johnbil@wam.umd.edu (John Walter Biles)
*Warning--This fanfic may be difficult to understand if you have not read
the fanfic to which it is a sequel--Ranma: Putting Your Heart in the
Right Place...Available at the ftp.std.com ftp site or you can e-mail me
at johnbil@wam.umd.edu
(Start Episode 2)
(We see Ryouga running merrily through a field of flowers with
Nabiki. She is dressed in a jogging suit with little yen-signs on
it. They laugh happily under the bright blue sky. )
Nabiki: This place is so beautiful. Where are we?
Ryouga: (looks around) Um, Idaho maybe? I'm not sure, but it looks
familiar.
Nabiki: Who cares! I could wander the world with you forever.
Ryouga: (blushes) Oh Nabiki, you're so...
Nabiki: (head moving in on Ryouga for a kiss.) Ryouga, I love you.
Ryouga: (closes eyes, head moves in) And I love you, Nabiki.
(Screen goes black for a moment--They both have their eyes closed.)
Ranma: So what about when the love potion wears off?
(Ryouga snaps his eyes open. Ranma has appeared from somewhere and
stuck his head in-between Nabiki and Ryouga. Nabiki looks angry.
Ryouga looks stunned, then angry.)
Ryouga: What are you doing?
(Ranma keeps moving in on Ryouga who backs up, angry but confused by
what Ranma is doing.)
Ranma: This can't go on forever. Sooner or later, the potion will
wear off, and she'll own you again. You'll be her slave.
(Nabiki races around and puts an arm on Ryouga's shoulder.)
Nabiki: Never! I'll never stop loving Ryouga!
Ryouga: And my love for Nabiki will never fade, magic or no!
Ranma: Just like your love for Akane?
(Ryouga winces and shuts his eyes for a second.)
Ryouga: That...That's over! I've given up on her!
Ranma: That's the magic speaking, not you.
Nabiki: Liar!
Ranma: You're both living a lie.
Ryouga: We are not!
Ranma: Living in a dream world that can't possibly endure.
Ryouga: Shut up.
Ranma: Once the spell breaks, you're doomed, Ryouga. I've got Akane,
and you'll have a slave master. You'll never have Akane's love, and
you'll never be able to keep Nabiki's.
Ryouga: SHUT UP!
(Akane walks up from off-screen and leans up against Ranma, who puts
an arm around her waist.)
Akane: He's right, Ryouga. You've got days at best before that love
potion wears off. And then your life will be a living hell, watching
us together and doing Nabiki's bidding.
Ryouga: (Starting to glow red. His face is suffused with rage. He
is twitching with the effort of controlling himself.) BE QUIET OR
I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!!!!
Akane: It's obvious. Look.
(She gestures to the red string that runs from her left hand to
Ranma's left hand. Then she points to the red string running from
Ryouga's left hand to Nabiki's left hand. It is slowly becoming
translucent and fading away. There is another red string running
from Nabiki's right hand to her wallet, which is sticking out of her
pants pocket. And there is a blue string between Akane and Ryouga,
but the blue paint is slowly fading away, revealing the red
underneath. Ryouga stares at this and becomes even more angry.)
Ryouga: YOU'RE TRYING TO TRICK ME RANMA! THIS IS JUST ANOTHER ONE
OF YOUR SCHEMES TO MAKE ME MISERABLE! EVERYTHING I DO FAILS BECAUSE
OF YOU! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! ALL OF IT!!!!! I WON'T LET YOU DO IT
AGAIN THIS TIME!
Ranma: When have you ever been able to stop me from doing whatever I
want, Ryouga? If I wanted Nabiki, I could take her from you even
under the love potion. Maybe I will just to watch you squirm.
Ryouga: BASTARD!!!!!!!!!! YOU'VE MADE MY LIFE A LIVING
HELL!!!!!!!! (He gathers his energies and shouts to the heavens.)
ROARING LION BULLET!!!!!
(He fires a massive blast of energy at Ranma. Light flares
everywhere. When it clears, there is nothing left where Ranma and
Akane were standing, except for an little bit of ash. Ryouga
suddenly freezes in place. )
Ryouga: A...akane? (He looks around.) Oh my god, I've killed
Akane. (He falls on his knees. Nabiki shakes, stares at him and
screams in rage.)
Nabiki: You bastard! You killed my sister, fighting with Ranma like
a little brat! I always knew you'd do something like this! I hate
you!
Ryouga: Nabiki...no...I didn't mean to...
Nabiki: You're going to rot! First in jail, then in Hell!
Ryouga: No, no, no. It was...I didn't mean to...
(He is kneeling in front of Nabiki, crying as she yells at him and
pounds on his head.)
Nabiki: I'll kill you myself for doing that!!!!
(Nabiki runs away crying. Suddenly we hear a falling sound and two
sets of feet land on Ryouga's head as Akane and Ranma drop out of the
sky and stomp Ryouga into the ground in unison.)
Ryouga: I...but you...the ash...
Ranma: Heh. You didn't think that pathetic move could possibly stop
me, did you? We just jumped out of the way. You couldn't even hit
Akane with your blast, and you know how clumsy she is.
(Akane mallets Ranma into the ground.)
Ranma: See, I can't avoid her, but I can avoid you. You stink.
Nabiki: I hate you Ryouga! You're going to pay. Hey, Akane, want
to hear a secret?
Akane : See, Ranma was right. Now you are alone. Sure Nabiki,
what?
Ryouga: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! (He gathers his energy again. More and more
and more. He is glowing very brightly.)
Nabiki: Hey, Ranma, get me a bucket of water. I have to show Akane
something.
Ranma: Sure thing, sister-in-law. (He pulls a bucket of water off a
nearby branch and hands it to Nabiki.)
Nabiki: Now watch this Akane. You've been wondering where P-chan
is, right?
Akane: Yes. I haven't been able to find him.
Nabiki: (evil grin) Watch carefully. Nothing up my sleeve. (She
throws the bucket of water at Ryouga . The water vaporizes to steam
on his aura.)
Ryouga: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! ROARING LION BULLET EXPLOSION!
(Energy explodes in all directions. We see Akane, Nabiki and Ranma
blasted to ash this time as the energy turns the flowery field into a
barren waste. Ryouga is left crying in the center of a wasteland.)
********************************
(The scene cuts to the roof of the Tendo Dojo. We see Ryouga's tent
pitched on the roof. It is a quiet night with a crescent moon. The
silence is broken by a scream from the tent.)
Ryouga: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! ROARING LION BULLET EXPLOSION!
(Energy explodes from the tent, vaporizing it to dust, blowing bats
out of the sky, and charring or damaging all the adjacent buildings'
roofs. Lights flick on all over the neighborhood a few seconds
later.)
Voices: What the hell is going on out there?...Something
exploded...A fire?...Call the police!...The Fire department!....the
AMP!...The Orkin Army!...What's going on?...I wish they would close
that stupid dojo down so we could get some peace and quiet.
(Within moments, we see Ranma, Akane, Nabiki, Genma, and Soun at
various windows of the Tendo house trying to figure out what is going
on.)
Soun: My house isn't on fire again, is it?
Ranma: That sounded like Ryouga, but I've never seen him make an
explosion that big. (He is looking at the damaged neighbor's
houses.)
Akane: Is he fighting someone up there?
Nabiki: Ryouga? Are you okay?
(The neighbors are starting to pour out of their houses in their
pajamas, milling about angrily.)
Soun: I'd better wake Saotome-kun. I think we may be about to have
problems.
(Brief cut to Genma's room. He is throwing clothing and items into a
large bag.)
Nodoka: What are you doing, husband?
Genma: In my long travels, I learned when to fight, and when to run
away. This is definitely one of those times.
Nodoka: Why do you want to run away, anyway? We cannot abandon
Tendo-san in this time of need.
(Sweat drop on Genma's forehead)
Genma: I was afraid you would say that.
(Back outside, we see Nabiki leaning out the window trying to see up
to the roof. All is silent there as far as she can tell. Ranma
leaps over to the window, grabs her, and springs up to the roof with
her.)
Nabiki: Thank you, Ranma.
(Ranma suddenly realizes Nabiki is dressed only in her undergarments,
and blushes. He puts her down fast as Akane springs up to the roof.)
Ranma: Uh...you're welcome.
(They all turn around and can see Ryouga lying amidst a pile of
ashes. Only his backpack, his clothing, and his umbrella are left
untouched. The roof is burnt black and badly damaged. There are
several dead bats in the area. Ryouga is twitching and crying and
moaning at the same time with his eyes shut. Nabiki runs over to him
and shakes him.)
Nabiki: Ryouga, Ryouga...what's wrong?
Ryouga: (eyes still shut) I killed them...no. I've got to undo it
somehow. I didn't mean to....
(Nabiki holds him and keeps shaking him.)
Akane: Maybe if we threw some water on him, he'd wake up.
Nabiki, Ranma: (in unison) NO!
(They look at each other and blink.)
Akane: You didn't have to yell at me!
(She looks a little angry.)
Ryouga: Akane? But I...
(Nabiki pries an eye open.)
Nabiki: Hello, lover boy. You alive in there?
(Ryouga's other eye snaps open. He stares at Nabiki like a drowning
man deprived of water.)
Ryouga: You...you're alive?
Nabiki: Of course I am, darling. I'm right here holding you.
Ryouga: I'm so glad you're alive! Alive! I love you! I'll never
forget that!
(Nabiki stares at him in confusion)
Nabiki: I love you too, Ryouga darling.
Ranma: Hate to break up this tender moment, but I think we've got
trouble coming.
(He points into the neighborhood. We can see the pajama-clad
neighbors have gathered with pitchforks and torches and are charging
towards the dojo.)
Horde: Revenge!!!!!!!!
*************************
Furinkan Summer
A Fanfic series based on Ranma 1/2 by Rumiko Takahashi
Sequel to Ranma--Putting Your Heart in the Right Place
By John Biles
Episode 2:
Ryouga's big Teacher Meeting day!
"Summer Fields" (by John Biles)
Anger hides a loving heart;
Anger drives us far apart.
Only love can heal the pain,
For your smile brings the rain
That helps love's fields to grow.
