On Thu, 9 May 1996, Andrew Stodden wrote:
"Who's life is it, anyway?"
a
Beware of Falling Objects
production
in association with the creative genius who is
Andrew Stodden
I see I've met someone as humble as myself :)
Ranma-chan: Two of them grabbed my arms, another two my legs. I tried to
break their grip, but this body isn't as strong as my male one.
I have to disagree that Ranma wouldn't STILL be able to break their
grip. Given that we've seen him toss around several ton objects, hurt
people who can take boulders exploding in their own face and come back
for more, etc. A group of common thugs shouldn't 1. be able to grab
Ranma in the first place, 2. hold onto Ranma, even when he's
female...yeah his female form is weaker, but that's like saying a 20 inch
cannon does less damage than a 30 inch cannon...Ranma is still stronger
than any NORMAL human by far, even four of them combined.
Now, once you accept that these thugs SOMEHOW did this, the rest of the
scene follows very well, but I just can't accept that Ranma would ever
get taken down by a group of ordinary thugs unless he was extremely
tired, drunk, hallucinating, or otherwise hampered. Ranma is
superhuman...ordinary people don't have a chance in hell unless they have
a BIG edge.
But enough grousing about this.
[Akane walks smoothly over to the table, and gently deposits Ranma-chan,
laying her on her back. She turns and walks back over to the door, crouching
down when she gets there to take off her shoes. As she does so, we realize
that the discoloration on the back of one of the shoes is actually soaked
through blood. Akane realizes this too, and looks at her other shoe to find it
in similar condition, looking down at her feet, she sees both pairs of socks
sodden with blood at the heal, although it all seems to have dried. She puts
at the heel,
Dr. Tofu: She was lucky, there is some tearing, but no real damage. It didn't
help much that she was virginal, but I don't think that could have been
avoided, all things considered. Akane, I'm required to take a. sample.
a sample.
Akane: I. understand.
I understand.
Akane: Is.is that all?
Is...is that all?
or
Is that all?
(I'm not sure which you meant.)
Akane: Thank you, Doctor. I think I will be headed home then.
I think I'll go home, then.
(I don't think Akane would be quite so round-about, YMMV, of course.)
Dr. Tofu: Oh... um, Would you like a lift home then?
I don't think Tofu has a car, but then no one in Ranma 1/2 seems to have
a car :)
[She proceeds down the hall to Akane's room, and gently opens the door.
Her eyes widen at the sight of both Akane and Ranma-chan in bed, together,
under the same covers. Visions of just what she can do with all the money
she will make dance through her head.]
Nabiki: <wow>
<Wow>
^_^
towards surprise to, but there is more than a little wonder there as well, she
surprise too,
[As Akane hands the camera back, we see that it looks like plasticine
squeezed in someone's hand, until in oozed out everywhere. It looks, in fact,
exactly like an artistic paperweight. Nabiki looks down at the ex-camera in
her hands and oddly, the lens, unbroken, picks this moment to fall. Both
girls watch it begin it's decent, and the camera zooms in for a close up of the
its
lens, which seems to slow it's spinning fall. Flickering in the light, images
its
Akane: Ah! I needed this!
[After a few moments, she suddenly notices a swirl in the air of the room.
Anger flaring, she stands, whipping around to face... Ranma-chan? Shock
quickly vies with anger for dominant emotion, as she sees that Ranma-chan
is removing the robe she was wearing. Having finished with the article of
clothing, Ranma-chan looks up, and sees Akane watching her. Raising a
hand to wave uncertainly, she speaks, still in that little eight year old girl
voice.]
Ranma: Hi...
[Ranma-chan turns away, looking for a place to put her robe. Akane fumes.]
Akane: <That stupid pervert, following me in here! He isn't even looking!
Talk about...>
Nice touch.
Akane: I guess it is to much for you to face so soon.
too much
Akane: You did.... Um, Kasumi? Could you come in here few a few
seconds?
for a few seconds?
Akane: Kasumi, I don't know how I am going to explain this to Father or
Mr. Saotome, because Ranma is in no shape to do it.
[Akane is relieved to see she guessed right, Kasumi's face relaxes,
something she can accomplish is all she needed. Kasumi nods in response.]
you might want to replace these commas with semi-colons or seperate these
clauses into seperate sentences.
