This time it was her turn to mourn.  "Genom..."  He held up a hand, 
indicating he didn't need to hear any more.  

He held up a hand, or *she* did?

Hmmm.  I guess I should refrain from the last pronoun there.  Ranma (he) 
is the one who raised his hand, having seen what Genom can do (and did to 
the Chinese villages)

     Yeah, change the "He held...." to "Ranma held...."

    Ranma just rolled his eyes.  "Oboy...Have you learned the Kashuu 
Tenshin Amaguriken yet?"
    Linna's face darkened.  "Yes...that witch kept me in guy-form for 
three weeks...

Which witch?  Is Cologne still around?

Shamps isn't as young as she used to be...Also, if someone kept me in a 
cursed form for a few weeks, the term "witch" would be a tame descriptor.

     I agree. Though maybe "purple-haired witch" might clarify things.

By the way, what happened while I was gone?  And who are 
these two?" she asked, gesturing to Mackie and Nodoka.

No comments about why Leon's there?

Well, she knew Leon...at least by reputation and sight.  She had never seen 
Nodoka or Mackie-chan before this.

     Yeah, *BUT* she didn't know Leon knew that Priss was a KS. Unless we
have Priss telling Sylia.

    Sylia went to a console, where she typed a few commands.  The modules 
opened with a hiss, revealing the suits inside.  The first four were 
easily recognizeable: Sylia's blue-and-white, Priss' blue with pink 
pinstripes, Linna's lime-green suit, and Nene's pink and purple outfit.  

Hmmm, what year are we in?  Nene shifted to the mainly-red suit in BGC 8
(late 2033)

Actually, it's fall 2034.  They fell in the springs in April (I know, 
because I made the date in question my birthday) and spent several months 
setting things up, after losing Linna and then losing the suits.  

     So, Nene's suit should be a pink and red suit from Scoop Chase. It is a
much more powerful suit in terms of electronic work, as well as being a more
defensive suit.

BTW, you've probably guessed this, but Crash doesn't happen.  

     Good idea. :)

The six women 
quickly put the suits on, eager to test them out and take them into 
battle.  

And what's Leon doing during all of this?

Watching.  They were already in the bodysuits.  (I think I put that in, 
anyway...as I was first describing the group in the room, before Linna 
started banging).
Perhaps I should use the word "hardsuits" in the above snippet, to 
distinguish from the bodysuits they wear underneath.

     What *IS* Leon doing there? I mean, it's not like Sylia to allow people
to see them put on the hardsuits.

Very nice. :)  Keep up the good work!

Thank you.

     Yes, I agree with Jeanne.
--
Ben Kosse bmk7411@cs.rit.edu
BGC Otaku and worshipper of the Red-Eyed Goddess and her music.
Anime, RPG's, computers, poetry (read/write), music (listen/compose).
Author of the Bubblegum Crisis theme pack (see the homepage below).
Homepage with anime and other interests. (http://www.rit.edu/~bmk7411)