"Lolita"
by: Jeff Rutsch

     I was looking at Skuld eat.
     We were all gathered around the table, eating the snack Belldandy
had prepared for us.  Cake and tea.  Elegant, but she made it for us
so often it was almost an effort to remember that she had to bake the
cake, and prepare the tea, and that she put a great deal of effort
into the food.
     You could tell that Skuld was savoring every crumb.  She had this
polite way of nibbling, where she would cut the smallest imaginable
piece of cake with the side of her fork.  The sliver was about the
same size every time.  When I was confident she wasn't looking, I
would try to cut a piece about the same size, just to see if it was as
difficult as it looked.  And indeed, when I tried, the cake would fold
in on itself, or not go down the full length of the cake, or gain in
inconsistency in width.  I looked at Skuld again...she made it seem so
easy.  I waited briefly, so nobody would suspect anything, and tried
again.  Far more successful.  I stared at the piece, comparing it to
my mental image of Skuld's.  Bigger, definitely.  Maybe not quite
twice as big as the sliver Skuld was able to pick off with amazing
regularity.
     I looked back at Urd, eating her cake along with the rest of the
family.  She's also Belldandy's sister, so I'm just as interested in
her as I am in Skuld.  She was eating the cake in big bites.
Normally, I guess.
     And it wasn't just the small slices that were so incredible.  She
had this way with the fork, picking up the sliver of the cake she had
cut.  It was smoother than if she had used a distinct motion motion to
cut at and then stab at the cake; at the same time it wasn't as clumsy
as you might imagine otherwise, like the fork was a shovel she was
trying to level the cake upon.  For there was a certain elegance to
her movement, a certain snap of the wrist while she righted her hand
forward, that seemed almost foreign in nature.  I laughed to myself.
Foreign isn't the half of it.  She's some exotic creature from a
distant land.
     My sister Megumi was also at the table.  She goes to the same
college I do, and comes over constantly.  I don't really mind, though.
We have so many things in common, with personalities so different,
that it was easy to get along.  I still hadn't told her about the true
nature of the sisters, however.  I knew she suspected something.  I
also hadn't told her about my relationship with Belldandy, although I
wouldn't really be surprised if Belldandy had told her months ago, and
Megumi was playing dumb.  She might not ever let me in on her
knowledge.
     She really savored every one of these miniature slices.  Of
course it was hard to tell; all the action was happening inside her
mouth, and I didn't want to do more than glance in fear of being
caught.  But it seemed to me, from previous observations, that Skuld
would use her tongue to turn the cake in her mouth.  I tried to
imagine how.  My first guess had been she turned it ninety degrees to
lay the cake perpendicular to her tongue.  That seems mechanical, and
from college I suspected that that's how the Engineering mind thinks.
However, I'd like to think more of Skuld.  I'd like to think there's a
little mischief in her, a little bundle of cute joy at life, lurking
underneath the exterior.  Hell...I knew there was.  I had seen her
smile, after all.  I liked to think that she didn't stop at turning
the cake perpendicular to her tongue, but that she then proceeded to
push the cake to the back of her mouth and playfully raise her tongue
against the roof of her mouth while sliding her tongue forward, making
a little "u" of the cake.
     She didn't let the cake dissolve in her mouth, nor did she chew
it.  I thought this was the most ingenious part.  She had this way of
looking around, pretending to have swallowed her food, and then taking
a bit of tea.  Just a sip, really.  She'd take the smallest sip, let
the tea dissolve the cake in her mouth, and then swish the tea around
her mouth, all to more fully enjoy the sensations.  She then, well, it
was hard to tell, but I'm pretty sure I must've known, by then.  She
must've known, for sure.  She then just let the tea sit in her mouth
for a few seconds, discharge its taste into her mouth.  Only then did
she swallow the solution.
     The rest of the family was getting ready to go to the other tasks
of the day, so I reluctantly but necessarily followed Belldandy into
the kitchen.  It was the most incredible thing about her.  An
intricate ritual, an elaborate joy-making, of something that we had
all taken for granted.  She could make so much out of the simple act
of eating.  I noted that it was almost four minutes later before she
got up and left the table.