Kasumi: Nothing, Father, I just grabbed the kettle when it was still to hot.
too hot.
Nabiki: And one of my bra's is missing! The only person who is close
enough in size to wear it is Ranma-chan and he probably wouldn't wear it
even if it could cure him!
True enough :)
Kasumi: Hello Dr. Tofu, it is good to see you.
Hello, Dr. Tofu,
Dr. Tofu. And to see you, Kasumi.
Some note on him not falling apart for once might be appropriate...
Kasumi: You know you are welcome anytime Dr. Tofu.
anytime, Dr. Tofu.
Kasumi: I don't think we should chat much longer, we have much to do.
longer. We have much to do.
or
longer; we have much to do.
or
longer, since we have much to do.
Dr. Tofu: Mr. Saotome, I am afraid this is more than just a social visit, I
must bring up recent events and there connection with your son.
their connection
Dr. Tofu: It is nothing that he has done, it is more something that has been
done to him
done; it is
Genma: NOOO!!!!! I REFUSE the believe THAT!!!!!
to believe
Nabiki: There is still the matter of who's going to pay for my bra, I certainly
don't want it back now.
bra; I certainly
or
bra. I certainly
Nabiki: You've changed Akane, or maybe you've been changed.
changed, Akane,
Akane: .sorry. We heard Mr. Saotome's yell upstairs. Kasumi, do you
think he will be okay?
Sorry.
Kasumi: I think he will, he will not stay away long in any case, to much is
holding him here.
I think he will. He will not stay away long in any case; too much is
holding him here.
[Kasumi stands, and walks over to Ranma-chan, who has been standing
patiently beside Akane. Talking her shoulders, Kasumi looks into her face.]
Kasumi: Mr. Saotome!...... Genma!.....Father!
Why does Kasumi think to do this?
Akane: I'm serious, you know. If you tell anyone what I said, I will put you
on the moon
moon.
Nabiki: I think you'd better feed her soon, you remember the appetite she
had before, don't you?
soon. You remember
Akane: I'll take care of Ryouga, you feed Ranma. Deal?
Ryouga; you feed
Nabiki: Sometimes, maybe. But he has also brought some things on himself.
So true.
Akane: I'm all set, are you ready to begin?
set. Are you
Akane: <I wonder why his isn't using his full skill, he knows we aren't
going to hurt each other.>
why he isn't
Ryouga: <She is good, no wonder Ranma keeps getting beaten by her.>
[Still fighting, Akane notices that Ryouga is beginning to sweat, and it is
trickling out from under his bandanna.]
Akane: <His bandanna? I never noticed that before.>
What? I find it implausible she never noticed his bandana before...
[The two exchange a few more blows, blocking and shifting for position.]
Akane: <I know! It looks exactly like the bandanna worn by P-CHAN!>
I also find it implausible she hasn't noticed this before...Keep in mind
she has seen Ryouga get wet without turning into P-chan...
Akane: <Weird, I punch him through the wall, and don't even break a sweat
doing it! I need to think about this...>
Now why exactly did she get mad? I get the impression she didn't quite
make the breakthrough of Ryouga=P-chan...so did she just have a
subconscious realization she's hidden from her consciousness or just a
burst of spontaneous anger or what?
[Shampoo sees Ranma-chan, and immediately lets her bike fall to one side,
and flings one arm wide, her other hand occupied by a Nekohantan delivery
box. Nabiki gets up, shaking her head as she leaves, obviously not wanting
to get involved.]
I don't blame her :)
[Shampoo aims a blow at Akane, trying to get her to let go. This is less
successful than Shampoo had hoped, as Akane's other hand comes up, and
with fleshy thwack, catches Shampoo's fist, closing around it. Shampoo
struggles, trying alternately to tug her right, then her left, arm free. But
besides being unable to free either item, she also completely unable to even
move them. Akane tries reasoning with her.]
Akane: Now that you have stopped attacking people, Shampoo, maybe you
will listen to what I have to say. It won't take long, and I'm sure you will
find it absolutely fascinating.
I can see Nabiki saying that, but I don't think Akane would say, "I'm
sure you will find it absolutely fascinating."
