Well, phoneyNT...this is weird.
I think you need a lot more characterization. There's a lot of dialogue
and not a lot of what people are feeling; I think that's important.
Akane comes across as acting completely illogically; although I admit
she's not the most reasoned person in the universe, she does seem to be
extremely obtuse, especially during her first argument with Ranma.
That stuff about Soun and Kasumi disturbed me profoundly; that's good.
Yet you never mention it again; that's bad. I think you should put some
more descriptions into Kasumi's reasons for her actions that can allude
to this scene.
I feel that a lot of this is incomplete. You should take this as a
compliment of sorts; I like it so much that I want to know more about
it. "Like" perhaps isn't the right word, since it isn't how I like to
picture the Tendo family, but your portrayl certainly draws me in.
Sorta speaks to the part of my mind that wants to slow down at highway
accidents. :)
Please do some more along these lines. It'd be interesting to compare
our works; I shudder waiting for your portrayl of Nabiki. :)