I would like to thank everyone for their encouraging remarks.  I wasn't
sure this fanfic was being well received; I'm glad some of you are
enjoying it.

Youbetcha!  Zen is certainly enjoying it!

One question I'd like to ask:  does the comic bit at the end work for
you?  Someone commented that it reminded him of a Scooby Doo episode.
I'm not good at comedy - I am envious of people like Robert Orick, whose
off-the-cuff sig characters are much funnier than anything I could
compose after a week of trying.  Still, I had rather liked what I came
up with.  Not ROFL kinda stuff, I know, but at least a break from the
angst and heavy emotion of the other stuff.  Did it work, or was it a
detriment to the rest of the 'fic?

Naw, it was good!  In fact, it was very much in character IZHO.  Brought
the reader full circle back into the Takahashi-verse.  Definitely a keeper!

Now.  Whereinthehell is part Three? ^_^


On to specific C&C-

He also had an ego the size of a small planet.  For some reason, he
considered admitting his affection for her an act of weakness.  She wanted
to be nice to him, to admit how much he meant to her.  She had given him many
opportunities to let his guard down so that they could talk freely about
their feelings, and he had botched it every time, often insulting her in the
process.

Yes, but Akane is not exactly blameless here - She never really gives Ranma
a chance to say anything nice, and when he does, she treats him like he's
gone loony or something...  Ranma does have the worst case of hoof-in-mouth
disease that I think I've ever seen, but those are the only times tha Akane
ever seems to hear what he is saying.  (I guess what I'm driving at is that
it seems a trifle unfair to blame *all* of the botched on Ranma)

Akane gritted her teeth.  She wanted to love him and all he gave her were
reasons to hate him.  Today had been one example after another of why she
should give up on Ranma.  He was insensitive, he was self-centered, and most
of all, he pushed her away when she wanted to get closer.

Now *there's* the pot calling the kettle black...  If Ranma had *tried* -
Smack!  Hentai!

Akane had had enough.  Just wait until she saw him next.  She wasn't sure if
she intended to scream into his face or beat him into a pulp herself.

She does both.  regularly.

Akane grimaced; she'd forgotten about Auntie Saotome.  She couldn't very well
beat on Ranma with his mother present.  Auntie seemed very taken with Akane,
always encouraging her to further her relationship with Ranma.  At the same
time, Akane sometimes felt a fleeting coldness from Ranma's mother that
belied her friendly smile.  Akane wasn't sure where that came from, and it
bothered her deeply.

NICE touch.  VERY well done.

Akane slammed the book closed and threw it on the bed.  It was all just too
much.  Damn Ranma anyway for coming into her life.  She'd been much happier
before he'd ever set foot in her house.  Damn her father and Uncle Saotome
for arranging this stupid engagement.  She should have been the one to
inherit the dojo; she should have been the one that protected the family from
danger.  Why didn't Ranma go back and live with his mother and leave her and
her family alone?

I like this too.

Now - having made the above comments in Ranma's defence, please do NOT
change any of it.  (!)  Yes, I know that sounds odd - after going to the
trouble of ripping into the bits so hard, but I just wanted to clarify a
point or two - Since this scene is written from Akane's viewpoint, it is
perfect as written - after all, Akane is hardly going to recognize her own
culpability in any of this when she is in a full mad... in the times she
allows herself for quiet reflection, she might, but with her temper, those
moments will be few and far between, and she has a big one coming up, ne?
^_^

Well, not exactly a battle, but it helped her to approach this problem as if
it were one.  Please, she begged herself, don't lose your concentration know.
                                                                       ^^^^

                                                                         NOW?

She felt Ranma go rigid.  She continued kissing him, willing him to relax.
Please Ranma, she thought to herself, don't resist your feelings.  This once,
don't run from yourself.  Trust me, trust your mother.  This is good, this is
right, let it happen.

NICE.

"It is your fault because you let it go on!  When Shampoo discovered that
stupid broach and she didn't seem to like you anymore, did you let her go?
      ^^^^^^

        brooch

NO!  You went and made sure that she would always be hanging on to you,
because it pleases your stupid ego to have girls chasing after you!"

Ranma flinched, and a stricken look came over his face.  His obvious guilt
caused Akane's anger to cool down to a mild irritation.  "Look, Ranma, I know
that you don't force people to become infatuated with you.  But you don't
discourage them, either, at least not very well.  I think if you tried hard
enough, you could get them to stop coming after you."

Good point.  Well handled!

Ranma's jaw dropped open.  "Kasumi?!"

Kasumi stepped daintily out of Nabiki's room, not looking the least bit
embarrassed.  "It's so good to see you and Akane getting along so well.
Don't get too carried away, though, you're not married yet."

PERFECT.



Absolutely beautiful.  Don't change a thing. (except, of course, for the
spelling errors!) ^_^


Zen-


***************************************************************************
[[                  James Bateman (Otaku@nashville.com)                  ]]
[[ -The experiment has begun - A million monkeys at a million keyboards- ]]
[[                     ^_^ We call it the UseNet ^_^                     ]]
***************************************************************************