On Sat, 1 Jun 1996, Asmodean wrote:
At 08:13 AM 6/1/96 -0500, Shannon and Tim Richmeyer wrote:
IMHO, it's too fast and too chaotic and hard to read. I would suggest
slowing it way down and describing it in almost minute detail. This
would be more along the lines of a dream where the rotten thing, even if
it happens in just a split second can drag out for eternity. Just a
suggestion, though.
I was under the impression it was meant to be fairly fast and chaotic.
Something like a 'jumble of images' type thing. Remember, you're looking
into the mind of a (temporarily) insane person.
Indeed that was the impression I got from it. It worked for me.
Just like the Japanese manga are drawn differently from western comics,
perhaps fanfics about them can contain literary constructs that are not
"easy on the mind" to those unused to it. :)
Sebastian