Foxtrot the Furryous, BTFH
Well, I've heard from exactly *one* person that's read Blue Lightning
recently. Any comments are welcome, and my classes are *over with* for
the semester, so I can start working on it (and other stuff) again!!
Start prodding. *giggle*
Damon Casale, scyth@andrew.cmu.edu
Well, today is your lucky day, here is another! ;)
I liked the story. I found the way it weaves in and out of different time
streams interesting, but its execution does not seem quite on.
It seem that you want the reader to guess when he is reading about, while
it is being read. (IF that makes sense. :)
If some more visual clues were given, it might be easier to keep track of
*when* we are reading about. (By the end I had an idea what was going on,
but just cause I did does not mean everyone else will.)
The dialogue was well done, and I could think of now way to improve on it.
The descriptions that were there were also very well done, but I think you
could stand to throw in more in places that seem spartan.
When John brings the suicase to the cell with the equipment to be installed
Inside was a fantastic array of medical equipment, *THOUGHT* (should be
though,) merely standard for Blue Lightning.
On other thing: I hesitate to give tech advice of any sort, but I think
for 3 Billion years to pass on the planet is a bit extreme. I would
suggest 3 million years. (Life has been on this planet for about three
billion years, to give you an idea.)
Looking forward to seeing more of this. Keep up the good work!