at least read this one. c&c if you feel it was worth
the time.

A Mother's Hand by PhoneyNT

O.K. I read it, enjoyed it! Where is the rest of it? ^_-
You've got a lot of interesting sub-plots going and I'm looking forwards 
to seeing them resolved. Not a lot of useful C&C, most of the other folk 
have pointed out the few things I noticed.

One thing I've noticed and see a lot in Ranma fic is Akane's reactions 
to Ranma. I guess I'm trying to say that the 'unreasoning reaction' is 
way overused and has become, I don't know...cliche?

Here:

Ranma looked at the walls in Akane's room, looked at the mirror, the floor,
anywhere except directly at Akane as he tried to formulate his sentence.

"So...I was wondering if you would want to...to...g-go...out...with me."
Ranma stammered, the words coming out in a rush.

"What?"

Ranma was so nervous, he could barely contain himself.  He gripped Akane tight
by her shoulders and pulled her close to him, as if to focus his efforts.

"Tonight...would you..."

"Pervert!" Akane cried, her hand sung through the air as she pulled herself
away, Ranma fell backwards, face stinging.

"What's so perverted about--"

"--tonight, huh?  What do you take me for?"

"But I just wanted you to go out with me, you overreactive tomboy!"

"Who wants to go out with you?" Akane screamed, then booted Ranma through the
window, shattering it into a thousand pieces and sending Ranma into the pond.

                                       -

I have to agree with Ranma. What is so perverted about that? In fact, I 
think that Akane's reaction would be totally opposite. Akane doesn't 
explode like this unless Ranma has really put his foot in his mouth or 
there is incriminating evidence of 'something' (even if he's innocent of 
it). She might be stunned and react this way out of 'habit' but that's 
not the impression that comes from this paragraph and the later 
reactions of Akane to Ranma.

I guess that I feel that if Akane was really this hard assed and bitchy 
towards Ranma all the time, he wouldn't play her game and would have 
been 'out of there' a long time ago. I find this in some of the other 
fics also. It's tempting and easy to make Akane this way, but the 
underlying plot of the whole series is that they do love each other and 
are both too stubborn to admit it or believe it. If Ranma or Akane where 
to make an overture like this, the other would be delighted. Stunned 
into stupidity, but delighted none the less. This is just MHO, though. 
It's your fic, do what you want.

That bit with Kasumi and Soun was well done. I've always wondered why 
more authors haven't touched on that potential idea. Expecially since 
thier Sensei is such a perv. Just something to keep in mind, sexual 
abuse in families doesn't just stop. Once Kasumi got old enough to fight 
back or say no, then Soun would have gone for the other girls. So you 
have quite a few options and ways to go. Would Kasumi continue 
to...um...service her father to keep him away from the other girls?

O.K.

Thanks for sharing it and I'd like to see more!

Little Windlily
(dragoncritter@overyonder.com)