**

+ But I couldn't have done it without you.
- Please!  You...you're embarrassing me, Keiichi.
+ But it's true!
- You're the one who designed the motorcycle, who raced the
  motorcycle, who holds that rag-tag collection of misfits together
  long enough to be a motor club.  You deserve the credit, not me.
+ You're the one I do it for!  You're my inspiration, and you're
  always there with a...
- Keiichi?
+ What?
- You would be a success either way.  With or without me.
+ Belldandy, trust me.  I wouldn't be a success without you.  I...
  I wouldn't.
- Yes you would.
+ That's not true.  I mean, I can't even imagine  *living* without
  you.
- Keiichi...
+ You can take credit for every one of my sucesses.  Love is my muse.
  And you are my love.
- I can take credit?  For showing up to your races in a tight dress?
+ Heh...no.  Not for that, for...heh...uhmm...
- If anyone deserves credit, it's my sister Skuld.
+ No.  No, she doesn't.
- Why not, Keiichi?  She did the engine design calculations for you.
+ I could have done them just as easily myself.
- I don't know if you could have.  Skuld knows computers very well.
+ What do you mean I couldn't have?!  Skuld...she didn't help me.  Not
  a bit.  She's just a kid, so I let her hang around.  But just
  because she's your sister.  I don't like having her around or
  anything, after all.
- You...you don't?
+ No.  I don't.  She's a pest.  She's only your little sister.
  She's nothing more to me.
- Keiichi...what's gotten into you?
+ I don't know what you're talking about.
- You never seemed so...hostile to Skuld before.  I thought you wanted
  to become friends with her?
+ I'm sorry...sorry if I acted weird.  Nothing's gotten into me.  I
  feel the same way I always have about her.  Just...well...what you
  said...bugged me.
- I'm sorry, Keiichi.
+ It's not your fault.  It's mine.
- There's no fault to assign.
+ I really...I'd like to become friends with Skuld.
- I think Skuld enjoyed feeling needed.  Why don't you thank her
  again, and maybe ask her to help out on those engine diagrams you
  need help on?
+ But I'm almost done.  I could do those myself.
- I know.  But Keiichi...she really enjoys doing them.  It's a great
  way to get to know her.

**

     I really didn't want to do to much with Skuld.  Maybe give her
the diagrams and go.  It wasn't good to talk to her, after all.  Maybe
I shouldn't even give her the diagrams.  Besides, Skuld wouldn't
really feel that involved, being given the last few mounting to look
over.  Belldandy had told me that wasn't the point.  But I didn't want
to involve myself with her.  I made the fateful walk to her room.
     "Hello?" she asked.
     "Hello," I answered.
     "Come in, Keiichi!" she said with unexpected cheerfulness.  She
usually didn't seem so happy to see me.  She turned around to face me.
     "Our motorcycle did great in the race yesterday, didn't it?"
asked Skuld.
     "Yes, it did.  Thank you very much for your help, Skuld."
     "No problem.  I'm glad to be of assistance."
     "Oh?" I asked with pretended surprise.  "That's great.  Then
maybe you wouldn't mind helping with a little something else before
the next race?"
     "Something else?  Sure, I'd love to," she uttered cheerfully.  I
smiled back.  I noticed her clothes had parted way to show just a
glimpse of cleavage.
     "Well, I have something here..."  How was I supposed to react?
My first thought was to ignore the view, or even to move to where I
couldn't see anything.  I don't know what thought or impulse possibly
could have driven me, but I couldn't.  Really, I couldn't.  I couldn't
help but delight in the half-caught glimpses of the budding chest,
couldn't help but strive to catch some more.  I tried not to make it
noticeable.  I'm sure she noticed, but she didn't do anything.  How
could she not have noticed?  I was practically gaping at her chest,
after all.
     "So you have something here..." she answered eventually,
seemingly confused at my delay in replying.  I was startled, but tried
to hide my emotion.
     "Oh, yes.  I have here the stats for my engines.  I haven't made
any diagrams yet, and it's kind of necessary before I can get any
farther."
     "Not any?"
     "Oh, no.  You know, so busy celebrating I didn't have time to go
on to the next one."
     "Yeah, I think I know what you mean."  She smiled.  But it was a
different kind of smile.  The kind of smile where she looks up, and
her lips curl at the corners.  The kind of smile that seemed to
involve me.

