "YOU JUST THINK I CAN'T COOK! It's just TEA! I can make TEA without
anything going wrong!"
SOUN: "But I'm not thirsty!"
AKANE: "Shut up and drink it!" (Chases Soun out of the room. On the way
out, she drops the teapot. It bounces towards Ranma-chan.)
RANMA-CHAN: "AAAAAARGH!" (Faints, and then gets splashed by the tea.)
(scene: An hour later. Ranma is still in the living room, unconscious.)
RANMA: "...ow...zzzzz...."
RYOGA: (Wanders into the room.) "Hey, the jerk is back!"
RANMA: "...zzzzzz...ouch...zzz...ow, quit it...zzzz...."
RYOGA: (Pokes Ranma's belly a few times.) "There's something moving in
there! I just felt it hit me!" (thinks) Oh, so THAT's what's wrong
with him....This is great! I bet he's so dishonored even Akane
doesn't like him.... (whispers) "Can you kick your mommy really,
really hard?"
RANMA: "OUCH!...zzz...."
RYOGA: "Ha ha ha...awwww, how cute!"
RANMA: (Wakes up.) "You don't need to kick so hard! I already know you're
in there! Oh, hi Ryoga...AAIIEEEEE! I'M A BOY!" (Splashes himself
with a bucket of water.) "That felt so weird...like I still had a
womb after everything else changed. Ouch! At least the baby's still
kicking."
RYOGA: "I think it'll be okay. What happened last time you switched?"
RANMA-CHAN: "This was the first time since I got pregnant."
RYOGA: "REALLY?...does this mean you're not engaged to Akane anymore?..."
(scene: The Tendos' guest room, that afternoon.)
RANMA-CHAN: "...I tried to be a good son, I really did! But I just can't!
Please understand, Dad. I tried...." (Hugs Genma.)
GENMA: (sign) SO? (Shoves Ranma-chan away.) TRY HARDER. (Leaves.)
KASUMI: (Walks into the room.) "Hi!" (Notices Genma leaving.) "Did something
bad happen?"
RANMA-CHAN: "Can I talk to you for a few minutes?" (thinks) Maybe she will
understand...even if Dad hates me....
(scene: Kasumi's room, a few minutes later.)
RANMA-CHAN: "...he doesn't even know how hard it was. Dad thinks I did it
as a joke, and he keeps saying he's ashamed of me...."
KASUMI: "What was it like?"
RANMA-CHAN: "Once I finally realized it was really happening...after a while
I loved the baby, but there was just about no way I could take
care of it...I almost had to get an abortion. It was horrible.
I was so scared...."
KASUMI: "Poor thing. It sounds like you were really miserable." (Hugs
Ranma-chan.) "But...you kept it. What happened?"
RANMA-CHAN: "Luckily I wasn't THAT desperate. Just almost....Now Dad
doesn't care, and Akane even attacked me- I hate her!- and...."
KASUMI: "And that's why you're sad? You wish they were nice to you again?"
RANMA-CHAN: "Yes."
KASUMI: "So...if you married Akane, they'd like you and you'd feel better!"
RANMA-CHAN: "WHAT?!" (thinks) EVERYONE hates me....
(scene: Early the next morning, in Nabiki's room.)
NABIKI: (Wakes up and reaches under her pillow.) "What the...it's GONE...
SOME LEECH TOOK MY WALLET!" (Sees a note under her pillow.)
NOTE: "I borrowed the money for boat fare. You people are insane, so I'm
having the baby somewhere else. I still want to talk to Mom. If she
shows up, tell her I'm in China. The rest of you leave me alone."
NABIKI: "What a creep...how dare he even TOUCH my wallet....HEY EVERYONE!
I'M GOING TO CHINA!..."
KASUMI: (Runs into Nabiki's room with the rest of the family.) "Good idea.
Can we come too? A family vacation would be nice."
AKANE: (Reads the note.) "Looks like the creep left me AGAIN."
GENMA: "Maybe we should try harder to find Ranma this time...."
SHAMPOO: (Breaks through the wall.) "He most likely at Jusenkuyo. We go, we
cure curses on trip too." (Holds up the letter and map.)
KASUMI: "I wonder if she's going to marry so the baby isn't illegitimate?"
GENMA: "Then why leave? Akane is in Nerima."
SOUN: "Kasumi meant Ranma might get a husband so the baby has a father...."
AKANE: "He's leaving me for a guy?!"
GENMA: "WHAT?! You mean he's figured out how to shame our families even
MORE?! Nabiki's right, we have to stop that kid...."
