how's this baby rate on the corniness scale? eh?
anyways, a few people asked about my other fics, so...
-- Ryoga's F'ing Gun . I'm integrating it with another idea I
had for a challenge between Ryoga and Ranma.
-- The Attractiveness Factor . The going is slow here. See, I'm
trying to keep off the lemon route.
People here find lemons boring, so no
way am I gonna write a boring story.
-- A Mother's Hand . Has to do with Kasumi. No hints about this one.
F.M.H.
by PhoneyNT
-
Ukyo stared at the door where Akane and Ranma had just left. A tear
welled up in her eye.
"If only it could be Akane leaving through that door by herself."
Ukyo had tried everything. Cuteness, pairing Ranma up, asking Ranma out,
and other tricks. All ended in failure. She needed a new scheme, because
Ranma could obviously not see five feet in front of his face and leave Akane
behind.
"But who to talk to?" Ukyo asked herself. But she already knew.
-
"So, umm..." Ukyo said tentatively, "how can i make someone have appeared to
say something they didn't?"
"Well, you could throw your voice, or a strategically placed recording device
could do the trick. Some voice classes would help. Say...why? This wouldn't
have anything to do with Ranma, would it?"
"No," Ukyo lied flawlessly, having rehearsed this part knowing that Nabiki was
a very good judge of when people were lying, "but some jerk is calling me
and I want to sound like a big, big man who is my husband."
"Ah, I see. Well, record some guy's voice and play it back."
"Where could I get a good recording device?"
"There are very expensive CD recorders, and cassette recorders."
"Which is better?"
"The compact discs will replicate your voice more accurately."
"Okay, I'll go with that!" Ukyo replied enthusiastically. "I'm willing to
spend heaps on--" she started, but cut short.
"...On keeping those guys away from you? Well, I gotta hand it to you, you're
devoted."
"Thanks!" Ukyo smiled in a sinister way.
"That'll be...100 yen times 10 minutes, 1000 yen."
Ukyo was barely conscious when she forked over the dough. She was above
consciousness.
-
It was 10:30 PM.
Ukyo contemplated the "44.1khz Mini-CD Recorder" device. A "thingy" was all
that the title meant to her.
"Supposedly, all I have to do is keep this thing on R...E...C...'REC' all the
time and something might turn up."
She clicked the button, said something, listened to it, and grinned.
"But...how am I gonna get something I can use? Oh, this is such a long shot.
And my poor wallet!"
Ukyo turned the recorder off, put away the extra mini-CD's, and went to bed.
-
The next morning.
"Hi, Ran-chan! How's your day?" Ukyo yelled at Ranma and Akane on their way
to school. She ran up to Ranma and wrapped herself around his arm.
"Uh...fine...could you..."
"Ranma!" Akane warned.
Ranma looked at Akane and Ukyo, back and forth. Ukyo suddenly pulled a tiny
wrapped-up spatula from her pocket.
"Take this, Ranma!"
Ranma did so, looked at it. Naturally, he unwrapped it, and found a miniature
okonomiyaki on the spatula. He picked up the snack and ate it in two bites,
and handed the spatula back to Ukyo. "That was good!"
"Ranma!" Akane yelled, angry, and struck out at him. Ukyo counterattacked
with the tiny spatula.
Akane faced Ukyo with daggers shooting out of her eyes. Ranma had just landed
from a mighty mallet strike to the chin. Akane had a small wedge-shaped
mark on her cheek, with "Ucchan's" impressed in the center.
"You...all you do is bug me constantly!"
"No, you're bugging me! Because I rightfully am engaged to Ranma!"
"Well, you're gonna have to try to hit me harder than that if you want to get
him!"
Ukyo started to swing her giant spatula, then remembered the recorder in her
pocket and decided against getting it broken.
"We'll settle this later!" she yelled as the zoomed away.
-
Nighttime. Ukyo had just come into her room.
"Whoa, people were hungry tonight," Ukyo mused about the day's events.
She pulled the recorder out of her pocket, sneered at it, and wondered if she
could return it.
"Stupid thing! What was I thinking?"
She slammed it on her nightstand, causing it to play.
"You...all you do is bug me constantly! No, you're bugging me! Because I
rightfully am engaged to Ranma! Well, you're gonna have to hit me harder than
that if you want to get him!" spoke the recorder.
Ukyo snorted, lay down on the bed, and pulled out her book from underneath it.
"So what happened to him anyways, James?"
"Oh, he's just hanging around outside."
"You didn't kill him, did you James?" the blonde wondered worriedly.
"Aargh!" cried the midget, tied up and hanging by his feet from the mast of
the ship.
"Never mind that," the blonde smiled, "get down here and fuck me hard."
"Bond, what are you doing?" yelled a video screen on the ship.
Ukyo looked up from the novel, smiled at the great book, then leaned over and
smacked her alarm clock to set it. She hit the CD recorder by accident, it
skipped around a second and then played.
Ukyo's eyes lighted up.
"That's it! That's how I'll do it!"