Walk with me through summer fields
So we can help our hearts to heal.
Stride through grass and smell the air
Under the sun without a care.
I want to spend my time with you.
We hid our love behind our pride,
Never letting anyone inside.
To end those lies must be our task;
Tear down the walls; Throw out the masks
We used to hide from love.
Walk with me through summer fields
So we can help our hearts to heal.
Stride through grass and smell the air
Under the sun without a care.
I want to spend my time with you.
Love does not end with "I Love You",
Not if what we said is true.
We have to strive to make it grow.
We have to let our feelings show
Else love will fade like dew.
*************************
(The horde is still gathered in the yard of the Tendo house. They
are busy trying to get all their torches lit as Soun looks down at
them.)
Soun: Please don't burn my house!
Horde: We've had enough of you weirdos! We should have done this a
long time ago!
Soun: But where will we go? This is my ancestral home!
Horde: You should have thought about that before blowing our roofs
off!
Soun: But, but...
Nabiki: Burn down my house and I'll sue!
Random Guy: I'm not scared of you!
(She waves some pictures.)
Nabiki: What about these? You wouldn't want your wife to see these,
would you?
Random Guy: You..you wouldn't!
Nabiki: Of course I would! Without hesitation or guilt!
Random Guy's wife: And what might these photos be, dear? (She drags
him off whining and pleading for mercy.)
Ranma: What were those photos?
(He looks and sees photos of Ranma-chan that Nabiki is probably
planning on selling to Kunou. )
Ranma: You lied to him.
Nabiki: If he wasn't guilty, he wouldn't have reacted like that, now
would he?
Ryouga: She's right, Ranma. (turns to Nabiki) How did you know he
had a guilty secret?
Nabiki: Everyone has guilty secrets. You just have to know how to
push the right buttons to get at them.
(Ryouga glances over at Akane, who is looking down at the horde, and
he gulps.)
Ryouga: I suppose you're right.
(The horde is ready to charge the house, but then Kasumi walks out
of the house in a nightgown with a bathrobe over it.)
Kasumi: Are we having a block meeting?
Horde: We're here to burn down your house! Please stand aside so
we don't accidentally trample you.
Kasumi: Wouldn't you rather just have some tea and go to bed? It's
really cold out tonight.
Random woman: It is rather cold.
Random man: Some tea would be nice.
Kasumi: When I heard all the commotion, I prepared some nice herbal
tea. Won't everyone come inside and have some? But you'd better not
bring the torches or you'll set off the smoke alarms.
(They all put out their torches and go inside with her, except for
one lone guy.)
Guy: Hey! What are you doing?
Random Woman 2: Getting some tea.
Guy: Every time we decide to burn down this place, you end up going
inside for tea instead! When are we going to finally have a proper
riot around here?
Random Woman 2: (shrugs) I like tea. You can try to burn the place
down yourself if you like.
(She heads inside. He stands defiantly in the yard.)
Guy: I think I will. Burn, evil place, burn!
(He rushes towards the Tendo house, then stops about five feet away
from it. He is running in place, but not moving. He looks back.
Ranma, Akane, and Ryouga are all holding onto his shirt.)
Guy: Uh, hi.
Akane: Put out the torch. Now!
Guy: But...I don't know how.
Ryouga: Right.
(Ryouga hefts the guy and throws him in the pool.)
Ryouga: Water works pretty well for putting out fires.
Guy: I hate living in this neighborhood.
***************************************
(The next morning, the house is a mess. There are sleeping neighbors
everywhere with half-consumed glasses of tea and plates of snacks.
Kasumi and the others pick their way around the mob as they sleepily
gather for breakfast. Ranma and Genma heft one particularly huge
neighbor off the table, which he was using for a bed.)
Nodoka: Does this happen often?
Kasumi: These midnight tea parties are such a mess to clean up
afterward.
Soun: They usually aren't quite that angry.
Genma: (snagging food off snack plates as he makes his way to his
place at the table) Looks like Kasumi has her work cut out for her.
Nodoka: Yes, we'll all be busy cleaning up while the children are at
school.
Genma: All? I think I have to go visit someone. Yes, I distinctly
remember Tendo-san and I had to go visit an old friend today.
Soun: What?
Genma: You forgot? How could you ever forget such a dear friend of
ours?
Soun: (looks confused) I have no idea what you're talking about.
Genma: He's so worried about our old friend, he's developed amnesia,
dear wife. I must take him at once before he forgets anything else.
Soun: I don't have amnesia!
(Genma drags Soun towards the door.)
Genma: We must go at once!
Soun: My breakfast......
(They vanish out the door.)
Kasumi: How sweet of them rushing off before breakfast to visit an
old friend.
(Nodoka smiles a little.)
Nodoka: (loudly) I suppose we'll have to give Genma's breakfast to
everyone else then. What part of it do you want, my son?
Ranma: Pop's not going to like that. You know how much he likes his
breakfast.
(Nodoka smiles sweetly at Ranma.)
Nodoka: (loudly) What? I really don't know if I can let you have
his honeyed rice cakes. They're his favorite after all. He might
want them when he comes back.
(Pause. Everyone looks confused, except Nabiki who is beginning to
grin.)
Ryouga: (whispered to Nabiki) Ranma didn't ask for anything. I'm
really surprised too. He eats like a...uh, he eats a lot.
Nabiki: (whispered back) Watch and learn, dear. Watch and learn.
Nodoka: (Loudly) Well, you are my only son. How can I deny you
your father's rice cakes? What point is there in saving any of his
breakfast, when he is already well on his way to visit an old friend,
who is no doubt dying of some horrid disease?
(For a moment, we hear something rattle out on the porch. Kasumi
stares at Nodoka, then her eyes open wide for a moment. Akane still
looks confused. Ranma blinks, then gets an evil smile.)
Ranma: Heh. (loudly) Thanks, mom! (He makes loud chomping noises)
Hmm. These rice cakes are good! I'm glad pop ran off and left them
for me! Hey, Akane, you want the rest of pop's breakfast?
(Akane blinks, then clues in as the rattling gets a bit louder. The
doors to the porch crack open just a bit. )
Akane: (loudly) Why thank you Ranma! This food is really nice.
(loud chomping noises. Ryouga rubs his head) Why, we'll eat up all
of your father's breakfast in just a moment.
Kasumi: Hmm. I think I'm going to need to go shopping for more
food. This breakfast took up almost everything I had left that isn't
canned. If they come back any time soon, there may not be anything
for them to eat.
(Stomping and rustling noises from the porch. Nodoka looks over and
grins.)
Nodoka: (loudly) Kasumi, can you open the door to the porch? I
think we need a little fresh air.
(Kasumi gets up and heads for the door. She throws it open. Genma
is standing there twitching and looking desperate, while Soun just
looks confused. Genma sees his food hasn't been eaten yet and runs
over and starts wolfing it down. He cries tears of relief.)
Genma: My breakfast. All mine. Mine!
(He finishes gobbling it all down, then turns a little green and
falls over.)
Ranma: Uh oh. (looks at Kasumi) Did you fix all of this yourself?
Akane: Are you insinuating something, Ranma? (looks a little
irritated) I didn't fix it if that's what you're about to ask!
Kasumi: I think he ate too quickly.
Genma: I feel too ill to move.
Nodoka: I guess your friend will have to wait. You should be
feeling better by the time we're ready to get started cleaning house.
Genma: Great...
Nodoka: And you forgot that we're going to see your old friend
tomorrow.
Genma: We are?
Nodoka: Don't you remember?
Genma: Remember...oh yes.
Ranma: Who are you going to go visit, pop?
Nodoka: Yotsuya Ito called us yesterday and said he would be in town
for the next couple of days. We're going over tomorrow afternoon.
We probably won't be back until late that night.
Genma: I haven't seen him in at least six years. I wonder if he
knows Happousai got out of the cave?
Ranma: I wonder where the old pervert is now?
Genma: Who knows?
Nabiki: Who cares?
**********************
(We cut briefly to a scene of Happousai leading the magically
youthened and besmitten Cologne through a misty mountain pass. The
mist clears, and they look down on the valley of Jyusenkyo.)
Happousai: (thought) [I can't believe I've managed to keep her away
from hot water all this time! This is ecstasy! Now I've just got to
find the pool that permanent water comes from...I'll have my
wonderful Cologne-chan forever! And I can bring some back so I can have
my
wonderful Ranma-chan forever too! I'm so happy!]
**********************
(A little while later, everyone is racing around the house trying to
get their stuff so they won't be late for school. Ryouga is standing
with his backpack by the front door, holding on tightly to the knob.)
Kasumi: Is something wrong, Ryouga?
Ryouga: What?
Kasumi: You're holding onto the knob as if your life depended on it.
Ryouga: I guess I'm just a little tense.
Kasumi: Don't worry about the roof. We're always having problems
like that.
Ryouga: I was worried about that. But I'm also worried because I
have to make it to a teacher meeting tomorrow evening.
Kasumi: Do you have other commitments you're going to have to miss?
Ryouga: No. I just don't want to miss it.
Kasumi: So what's the problem?
Ryouga: I..uh..was (voice dips a lot in volume) worried about
getting lost on the way there.
Kasumi: Can't Nabiki take you?
Ryouga: She's going to go to the Economics' club's academic
competition in Yokohama tomorrow night. I was going to go until this
meeting got scheduled for tonight.
Kasumi: I'm sure Ranma or Akane will be happy to escort you there.
(Ranma sprints into the room followed by Akane and Nabiki.)
Ranma: (grabs his box lunch off the table.) We're going to be late!
C'mon Ryouga!
(Nabiki and Akane grab their lunches. Nabiki grabs Ryouga's hand as
she goes by.)
Ryouga: We're late?
Nabiki: We wasted ten minutes searching the entire house for you.
(They all sprint out the door and into the street. Nabiki is
starting to breathe heavily, while the others are having no trouble
at all.)
Ryouga: Why?
Nabiki: We told you to wait at the door.
Ryouga: I was waiting at the door.
Nabiki: Well, someone told us you weren't there....(glares at Ranma)
Ranma: I didn't think he'd be able to find the front door, so I
didn't bother looking.