(scene: One morning a week later, near the Jusenkuyo bus stop. Ranma-chan's
standing outside the cottage where the Jusenkuyo guide lives.)
RANMA-CHAN: (thinks) Mom said she was going here, right? (Knocks on the
door.) "Hi! Can I come in?"
GUIDE: "You again? Sure, Ranma." (Opens the door and stares at Ranma-chan.)
"What you doing HERE? You not on mailing list? This place not safe
for you in your condition."
RANMA-CHAN: "What list? I need a place to stay for a wh- AAARGH! Not NOW!"
GUIDE: (Leads Ranma-chan to his bedroom.) "You use my bed. Stay here and
try to relax. I'll get help." (Leaves.)
RANMA-CHAN: (Staying there and trying to relax.) "...owwww...."
(scene: Outside the cottage again, a few hours later.)
RANMA-CHAN: (Yells from inside.) "AAAAAAAARGH!"
GUIDE: (Yells into the cottage.) "...Guess what, Ranma? I find this lady,
turns out she named Mrs. Saotome. I ask her about you, turns out she
your mother!"
RANMA-CHAN: (Yells from inside again.) "AAAAIEEEEEEEEEEE! HELP!"
NODOKA: (thinks) Poor thing. (Goes inside, to the bedroom.) "WHAT THE...?!"
RANMA-CHAN: "MOM! AAIEEEE! See, there's this curse...."
NODOKA: "I understand, whatever it is, it's not your fault. But how-"
RANMA-CHAN: "AAAAAAAAAAARGH!"
NODOKA: "Okay, spare me the details. Just push a bit harder now...."
(scene: The Jusenkuyo cursed wells, several hundred feet away from the
cottage.)
MOUSSE: "I'm saved!" (Tries to jump in the Well of Drowned Guy.)
GENMA: (sign) FORGET IT. MY SON'S FIRST IN THE QUEUE. (Whacks Mousse over
the head with the sign.)
SOUN: (Restrains Mousse.) "Good idea. We should drop Ranma in there first,
since his curse is causing the most problems."
RYOGA: "So if it's labelled wrong, he turns into some weird thing instead of
me? No problem."
UKYOU: "What if he doesn't want to change back?"
SHAMPOO: (Further away, standing at the end of a very long queue at the Well
of Drowned Girl.) "JUST THROW IN WELL ANYWAY!"
AKANE: "We'll deal with that once we find him." (Hears screams of pain in
the distance.) "What the...?"
(scene: A few hours later, back in the cottage.)
RANMA-CHAN: "...so why didn't you make me commit seppuku? AAAAAAARGH!
Doesn't that contract with Dad say we have to...?"
NODOKA: "See, if he raised a girly son or a boyish daughter, we'd all have
to kill ourselves. The contract was supposed to apply to our other
kids too, but then we didn't have any."
RANMA-CHAN: "Really? OUCH! Dad never told me that."
NODOKA: "Sounds like he didn't read page two. Anyway, now that you're
really female, I can let you live. I don't care if you...changed
once, because that's OVER. Now we can get on with our lives."
RANMA-CHAN: "Thanks. AAAIIEEEEEEEEE!"
NODOKA: "By the way, have you ever met Ranko? She looks just like you- hey,
wait a minute! The baby's head is showing!"
RANMA-CHAN: "Really?! OUCH! Do you mean I can finally see it?!"
NODOKA: "Sure!" (Holds a mirror between Ranma-chan's knees.)
RANMA-CHAN: "Wow...AAAAAAARGH! BLOOD!"
NODOKA: (Holds a teapot full of hot water and a towel.) "If it will make you
feel better, I can wash the blood off."
RANMA-CHAN: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! NO, NOT THAT!"
NODOKA: "Whatever." (Puts away the teapot.)
RANMA-CHAN: "OUCH! I'm scared. Am I going to be okay?"
NODOKA: "Once the baby's out, you'll be fine, I think."
RANMA-CHAN: "I don't- OUCH!- get it."
NODOKA: "If you stay still, you'll heal...but if you crash into anything,
the jolt might reopen your wounds...."
RANMA-CHAN: "OUCH!"
NODOKA: "The baby's halfway out! Just push one more time!"
RANMA-CHAN: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
(scene: Back at the cursed wells. Everyone is still there. No one has
jumped in a well yet.)
RYOGA: "WHERE IS THAT CREEP?!" (Hears distant screaming.) "Hey, did anyone
else hear that?"