**

+ So how'd it go?  With Skuld?
- It went okay.
+ Okay?
- She said she'd help me with the diagrams.
+ She likes racing, doesn't she.
- I guess.
+ She was so excited the other day.  You should have seen her face
  when you were the first person to cross the finish line.
- Belldandy...
+ Yes?
- Could we not talk about Skuld?  I'm sorry.
+ Sure...I guess.  But why not?
- I don't know.  Well, in the last month or so...it's like I see her
  in a new way.  Before I saw her...as your sister.  Now I see her...I
  don't know like how.  But her presence bothers me.  It's irrational,
  I know.
+ You're still mad at Skuld?
- Yes...I'm sorry.
+ It's nothing to be sorry about.  But...she is my sister.  I love
  her, and I'd like it if you loved her, too.
- I...I know that.  And I don't want to sound too negative.
+ You don't.
- It's just that...well, living with her.  I mean, Urd comes and goes,
  but Skuld seems to be here as often as not.  I'm not used to having
  a younger sister, and so it's a bit unusual.
+ Except for Megumi.
- Huh?
+ You're not used to having a younger sister, except for Megumi.
- Oh.  Yeah...that's what I meant.  She's practically as old as me,
you know.
+ Of course I know.

     Belldandy is so understanding.  There's this patent sameness to
her.  Like every time you talk to her she's going to same the same
predictable thing, over and over and over and over again.  I suppose
that's what I love about her the most...that and how she cares for me.
Like she was my freakin' mother or something.  She really gave up so
much just to be with me, and she's known me since childhood, being the
same age that I am.
     Not much has happened in our relationship so far.  It's been over
a year and a half since she started living with me.  I know what
you're thinking-a guy living with a girl.  Woo Woo.  But it's not like
that, not at all.  Our relationship is so slow, so little has
happened, that sometimes I'm more reminded of living at home with mom
than living with a girl.  Or at least...what I'd expect living with a
girl to be like.  For most people.
     The circumstances of our relationship are a bit unusual.  She
once said, out of the blue, that she'd do something for me, and I,
jokingly of course, asked her to stay with me forever.  While there's
a bit more to the story, I don't care to reveal it.  Suffice it to say
that Belldandy and I have been together ever since.
     I sometimes think Belldandy and I really aren't made for each
other, at least in a clinical sense.  Certainly a dating computer
wouldn't have matched the two of us.  Neither of us have had much
experience with relationships beforehand.  I had been so obsessed with
my machines I never seemed to have the time to meet people.  And
Belldandy had been in the opposite situation...in the unenviable
position of meeting so many people that she never got to meet any of
them.  It would be good for both of us to date people that were more
experienced, who knew what a relationship should be and was willing to
work for it, who knew how to express anger and jealousy as well as a
warm sense of satisfaction.  Of course, despite all of this, Belldandy
and I had the perfect relationship.  But...if nothing more, it was
easy to imagine that things could be different.

