hope you like it. this is a sort of "relief" project. this is a one-
part fic. needs a lot of revision. i'm almost drunk with pissed-off-
ness right now.
F.M.H.
by PhoneyNT
-
Ukyo stared at the door where Akane and Ranma had just left. She banged
her fists on the counter, frustrated.
"If only it could be Akane leaving through that door by herself."
Ukyo had tried everything. Cuteness, pairing Akane up, asking Ranma out,
and other tricks. All ended in failure. She needed a new scheme, because
Ranma could obviously not see five feet in front of his face and leave Akane
behind.
"But who to talk to?" Ukyo asked herself. But she knew that she already knew.
-
"So, umm..." Ukyo said tentatively, "how can i make someone have appeared to
say something they didn't?"
"Well, you could throw your voice, or a strategically placed recording device
could do the trick. Some voice classes would help. Say...why? This wouldn't
have anything to do with Ranma, would it?"
"No," Ukyo lied flawlessly, having rehearsed this part knowing that Nabiki was
a very good judge of when people were lying, "but some jerk is calling me
and I want to sound like a big, big man who is my husband."
"Ah, I see. Well, record some guy's voice and play it back."
"Where could I get a good recording device?"
"There are very expensive CD recorders, and cassette recorders."
"Which is better?"
"The compact discs will replicate your voice more accurately."
"Okay, I'll go with that!" Ukyo replied enthusiastically. "I'm willing to
spend heaps on--" she started, but cut short.
"...On keeping those guys away from you? Well, I gotta hand it to you, you're
devoted."
"Thanks!" Ukyo smiled in a sinister way.
"That'll be...100 yen times 10 minutes, 1000 yen."
Ukyo was barely conscious when she forked over the dough. She was above
consciousness.
-
It was 10:30 PM.
Ukyo contemplated the "44.1khz Mini-CD Recorder" thingy.
"Supposedly, all I have to do is keep this thing on R...E...C...'REC' all the
time and something might turn up."
She clicked the button, said something, listened to it, and grinned.
"But...how am I gonna get something I can use? Oh, this is such a long shot.
And my poor wallet!"
Ukyo turned the recorder off, put away the extra mini-CD's, and went to bed.
-
The next morning.
Akane faced Ukyo with daggers shooting out of her eyes. Ranma had just landed
from a mighty mallet strike to the chin. Akane had a small wedge-shaped
mark on her cheek, with "Ucchan's" impressed in the center.
"You...all you do is bug me constantly!"
"No, you're bugging me! Because I rightfully am engaged to Ranma!"
"Well, you're gonna have to try to hit me harder than that if you want to get
him!"
Ukyo started to swing her giant spatula, then remembered the recorder in her
pocket and decided against getting it broken.
"We'll settle this later!" she yelled as the zoomed away.
-
Nighttime. Ukyo had just come into her room.
"Whoa, people were hungry tonight," Ukyo mused about the day's events.
She pulled the recorder out of her pocket, sneered at it, and wondered if she
could return it.
"Stupid thing! What was I thinking?"
She slammed it on her nightstand, causing it to play.
"You...all you do is bug me constantly! No, you're bugging me! Because I
rightfully am engaged to Ranma! Well, you're gonna have to hit me harder than
that if you want to get him!" spoke the recorder.
Ukyo snorted, lay down on the bed, and pulled out her book from underneath it.
"So what happened to him anyways, James?"
"Oh, he's just hanging around outside."
"You didn't kill him, did you James?" the blonde wondered worriedly.
"Aargh!" cried the midget, tied up and hanging by his feet from the mast of
the ship.
"Never mind that," the blonde smiled, "get down here and fuck me hard."
"Bond, what are you doing?" yelled a video screen on the ship.
Ukyo looked up from the novel, smiled at the great book, then leaned over and
smacked her alarm clock to set it. She hit the CD recorder by accident, it
skipped around a second and then played.
Ukyo's eyes lighted up.
"That's it! That's how I'll do it!"
She grabbed the recorder.
-
Midnight, Ukyo was still up. She held a Mini-CD in the air.
"I'm ready," she grinned dangerously. As if acknowledging this fact, the
metal of her giant spatula on the wall shined as a beam of light from a car
which had driven by the store passed over it.
-
The next day, afternoon.
Akane left the house on a jogging run. "Ranma, you jerk, you jerk!" she said
aloud over and over. "Oops, I forgot my little towel."
