On Thu, 6 Jun 1996, Richard D. Lawson wrote:

Well, this was disturbing.  My heart plunged into my stomach after 
reading "It's been ten years now...."

I almost did, except that I'd already written the end.

I almost wish you'd left it at that.  That would have been a powerful 
story; as you said, just because they profess love for each other 
doesn't mean it's a happy ending.  Ranma doesn't have to die, but his 
absence without any communication is just the same, and the agony of not 
knowing is worse than the agony of mourning.

Like I said, I thought about it, ut it wrotethe 3rd part, then the 1st and
finished with the middle... It was total muddle...

It would be interesting to expand this a little, have flashes of Akane 
through the years, graduating, attending her sister's weddings, learning 
to take care of the house after her sisters leave, etc.  In each, 
she goes to answer the door, hoping it's Ranma, but it never is.  
Through each her hope diminishes and her despair grows.  If you do 
decide to keep the happy ending, then Ranma at the door in the final 
scene will have more of an impact - as it was, the reader knew that it 
*had* to be Ranma at the door, it wouldn't make sense for it to be 
anyone else.

Yeah... It's kinda tricky. I'm actually thinking of filling in those 
years with stories from the other characters perspectives. I'll see how I 
go...

I loved the bit about the children and how they represented all that 
Akane had given up by falling in love with Ranma.

Yeah... It sort of just flowed out... I was actually afraid that it was 
becoming corny.

Let's hope you hear more boring lectures, I'd love to see this fleshed 
out a little.  :)

Alll my lectures are boring... But I have to study if I want to keep my 
net account. (sigh)

As for fleshing out... This was written as minimalisticly as possible. In 
the whole thing, only Ranma and Akane have speaking parts. You have to 
remember, this is Akane's mind. It doesn't neccesarily follow a logical 
path or fill in the gaps. It's a walk through Akane's mind, nothing more, 
nothing less. 
 

-- 
-Richard

sterman@sprynet.com
http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman

Thanks for the comments...

P-word.