Okay, in my most recent fanfic, "The Right Side of the Ledger", Nabiki 
had a nightmare.  At the very end of the nightmare, I describe her being
attacked by a wolf.  Some people thought the final paragraph a little too hard
to read.  I wanted it to be sort of stream-of-consciousness, like dreams
really are.  But if people are spending too much time trying to sort out
what's going on, it might be lessening the impact the dream is supposed to
have.

So let me give you three versions of the end of Nabiki's nightmare.  Let me
know which version you prefer.

<Snip, Snip, Snip>

Well, which of these did you like better?  I still kinda like the first 
one for its stream-of-consciousness image; but I also like the third one -
it's a little more graphic.  Which do you think evokes a better image of
terror and despair?

The third one was definitely better.  Not as jumbled, but very much emphasizes 
the terror of the dream.  Just because a dream is hard to make out at times 
doesn't mean that it should be written that way.  It's probably better that you 
slow things up a bit pace-wise and put in more detail.  Other than that and the 
Shakespeare bits, this fic is a great one!  

Thanks,

-- 
-Richard

sterman@sprynet.com
http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman

Peter L. Ward          falcon@best.com          Kyusaku on IRC #Anime!
Caretaker of the Urd Shrine (http://www.best.com/~falcon/urdhome.htm)

"If you see something this big, with eight legs, let me know so I can
kill it before it can develop language skills!" - Ambassador Londo