Nabiki: Moron! If we're late, it's all your fault, Ranma!
(She storms ahead...for about two seconds..then starts falling back
from exhaustion. Ryouga picks her up.)
Ryouga: Hmph. Ranma...do you think you could...
Ranma: NO!!
Ryouga: But...
Ranma: Forget about it. (storms off angrily, leaping up onto a
rooftop and sprinting off. Akane leaps up and chases after him.)
Akane: Where do you think you're going? We'll be late for school!
Ranma: Moron. Hmph.
Ryouga: Hey Akane! Do you think you could....
Akane: Come back here, Ranma! (She ignores Ryouga and chases off
out of sight after Ranma.)
Nabiki: Well, at least we won't be late.
Ryouga: I wish I could come to your competition, Nabiki-chan.
Nabiki: Me too. It's not your fault the principal scheduled that
stupid meeting so you couldn't come.
Ryouga: Nabiki-chan, do you ever...I mean...I've been thinking...
Nabiki: About what?
Ryouga: Us. I mean....what we have and...the...the...
Nabiki: (Her face darkens a little) The potion.
Ryouga: I mean....do we really...or are we just....
Nabiki: I...
(They stare at each other in silence for a moment as Ryouga continues
running.)
Nabiki: I don't know, Ryouga. I don't care, either.
Ryouga: What?
Nabiki: No one has ever made me feel like this. I don't understand
it at all, but just to be with you makes me happier than I've been
since I was a little girl. I haven't smiled this much in years.
Something that was dead has come back to life in me.
(Nabiki smiles at Ryouga.)
Nabiki: You know what it is to be in someone else's shadow, don't
you?
Ryouga: (stares for a moment) Ranma...
Nabiki: Exactly. You've always been trapped in his shadow. I
always stood in Kasumi and Akane's shadow. Everyone loves Kasumi.
She's always been beautiful. And the guys go ga-ga over Akane. Even
trying to drive them away, she pulled them in just by being alive.
But I wasn't so lucky.
Ryouga: I think you're beautiful, Nabiki.
Nabiki: Thank you, Ryouga-kun.
Ryouga: I just...I just wish I knew for sure if I really believe
that or if...well, you know. I know I love you with all my heart,
but...
Nabiki: I wonder too. I don't want this to end. I don't
want....(She looks around herself and blinks.) Where are we?
(They stop and look around. They are standing by an eight lane
highway cutting through a vast flat wheat field that extends to the
horizon. Cars race by on the highway, and far across the field, they
see a man riding a tractor. Nearby is a road sign in english that
reads: Kansas City 80 Miles.)
Ryouga: I think we are going to be late to school.
Nabiki: How'd we get here?
Ryouga: We were so busy talking, I think I wasn't looking where I
was going.
Nabiki: Just great.
*************************
(It is another busy school day at Furinkan High School. We see a
series of brief vignettes of school life--Ranma playing baseball in
Physical Education, Gosunkugi getting hit in the head during a game
of basketball, Kunou standing and ranting incorrectly in some class,
Ukyou demonstrating a theorem in a math class, and finally, an empty
classroom. A bell rings and there is noise out in the hallway, the
noise of students moving between classes. Soon, there is a horde of
students pouring into the classroom. Some wander about talking,
while others go straight to their accustomed desks. Soon, the
classroom is full except for two empty desks up front. One is soon
filled by the arrival of Kunou Tatewaki. The other remains empty.)
Kunou: That Tendo girl is still absent. Typical of such a vile
female.
Totahachi Youta: (He is short, thin, and brown haired.) If she's so
vile, why do you keep buying all those photos from her, Kunou? And
she's never absent. This isn't normal.
Kunou: I am so generous that I cannot allow her to wallow in poverty
and misery, as is her lot in life.
Ishikeda Takashi: (He is tall with black spiky hair and a large
nose.) Yeah, right. So why do you fawn on her sister like you do,
then?
Youta: Yeah, and that pig-tailed girl who looks like Ranma too.
Kunou: How dare you mention that vile scoundrel in the same breath
as my beloved pig-tailed girl! You are not worthy to grovel before
me and beg my mercy! I shall...
(He is cut off by the late bell ringing. Everyone sits down and
assumes the humble, quiet student position...only to realize the
teacher has not yet shown up.)
Youta: Hey, where's Hibiki-sensei?
Takashi: Perhaps this is some sort of test?
Kunou: He has shown his true colors! I have known for many years
that he was a vile dog of the sort that associates with the most foul
sorcerer, Saotome! I have seen him in Saotome's company often! He
is too lazy to come to school! Or perhaps he has carried off Nabiki for
some foul scheme...no matter. It is no more than she deserves.
(As Kunou rants, various females of the class have been creeping up
behind him. They now pick up a desk together and squash him flat
with it. Then Ichiwara Sasami picks up a second desk and pounds that
down on top of the first and jumps up and down on it.)
Women: How dare you insult our handsome sensei in that manner!
Sasami: (She is short, black haired and slim.) I'm sure he has a
good reason for being late.
(Kunou crawls out from under the desks and moans in pain as the door
opens. Nabiki drags in Ryouga by the hand. Ryouga runs over to his
desk and sits down, frantically digging through the papers on the
desk. Nabiki walks over to her chair and sits down.)
Nabiki: Managed to drop your desk on yourself, Kunou-chan?
Kunou: Hmmph. Nothing would have happened if our teacher wasn't
late.
Sasami: We're happy to see you made it to class, sensei!
(She smiles at him and her eyes glaze over just a bit. She is lost
in a fantasy with her and Ryouga running together through a field of
flowers.)
(The rest of the women in the class look lost in fantasy too. Youta
and several other guys in the class moan a bit, and sit back in their
seats looking disgruntled.)
Ryouga: I have your tests somewhere around here. (He frantically
digs through the papers while still holding on to a manila folder in
one hand.)
Nabiki: Aren't they in the folder, Ryouga-kun?
(He looks at the folder, which is labeled Tests. He puts it down on
the table, and checks its contents.)
Ryouga: You're right. Okay. As I call your name, come up and get
your test. Then I'll write up how well the class did in comparison
to my other classes on the board.
(As he hands out the papers, there is a lot of muttering around the
classroom.)
Muttering: She called our sensei Ryouga-kun?....I can't believe the
way she flirts with him...Maybe she's trying to get a good grade out
of him...How dare she flirt with him like that! He's all
mine...How's a guy supposed to compete in this high school
anyway...Nabiki? Flirt? How? She's got a heart made out of
rock....not rock, yen. The road to her heart is paved with
money....Neutronium. Solid neutronium...I thought you were dating
Sasami...All she's got eyes for these days is this new sensei...He
looks like that student who was here for a day or two...you
know...just before the old sensei quit. He is that student...no way.
(Ryouga finishes handing out the papers.)
Ryouga: As you know, the end of the school year is coming up. All
of you will be graduating soon. If you pass this class and all your
other classes, that is.
(Takashi raises his hand.)
Ryouga: Yes, Takashi-san?
Takashi: Is the principal really requiring that we all shave our
heads to graduate?
Ryouga: Apparently the school board forced him to back down on that
one. There is, however, going to be a senior dance this year.
Apparently, he saw one in Hawaii and thought it would be a good
experience for all of you.
Sasami: A dance! Will you be chaperoning at the dance, sensei?
Ryouga: Um. I don't know. We have a teacher meeting tomorrow
evening to discuss the dance and graduation and other end of the
school year events.
Hitomi: (A tall girl with long blue hair) I'll be happy to give you
dance lessons if you need to learn how to dance, sensei.
Sasami: I'm a better dancer than she is, sensei.
Keiko: (A short black haired girl) My parents run a dance studio.
I'm sure they'd be happy to teach you, sensei.
(The other girls turn and glower at her, angry that they've been
trumped.)
Ryouga: Actually, that might be a good idea. I really don't know
much about dancing.
(Nabiki looks a bit cross. Keiko shines like the sun with joy.)
Ryouga: But what I really need is someone to help me get back here
tomorrow night for my teacher meeting. I'm not quite clear on how to
get to where the meeting is in the school, because I am new here
and...
(Suddenly, every female in the class, except Nabiki, is up on his desk
begging him to let her guide him wherever he might want to go
tomorrow night. The desk breaks, and they all fall forward on him,
burying him. Nabiki shakes her head as Kunou glowers.)
Kunou: Disgusting! Our sensei wallowing in nubile young bodies!
Nabiki: Don't remind me, Kunou.
Kunou: Like pigs at a trough. Almost as bad as the way Saotome
treats his women.
Nabiki: If I thought he wanted them to do that, I'd...
(She falls silent and looks gloomy. For a moment, we see Ryouga
manage to raise a hand through the horde of women, who are tangled up
on him in a big knot.)
Ryouga: (Feeble voice) Nabiki, help!
(She smiles grimly, gets to her feet, strides over, and starts
digging Ryouga out of the pile.)
****************************
(The scene cuts to a chemistry class. We see Akane, Ranma, and Ukyou
in different groups of students trying to conduct an experiment.)
Sensei: I'll be back in just a moment, students. Continue your
experiments.
(The sensei heads out of the room.)
Akane: Hmm. Maybe it will finish faster if we turn this up.
(increases the heat under the complicated apparatus she and two other
girls are monitoring.)
Yuka: Umm. I'm not sure if that's a good idea, Akane.
(Ranma turns around from his experiment, leaving his partners,
Daisuke and Hiroshi, still taking notes.)
Ranma: Having problems?
Akane: No.
Yuka: Yes.
(They turn and glare at each other.)
Akane: Tell her the heat was too low, Ranma.
Yuka: Tell her she's out of her mind, Ranma. She's got the heat up
too high.
Ranma: Uhh... (Scratches his head, looks at the apparatus, then
looks back at the one Daisuke and Hiroshi are taking notes on.) I
think you must have the heat up too high. This isn't blue like ours.
Yuka: Eh?
Akane: It's not supposed to be blue.
Ranma: What?
Yuka: You didn't accidentally add something to it, did you, Ranma?
Ranma: (a bit heated) How could I screw up something as simple as
pouring two chemicals together, then putting them in
that...ah...whatever that thing is called and turning on the heat!?