She turned back towards the house and ran around the back to get to the
laundry room. Ranma, watching her from the window, wondered why she was
coming back.
As he turned around, to get his shoes on so he could follow her and guarantee
her safety once she had finally left, he heard a voice, loud and clear.
"Fuck me harder!"
"Akane?" Ranma wondered, "What is she saying?"
Ranma opened his door and peeked out, when the door squeaked, he listened as
another scream ran out.
"Fuck me harder!"
"Eh? Who...!" Ranma whispered to himself, he sneaked down the stairs, as the
voice yelled again.
"Harder!"
Ranma burst into the source of the sound, the dining room. There was nothing.
A door was in the process of slamming, from the sound of it, it was in the
laundry room. He rushed in, found nothing, then just stopped.
"Hmm. What's Akane doing?"
-
Akane returned from her jog, she entered her room and was surprised to see
Ranma sitting in her chair, facing the door.
"So...who's the mystery man?"
"What?"
"You kept yelling bad words. Don't try to hide it, I heard it for myself."
"Huh?"
"So, you'd lie to me about it, huh? Cheating on me?"
"Cheating?" Akane yelled, her anger aroused, "I'm not even engaged to you, you
dope! How could I cheat on you?"
"Well, I don't think it's right that you go gallivanting around with all these
men!"
"Well, I," Akane replied forcefully, viciously freighting the 'I', "don't
think you should be getting into my business!"
"You're right! I was just surprised that a tomboy like you could actually get
any guys to--" Ranma started to say, but was cut off by a short flight into
a heavy wooden door.
Akane finished up by kicking Ranma bodily down the stairs.
"Now what was he talking about anyways?" she thought.
-
The rest of the day passed eventlessly, minus Ranma not talking to Akane
except when he absolutely had to.
"So, she's into that now, is she?" thought Ranma angrily in his room.
"Fuck me harder!" came Akane's voice through the door.
Ranma broke the door down, ran downstairs, and stopped.
"Great, I couldn't tell where--"
"--harder!"
Ranma ran towards the source of the sound. The dojo. Out of the house he
ran, crossing the small distance to the dojo. He stopped to grab a bucket and
fill it with cold water from the gutter outside the dojo.
Inside the dojo, the shouting was extremely loud.
"Oh, harder!"
Ranma threw the bucket at the corner of the room towards where the sounds were
emanating from. It landed behind the boxes placed there, and what followed
was a yelp and a loud whine.
"A whine? Why...that's that! Ryoga, you've gone far enough!" Ranma thought
to himself and he plunged fist-first to the area behind the boxes.
There was nothing there. The floor was wet. A door that led inside through
that corner was in the process of swinging shut. Ranma slammed it open and
blasted outside.
A few birds chirped.
"Damn," Ranma thought, "well, I'll get them in the act next time."
-
Ukyo sat, drenched, in the forest outside the house.
"Didn't expect him to get there that fast," she panted silently.
Her speakers were ruined. And the short but high-pitched sound that the water
had caused had left her ears ringing.
"Well, without these speakers, I'll have to think of something else," she
decided.
-
"You and Ryoga are a hot item, eh, Akane?"
"What?"
Ranma was hurt, and bad. He wanted to cry, to scream, to beat Ryoga over the
head with a sledgehammer.
"Well..."
"What?"
Ranma thought about things. "I...I can't...just fight this. Damn it!" he
whined silently, forlornly. His confidence was shattered. "She's going to
be with Ryoga."
"I...won't get in your way," he spat.
"What are you talking about?"
"Don't be so mean!" he yelled at her face, "you don't have to be like that
about it!"
Away he sped, out the door of the dining room and into the deep, dark night.
-
Ranma returned late at night. He trudged up to his room. His eyes were red-
rimmed.
"Why...how come I don't know what to do?"
"Fuck me harder!" he heard. He just ignored it and lay down on his futon
after stripping most of his clothes off.
"Well, have fun, Akane," he sighed and frowned, "she's gone so far. I'm not
even a consideration."
"Fuck me harder!" It seemed to be quieter.
"Try to hide it, will you? How could you string me along," weeped Ranma.
He sighed and turned over.
-
Ukyo opened the door to her restaurant and glanced at the clock. 11:00.
She snickered.
"This is going perfectly!"
-
The next day. Ranma was enjoying another day of tension between him and Akane.
"What is wrong with him?" Akane wondered at his change of attitude, then gaped
as he poured a glass of cold water in his hair, changing its color to red and
bestowing the rest of his body with female attributes.
