Oh, no!  MORE viruses to infect my computer!  These ones are a hundred times worse than "Good Times"!  Be careful!  ^_^

Be on the lookout for these viruses:

JOHN BOBBIT VIRUS

    Removes a vital part of your hard disk then reattaches it. (But that
    part will never work again.)

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS

    Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly
    expands back to 200MB.

PAUL REVERE VIRUS

    This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of
    impending hard disk attack -- once if by LAN, twice if by C/:

POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS

    Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an
    "electronic microorganism."

RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS

    Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you
    attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counsellor
    about possible alternatives.

ROSS PEROT VIRUS

    Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn
    thing quits.

MARIO CUOMO VIRUS

    It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

TED TURNER VIRUS

    Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS

    Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS

    Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer, ewe jsut cant figyour out
    watt!

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS

    Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is
    fine.

NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS

    Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just
    thinking about it.

FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS

    Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of
    which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most
    important part of your computer.

GALLUP VIRUS

    Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data
    14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin for error).

TEXAS VIRUS

    Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #1

    The computer locks up, screens splits erratically with a message
    appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2

    Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow
    the user to accomplish anything.

AIRLINE VIRUS

    You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

AT&T VIRUS

    Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI VIRUS

    Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the

    AT&T virus.

FREUDIAN VIRUS

    Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

PBS VIRUS

    Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.

ELVIS VIRUS

    Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self-destructs -- only to
    resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

OLLIE NORTH VIRUS

    Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.

SEARS VIRUS

    Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and a
    set of shocks.

JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS

    Your programs can never be found again.

KEVORKIAN VIRUS

    Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.

IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS

    Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot-up, then subtracts money
    from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it
    purchases through Prodigy.

STAR TREK VIRUS

    Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

HEALTH CARE VIRUS

    Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong and sends you a bill
    for $4,500.

GEORGE BUSH VIRUS

    It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs ... no new files!" on the
    screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive
    with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.

NEW YORK JETS VIRUS

    Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.

LAPD VIRUS

    It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases

    them in "self-defense."

CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS

    Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but
    you still love it.

ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS

    Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, its programmer
    will take it back.

O.J. VIRUS

    It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your
    files and vows to find the virus that did it.

Add your own and pass this on.
REBORN VIRUS
        Once loaded your data is saved and never has to be saved again. NO
MATTER WHAT!

NOW VIRUS
        A screen message informes you it has the right to do whatever it
wants with its internal parts, and will terminate what and when it decides,
then begins whining. 

RUSH VIRUS
         Repeats the message "ditto" over and over a million times.
Relocates the NOW virus into cache memory where it continues to whine.
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Sorry, I couldn't help myself...
-----
Neill Walker
walkersp@oanet.com
http://www.oanet.com/homepage/walkersp/index.htm
OAA, UAM
-----
I didn't make it!!