Yuka: By pouring the wrong two chemicals together.
(She goes over and checks the two chemical containers on the table.
Daisuke and Hiroshi continue fanatically taking notes as she examines
the setting on the bunsen burner, then pages back through their notes
as they scribble away. The concoction in Ranma's group's apparatus
is starting to give off some kind of red gas and is turning mauve.)
Yuka: Well, you two are thorough.
Hiroshi: Thanks, Yuka.
Yuka: Thoroughly moronic! You mixed the wrong chemicals!
Ranma: Eh?
Yuka: What did you put sodium in it for?
Ranma: I just poured in the bottle Hiroshi handed me.
Akane: (moans and shakes her head) And you call me a bad cook.
Hiroshi: What? (grabs the bottle) Uh oh.
Ranma: We'll just throw it out and start over. (He almost picks up
the apparatus, stops himself just in time, and grabs some padded
gloves.)
Yuka: You can't just throw it out, Ranma.
Ranma: I'll just wash it down the sink.
Akane: That'll get rid of it.
Yuka: No! Stop!
(Too late. Ranma picks up the beaker at the heart of the apparatus
and starts to pour it into the sink, turning on the water with one
hand as he does so.)
Ranma: I know what I'm doing. Don't worry.
Yuka: Sodium burns in air and....
(Boom! Small explosion in the sink. Ranma staggers away, covered
with ash in front.)
Yuka: No wonder you three idiots are failing this class!
(Ukyou turns around when she hears the explosion and runs over to
Ranma.)
Ukyou: Ranchan, are you okay?
Ranma: I've had worse.
(Yuka comes up angrily to Ranma as Akane rushes over to Ranma and
glares a bit at Ukyou.)
Akane: You've got to pay more attention or you're going to fail this
class, Ranma. You don't want to be held back do you?
Ranma: I'm not going to fail this class!
Yuka: If you don't improve immediately, you know you're going to
fail! (Pokes him in the chest...right in the pressure point Dr. Tofu
warned Ranma about in the previous episode. He locks up in
paralysis) You macho idiot athletic types make me sick! Don't you
ever...(Ranma topples over into Akane's arms. The sensei now returns
from the bathroom.)
Sensei: What are you two doing? This is a chemistry class not a love
nest! Get back to work!
Ranma: ...
Akane: Yes, Sensei! (She drops Ranma on the floor and returns to
her experiment. Ukyou hurries back to her group, looking back sadly
at Ranma for a moment, then returning to her experiment. Daisuke and
Hiroshi grab him off the floor and prop him up against the wall and
try to start the experiment over.)
******************************
(At the end of the day, we see Akane, Nabiki, Ryouga, and Ukyou
rendezvous at the school gate.)
Ukyou: What's wrong with Ranchan, Akane? Why did he lock up like
that in chemistry class?
Akane: He took a beating from the Golden Pair.
Ranma: They didn't beat me! I got trampled, and it was their fault!
Akane: Yeah. Right. I'm going to have to take him to Dr. Tofu
again.
Ukyou: But why did he lock up like that?
Akane: He's got some pressure point vulnerabilities.
Ranma: Hey, don't tell the world!
(Akane starts pointing. Ryouga and Nabiki watch carefully.)
Akane: Here, here, here, here, and here. Poke any of those and he
locks up.
Ukyou: This isn't permanent is it?
(Ryouga looks hopeful.)
Ranma: Just need some more rest.
Ukyou: Good! It would be horrible if anyone could just take you
down by poking you there. That would be an awful weakness!
Ryouga: Heh.
Ranma: Ryouga...
Nabiki: Don't worry, Ranma. I won't let him beat you up.
Ranma: (sarcastic tone) I feel so reassured.
Ryouga: Don't worry Ranma. I wouldn't hit you when you are
completely helpless.
Ranma: Hmm...
Nabiki: Now Kunou on the other hand...If he found out...Well, you
know how word gets around about these things.
Ryouga: People talk, you know. Things slip out.
Ranma: Urgh. I don't have more than 500 yen, Nabiki.
Nabiki: That'll do. After all, it's only a few days.
(She snags Ranma's wallet and extracts the cash.)
Nabiki: With this, I should easily be able to keep the news from
spreading. You can pay me the rest later. After all, you are my
brother-in-law. I know your credit is good.
Ryouga: See you later, Ranma. (He smiles, and picks up Nabiki.
They sprint off towards the dojo.)
Ranma: (Sarcastic) Thanks a lot, Akane, for telling them about that.
Akane: I just didn't think that...
Ranma: You sure didn't think. Now I'm broke and vulnerable.
Ukyou: Don't worry, Ranchan. We'll...
Akane: Didn't think? Who blew up their chemistry experiment because
they didn't think?
Ranma: What about you turning up the heat too high on yours?
Akane: (loudly) Sensei told me I was right to turn up the heat on my
experiment. The bunsen burner we had is a little weak.
Ranma: Hmmph. He was probably just trying to be kind.
Akane: (Shouting) He was not just being kind! Face it! You stink
at chemistry and I don't!
Ranma: (Shouting) Then why can't you cook?
Akane: (Shouting) Hah! Auntie Saotome tells me I've been improving
a lot since the first time I helped her cook!
Ranma: (Shouting) You certainly couldn't get any worse!
Akane: (Screaming) You...You....I don't see you cooking!
Ranma: (Screaming) That's a woman's job! Not that you qualify!
Akane: AAAAAAAHJHHHH!!!!!!! Try taking yourself to the doctor, you
macho jerk! (Slams him into the ground and runs off crying)
Ranma: OWWWWW!!!!!!
(Ukyou is instantly at his side. She picks him up gently and stares
at him in the face.)
Ranma: Ucchan?
Ukyou: I can't understand how you can be such an idiot sometimes.
Let me get you to Dr. Tofu before you get any more injuries.
(Ranma sees Akane running away.)
Ranma: Macho chick. Telling me I'm no good at Chemistry.
(Ukyou sighs and starts carrying him off to Dr. Tofu's.)
Ukyou: You are no good at Chemistry. Akane's not very good, but at
least she cares. You normally don't.
Ranma: I've got more important things to worry about.
Ukyou: Like repeating this year of school? 'Cause that's what
you're gonna do if you don't get serious in your classes.
Ranma: I haven't failed anything.
Ukyou: You're borderline in everything but P.E., Ranchan. If you
don't pass all of the end of semester tests, you're going to get held
back because you're going to fail something.
Ranma: I won't fail. I never fail. I don't lose.
Ukyou: You can't fight your way out of this one, although I know
you'll try, Ranchan. I can help you if you'd like a study partner.
Ranma: (sighs and stares off the direction Akane ran.) Akane, I'm
sorry. (falls silent when he realizes he's speaking his thoughts
aloud.) I don't need a study partner. I'm doing just fine.
Ukyou: (sighs) Pride will be the death of you yet, Ranchan.
****************************
(We see Gosunkugi in the basement of his house. It has been rigged
up into a photography lab. He is busily developing photos. Red
light bulbs dimly light the basement.)
Gosunkugi: These should be just perfect for that photo contest.
Maybe I'll even win the vacation for two. I can't afford to take
Akemi anywhere nice, but with that...
(Suddenly the normal lights click on.)
Gosunkugi: Hey? Turn those off!
(The light stays on. The film he was developing rapidly whites out
and is ruined. He spins around and sees Kodachi standing in the
doorway.)
Gosunkugi: You ruined one of my best photos!
Kodachi: How awful. Be glad I am merciful and will give you a
chance to atone for what you did.
Gosunkugi: Huh?
Kodachi: You thought you were clever, but I am more clever than you
think.
Gosunkugi: What are you talking about?
Kodachi: Sending me off to the Nekohanten so the troll could send us
off on that disastrous lotus hunt. I should have realized you and
the troll were working together, but I never thought you were that
smart.
Gosunkugi: Huh?
Kodachi: I intend to revenge myself on the troll, and you will be my
weapon.
Gosunkugi: You've got to be nuts if you think I can fight a troll.
Where's this troll you're talking about?
Kodachi: The one that lives at the Nekohanten and gives Shampoo her
marching orders.
Gosunkugi: How am I supposed to deal with her? She's not even in
town anymore. She ran off with Happousai.
Kodachi: You will find her and dispose of her for me.
Gosunkugi: (slightly crazy laugh) He he he...
Kodachi: And you will tell me the real residence of the pig-tailed
girl who calls herself Ranma! In mockery of my Ranma!
Gosunkugi: I have no idea where she lives.
Kodachi: Sasuke saw her enter and leave here. Therefore...
Gosunkugi: That was Akemi he saw!
Kodachi: Who?
Gosunkugi: Akemi! My...uh...you know...
Kodachi: Hrm...He must be getting blind. She looks nothing like
that hideous monster, the pony-tail girl. Well, you will find her
for me!
Gosunkugi: And kill Cologne?
Kodachi: Cologne? Who's that?
Gosunkugi: (sighs) The troll.
Kodachi: Yes!
Gosunkugi: I'll get right on it.
Kodachi: If you wish to live, you will.
(She bounces out, spraying roses in her wake.)
Gosunkugi: Great. Just what I need. I really do need a vacation.
**************************
(The next day at breakfast, everyone is busily pigging out. Ranma
and Akane are glaring back and forth at each other across the table.
Ryouga looks a little depressed.)
Nodoka: Are you two still angry with each other?
Ranma and Akane: NO!!!!
Genma: (pulls Ranma aside) Come on, my son! You have to learn how
to apologize to women.
Ranma: Apologize? For what?
Genma: Exactly. It doesn't matter what you do, if they want it to
be wrong, it is. You have to learn when to apologize even if you
don't mean it. Otherwise they follow you around and glare all day.
That really spoils a man's appetite.
Ranma: Hmpph. She threw me into the ground just because I pointed
out the truth.
Genma: And many more beatings you'll have if you don't learn when to
be quiet, my boy. Women are easy to manipulate, especially if you
have natural charm and beauty like the two of us, but...
(Ranma starts laughing.)
Genma: What?
Ranma: Na..Na...Ha ha ha ha ha!
Genma: Eh?
Ranma: Even at her uncutest, Akane has more natural charm and beauty
than you, pop! (falls over laughing.)