She grabbed the recorder.
-
The next day, afternoon.
Akane left the house on a jogging run. "Ranma, you jerk, you jerk!" she said
aloud over and over. "Oops, I forgot my towel."
She turned back towards the house and ran around the back to get to the
laundry room. Ranma, watching her from the window, wondered why she was
coming back.
As he turned around, to get his shoes on so he could follow her and guarantee
her safety once she had finally left, he heard a voice, loud and clear.
"Fuck me harder!"
"Akane?" Ranma wondered, "What is she saying?"
Ranma opened his door and peeked out, when the door squeaked, he listened as
another scream ran out.
"Fuck me harder!"
"Eh? Who...!" Ranma whispered to himself, he sneaked down the stairs, as the
voice yelled again.
"Harder!"
Ranma burst into the source of the sound, the dining room. There was nothing.
A door was in the process of slamming, from the sound of it, it was in the
laundry room. He rushed in, found nothing, then just stopped.
"Hmm. What's Akane doing?"
-
Akane returned from her jog, she entered her room and was surprised to see
Ranma sitting in her chair, facing the door.
"So...who's the mystery man?"
"What?"
"You kept yelling some bad words. Don't try to hide it, I heard it for
myself."
"Huh?"
"So, you'd lie to me about it, huh? Cheating on me?"
"Cheating?" Akane yelled, her anger aroused, "As far as I'm concerned, I'm not
even engaged to you, you dope! How could I cheat on you?"
"Well, I don't think it's right that you go gallivanting around with all these
men!"
"Well, I," Akane replied forcefully, viciously freighting the 'I', "don't
think you should be getting into my business!"
"You're right! I was just surprised that a tomboy like you could actually get
any guys to--" Ranma started to say, but was cut off by a short flight into
a heavy wooden door.
Akane finished up by kicking Ranma bodily down the stairs.
"Now what was he talking about anyways?" she thought.
-
The rest of the day passed eventlessly, minus Ranma not talking to Akane
except when he absolutely had to.
"So, she's into that now, is she?" thought Ranma angrily in his room.
"Fuck me harder!" came Akane's voice through the door.
Ranma broke the door down, ran downstairs, and stopped.
"Great, I couldn't tell where--"
"--harder!"
Ranma ran towards the source of the sound. The dojo. Out of the house he
ran, crossing the small distance to the dojo. He stopped to grab a bucket and
fill it with cold water from the gutter outside the dojo.
Inside the dojo, the shouting was extremely loud.
"Oh, harder!"
Ranma threw the bucket at the corner of the room towards where the sounds were
emanating from. It landed behind the boxes placed there, and what followed
was a yelp and a loud whine.
"A whine? Why...that's that! Ryoga, you've gone far enough!" Ranma thought
to himself and he plunged fist-first to the area behind the boxes.
There was nothing there. The floor was wet. A door that led inside through
that corner was in the process of swinging shut. Ranma slammed it open and
blasted outside.
A few birds chirped.
"Damn," Ranma thought, "well, I'll get them in the act next time."
-
Ukyo sat, drenched, in the forest outside the house.
"Didn't expect him to get there that fast," she panted silently.
Her speakers were ruined. And the short but high-pitched sound that the water
had caused had left her ears ringing.
-
"You and Ryoga are a hot item, eh, Akane?" Ranma had an urge to scream his
loudest, to strike fear into Akane's heart. He choked it back.
"What?"
"Still denying it, is that how it is? If you don't want to hurt me, why are
you fooling around in the first place?" Tears came to Ranma's eyes, but he
blinked them back before they became too prominent. "Guys don't cry." Ranma
reminded himself.
"What are you talking about?"
Ranma thought about things. "I...I can't...just fight this. Damn it!" he
whined silently, forlornly. His confidence was shattered. "She's going to
be with Ryoga. I want to smash his head with a sledgehammer.
"I...won't get in your way," he spat.
"Ranma? Are you okay?"
"Don't be so mean!" he yelled at her face, "you don't have to be like that
about it!"
Away he sped, out the door of the dining room and into the deep, dark night.
-
Ranma returned late at night. He trudged up to his room. His eyes were red-
rimmed.
"Why...how come I don't know what to do?"
"Fuck me harder!" he heard. He just ignored it and lay down on his futon
after stripping most of his clothes off.
"Well, have fun, Akane," he sighed and frowned, "she's already gone so far
with him." His mind resigned, " I'm not even a consideration anymore."
"Fuck me harder!" It seemed to be not so loud as before.
"She's trying to hide it. How could you string me along?" weeped Ranma.
He sighed and turned over.
-
Ukyo opened the door to her restaurant and glanced at the clock. 11:00.
Her mind replayed the incidents over and over. "I could have pulled it off
better, but," she couldn't resist giggling mischieviously, "Ranma will be
pulling it all off as long as things keep going the way they have since
yesterday!"
Ukyo and Ranma lay together in their king-sized bed. Ranma looks at Ukyo, she
grins, she knows what he wants. What all men want on Saturday at midnight.