Too round about...Akane tends to get to the point.
Also keep in mind Shampoo is substantially stronger than Akane...
Cologne: If my suspicions are correct, I think she is quite capable of doing
just that, great-granddaughter. Just agree to listen to her. I too, am interested
in hearing what she has to say.
Then again, maybe Cologne knows better than me :)
Cologne: -who appears not to act like Ranma at all. Except that their aura's
are almost exactly the same, I would have said they are two different people.
The only difference being that something seems to have been torn away or
suppressed, leaving a. hole, if you will.
a hole, if you will.
Akane: I. think it would be better if we moved somewhere private, Ranma
seems upset whenever I mention the subject in her presence.
private. Ranma seems
[The scene fades out to black. It fades back in to a shot of the Tendo garden,
we here voices, mostly one talking with what sound like questions being
hear voices
[Cologne brings the staff down, in an attempt to rap Akane on the head with
it, but Akane's hand reflexively flashes up and catches the staff with an
audible thwump, and the staff vibrates from the impact. Cologne
immediately grabs her end with both hands, and braces herself, trying to pry
the staff from Akane's hand, but the staff only bends, and Akane's hand
doesn't move. After a couple of seconds, Akane begins to smile. Seeing this,
Cologne reaches one hand up and taps her staff. There is spark from the
staff near Akane's hand, and with a slight jump, Akane lets go.]
Cologne: Don't get overconfident girl!
Heh.
Cologne: I will tell you what I know, you deserve that I think, for your own
benefit. The scroll I had treated the technique as a rumor, recording it
what I know. You deserve
Akane: I said it would be fun, I didn't say we could do it!
Heh.
Ranma-chan: Won't she mind?
Heh.
Ranma-chan: Why don't you want to tell me? Nabiki said something about
me being cured.. Am I dying Akane?
dying, Akane?
Ranma-chan: You are angry! I'm sorry I made you do that, I didn't know
you'd. please don't be angry with me.
you'd...please don't
[Akane shakes her head, giving up. Ranma-chan smiles, wrapping her towel
around her waist and walking towards the door. She stops at the sound of
Akane clearing her throat.]
Akane Aren't you forgetting something.
Akane: Aren't you forgetting something?
Akane: Latent voyeuristic tendencies. Nabiki's bra must have warped your
mind.
while I might say the first sentence here, I don't think Akane would
speak like that.
The second sentence, on the other hand, yes :)
Ranma-chan: Fine by me, it's to hot to bother with it anyway.
me. It's too hot
[Both Nabiki and Akane facefault, Kasumi blinks again.]
Akane: Well, Great-grandmother showed up as well, and that put a crimp in
Shampoo's plan. I talked to both of them, the end result being I'm now a
student of Great-grandmother's
Great-Grandmother's.
Akane: I would like you to keep an eye on Ranma while I go down to
Ukyou's and then by the Nekohantan. I shouldn't be gone long.
Nekohanten
Akane: <I also want to drop by Dr. Tofu's and see if something's wrong
with me. It is a hot day today, and I can barely even feel it, even Kasumi
looks uncomfortable in the heat.>
Has she been studying with the Aes Sedai? :)
Dr. Tofu: Why are you going to Ukyou's? I thought you two women were in
disagreement over a few. things.
few things.
Akane: <It is a nice day. I think I'll walk to Ukyou's, it isn't that far.>
Ukyou's. It isn't
Ukyou: I let you in when you're with Ranchan, but I don't have to when
your alone.
you're alone.
[Ukyou gives the door a furious pull, and we here an ominous creaking
hear
[Akane can't make herself move, and just stares at the still retreating
Ukyou.]
Akane: <Is that all she sees in him? Someone who can't be beaten? Some
superhuman man who is her friend, that she should worship him in return?>
It's called denial...:)
Cologne: You fainted, girl. There is no denying that, but as to why? Well, I
thought you would loose most of your anger in the blow, but I didn't realize
lose most
Cologne: Lie down on you back.
your
Cologne: Nonsense girl, when you do a real workout, then you can feel like
your dead. A light warm-up like this shouldn't tire you out.
you're
Akane: Just ramen
ramen.