Genma: Hey! Many women have fallen for my rugged good looks!
Ranma: Yeah, right, pop. HA HA HA HA! (He wanders back over to the
table.)
Ranma: (thought) [Rugged good looks! Hah! Even as a human, dad
looks like a big roly-poly bear. ] Ha ha ha ha!
Akane: (still a tight voice but not as tight as before) What's so
funny, Ranma?
Ranma: Pop thinks...pop thinks...
Nodoka: What does your father think, Ranma my son?
Genma: (A little angry) Ranma, don't be so disrespectful of your
father! I was trying to give you the same advice my father gave me
when I was young and foolish like you.
Ranma: He was as vain as you too?
Nodoka: Don't call your father vain, Ranma.
Genma: Thank you, wife.
Nodoka: Even if it is true.
Genma: What? My own wife turned against me?
Ranma: You know I'm ten times better looking than you or Grandpa,
pop.
Nabiki: And ten times the humility?
Ranma: Yes!
Nabiki: Of course. And ten times the martial arts skill?
Ranma: Yes!
Nabiki: And ten times the ego?
Ranma: Yes! Hey! You tricked me! I do not...
Nabiki: That's because you have ten times your father's stupidity
sometimes too.
Ranma: I am not stupid!
Nabiki: Kunou gets better grades than you, Ranma, and he's about as
smart as a pig.
(Ryouga snorts.)
Nabiki: A rock. About as smart as a rock. (whispers to Ryouga)
Sorry, dear.
Nodoka: Are you having problems in school, Ranma?
Ranma: No!
Akane: Yes.
(They stare at each other for a moment.)
Kasumi: Ranma has always focused more on his martial arts training
so he could be a good head for the dojo than on his school work.
Ranma: It all seems so pointless. I don't need chemistry or
calculus to run the dojo. History's not too bad. (Ryouga perks up a
bit.) But almost everything we study doesn't have any relevancy to my
life.
Soun: You'll never get into a good college if you don't do well in
high school, Ranma.
Ranma: I don't want to go to college!
Nabiki: The trend is towards college educations even for dojo
masters, Ranma. It hurts Daddy's business that he doesn't have a
degree.
Soun: I will always regret I was unable to get a college education.
Ranma: Why didn't you get one if you wanted it?
Soun: After the war, the Tendo family fell on hard times. My father
was forced to apprentice me to Happousai because he could not afford
to support all of us. By the time Saotome-kun and I managed to get
rid of Happousai, I was too old, and soon after that my father died,
so I returned home to marry and take over the dojo.
Ranma: You've gotten along fine without a college degree.
Nodoka: We want the best for you son. And it reflects poorly on
your family if you have bad grades. Surely Akane can help you study.
She certainly has good grades. (Akane beams with joy and pride.)
Akane: Thanks, auntie Saotome.
Nodoka: You will help him, won't you.
Nabiki: That assumes anything can help him.
Akane: I'd be glad to. (To Ranma) See, she knows I'm a good
student.
Ranma: Hmph. I guess it can't hurt. Too much.
Kasumi: Akane is a good student, Ranma. And I'm sure her friends
will be happy to help you.
************************
(Scene cuts to lunch at school. Akane is eating with her friends
Sayuri and Yuka.)
Yuka: Help Ranma study? Can pigs be taught to fly? Can a bird
swim? Him study, hah! He couldn't study his way out of a wet paper
bag.
Sayuri: Eh?
Yuka: You know what I mean! Your fiancee is hopeless, Akane. I
don't know why I ever asked him for support when we were arguing
about that experiment.
Sayuri: Because you think he's cute.
Yuka: I do not! He's a big macho moron!
Sayuri: That's what Akane always says about him, and she's engaged
to him.
(Akane blushes.)
Akane: Whatever I've said in the past, he really needs my help. And
I need your help. There's a lot of things you two are better at than
me, and Ranma needs all the help he can get.
Yuka: Amen to that.
Sayuri: We'll be glad to help. Won't we, Yuka.
Yuka: Oh, all right. I'll help. On one condition!
Akane: What?
Yuka: You two have to help me find a date for the dance.
Akane: I thought that was seniors only?
Yuka: I heard juniors too, although we have to buy tickets. I want
to go. I love to dance. But...
Sayuri: You're completely incompetent at getting guys to ask you out?
Yuka: Even after I ditched the glasses for contacts, they still
think of me as the brain.
Akane: You are a brain.
Yuka: See!?
Akane: I'll do the best I can for you, Yuka.
Sayuri: Me too.
Yuka: Right. Well, let's get started planning how to turn Ranma
into a brain too. (She starts humming the theme from Mission
Impossible, then switches tunes.) (sings) "Dream, the impossible
dream..."
**************************
(We see Nodoka, Genma, and Soun enter a restaurant named Santovasku
Steakhouse. Just inside the doors, a thin grey haired man in a
trenchcoat is waiting for them. He has short, neatly trimmed hair
and a thin moustache. He embraces them all in turn as they enter.)
Yotsuya Ito: It has been such a long time! You all look so well. I
see your lovely wife finally found you, Saotome-kun!
Genma: It is good to see you, Yotsuya-san.
Nodoka: Yes. Years of waiting came to an end recently.
Yotsuya: I want to hear all about it. I arranged us a table
already. Come sit down.
(A green haired waitress, wearing a big floppy blue hat that seems to
be hiding two odd bulges over her forehead, leads them over to a
table.)
Waitress: Can I take your order?
Soun: Can you bring us a menu?
Waitress: (looks and sees there are no menus) Oops. Sorry about
that. Be right back. (She runs off towards the counter, where an
older green haired woman, also wearing a big floppy blue hat and clad
in a similar blue dress is busily cooking a bunch of different dishes
with some help from a pair of young black haired boys.) Mom! We
need some more menus.
(The woman idly points over to one corner of the restaurant, where an
older black haired man is setting up some backgrounds and cutouts and
posing a group of customers with them. There is a large box near the
area. The waitress runs over to the man.)
Waitress: Father! We need menus.
Father: They're in the box.
(The waitress gets over the box and bends down into it, digging for
menus. She finally topples over and falls into the box entirely.
Her father sighs and reaches down into the box, pulling her out.)
Nodoka: Is getting a menu always so much trouble?
Ito-san: I have no idea. A friend of mine recommended this place,
although he said we wouldn't recognize any of the dishes. It's all
very good, though, according to him. It's a family business.
(They look around and notice all the waiters and waitresses are all
either black haired males with a strong resemblance to the
photographer, or green haired women wearing blue floppy hats with a
strong resemblance to the chef. A midget in brown robes runs in
out of the back room with a stack of menus which he puts down next to
the box, then scoots off. The waitress, now out of the box, grabs
four and runs over to Nodoka and company.)
Waitress: Sorry it took so long. Would you like a drink while you
decide what you want?
Nodoka: Water, please.
Soun: Sake, please.
Genma: A Coke, please.
Ito-san: Tea, please.
Waitress: (scribbling down their requests.) Right.
(The waitress quickly gets them their drinks.)
Waitress: Ready to order?
(They look at the menus. The menu is full of items like Sauteed
Displacer Beast, Brobdingnagian Brine Stew, Hot Fun a la mode,
Krygellian swamp beast steaks, and Byakhee flambe.
Absolutely nothing except the drink list is familiar to them.)
Ito-san: What kind of ethnic cuisine is this?
Waitress: Santovaskan.
Nodoka: I've never heard of it. What are these creatures?
Waitress: I'm not sure. I just serve them. You'd have to ask
mom; she's the cook.
(We see the cook chanting something. A ball of flame shoots from her
hands setting a twitching hunk of meat on fire on the grill. It
stops twitching.)
Cook: Alright, who forgot to kill this thing before I tried to cook
it?
Genma: Perhaps I'll just guess.
Soun: Uh, yes.
Nodoka: Do you have any soups?
(After much haggling, they finally settle on some food that seems
safe. The waitress takes their order and leaves.)
Ito-san: I understand that the long awaited merger of your families
is at hand?
Soun: Yes. My daughter Akane will marry Saotome-kun's son Ranma.
Ito-san: How soon?
Nodoka: The date hasn't been set yet. Probably after they finish
their schooling.
Soun: That long?
Nodoka: At least high school.
Soun: Well, yes, of course.
Nodoka: What brings you to Nerima, Ito-san?
Ito-san: I'm delivering a message to my grandmother-in-law.
Apparently, she runs a restaurant here in Nerima.
Genma: Grandmother-in-law?
Ito-san: (blushes a bit) I, uh, got married a year ago.
Genma: Congratulations!
Soun: I thought you had decided not to seek a wife, due to your
wandering lifestyle.
Ito-san: I didn't exactly have a choice.
Nodoka: You don't mean...
Ito-san: How was I to know that woman was going to challenge me to a
fight when I accidentally spilled wine on her? They seemed so
friendly...
Genma: You...you...visited the village of the Chinese Amazons,
didn't you.
Ito-san: I didn't want to fight a woman, but she wouldn't take no
for an answer. She had been very friendly up to that point; I don't
know why she challenged me, or how I beat her. She was amazingly
good. They all are.
Nodoka: (smiles) Hmm. Perhaps she wasn't being as serious about it
as you think.
Ito-san: Well, when I beat her, I found out I had to marry her.
Genma: Yes, we're familiar with their village customs. Three of
them live in...(His eyes open wide). You're going to visit Cologne!
Ito-san: Yes. That's her name. They all seem to have bathroom
product names. My wife is named Toothpaste.
Genma: Are you here to tell her to go home?
Ito-san: Hardly. I'm supposed to tell her that her brother is
coming with some big statue they need for a village ceremony. Some
kind of manhood/womanhood thing that the two kids she's taking care
of have to go through. Apparently when the girl ran off after some
Japanese kid, she missed the ceremony. The boy ran off after her,
and he missed it too.
Nodoka: I think Cologne left town with Happousai to go visit China
or something.
Ito-san: Well, I guess I'll have to settle for telling the kids.
Well, enough about me. What have you three been doing these last few
years?
