Okay. I know I'm unforgivably late in returning opinion on this, but
things have been hectic. Besides, I wanted to make sure which parts of the
review I agreed with.
   So here it is, the author's feeble responce. :)

Windir: I'm afraid the description of Akane's ambulatory meal is a bit...
drab. After the delightful kitchen scenes from Part One, I would have
expected something a bit more eldrich.

Yah want eldrich? I'll give yah Eldrich! (rewrite in progress, after the
Blood sacrifice to Yog-Sogtoth of the Multitenticled Ichor Pits is
finished.)

Windir: This scene in the Kuno mansion comes across as rather stilted,
especially Kodachi.

Frito: Yeah, but whatta ya bet that really happens at their house?

Windir: Perhaps, but I was not commenting on the likelihood of the events
-- merely on the way they are conveyed, particularly the dialogue.

The dialogue in that part was made purposely stiff. I figured when you
have the Kuno's normal formal prose, added to the awkwardness they
probably feel when talking to each other, added to the fact that custom
demands you be polite at the dinner table...well, maybe I overdid it a
bit.

Windir: This might indeed reflect the attitudes of the average Japanese
towards Americans, but complaining about it doesn't seem to be in
character for either of them.

   Complaining about ANYTHING is, I feel, perfectly suited to Gemna (and
Soun, to a lesser extent). The two also have a habit of focusing on
something relatively minor, completely ignoring the big, horrible,
important thing happening in the background.

very ill for the next few days.

Windir: ...which doesn't quite reconcile with him being up and around the
next day. True, Ranma does have dramatic powers of recuperation, but this
is stretching things a bit far.

Good point. I'm changing it to, "next few hours." in the final.

Windir: As there has indeed been a plethora of comments on the dream, we
shall refrain from adding our admittedly confused interpretations to the
mix. For the most part...

Apparently "plethora" = 2. :)

Nabiki: Buy Viz Video, by the way. I hear it has some new show,
Raisin 1/2 or something, that might be a hit.

Frito: I gotta say it, dis joke is even too much for me!

Yeah, it was pretty lame. I had struck it even before I got the review. :P

(Ukyo's eyes light up with interest.)

Windir: And mine as well. Though I'm not exactly sure where the author
made that connection before... it seems just a little too convenient,
though I suppose it can be excused for the sake of the plot.

   The author had been getting threatening letters from the Kuonji Jihad
hinting that I might want to write her in if I valued my large intestine.
I'll make the resemblane clearer earlier on, so that it can go from "cheap
ploy" to "plot hook".

Giles: Oi thought you wuz going to moike it "eldrich?"

So I'll make it eldrich Okonomiyaki.

Shampoo: So did you....Kodachi.

Windir: This does indeed make the running joke sound deliberate, since
Shampoo gets her real name right and says it in a deliberate fashion.

*sigh* This particular running joke is being revised, cut down to size,
and reevaluated. It'll still be in the final, just not as often.

Frito: Ah, HAH! *DAT'S* why da author put dis in! Viva da Institut Rats!

I was wondering if anyone would spot the cameo appearance. The harbor
stays, by the by. :)

Sasuke: Aye-aye, Captain. Firing both tubes.

Windir: This bit of slapstick leaves me with mixed feelings. It's funny,
and reasonably well done, but it *has* been done. Time and again.

   As the esteemable reviewers have pointed out, this is primarily a
cornball piece. Besides, it was the only way I could think of to get them
to shoot. :)

Frito: So... what'cha think?

Windir: I'm enjoying this story quite a bit. It lost direction on the
docks, but it's made a reasonable recovery -- probably because it reduced
the number of bad sea jokes, and focused on the characters instead.

Frito: And da bad cat jokes?

Windir: <Looking embarrassed> Well... cats are like that.

Frito: Two thumbs up?

Windir: Yes. And FINISH THE NEXT PART!

   Thanks. :) Nameless 7 is almost done, and will probably be posted
tomorrow. I had decided to take a break from it to do a piece in a more
serious vein (Smoke and Mirrors), and it took me a bit to get back itno
Nameless's cornball mood.
   The fact that I've been hanging out on the FFMLmud in the evenings
hasn't speeded things up either. :)
   In closing, I obviously didn't agree with everything in the review.
This made it VERY useful in the revision, and you'll see quite a bit of
Mr. Butler's hand in that version.

- Mike of No Particular Title or Handle
===/\=====+==================================================================
  /  \    l   Mike Loader - Lincolnite, Amberite, Illuminatus, Discordian,
 / () \   l      Journalist, Author, Traveler, Historian, Java Fiend.
/      \  l        Trier - LA - LV - Kiev - Reno - Hong Kong. Fnord.
--------  l                    mloader@scs.unr.edu
==========+==================================================================