Ranma-chan: Oh! The nice old woman, I wouldn't mind seeing her again.
woman. I wouldn't mind
Akane: Well, it's set then, I said I would be at the Nekohantan at ten
tomorrow, and you'll be coming with me.
Nekohanten
Akane: Don't worry, knowing this family, I'm sure it will all get eaten
eaten.
[The scene cuts as Akane and Ranma-chan disappear from the kitchen.
scene: STILL: The front hall, where Ukyou is taking off her shoes while
Kasumi waits. Ukyou is dressed in a pair of slacks and a blue shirt, her hair
Dressed to look male or female?
Akane: Ranma, this is Kuonji Ukyou, she was an. old friend of yours.
an old friend
or
an...old friend
[Ukyou is visibly nervous, but replies as best she can manage.]
Ukyou: Hello, Ran-c.ma
Hello, Ran-c...ma
Akane: I'm glad you came, Ukyou.
Ukyou: I. had too.
I had to.
or
I...had to.
Akane: Ranma, you knew Ukyou when you were young, she is one of your
oldest friends. I was hoping you would remember her as well, but. I also
think she can help
but...I also think she can help.
[Ukyou smiles tentatively at Ranma-chan, who smiles back. Kasumi walks
in with a tray, and places it on the table. As Kasumi leaves, Akane picks up
the teapot, and serves. They sip their tea in silence, until Akane speaks
again.]
Akane: I promised I would demonstrate some kempo for Ranma, do you
mind if we do that after tea?
Ranma. Do you
[scene: It is the Tendo dojo again, but the hole in the wall has been repaired.
Akane enters on one side of Ranma-chan, Ukyou on the other.]
Akane: . and while Ukyou's style of fighting isn't as well known as mine,
it does have an advantage in that it uses both hand held and throwing
weapons, which adds to her range and power.
Akane: ...and while
[Akane does a simple snap punch with her right hand, Ranma-chan imitates
her, and then falls unconsciously back into a more natural L stance. Akane
notices, but doesn't comment.]
Akane: Want to try a kick?
Ranma-chan: .Sure.
Sure
Ukyou: As easy as standing up. I knew you would be able to do it, Ranma.
I knew you'd be able
(You seem to not use contractions a lot...of course Japanese doesn't have
contractions, but in colloquial English, contractions are common in
spoken speech unless the user is trying to sound formal.)
Ukyou: I'm glad you enjoyed it, we'll have to do this again some time.
it. We'll have
Ukyou: Anyway, I should get back home, I've got to open early tomorrow.
home. I've got
Akane: She runs a restaurant nearby, she's. not close to her parents.
nearby. She's not
Ukyou: Take me to where it. it happened, Akane. please?
it...it happened, Akane. Please?
Akane: I. I don't.
I...I don't know.
Akane: <Tofu said he knew I walked there. was it just coincidence. or
did he. find me.>
there. Was it just coincidence, or did he find me?
Ukyou: Show me. please..?
Show me...please?
Akane: Ukyou, I.
Ukyou, I...
Ukyou: Yes?
Akane: Could. could I have another cup please? I seem to have.
spoiled. this one.
have...spoiled...this one.
Ukyou: You're. not. sure.. Well, that helps a lot.
You're...not...sure?
or
You're not sure.
or
You're not sure.
Akane: Friends.?
Friends?
I assume there's more or this is unfinished :)
Closing comments:
You see to have had some trouble with . appearing at odd times and some
cases where commas exist that should be periods...Probably a text
corruption problem I'd guess...
Your cinemtographic skills are very impressive. Best use of Script
format I've seen.
I rather disagree with the basic premise of this story (I still don't
think they should have succeeded in raping Ranma...not joe ordinary
thugs), but given that premise, the rest of the story flows very well.
I'm not sure how well the Akane gets ki powers/Recovery of Ranma story
lines work together either...
But despite that, this is a very powerful story on a very difficult
topic.
I hope you finish it :)
John Walter Biles : MA-History, Ph.D Wannabe at U.
Kansas
ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu http://falcon.cc.ukans.edu/~ranma/falcon.html
http://www.dhp.com/~wraven/john/index.html
"All dressed up and no place to go...but Oblivion!", "That's so
sweet...I'm getting cavities!", "Welcome to hell, Sailor Moon!"--Queen Beryl