******************************
(Ryouga is sitting on the front steps of the Tendo house looking
depressed. He looks at his shiny new Rolex, a gift from Nabiki. It
reads 4:30 pm.)
Ryouga: (thought) [How am I ever going to get to the high school in
time? The meeting isn't until 8 pm...but three and a half hours
won't be enough time for me to get there on my own. I can't even ask
Ranma and Akane. They're taking Nabiki to the train station to meet
her fellow contestants for that competition. I'm doomed. Who knows
what the principal will do if I'm late?]
(Ryouga stands up.)
Ryouga: I will face my doom like a man.
(A voice surprises him.)
Voice: What doom, sensei?
(He turns and sees Ichiwara Sasami, one of his many students who has
a crush on him of which he is not truly aware. She is short, as is
her straight black hair. She is still dressed in her Furinkan school
uniform, and is carrying a book bag.)
Sasami: You say you needed a guide, sensei?
Ryouga: Why thank you. After the scene in our classroom, I had
hoped someone would help me, but...
Sasami: You forgot to tell anyone where you live, sensei.
Ryouga: Oops.
Sasami: But I knew already, so I came here after checking in at home
to make sure I wouldn't miss dinner. Mom's making her pork soup.
It's really good.
(Ryouga turns green.)
Sasami: I just love the taste of pork. And bacon. And...
(Ryouga starts to choke a bit. Sasami springs to his side and takes
one of his hands.)
Sasami: Are you alright, sensei?
Ryouga: Please don't mention eating pork. I...I don't eat pork. I
just...don't. Please.
Sasami: Certainly, sensei. Anything for you. (She reluctantly
releases his hand, as her excuse is now gone.)
Ryouga: Lead me on.
Sasami: (smiles) Exactly. Follow me.
(He follows her down the street. They soon enter a crowded area with
many people milling about. There are many street vendors and their
customers form a thick crowd.)
Sasami: How long have you been a teacher, Sensei?
Ryouga: Just a few weeks.
Sasami: Really? It seems like I've known you for years.
Ryouga: You probably saw me around town before that. I've been in
Nerima for...
(Closes his eyes to try to remember. )
Ryouga: A year and a half or...
(Sasami has vanished into the crowd while he had his eyes closed.)
Ryouga: AARGH!
(A few people stare at him. He begins running through the crowd,
looking for Sasami.)
Sasami: Sensei?
(He spins around. She is behind him. He somehow passed her without
noticing her.)
Ryouga: Lead on.
(They come to an intersection on a busy street. The light has turned
yellow, and the sign is blinking, Don't Walk.)
Sasami: Hurry, Sensei.
(She sprints across. He pauses and looks both ways, and the traffic
roars to life, blocking the intersection. Bus after bus after
eighteen-wheeler after van after bus pour through the intersection.
When the traffic clears and the sign switches to Walk, she is gone.
He sprints across the street and looks about frenziedly for her.)
Ryouga: Sasami!
(A nearby shop door opens, and Sasami steps out with a pair of Cokes.
She hands one to Ryouga.)
Sasami: Just thought I'd pop in and get us a drink since I noticed
you got caught by the light.
Ryouga: Uh, thanks. (He starts drinking his Coke.)
(They continue onward.)
Sasami: So what is this meeting about?
Ryouga: Well, we have to discuss chaperoning at upcoming events, new
school policies, the dance....
Sasami: Will you be at the dance, sensei?
Ryouga: Maybe. I may have to chaperone.
Sasami: Will they let you dance with students?
Ryouga: Uh...I have no idea.
(Ryouga isn't paying much attention to his surroundings, but a street
vendor selling bandannas catches his eye. He stops and takes a look
at the bandannas for sale. )
Vendor: Looking for a new bandanna?
Ryouga: Thinking of making a gift to a friend. Do you have any blue
ones that match mine?
Vendor: Sure.
(He pulls out some blue ones that match Ryouga's pattern exactly.
Ryouga buys them. When he finishes, Sasami steps out of a nearby
restaurant with two bowls of soup. She hands one to Ryouga and
starts slurping down the other one.)
Sasami: This one is for you, Sensei.
Ryouga: Uh, thanks. (He is having a hard time drinking a coke,
putting the new bandanna in his backpack, and eating the soup all at
the same time.)
Sasami: (as she eats her soup) I really ought to eat more, my mom
says, but I just don't get hungry as much as is healthy, you know.
(Her soup is almost gone as she slurps it down.) I like to cook, but
I don't eat it most of the time. Luckily my family usually eats what
I don't.
(She is now done. Ryouga is just now getting started. He stares for
a moment at her empty bowl, then goes back to work eating his soup.)
Ryouga: I have to cook for myself a lot. I do a lot of travelling.
Sasami: Really?
(They hear music in the distance. Soon, they come to an intersection
and see a long line of people watching a group of dancers surrounding
a festival dragon. The dragon marches up the road. Ryouga stops
and stares at it.)
Ryouga: What's a festival dragon doing here in Nerima? I've seen
them in China, but I didn't think that...oh no, I'm not in China, am
I?
(He frantically looks around and realizes the street signs are still
in Japanese. The dragon dances by, and they get going again.)
Sasami: Come on, sensei.
(When they get to the other side, Sasami buys some bananas from a
nearby grocery. She hands him one and starts eating the other.)
Sasami: Gotta keep our strength up.
Ryouga: (thought) [Does it normally take this long to get to the
high school when I'm not lost?]
Sasami: (thought) [The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
I can keep this up for hours if he doesn't have to be at the school
until 8.]
(They soon enter another residential neighborhood. A lot of people
have sprinkler systems on their lawns. Ryouga gets very nervous.
Luckily, none of them are on.)
Ryouga: Er, isn't there another route?
Sasami: I..uh..yeah. I guess we could go another way. What's wrong
with this way?
Ryouga: I just ...it's hard to explain.
(Sasami turns to lead Ryouga onward, right as the sprinkler system in
the nearby yard kicks in, bathing Ryouga with water. He staggers
behind a bush as the transformation takes place. Sasami keeps
walking for about a minute, then realizes Ryouga is gone. She runs
back to the site, right after P-chan finishes hiding his stuff.)
P-chan: (thought) [Why now? Of all the lousy times...]
Sasami: What a cute piggie! (She scoops up P-chan.) Sensei! Where
are you?
(Sasami runs everywhere looking for Ryouga. She runs around the
neighborhood yelling his name, runs back along their route, and even
drops by the Tendo dojo.)
Sasami: Have you seen Hibiki-sensei?
Kasumi: No. I thought he left with you. Hey, there's P-chan.
Sasami: P-chan?
Kasumi: The little piggie. He's Akane's pet.
Sasami: I wonder how he got all the way to Chiba.
Kasumi: He gets lost a lot.
Sasami: So does Hibiki-sensei. Well, here he is. (Hands P-chan to
Kasumi.)
Kasumi: I hope you can find him in time. He was really worried
about being late to the meeting.
Sasami: Hibiki-sensei does live here, right?
Kasumi: More or less. When he can find his way home.
Sasami: Okay.
(Sasami takes off. Kasumi returns to the kitchen where she is busily
heating a teapot and boiling some water for noodles.)
Kasumi: Hmm. I'd better make sure Ranma and Akane are going to
still be conscious for dinner. I think they're in the dojo. I'll
just leave you here, P-chan. Don't go anywhere.
(She leaves. P-chan grits his teeth and jumps in the pot. Soon he
is back to normal, but naked.)
Ryouga: Another outfit and backpack lost probably forever. Well,
I'd better sneak upstairs and get some more clothing.
(He sprints off. A minute later, Kasumi returns.)
Kasumi: (She starts) Eek!
(She quickly calms down and shakes her head.)
Kasumi: Oh dear, I think P-chan must have run off again. And
splashed water everywhere. Well, Akane will be disappointed. And I
have to clean this up. That pig seems to have suicidal tendencies.
(Soon all is fixed up. Ryouga walks into the kitchen.)
Kasumi: Oh dear. I told Ichiwara-san you weren't here.
Ryouga: I just wandered in.
Kasumi: What happened?
Ryouga: I..uh...I'm not sure.
Kasumi: How are you going to get to the meeting, then?
Ryouga: I don't know how I'll make it.
Kasumi: Well, Ranma and Akane have run off somewhere so there's no
one left here but me and you.
Ryouga: ...
Kasumi: If you like, I'll help you find your way to your meeting. I
need something to do this evening. I think I'll go out to eat while
you're at the meeting.
Ryouga: Thanks! We'd better get moving.
Kasumi: Yes, of course.
(They take off for the meeting.)
**********************
(We see Ranma and Akane. They are over at Yuka's house. Yuka's room
is somewhat schizophrenic. The half with the bed is full of pink
frilly things, with pink wallpaper, pink sheets on the bet, a pink
curtain on the window, and stuffed animals. The other half of the
room is decorated in green, has a desk covered with homework, the
periodic table on the wall, a picture of the Milky Way, a telescope,
a chemistry set, an exercise bike, and a large bookshelf full of
science, history, sociology, fiction, and manga. Yuka is sitting at
her desk, Sayuri is plopped down on the bed, and Ranma and Akane are
sitting on the desk.)
Yuka: Alright, Saotome. I know you're a fighter.
Ranma: I am a martial artist.
Yuka: And your grades stink.
Ranma: They do not! I just have more important things to do than
study. I must perfect my martial arts. What am I ever going to do
with all those stupid things they teach in school anyway?
Yuka: Well, to use a martial arts metaphor, if your academic
standing was a martial arts match, you'd be in the ninth round and
on the ropes, heading for the floor.
Ranma: That's boxing, not martial arts! And it doesn't matter what
round it is!
Yuka: Pinned to the mat and the referee has reached eight.
Ranma: That's wrestling, not martial arts. And they only count to
three!
Yuka: In the tenth inning, with no runs.
Ranma: Baseball! That's not even a martial art! Tenth inning?
They only have nine!
Yuka: See, there is more to the world than martial arts.
(Ranma facefaults. Akane and Sayuri laugh.)
Yuka: I've been recruited to bring up your grades. I think you
can't do it.
Ranma: What?
Yuka: In the two years I have known you, you have proven to be the
only person I know who is dumber in school than Kunou.
