Richard D. Lawson wrote:
 

This is my first-ever attempt at a fanfic.  It's a Ranma 1/2 story.  It's pretty serious for Ranma,
but it's a story that I've always wanted to tell.  Please let me know what you think; I'm very
interested in some Commentary and Criticism.

	An excellent piece! Very well done! The characterizations were 
excellent and it was a joy to see the girls younger and think, yeah, I 
could see it happening that way! And I loved you nudging Kuno and Nabiki 
together, I think we're in the minority of fen who think those two 
really belong together.

	I really enjoyed this piece. One place it was a wee bit rough was the 
transition from the 'now' to the 'then' when Akane was bandaging Ranma 
and Kasumi goes back to the bit about Akane's hair getting lopped off by 
Ryoga. Maybe just something along the lines of 'she thought back to..." 
or something like that to let the reader know that a memory is coming 
up? When I first read it I said, ooops, this needs to go back earlier in 
the story when Kasumi first refers to this incident. But reading it 
again, it does need to be here, maybe just with some warning. That is 
just MHO, though.

	Hope to see more in this arc, please say it's not a one shot! (pretty 
please?)


Thanks for sharing it!
(and give us more or...*looks around at the various critters running 
amuck on this list, grabs one at random and sighs *figures*...I'll sic 
this sex-crazed hentai space gopher on you!) ^_-

Little Windlily
(littlecritter@overyonder.com)