On Fri, 7 Jun 1996, James Bateman wrote:

1)  I like the apocalyptic feel - while you might make some changes to
increase dramatic tension - eg changes in pacing or more detailed
descriptions of the environment - I would NOT expand on what is going on or
why.  To know for sure that this was World War III or the latest Godzilla
attack would lessen the dramatic impact considerably.  The not knowing
lends an aire of surreal urgency that is quite potent.

I could try and improve on the environmental detail, but I never even 
considered relating the situation. I thought it was enough to know that 
they had to run. :)
 

2)  I also think that Nodoka's appearance is a little too convenient.
Though under the circumstances, I can certainly see Ranma talking to his
mother - more to her spirit than her person.  Given the situation, it seems
to me that it would be safe to assume that Nodoka, like all the others was
already dead, and that he was talking to her is a sign of the madness to
which his grief has now driven him.

I've got a lot of comments on this. True, he appearance is convenient, 
but honestly, and can't think of anyone else to do what needs to be done. 
A random passerby would not do. And why assume that Nodoka is dead? Think 
of this as a semi-alternate timeline...one before the story actually 
ends. Personally, I think that trying to write the story after the 
theoretical end of the series makes things hard. I could add something in 
there when Ranma's telling her that everyone is dead like, "You're lucky 
you left a couple days ago...but I'm afraid you don't have anything to 
come back to..."

In any case, I'll try to fix this. :)


 

3)  I'm not sanguine about the seppuku scene... I think it needs work, and
can think of two or three directions that it might be taken, but the story
is yours, so that will have to be as well.  Otherwise, the ending was very
well done.  Very depressing, but very well done.

See my many, many responses on this subject. :D

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