On Sun, 2 Jun 1996, Richard D. Lawson wrote:
Okay, in my most recent fanfic, "The Right Side of the Ledger", Nabiki
had a nightmare. At the very end of the nightmare, I describe her being
attacked by a wolf. Some people thought the final paragraph a little
too hard to read. I wanted it to be sort of stream-of-consciousness,
like dreams really are. But if people are spending too much time trying
to sort out what's going on, it might be lessening the impact the dream
is supposed to have.
On the contrary.
So let me give you three versions of the end of Nabiki's nightmare. Let
me know which version you prefer.
Definitely the first one. It does *exactly* what you intended. It
really put me through the wringer. I ended up reading faster and faster
as the scene progresses and culminates. It was perfect - keep it that way.
Oh, one thing. I'd put a full stop in it right before the very last
half-sentence:
"the woman rocked her gently and comforted her. And the wolf was gone."
That way the jumbled dream sequence ends in the comforting arms - pause -
and then the calming realization.
Just a suggestion.
Sebastian (Who *cares* whether it is harder to read? Not everything must
be as easy as bubblegum and Hollywood cinema.)