At 08:13 AM 6/1/96 -0500, Shannon and Tim Richmeyer wrote:

Nabiki's spreadsheet was great! Loved the imagery of the little samurai 
and the wolves, they worked well. Though this spot here:

The wolf gave one final howl, this one so full of hate and triumph
that what remained of Nabiki's sanity fled.  It bent down and grabbed
her neck in its jaws and started tearing and the teeth were in her and
its breath was in her and it was killing her and she screamed and
thrashed but it was no good the wolf had her and she fell out of her
chair and screamed and tried to fend it off and screamed again and the
woman with the long pony tail was there and was trying to talk to her
and she shouted "Mother!" and hugged the woman tightly and sobbed and
the woman rocked her gently and comforted her and the wolf was gone.

IMHO, it's too fast and too chaotic and hard to read. I would suggest 
slowing it way down and describing it in almost minute detail. This 
would be more along the lines of a dream where the rotten thing, even if 
it happens in just a split second can drag out for eternity. Just a 
suggestion, though.

I was under the impression it was meant to be fairly fast and chaotic.
Something like a 'jumble of images' type thing.  Remember, you're looking
into the mind of a (temporarily) insane person. 

-Josh 
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
| Joshua Holmstrom                 |You finite. Zathras finite.     |
| Mechanical Engineering Sophmore  |This... is wrong tool. 	    |
| California Polytechnic, SLO      |				    |
| jholmstr@oboe.aix.calpoly.edu    |			-Zathras    |
| http://www.calpoly.edu/~jholmstr |		Bablyon 5	    |
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-