KASUMI: "Yes. Poor thing. I wonder who she is."
AKANE: (Listens a bit more carefully.) "...maybe that's Ranma!" (Runs in the
general direction of the noise.)
(scene: Back in the cottage, a few minutes later. Nodoka's washing the
baby. Ranma-chan just lies there, exhausted.)
BABY: "Waah...waaaah...waaah...."
RANMA-CHAN: "Ouch. That really hurt. Is the baby okay?"
NODOKA: "It's a girl!"
BABY: "Waaah!"
RANMA-CHAN: "Is the baby okay?"
NODOKA: "She's doing fine." (Holds the baby in front of Ranma-chan.) "See
for yourself." (The baby looks just like her mother. Yes, she was
born with a braid.)
BABY: "Wah." (Reaches for Ranma-chan.) "Wah."
RANMA-CHAN: "Hi...." (Hugs the baby.) "I love you...."
(scene: That queue.)
GIRL: "At last! The Well of Drowned Girl! I'll never turn into a rabbit
again!" (Runs to the well.)
SHAMPOO: "Hey! No cuts!" (Hits the girl on the head with a bonbori.)
GIRL: "DIE! DIE!" (Kicks Shampoo in the stomach several times.)
SHAMPOO: "Go away!" (Picks up the girl and throws her into the sky.)
GIRL: "You JERK!"
SHAMPOO: (Sees fifty-seven more girls ahead of her.) "Aaargh!" (thinks)
Forget it. I'll just see what everyone else is doing. (Leaves and
heads for the Well of Drowned Guy.)
(scene: Inside the cottage again. By now, Ranma-chan has all her clothes
back on and is nursing the baby.)
NODOKA: (Sees the door open.) "Hi, Akane!"
AKANE: "Hi! Nice to see you two back together...RANMA, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN
ALL THIS TIME?! WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR HOURS!"
RANMA-CHAN: "Awwww, isn't she cute? It's just as well that you didn't have
a baby because you'd be too flat to nur- AARGH!"
AKANE: (Splashes Ranma-chan with a teapot of hot water.) "Now who's flat?"
(Looks at the baby.) "Hi there! Awww...."
NODOKA: (thinks) Water? He must change all the time....I could forgive and
forget ONE change, but THIS.... (screams) "You FREAK! How could you
dishonor your own mother this way?!"
BABY: (Staring at Ranma and struggling to get out of his arms.) "WAAAAH!
WAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAH...!"
RANMA: "Don't worry! It's me! I'm your mommy! Or maybe your daddy, or
something. Please, please don't think I'm two people...." (thinks)
She's terrified of me when I'm a guy....
BABY: "WAAAAAAAAAH!"
RANMA: (thinks) Just great. That means I'll have to stay female for years.
BABY: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
RANMA: "Awwww, poor thing." (Splashes himself with a bucket of water.) "I'm
sorry I scared you."
BABY: (Calms down.) "Wah."
RANMA-CHAN: (thinks) If it keeps her from going insane, I think I can keep
the curse....
NODOKA: "Cowards such as you don't deserve to live! DIE, FREAK!"
(Unsheathes her katana and chases Ranma-chan outside.)
RANMA-CHAN: (Running outside and holding the baby.) "AAAAAAAAARGH!"
(scene: Late evening. A lovely sunset is ending. A large crowd has
gathered around the Well of Drowned Guy. In fact, just about everyone in
the series is there.)
RANMA-CHAN: (Running towards the crowd.) "AAAAAAAAARGH!"
NODOKA: "Stand still, you disgraceful freak!...wait, now I remember....It's
bad enough that you killed my father...."
RANMA-CHAN: "You told me his heart attack wasn't my fault...you kept me from
killing myself after he died...I thought you cared, Mom! I
should have known better...."
BABY: "Waaaah!"
NODOKA: "And you too, Genma! How could you let this happen?!"
GENMA: (Splashes himself with a teapot of hot water.) "Nodoka, wait! As
soon as we get him in the well, he'll be normal again!"
NODOKA: "I suppose that would atone for the damage he's done." (Calms down.)
GENMA: "Ranma, you didn't...marry a...GUY, did you?"
RANMA-CHAN: "I'm not THAT desperate!"
BABY: "Waaaaaaah!"
RANMA-CHAN: "Are you still hungry?" (Sits down and starts nursing the baby
again.)
RYOGA: "She looks just like you, poor thing...but she's still cute."
KODACHI: "Don't you think she's adorable, Midorigame?" (The alligator
nuzzles the baby.) "Awwwww...."