**

     I didn't really need to be there.  Skuld was doing all the
work...putting the basic figures in the computer, dragging the mouse
around, and watching a computer representation of the frame pop up.  I
was just making small talk.  But...well, I wouldn't want her to think
I was using her.  If I dropped the schemes off and left the room,
she'd think I was making her do the work so I could have fun, or that
I was giving her work that wasn't really necessary.  I wouldn't want
her to think that.
     "So how do you like Earth?"
     "Oh...I like it actually.  There's a certain quality to
heaven...everything's almost...happy.  You know, clouds, and
surrealism, and the intentions of everybody and everything are
obvious.  You might call it a dream-like state.  But living on the
Earth...I've really gotten to enjoy it.  You don't know what might
happen, and the consequences of your actions are so much more real and
irreversible.  You might call it...addictive."
     "So that's why you've come back to the Earth plane so much
lately?"
     "Yes, it is."
     "That's interesting."
     "Yeah..."
     "But...Well..."
     "Yes?"
     "I don't know how to say this..."
     "Yes?"
     "Well...I'd appreciate time to be alone with Belldandy.
Maybe...I'd still like to see you, of course, but maybe not quite as
often."
     She looked at me, a little stunned.
     "Jerk," she said.  I stared back at her.
     "I'm sorry.  But I'd still love to have you around."
     "Great," she said, sarcastically.
     "I mean...you're a big help with the motor club, like right now."
     She wasn't responding.  I waited a few minutes.
     "So two motorcycle races...and so close to each other...hard to
believe, isn't it?  I wonder why they didn't hold off another month?"
     She still wasn't responding.  I waited a few more minutes.  It
wasn't really hard to wait.  If anything, time flew.
     "It's great to have the help of three goddesses for the race."
     She finally responded.
     "Don't patronize me!  I'm only doing this to make my sister
happy!  I'm certainly not doing it because of you!  You're a jerk with
no personality, and I can't believe my sister's even thinking of
getting married to a mortal like you!"
     She said it with a certain amount of spunk, with an anger that
you knew withheld nothing.  Nobody else did that, at least not to such
a degree.  I found it irresistible.  I...I leaned towards her.  I
almost kissed her.  I really wanted to.
     "Keiichi?" she asked.  She knew something weird was going on.
She must have known what.
     I looked at her face.  It was so beautiful.  Her skin was
lithe, with a certain amount of youthful plumpness that could only
partially belie her developing sexuality, the incredible reservoires
of feminity that lied only minutely beneath the surface.  Looking at
her...it was impossible to distinguish between the beautiful woman she
was and the beautiful woman I knew she would become.  Oh god...I
wanted to kiss her.  More than anything else I've ever wanted.  It
seemed like every essence of my existence, every instinct in my body,
was drawing me towards this action.  I wanted to kiss her.  She looked
so beautiful.  I had to kiss her.  I turned to leave the room.

**

Hello!
What do you think?
When I released "Skuld", part of the "Three Sisters" thing, Charles
Lewis commented on the matchup of Skuld and Keiichi, and the "Lolita"
type relationship they would have.  I didn't think much of it at the
time, until I recently showed "Skuld" to a friend and he made the
exact same comment.  'Course I claimed some random pervert on the 'Net
wrote "Skuld" ^_^.
Okay, I've never seen the book or read the movie "Lolita", and all I
know about it is a one-sentence description, but I imagine it to be a
neurotic tale of sexual obsession, so I tried to imitate that imagined
feel in this short.
I'd be *very* interested in comments and suggestions (more than usual,
even ^_^).  Some things I've been thinking about: Should I go more
into the mental conditions that drive Keiichi to go into this state?
Should I kill the "+ -" conversations?  Is his self-denial too
apparent or not apparent enough?  Should I lengthen the short?
My original design included two more scenes at the end: Keiichi
feeling repentant and trying to take Belldandy to a love hotel (he 
can't), and another conversation with Skuld where he seems to admit his 
feelings. I could see wanting to lengthen things up between scenes, maybe.

Thanks for reading,

Jeff


****jdrutsch@ucdavis.edu***********************Jeff Rutsch************* 
"Ranma's not a boy...he's a girl!"
"Akane is MY fiancee!  You TOUCH her, and I'll KILL you!"
"Ranma, change back into a boy while I buy you some time."
"But if I seem to act unkind/it's only me, it's not my mind."
"Ranma [sic],/give your heart to Akane [sic]. /Soon,/right away."
**^_^*****^_^*****^_^*****^_^*****^_^*****^_^*****^_^*****^_^*****^_^**