She is all too glad to oblige. He takes her, and it is like a pacifier of a
different sort, all her troubles gone in this one of many reaffirmations of
the undying love that they share. But it's not enough. She wants more, like
an addictive drug, but actually like a spiral, the more she gets the more she
wants when she's getting it. "Harder!" she cries, "please, fuck me harder!"
-
The next day. Ranma was enjoying another day of tension between him and Akane.
"What is wrong with him?" Akane wondered at his change of attitude, then gaped
as he poured a glass of cold water in his hair, changing its color to red and
bestowing the rest of his body with female attributes.
Ranma left through the front door of the house.
Ukyo was just finishing serving the current batch of customers when Ranma
entered the restaurant. Some of the patrons started to edge away into their
booths.
"Ran-chan! Would you like some hot water?"
"No," Ranma replied. She looked sad.
"What, are you trying to fool Ryoga again?"
"No, I'm not sure I want to be a guy again."
"Wh-why not?" Ukyo asked, but she had an awful feeling she knew.
"Akane's cheating on me."
"Really? So why don't you just forget her?"
"I...can't."
"You love her, right?" Ukyo waited for the signal to declare her undying love,
which was Ranma vehemently answering, "no!"
"Yes."
Ukyo's jaw dropped.
-
Ukyo hadn't said a word since Ranma had said that fateful "yes."
So Ranma just left the store, looking at the ground.
"Cheating on me, how could she? After all we've been through together?"
She looked up and found she was at the Tendo house. As she opened the door
and stepped in, she seemed very fragile, as if on the verge of breaking.
"Ranma, what's wrong?" asked Kasumi and Akane simultaneously.
"Nothin'. Have fun with Ryoga." Ranma said as she walked slowly upstairs.
"Ranma, wait!" Akane cried, but as she followed Ranma into the guest room, it
slammed in her face and locked.
-
Ukyo finally got the volition to go to the Tendo house. She knocked, and
Kasumi answered. At Ukyo's request, she fetched Ranma. Ranma looked a lot
under the weather.
"Ran-chan...could I ask you something?" Ukyo inquired at the front door.
"Sure," Ranma said in a dead tone of voice.
"How come you say you love Akane if she is cheating on you?"
"It's not like that. I loved her before she started and I still do. I just
can't give up on her."
"What do you mean, can't give up on her?"
"Will you ever give up on me, Ukyo?"
"No!"
"Same with me. I'm staying a girl because I don't have any right to be a guy
until I have Akane."
"Ranma...this is stupid, but...you do have her."
"Don't tease," Ranma said, raising his voice.
Ukyo was now weeping miserably. "Only because I love you, Ran-chan."
"I can't say that I love you."
Ukyo flew in his face, slapping it stingingly. "I oughta let you fry!"
"I'm in a lot of p--I'm slighty worried right now, Ukyo. I'm sorry."
"Shut up and listen," Ukyo said as she whipped out her Mini-CD recorder.
"Fuck me harder! Fuck me harder! Harder! Oh, harder!" said the device.
"Ukyo! How could you do this!" Ranma yelled.
"Please...please don't hate me..."
"Get out of my sight, now! I can't believe you say you love me!"
Ukyo turned around, tears flinging around, and ran straight in the direction
of her restaurant.
Ranma, seething in anger, turned around, walked upstairs, and went back into
the guest room.
-
The next day. Ukyo was not in school, the restaurant was closed.
She was huddled in her room, mumbling gibberish about what she would do.
Her life was ruined. All this time devoted to a guy who was already committed
in the first place. Where would she go, what would she do?
Can't beat love. You can't beat love down. She had tried, and only managed
to reinforce it.
Akane owed her, owed her big. Ranma might not have realized who he really
loved until too late. Heck, he would never have realized it. Akane owed her.
A knock at the door. She opened it, and there was Ranma. He said something
to her, but she wasn't really listening. Now she knew how it felt to have
someone want to be "just friends" with you. It sucks.
Ranma left, and Ukyo looked out the window after him. She could see that
Akane had been trying to remain out of sight. The two walked further into the
shopping district.
-
"Good old Ucchan," Ranma thought to himself.
Rays of sunshine speared between the buildings, making an attractive pattern
of shadows and lights on the street. Children ran around laughing, men and
women were talking, buying, and selling.
"The whole world must be happy today," Ranma said silently.
Ranma smiled and took Akane's hand. Akane hesistated, then returned the grip.
The End
well? C&C if you feel like it. otherwise, just chalk it up to another so-so
fic from PhoneyNT.
--
i happened to be listening to the Waiting To Exhale soundtrack.--
"Shoop Shoop Shoop" by Whitney Houston. Some of the lyrics are,
for every win, someone must fail
there comes a time, when we exhale
and it kinda got me in this mode.
--
still a weak ending. oh well, sorrow is weak, and how else can this fic end?
drward@richmond.infi.net we436@freenet.victoria.bc.ca http://www.aodesign.com/
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drward@richmond.infi.net