GENMA: "Yuck. Son, do you have to do that in public?!"
RANMA-CHAN: "Yes."
SHAMPOO: "Too young for curse. Someone take baby when throw Ranma in well."
AZUSA: "Aww, what a cute blanket!" (Grabs the blanket, with the baby still
in it, away from Ranma-chan and runs off.)
SHAMPOO: "Okay."
RANMA-CHAN: "GIVE MY BABY BACK!" (Tries to run after Azusa.)
UKYOU: "She's trying to get away!" (The crowd restrains Ranma-chan.)
RANMA-CHAN: "AAAAAAAAARGH! LET GO!"
(scene: A quiet spot with a lot of greenery. The Well of Drowned Guy is
within sight of this place, although a few hundred feet away. The other
springs are even more distant.)
MIKADO: "Wait!" (Catches up with Azusa.) "You can play with the blanket
later." (Takes the baby and puts her on a shrub, then returns to the
crowd with Azusa.)
(scene: The crowd, the well.)
MOUSSE: "It's about time you showed up!"
RANMA-CHAN: "But I don't want to go in that well!"
GENMA: "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! You've wanted to get rid of that curse
ever since you got it!"
RANMA-CHAN: "But I can't switch back NOW!"
SOUN: "SHUT UP! You've caused enough trouble already! Hey, could someone
lend me a hand?" (Everyone helps Soun lift Ranma-chan and hold her
over the well.)
KUNO: "I'm afraid it's hard for me to see through the obscurity of
everyone's arms. Dear sister, just what are we doing?"
MIKADO: "Good question."
KODACHI: "You talk too much. Just shut up and help us!"
RANMA-CHAN: "PLEASE, DON'T DO THIS TO ME!"
KASUMI: "Don't worry, everything will work out fine once you lose the curse.
Trust me!" (They let go and Ranma-chan falls.)
(scene: Inside the well.)
RANMA-CHAN: "AAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE...." (Stops falling.) "Ouch...."
(scene: Outside the well.)
NABIKI: "I didn't hear a splash. Did you hear a splash?"
KASUMI: "No. Maybe it's a really deep spring and she didn't hit the water
yet." (Looks inside the well.) "I can't see her. It's too dark."
(scene: Inside the well.)
RANMA-CHAN: "I'm still a girl! Yay!" (Gets up.) "I can't wait until I get
out of h- Uh oh." (Sits down again.) "Maybe I'd better rest a
little first." (Looks downward.) "AAAAAAARGH! BLOOD!" (thinks)
Mom said a jolt might reopen my childbirth wounds.... (Looks
towards the top of the well.) "HELP! GET ME OUT OF HERE!"
(scene: Outside the well.)
RYOGA: (Yelling into the well.) "GET OUT OF THERE! MY TURN!"
GENMA: (Also yelling into the well.) "WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, SON?"
GUIDE: "Oops."
TSUBASA: "What's wrong?"
GUIDE: "That well went dry again last week. There's no water in it. She
hit solid ground!"
UKYOU: "No problem. We throw Ran-chan large distances all the time. He'll
be fine in a minute." (The crowd starts chattering about how nice life
will be afterwards, and ignores the well.)
(scene: Inside the well, half an hour later.)
RANMA-CHAN: "...Help...I lost too much blood...I can't even scream anymore
...help...please...I'm still bleeding...help...." (thinks)
Forget it. No one's listening. (whispers) "It's not fair...all
I did was give birth...that's not supposed to kill people...."
(Collapses...and dies.)
(scene: Outside the well.)
AKANE: "What's taking her so long?" (Picks up a torch and shines it down the
well.) "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"
NABIKI: "What's wrong?" (Looks into the well.) "YUCK!" (They stare at
Ranma-chan. General panic ensues.)
KASUMI: "Calm down, everyone. We're all responsible for Ranma-chan's
death...."
NODOKA: "...Genma, WE'VE KILLED OUR ONLY SON!"
RYOGA: "I thought I'd be happy...but now...can't believe I really took a
human life...."
KASUMI: "There's only one thing left that any of us can do."
SOUN: "What?"
KASUMI: "This." (Takes Nodoka's katana and kills herself.)
(scene: Shortly after sundown. Only the lightning made the bodies of the
crowd visible. Tormented with guilt, all had taken Kasumi's advice a few
minutes before the rain started.)
BABY: (sobbing) "...waaaaaah...waaah...waaaaah...waaaaaaaaaaaaaah...."
The end.