Ranma: What? (loudly) Kunou is a complete moron!
Yuka: Then why does he get better grades than you?
Ranma: Because his father is principal!
Yuka: Even before that, his grades were better. He may be a fool
but he is not as much an idiot as you.
Ranma: Rrr...no one speaks to me that way.
Yuka: How many classes are you failing?
Ranma: Er..uh...well, I had to fight Kunou, and then that business
with the seven lucky gods, and that martial arts cheerleader, and the
cure, and ...
Yuka: Exactly. You spend your time fighting instead of studying.
I have tutored over 200 students at this high school. They all
improved after I helped them. But if you don't cooperate, you'll
never improve. Or are you too weak to buckle down and study?
Ranma: I am not weak!
Yuka: Academically, you're as weak as P-chan is physically.
Ranma: But..I...
Yuka: You will do as I tell you or I will leave you out to dry. Do
you understand?
Ranma: Take orders from a girl?
Yuka: If you would rather fail, I'll be happy to laugh at you when
you repeat this grade.
Ranma: ...
Yuka: Yes or no?
Ranma: (sounds disgruntled) All right! I'll do it. What do I have
to do?
Yuka: First, we're going to find out if you have any aptitude for
anything non-physical. That way we'll know what your weak and strong
points are.
Ranma: I'm good at geometry.
Yuka: Okay. Do these. (She pulls a geometry book off the shelf,
and opens it to a random page near the end. ) Do all six problems.
(She tosses the book to Ranma. He pulls some paper out of his book
bag and starts working. A while later, he hands Yuka the problems.
She quickly grades them.)
Yuka: Hmm. Not bad. Now do this. (Tosses him a Calculus book.
Ranma stares at it as if it was a poisonous snake.)
Ranma: The whole thing?
Yuka: Open to the bookmark. Do the circled problems.
(Ranma starts slowly working while the others study various things.
An hour later, he is still on the first problem.)
Yuka: Done yet?
Ranma: Almost got this one finished.
(Yuka grabs the paper. It is covered with doodles and graffiti: 'I
hate school', 'No wonder all the guys hate Yuka', 'Why'd I ever let
Akane drag me over here!', 'This is stupid', 'I hate math', a picture
of Kunou with his bokken stuck through his head, 'AAARGH!!!!'.)
Yuka: What wondrous powers of concentration. (voice rising) You are
indeed as much an idiot as I think you are. Well, no matter. I
suspect you are beyond hope. But we shall see. Now. You are going
to do every problem on the page. You will not leave this room until
you are able to do at least five problems to my satisfaction without
wasting time or writing stupid, (loudly) INACCURATE, graffiti. I
don't care if you starve to death before you leave. I will make a
better student out of you or we will both die trying.
(Ranma just stares at her. She is looming over him with her face so
red, it is almost on fire. She shoves a new piece of paper into his
hands.)
Yuka: Now! Differentiate these equations.
(Ranma stares at the paper. It has five ten-term equations on it,
replete with many variables. )
Yuka: DO IT!
(Ranma sets down the paper and goes to work.)
Sayuri: Do you really think you need to be so hard on him?
Yuka: HE DESERVES TO BE SET ON FIRE AND THROWN OFF A BUILDING! HE
IS ONLY STILL ALIVE BECAUSE OF MY INFINITELY MERCIFUL NATURE!!!!!
Akane: What did he...
(Yuka hands Akane the doodled on page. Akane's face darkens a bit, and
she glares at the scribblings.)
Akane: Grr...
Yuka: SEE! SEE! IF I WASN'T SUCH A NICE PERSON....
Sayuri: That was pretty tasteless of him, but...
Yuka: WHAT? WHAT?
Ranma: No wonder you can't get a boyfriend, if all you ever do is
scream and rant at guys. How uncute can you get? And I thought
Akane was bad that way.
(Yuka screams loudly and tries to strangle Ranma. Ranma gurgles as
Sayuri and Akane try to drag Yuka off Ranma who is starting to turn
blue. Finally, they disengage her. Ranma leaps up into a fighting
stance.)
Ranma: I don't normally fight girls, but I...
(Yuka starts crying. Ranma's anger wilts and flows out. )
Ranma: Hey...I...don't cry.
(Yuka bawls on Akane's shoulder. Akane glares at Ranma.)
Ranma: Hey! All I did was get strangled! I didn't say anything
that wasn't true.
Akane: Ranma no Baka! (She starts to pick up the desk, but Sayuri
stops her. Sayuri then grabs Ranma's pigtail and drags him out into
the hallway.)
Ranma: OWWWW!!!!!!
(In the hallway, Sayuri leans Ranma up against the wall.)
Sayuri: Ranma! Why are you being so mean?
Ranma: Hey! I didn't do anything until she started calling me an
idiot! You think I like that? Then she tried to strangle me!
Sayuri: Do you really think all the guys hate her?
Ranma: Uh, well...they all think she thinks they're all stupid
because they're not as smart as her. And none of them think she
would ever deign to go out with them. Especially the way she blows
up when people make mistakes, especially if they're guys.
Sayuri: She's never had much patience for mistakes, I have to admit.
But she's just as hard on herself when she makes a mistake.
Ranma: My dad always rode pretty hard on me when I made a mistake,
but he never got mad and screamed and yelled unless my mistake had
disastrous results. He just laughed a little and told me to try
again.
Sayuri: She just doesn't want to fail at helping you. That's why
she's so stressed out, because she's afraid she can't help you, and
she doesn't want to disappoint Akane when she told her she'd help
you.
Ranma: I don't need any help!
Sayuri: If you really believe that, why are you here?
Ranma: ...
Sayuri: Neither of you is all wrong here, but if neither of you
apologizes, this is going to get a lot harder than it needs to be.
Ranma: Apologize?
Sayuri: I know you don't ever apologize for anything you do, but if
this just once...
Ranma: Never apologize?
Sayuri: I don't know if you are capable of apologizing.
Ranma: Of course I am!
Sayuri: I've never seen you do it.
Ranma: I've apologized for lots of things!
Sayuri: Like?
Ranma: Uh...uh...well...
Sayuri: Well, I won't be surprised if you aren't able to apologize
to Yuka, but...
Ranma: HAH! I'll show you! I'm going to apologize right now!
(Storms into the room.)
Sayuri: (softly) It's easy to control a man who never refuses a
challenge.
(She follows him in. Ranma storms across the room to the bleary eyed
Yuka, who is sitting on the floor next to Akane. Akane moves to
interpose herself, but Ranma leaps over her and kneels before Yuka.)
Ranma: I am very sorry I yelled at you and said all the boys hate
you. Please accept my apology.
Yuka: (stares at him for a moment) You...really mean it?
Akane: You're actually apologizing? Are you alright?
(Akane tries to take Ranma's temperature with a handy thermometer,
but Ranma swats the thermometer aside.)
Ranma: I was mad so I yelled at you. Will you accept my apology?
Yuka: I...How can I not? I shouldn't have yelled at you either.
I..just...this is going to be harder than most of my tutoring
sessions. Okay. Let's get to work on that problem.
(She starts pointing out the mistakes Ranma was making in his first
effort to solve the problem. Ranma spares a moment to stick out his
tongue at Sayuri when no one else can see he is doing it. She
smiles.)
Ranma: (thought) [I showed her. Heh. Chalk up one more victory.
I never lose at a challenge]
Sayuri: (thought) [How Akane manages to put up with him, I don't
understand. I guess it helps that he's cute.]
Akane: (thought) [I hope she can help Ranma. I wonder how Sayuri
convinced him to apologize. ]
Yuka: (thought) [I'm going to improve your grades if it kills us
all, Ranma. I refuse to fail at this, no matter how much effort it
takes. I never lose.]
**********************
(We see Kasumi and Ryouga heading through the hallways of Furinkan
High School.)
Kasumi: I think this is where the teachers meet.
(They are at a door marked Teacher's lounge.)
Ryouga: Well, let's check inside.
(They open the door and walk in. There are a lot of teachers sitting
around the table with hacked up hair. Ryouga blinks. The door slams
shut behind him and Kasumi and there is a click of the lock closing.
Ryouga spins and sees the principal standing with a pair of shearing
scissors in each hand.)
Principal: I see the last two teachers are here! Time for your
shearing!
Kasumi: What?
Fujishima-sensei: Hah. If we had to suffer through this, so will
you two.
(The Principal leaps forward at Kasumi, who yelps and throws her arms
in the air, along with her purse, which flies wildly, tangling up the
principal's right hand, so that he misses her hair. She runs around
the other side of the table as he tries to get the tangled up purse
handle off his shears. Ryouga swiftly grabs the shears from the
principal's left hand and throws them in the corner. He then sits
down in one of the two remaining empty seats.)
Kasumi: (to Ryouga) Is it safe to leave?
Ryouga: I'm not sure...
Principal: I can't get this purse off my hand!
(Kasumi comes over and removes the purse...and the shears. She puts
them away in her purse.)
Principal: My shears!
Kasumi: I'll give them back when you show you can handle them
responsibly.
Principal: But..but...
Kasumi: May I leave now?
Principal: No! No one leaves until the meeting is over! Take your
seat!
(He goes and gets the other set of shears from the corner and takes
his seat at the head of the table as Kasumi sits down next to Ryouga,
looking confused.)
Principal: First order of business: Chaperoning for the school
dance. The following teachers will be chaperoning at the following
times.
(He rattles off a long list of duties. Ryouga will be chaperoning
from 9-12 at the dance.)
Principal: And next on the order of business...
(He punches a button on a tape recorder. Music starts playing.
Everyone gets up and starts running around the table. As the
principal comes past Ryouga and Kasumi, who are still sitting confused
at the table, he tries to cut off their hair. They get up and start
running. Suddenly, the music stops, the principal throws one of the
chairs in the corner, and everyone dives for one of the chairs that
is left. Aisho-sensei is left chairless. The principal shaves her
head, opens the door, and throws her out, then closes and locks it.)
Principal: Anyone want to report any problem students?
Hinako-sensei: (In her young form) Saotome Ranma is failing my
class. And he's a total delinquent.
Principal: Weren't you supposed to have dealt with him by now?
