To quote Kasumi, "Oh my...."
   Great Job on the C&C, guys. I've already made a couple of changes. Here
are the answers to some of the questions.

  ...The funeral, standing with a small knot of Hibikis and Kuonjis
and one madly sobbing Tofu as the caskets, mercifully closed, were

Now how can Tofu sob so much if he doesn't have a chest cavity?

Because the sobbing Tofu isn't Ono, it's his mother.

But her name is Kin Ono ... Tofu's her son...

Whoops,....he heh. Forgive a poor gaijin his mistakes. Obachan will kill
me is she ever hears about this. It'll be changed in the beta.

up; you might even want to take out the bit about the snipers.  The
explosion is a lot darker if nothing gloomy happens ahead of it

was feeling being to show. "Damn them. If it were a fair fight,
open, man-to-man, that would be one thing. But this underhanded
stuff is something else. I've been seeing a gunman on every roof
since last night. Its this waiting, not knowing was they'll do next;
hell, not even knowing _who_ they are. "

   I seem to have been rather unclear here. There was only one sniper,
Ranma is saying that he's been jumping at shadows, seeing the possibility
of a sniper in every dark corner. I'll be more specific in the beta.

 I saw some of the replies asking about the sudden cutoffs of words, and
your explanation, so I knew what that was when I saw it.  But I think
that technique worked well.  It might be helped, as someone suggested, by
making it clear that all those scenes were happening at the same time.

   Okay. I think the whole bit about the cutoff has been explained by me
and others. I'm gonna find some way to make it a bit clearer, or maybe
mention the fact in the intro text. I was a bit worred this might happen.
My personal impulse it to leave it as is, but Rule 1 for writing is: 
   If 1/2 of your audience doesn't understand, and you didn't plan it that
way, change it.
    Or so they tell me. As for a timer, I tried to use the doorbell to
indicate that the cutoff was hapening at the same time; Nabiki, Akane,
Ukyo, and Saburo all hear it and get one thought off before the explosion.

   I have ideas for a sequel. If I like it when I finish it, I'll post it.

- Thanks again for all the help. :-)

- Mike of No Particular Title or Handle
===/\=====+==================================================================
  /  \    l   Mike Loader - Lincolnite, Amberite, Illuminatus, Discordian,
 / () \   l      Journalist, Author, Traveler, Historian, Java Fiend.
/      \  l        Trier - LA - LV - Kiev - Reno - Hong Kong. Fnord.
--------  l                    mloader@scs.unr.edu
==========+==================================================================