On Mon, 29 Apr 1996, Lizsue wrote:

  ...The funeral, standing with a small knot of Hibikis and Kuonjis 
and one madly sobbing Tofu as the caskets, mercifully closed, were 

Now how can Tofu sob so much if he doesn't have a chest cavity?  

Because the sobbing Tofu isn't Ono, it's his mother.

Otherwise, it's a good story.  Mike, don't explain why the dojo gets blown 
up; you might even want to take out the bit about the snipers.  The 
explosion is a lot darker if nothing gloomy happens ahead of it.

  If you were to make this into a stand-alone, yes, I would say lose the 
snipers, but explain the explosion afterwards (gas leak, maybe?).  (I do 
agree with Lizsue there; it's darker when there's not a lot of 
foreshadowing.)
  But since this is the first of a series, I assume you'll explain the 
explosion later on, ne?  Along with how the snipers fit in?

-joyce, Disciple of Kasumi!
Joey-kun no iinazuke!!