Hinako-sensei: But...but...he knows how to defeat me! He's scary!
I don't know what to do about him! WAAHHH!!!!!!!
(She starts crying. Kasumi tries to comfort her.)
Ayukawa-sensei: He is barely passing my class.
Saiho-sensei: He nearly destroyed our chemistry lab.
Coach Futaba: I think he's a fine student. One of my best athletes.
Shinohara-sensei: You say that about all the dumb jocks!
Coach Futaba: Dumb jocks? Dumb Jocks! (Voice rising) I've had
enough of your lip, Shinohara!
Shinohara-sensei: (shouting) You're a dumb jock yourself and you
know it!
Coach Futaba: (Screaming) I am not a dumb jock! I am not! (He
starts jumping up and down) Take it back! (Addresses principal)
Make him take it back!
Shinohara-sensei: (sticks out his tongue) Nyaah!
Kasumi: (stands up) Now stop that right now! Look at you, grown
men acting like children.
(They look ashamed.)
Kasumi: Go stand in the corner. Both of you.
(They head for a corner making faces at each other.)
Kasumi: Different corners!
(They split for two different corners, still making faces at each
other.)
Principal: Nicely done, Miss...ah...
Kasumi: Tendo Kasumi.
Principal: Yes. Er...Which department are you in?
Kasumi: I'm not in a department. I just...
Principal: Perhaps you should replace Ms. Hinako as Chief
Disciplinarian.
Hinako-sensei: But...but...You promised!
(Hinako glares at Kasumi)
Hinako: You can't take my job! I won't let you!
(She leaps up on the table and pulls out a five yen coin.)
Hinako: Happo-...
(Kasumi and the other teachers just stare at her. Ryouga starts to
rise from his chair and the principal starts to lunge forward towards
her.)
Hinako: 5 yen-...
(Ms. Hinako draws a glowing circle in the air with her five yen
piece. Ryouga is starting to jump onto the table. The principal is
rushing her from behind.)
Hinako: Satsu!
(She completes the circle. Nothing happens. Ryouga and the
Principal freeze in their tracks.)
Hinako: What?
(She repeats the process five times. Nothing happens. Everyone just
stares. Then Kasumi applauds.)
Kasumi: Wow! What a neat trick. How do you draw that glowing line
in the air?
Hinako: But how...it didn't work!
Kasumi: Really? What was it supposed to do?
Hinako: Hah!
(She fumbles around in her purse, becoming steadily more frantic.)
Hinako: Where's my change! I can't find any other coins! Can
anyone break a thousand yen bill?
(The teachers check, but no one has any change.)
Hinako: WAHHHH!!!!!!!
(She starts to cry. The Principal puts her back in her seat.)
Principal: Well, I agree that Saotome Ranma is a threat. I have
taken measures to deal with him! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!
(He pushes a button and the music starts. Everyone runs round and
round. The principal tosses away three chairs and Ayoob-sensei ends
up the odd man out. He gets a bowl cut and tossed out the door.)
Principal: My method is very simple. I know that Saotome cannot
dance. Therefore, we will have a dance marathon. Anyone who does
not perform to my satisfaction will not be allowed to move on to the
next grade. Saotome will be forced to repeat the grade. And I'll
make him wear a sign that says remedial! And cut off all his hair!
All of it! HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Taiho-sensei: But what if he passes all his classes? According to
the rules...
Principal: I am the law! I am the state! I am King of this high
school and my word is law!
Taiho-sensei: You're a nut!
(The principal grabs him, shaves him bald, opens the door, throws him
out, and locks the door.)
Principal: Any other rebels?
(Everyone is silent.)
Principal: Right. Next business.
(The meeting continues. One by one the Principal weeds out all of
the teachers, shaving their heads and throwing them out or just
throwing them out with some hair intact. Only Miss Hinako evades a
shaving. Still demoralized, she flees the room when the Principal
comes for her, rather than fighting back. Finally, only Ryouga,
Kasumi, and the Principal are left. And the two teachers still
standing in the corner. Only three chairs remain.)
Principal: Right. On to the next business.
(He reaches for the tape recorder. As he punches the button, Ryouga
hefts the chair he is sitting on. The second Kasumi gets up to run
around the table, he grabs her chair too. All three of them run
around the table. The music stops, the principal throws out the
remaining chair, Ryouga pops down his two chairs, and Ryouga and
Kasumi sit in the remaining chairs. The principal stares...)
Principal: But...but...I..you...I don't have a chair.
Ryouga: You know what that means.
Principal: No!
(Ryouga vaults over the table, grabs the principal's shears, shaves
him bald, opens the door, throws him out, and closes the door.)
Kasumi: We won.
Ryouga: Uh, I guess we did.
Kasumi: Let's get something to eat.
Ryouga: (tries to open the door) Hey! I can't open it. It opened
just a minute ago.
Coach Futaba: It only opens if you're going to throw someone out
into the hallway. Special intentional lock.
Ryouga: Right. BLASTING POINT TECHNIQUE! (He blows a hole in the
wall through which he and Kasumi exit.)
Kasumi: Are your meetings always this much fun?
Ryouga: I hope not.
*********************
(Kasumi and Ryouga are approaching the front door of the Tendo house.
They open the door and head in. As they start to enter the front
hall, they hear Ranma and Akane talking softly in the kitchen. They
creep up near the door and listen in.)
Ranma: Oh, my head hurts.
Akane: Hurts?
Ranma: Too much studying. And I'm hungry.
Akane: Let me make you something to eat.
Ranma: Surely Kasumi must have left us some food.
Akane: (voice rises just a touch) Ranma...
Ranma: I can't believe she kept that up for 6 hours without food.
Akane: Yuka has always been a bit of a study monster.
Ranma: I think my brain is full.
Akane: It wasn't that bad, was it?
Ranma: I..just...
(He falls silent. Akane sits down next to him and takes his hand.
He stares off into space.)
Akane: You'll improve your grades if you try. You just have to
study. I believe in you.
(She leans over to Ranma, who is still staring off into space. Ryouga
is staring wide-eyed. Kasumi smiles and pulls Ryouga back where he
can't see.)
Ryouga: Do you think? Is she going to...
Kasumi: Is it any of our business...okay, I am a little curious.
But spying on them never made things move any faster before.
(The kitchen falls suspiciously silent. Ryouga starts to peek into
the kitchen, but Kasumi pulls him back.)
Kasumi: We'll wait a minute, then make our "entrance".
Ryouga: Eh?
Kasumi: Warning of our approach.
(They creep back to the front door, which Kasumi silently opens. She
watches her watch for two minutes, then slams the door. )
Kasumi: (loudly) It's good to be home, Ryouga.
Ryouga: Eh?
Kasumi: (loudly) I hope Ranma and Akane are home. I think perhaps
I'll fix a little something for everyone when they get in. Come
help me in the kitchen, Ryouga.
Ryouga: Uh, okay.
(They walk into the kitchen. Ranma and Akane are sitting rather
stiffly near each other looking like kids caught in the cookie jar.)
Kasumi: Did you two have a nice evening?
Ranma: I had to study all evening. And now I'm hungry.
Kasumi: Well, I'll just fix you up something. Ryouga and I just
ate, but I'm sure everyone will want a snack when they get home.
Ranma: You ate dinner with Ryouga?
Kasumi: I ended up guiding him to his teacher's meeting. It was a
lot of fun.
Ranma: Fun?
Kasumi: We won!
(She starts preparing some snacks, humming the musical chairs tune to
herself. Ranma and Akane look over at Ryouga who shrugs.)
Ryouga: Don't ask.
****************************
(The teacher's meeting room is dark, with the only light shining in
through the hole in the wall, illuminating the clock that shows the
time to be 11:58 pm. Coach Futaba and Shinohara-sensei are still
standing with their noses in the corner.)
Shinohara-sensei: I wish she'd tell us we can go home now. I'm
tired.
Coach Futaba: You're flimsy and weak! I could stand here all night!
Shinohara-sensei: No way!
Coach Futaba: Hah! I will, just to show you.
Shinohara-sensei: You'll collapse before I will.
Coach Futaba: Never!
*************************
(The full moon shines down on the valley of Jyusenkyo. We see
Happousai leading the magically youthful Cologne through the valley,
tossing small animals and sleeping tourists into various pools
searching for the one he wants.)
Happousai: Blast it! Where is that stupid pool?
Cologne: Which pool are we looking for, Happy darling?
Happousai: The permanent water.
Cologne: Why don't you ask the guide?
Happousai: Good idea.
(They find a tent and roust the snoozing guide. He blearily gazes at
them.)
Guide: Can I help you?
Happousai: I need to find the pool that the permanency water is
bottled from.
Guide: Government drained that pool many years ago and made official
Jyusenkyo Springs parking lot. (He points to the far other end of
the valley.) Much work for rehabilitated people during Cultural
Revolution.
Happousai: But...there's no road for cars.
Guide: Architect fell in pool of drowning squirrel. After that, all
he wanted to design was treehouses and squirrel feeders.
Happousai: AARGH! Maybe I can find a vending machine or a peddler
somewhere...
Guide: There is a magic device that makes what you are looking for.
Happousai: Ahh yes. If only I knew where to find it...hmm.
************************
(We see the first PE class of the day lined up on the track. They
are waiting...and waiting...and waiting...)
Tetsuo: Where's Coach Futaba?
Kaneda: Maybe he's sick.
Kei: Yeah, right. He never gets sick. It's more likely that he's
dead than sick.
************************
(The wall clock in the teacher's lounge reads 9 am. Coach Futaba and
Shinohara-sensei are both jogging in place trying to keep awake, with
their noses in the corners.)
Coach Futaba: Hah! (yawns) You'll be the first to break. I know
you will.
Shinohara: (yawns widely) N..Never.
(They both collapse immediately, asleep.)
****************************
(End Episode 2)
John Walter Biles : MA-History, Ph.D Wannabe at U. Kansas
ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu http://falcon.cc.ukans.edu/~ranma/falcon.html
http://www.dhp.com/~wraven/john/index.html
"All dressed up and no place to go...but Oblivion!", "That's so
sweet...I'm getting cavities!", "Welcome to hell, Sailor Moon!"--Queen Beryl