On Mon, 27 May 1996, Marisa Price wrote:

1. Sorry Akane seems so innocent... I, uh, just kind of wrote
how I felt at 16... 
        However, I will try to change this part to make her
seem less clueless... I was trying to be sweet... sorry :).

   Well, if you're writing from experience, I think I understand why you 
depicted Akane that way. Under the circumstances, it's probably best you 
leave the depiction as it is.
   (Anyway, I thought it _was_ sweet.)

2. People saying that Akane had experimented (masturbated)....
Whelp, at
16, I didn't do that. At 22 I STILL don't do that (gee,
isn't that what my boyfriend is for?) 

   (Corrigan titters...)

                                      so I just kinda never
thought of it from that angle... And, since Akane has a 
personality a lot like mine (tough on the outside, but really
caring, hurting, shy, etc. on the inside), I just kinda 
assume that she would think it would be "hentai"-ish to
do something like that.

   See my first comment. 

        I really don't think I can change that part...
because, I mean I don't care if OTHER people do it, but
I just can't see someone like Akane doing it. Sorry.

   I think you're referring to my remark. I wasn't very clear. My point 
was this. When she saw Ranma (and, later, Shinnosuke) undressed, I 
thought it might have caused some physical reaction, at least. In that 
case, her physical reaction wouldn't have frightened her quite so much. 
In any case the idea that she's never had that physical reaction and does 
not recognize it is a bit far-fetched. I don't think I mentioned the 
possibility of her looking after her own needs (so to speak).
   But of course I don't know how it is for women, so I could be wrong. 
In any case, if she's as innocent as you've painted her (and I now 
understand why you did) it may well have frightened her.
   Change it or don't. I will say, though, that the passage was 
beautifully written.

To write a better lemon I guess I need to stop with so much
lemonade ^_-

   Dear Lord, why? (There's nothing wrong with innocence. In any case the 
characters in Ranma 1/2 are very innocent about such matters, so Ranma 
ana Akane, I think, are more in character than not. Of course in the 
original they'd have never gone as far as they did, but that's all right.)

P.S. I will also fix the spelling of "Yat-tttta!"

P.P.S. Yes, Ranma is just happy it went well, it isn't that
he planned it :)....

   Well, thank God for that. :)

Paul Corrigan
budgie@insomnia3.dorms.utoledo.edu