Your very own,
                      famous,
                critically acclaimed
                  & highly original
                       FANFIC
                  with Ranma in it.

(Everybody in this fic is drawn super-deformed, BTW)


Ranma and Akane are walking to school hand in hand.  Suddenly
Kodachi comes around a corner and jumps right between them.  She
breaks the contact of their hands and embraces Ranma.

Kodachi:  Oh, Ranma-sama!

Akane reaches into hammerspace and mallets Ranma.

WHOMP

Akane:  Ranma no BAKA!

Shampoo pops out from nowhere and hits Akane with her bonbori.

Shampoo:  Violent girl no hit Ranma!

Mousse comes running.

Mousse:  Ranma!  I will kill you, so Shampoo will defend me that
way.

But he does not wear his glasses and kicks Ryouga instead who has
just climbed out of a manhole with the map of the London
Underground in his hands.

Ryouga:  Ouch!

Mousse:  Shampoo, I love you.  Let me be your slave!

He throws himself before Kodachi and kisses her feet.  Kodachi
just smiles, but Shampoo kicks Mousse's head.

Shampoo:  Silly Mousse!  You Shampoo's slave *already*.

Ranma crawls out from under the mallet.  Ryouga sees this and
immediately moves in to attack.

Ryouga:  Take this, Ranma!

It begins to rain and everybody turns into their respective cursed
form.  The rain stops.  Ranma-chan jumps onto the giant mallet to
escape Shampoo-neko; Mousse's transformation seems to have piqued
Kodachi's interest and she's lost in thought, apparently pondering
the possibilities, while holding the duck in an iron grip.

Ryouga hurls himself at Ranma-chan.  Before he can reach him,
though, he is stopped in mid-air by a bokken.

Kunou:  Filthy pig!  You will not touch my pigtailed goddess!

Akane:  P-chan!

She grabs the pig and presses it to her bosom, ignoring the blood
that soon begins to flow from its nose.

Suddenly Shampoo-neko is flying.  Ukyou has flipped her into the
air with her giant spatula.

Shampoo:  Meyoooooowww!

Ukyou:  Ran-chan!  I made okonomyaki for you!

Ranma-chan:  Yum!

Akane grips the handle of the mallet and is just about to mallet
both Ukyou and Ranma into oblivion, when a heavenly sound vibrates
over Nerima.

An angelic choir is singing "hosianna hosianna" and the street
corner is bathed in ethereal light.

Ranma-chan:  Look!

Ukyou:  Up in the sky!

Akane:  It's a bird...

P-chan:  Bweee....

Shampoo:  No!  Is <Your Name HERE>!

Everybody falls to their knees and avert their eyes.  <Your Name
HERE> is hovering on a cloud above them, angelic wings spread
wide.

<Your Name HERE>:  You need not grovel before me, divine though I
am.  I am here to help you.

Ranma-chan:  Help us?  But how?

<Your Name HERE>:  Well, first of all, you and Akane love each
other.

Ranma-chan:  Yes!  Now that you have said it, I can finally admit
it freely!  Akane I love you!

Akane:  And I love you!

They fall into each others arms and kiss passionately.  While the
girls kiss, <Your Name HERE> pulls a kettle out of the cloud and
pours hot water over Ranma-chan who turns male.  A look of
disappointment sneaks ito Akane's eyes, but she continues kissing.
<Your Name HERE> generously applies the water to everyone who's
still cursed.

Kodachi:  But I already had plans for Ranma-sama.

<Your Name HERE>:  Kodachi, in truth you love nobody but yourself.
You will be content with this...

Before Kodachi pops up a full body length mirror.  She begins
kissing and licking her mirror image.

Ukyou:  And me?  I truly love Ran-chan.

<Your Name HERE>:  That's right, so you can be heartbroken and
depressed and finally commit suicide.

Ukyou:  Wheee!  Just what I always wanted to do.  Thank you, <Your
Name HERE>!

She pulls out a roll of sleeping tablets, up-ends it and keels over
dead.  Kunou finally regains speech.

Kunou:  Osage no onna and Akane in love?  But whom will I love
then?

<Your Name HERE>:  Nothing easier than that.  You're filthy rich
and stupid as shit, so...

<Your Name HERE> pulls Nabiki out of a top hat.

Nabiki:  But we're not compatible in the least.  He's a rock hard
traditionalist and I am as untraditional as it gets!

<Your Name HERE>:  Oh, don't worry about that.  It has been proven
to work, by others.  Oh, and Ryouga...

<Your Name HERE> reaches into the hat again and pulls out Akari
this time.  She does not protest at all to be married off to
Ryouga, since she only ever was a bad excuse for a character, just
written to get Ryouga away from Akane.

Shampoo:  But what Shampoo do now?  She no can go back to village
without husband.

<Your Name HERE>:  You don't need to go back.  You can come with
me.

Shampoo:  Oh yes!  Shampoo always loved you, <Your Name HERE>!
She even dream of you at night!

<Your Name HERE> pulls her up on the cloud and starts to unbutton
her top as they begin to fade.

Mousse:  A-hem!  Aren't you forgetting someone?

The cloud fades back to solidity again.

<Your Name HERE>:  Oh right, sorry.

SPLASH

Mousse:  Quack.

<Your Name HERE>:  Shampoo, darling, wasn't there this delightful
dish from Peking that you know...?


THAT'S ALL FOLKS!


Oh, by the way, If you should be female but also want your own
wish-fulfilling power fantasy:  Just leave Shampoo to Mousse,
take Ryouga with you and marry Akari to her sumo pig.


Sebastian (It *had* to be done)
--
       <http://enterprise.mathematik.uni-essen.de/~bastian/>
                         Comics reviewed
--
Q. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
A. I don't know and I don't care.