Ranma left through the front door of the house.
Ukyo was just finishing serving the current batch of customers when Ranma
entered the restaurant. Some of the patrons started to edge away into their
booths.
"Ran-chan! Would you like some hot water?"
"No," Ranma replied. She looked sad.
"What, are you trying to fool Ryoga again?"
"No, I'm not sure I want to be a guy again."
"Wh-why not?" Ukyo asked, but she had an awful feeling she knew.
"Akane's cheating on me."
"Really? So why don't you just forget her?"
"I...can't."
"You love her, right?" Ukyo waited for the signal, which was Ranma denying it.
"Yes."
Ukyo's jaw dropped.
-
Ukyo hadn't said a word since Ranma had said that fateful "yes."
So Ranma just left the store, looking at the ground.
"Cheating on me, how could she? After all we've been through together?"
A tear dropped from her eye, in it could be seen scenes of Akane and Ranma
going through various experiences together.
== Authors note : don't say anything, Stodden. ^_^
She looked up and saw the Tendo house. As she opened the door and stepped in,
she seemed very fragile, as if on the verge of breaking.
"Ranma, what's wrong?" asked Kasumi and Akane simultaneously.
"Something must be really bad with Ranma," Akane wondered.
"Nothin'. Have fun with Ryoga." Ranma said as she walked slowly upstairs.
"Ranma, wait!" Akane cried, but as she followed Ranma into the guest room, it
slammed in her face and locked.
-
Nighttime. Ranma was sleeping in the guest room. Genma snored nearby.
It was dark, almost pitch black.
"Fuck me harder," remarked Akane's voice from somewhere nearby.
Tears welled up in Ranma's eyes. She sat up from her futon.
A loud crushing sound came from right outside the guest room door. Ranma
walked up to it and opened it, on the other side, Akane was sitting on top
of Ukyo's back. Ukyo was struggling to get away.
"Why are you fighting Ukyo, Akane? You have Ryoga, right?" Ranma remarked
nonchalantly.
Akane held up a small handheld recorder. "Well, now I know what you were
suspicious about."
"What?"
"She somehow got my voice saying those words..."
Ranma looked at Ukyo, not once questioning what Akane told her, partly because
it was exactly what she wanted to hear.
"This true?"
Ukyo looked up at Ranma's hard face, then burst into tears. "I'm sorry! I'm
so sorry! I was just trying to--"
"--how could you!" Ranma yelled at Ukyo.
"I...I..." Ukyo started to say, then scrambled out from under Akane and ran
away.
-
Akane and Ranma sat in Akane's room.
"So, you really thought I was that loose, huh, Ranma?"
Ranma, male again, looked at Akane and leaned backwards a bit.
"Well...yeah."
"Well, fine!" Akane drew her hand back to slap him.
"But...actually, I was _fearing_ that you were giving me up."
"R-Ranma..."
"Oh..." Akane looked at him, he seemed to be...handsome, matured.
Ranma in turned regarded Akane. She was smiling.
"God, she looks so cute...and she will be all mine..." he grinned foolishly.
Then he grabbed her by her shoulders, hauled her in to him, and kissed her
full on the lips. Her eyes opened wide, but she didn't smack him.
-
The next day. A nice, sunny day it was.
"Ucchan!" Ranma walked into Ucchan's alone.
Ukyo was brooding silently behind the cash register. "Ranma. Ranma! You've
forgiven me?" she said hopefully.
"Well, no, not quite...it hurt a lot..." he told her, she looked crestfallen,
but he continued, "but, you showed me that I can't just take Akane for
granted. The wedding will take place as soon as high school is over. Isn't
that great news!"
"Yeah...great."
"You've always been a true friend from the start, Ucchan! It wouldn't surprise
me if you planned these results," Ranma grinned.
He took leave of the store.
Ukyo stared after him.
"Damn."
Funny, she'd never been given to swearing before. But now, somehow, it seemed
appropriate.
-
The End
well? C&C if you feel like it. otherwise, just chalk it up to another so-so
fic from PhoneyNT.
f.m.h., by the way, if you haven't figured it out, means...waitaminute! if
you haven't figured it out yet, read the story! ^_^
drward@richmond.infi.net we436@freenet.victoria.bc.ca http://www.aodesign.com/
-----------------------------------------
| ******** END * TRANSMISSION ********* |
-----------------------------------------
drward@richmond.infi.net