Thanks so much for the C&C, Mike!

Mike W. Loader wrote:

I liked the way the apron-ritual was 
mentioned at the very beginning and very 
end; it seemed to bring the thing full-circle.

Thanks.  No fanfic about Kasumi should be without an apron.  :)  
Seriously, since she's so often portrayed wearing an apron, I thought it 
important to tie the apron into her character.  Glad it worked for you.

The use of Japanese has already been 
mentioned enough.

I'm still going back and forth on this.  I think the next version will 
have the Japanese (hopefully used correctly) with a little blurb at the 
beginning explaining the terms.  I'll see what kind of reaction I get - 
if it's still negative, I'll dump them and go back to English.

I was rather surprised by Kasumi's reaction 
to Akane's impromptu haircut. I think the 
shock she felt was a little overplayed; you might
want to tune it down in future versions.

You're right, it is inconsistent with the portrait I was painting.  
Unfortunately, it's lifted right from the anime and manga, so I don't 
have a lot of leeway here.  I did try to soften it by having Kasumi 
chastise herself for overdramatics.  I did consider including a line 
something like "There was, Kasumi reflected, such a thing as getting too 
deep into a character.", but I thought it was too much of a distraction 
from the story at that point.

Kasumi's interaction with her mother, and the 
link you make with this and Kasumi's character, 
were perfect. 

Thanks; I'm still unsure in my mind if the title refers to Kasumi or her 
mother or both.

I also liked the implications of Nabiki's 
working on the finances.

Again thanks.  As I said in reply to another C&C, Nabiki's character has 
too often degenerated into a stereotype in fanfics.  It makes me a 
little indignant, since Nabiki is my favorite character.  You may notice 
that the Nabiki flashback is the longest one.  My next fanfic will 
probably be about Nabiki, although I don't have a story idea yet.

Overall, wonderful. Keep the same quality of 
writing in future pieces. I'll be looking forward 
to them. :)

<blush>  How many times can I say thanks in one email?

:)

-Richard
sterman@sprynet.com