I hate crying in public.  I shouldn't have read this in the computer lab.

In your notes, you mention that this is the first of a series.  If the 
rest are as well-written as this one, I will set up a shrine to you.

This one could even stand alone, with only very minor changes.

SPOILERS  (a warning to any of you poor souls who haven't read this yet)








  At the end when Kasumi goes back in time, my first thought was that she 
wanted to be at the dojo when it blew up so that she would die too.  
The lines about the wind and Kasumi not being able to feel it (or 
something along those lines) reinforced that thought.  If for some 
reason, you decide not to continue this series, I would really 
love to see you do this as a stand-alone fic with the ending as you wrote 
it.  
  Not that don't like Kasumi, but I think I would like to see her die 
like that in this fic, becaue it would be perfectly within her 
character.  This is a dark fic with great impact. 
  I saw some of the replies asking about the sudden cutoffs of words, and 
your explanation, so I knew what that was when I saw it.  But I think 
that technique worked well.  It might be helped, as someone suggested, by 
making it clear that all those scenes were happening at the same time. 
  I admire the way you showed Kasumi's character.  When she's in the 
apartment, thinking, the long run-on sentences worked perfectly.  You 
conveyed her thoughts and attitudes and motivations _so_ well....
  And yes, I really was crying.  I'm glad I'm sitting in a corner of the 
lab; fewer people see me that way. :)

-joyce, Disciple of Kasumi
Joey-kun no iinazuke!!