I don't propose to comment on speeling and grammar - I'm lousy in those
respects, so I leave that the experts out there.
On Thu, 18 Apr 1996 15:15:30 -0700,
in <01BB2D3A.411B93A0@s40.yab.com>
"John \"Firehawke\" Peasley" <firehawke@bbs.yab.com> wrote ...
>Being as it is I'm kinda out of inspiration at the moment, I've devided
>to post what bits of my story I have so far for you to read. Enjoy!
>
>PS. I apologize to Skyknight and Twister for the small stolen parts.. ;)
>
>C&C is wanted!
>
>
>Project Firehawke X --- Prelude Chapter ZERO
[snip]
The opening scene's was particulary vivid, it nicely described several things
I remember from my youth.
>Careful examination of the card showed it to have a processor of some
^^^^^^^^^
An Inhell 666(tm) maybe ?
(Sorry couldn't resist that one)
>sort on it,
>and several other chips, but oddly enough none of the chips were
>recognizable.
>The screen blinked to life and filled with jumbled ascii characters,
>then the
>overwhelming smell of burnt electronics filled the air. Panicking, John
Oops, yes that's very familiar teritory as well. I often wonder how I
survived those early experiments with 240v AC homemade motors.
>grabbed the
[snip]
> As his last thoughts themselves lost cohesion, the
>world had blacked out to his remaining senses.
How about ...
The world receded from his remaining senses; his last thoughts lost,
as his atoms disipated to the four winds.
>The Void between universes is not quite the empty nothingness it is
>believed to be. Forces beyond most beings contend here for supremacy
>over the others. Some are mindless, some are not, and some are not even
>able to be described on those terms.
[much neat prose about the journey through the void snipped]
I don't know enough about the void (except from reading Twisted Path),
but it sounds good from from whence I'm sat.
>began to revive. <Odd.. it wasn't raining when I got up this morning..>
>
>His eyes opened to a dark blur. Slowly, everything focused among his
>vision. A dead metropolis, crumbling, lied all around him. Building
>after building, shattered, crumbling, lie in silent testimony to the
>death of this city. The tallest building caught John's eye. He peered at
>it through the rain. The faint markings on the building were burned into
>his mind forever... Genom... This was MegaTokyo! How had he gotten into
What about the shape, isn't that likely to be the *most* distinctive
feature about the Genom tower ?
>an anime? Or... could this be real? The MegaTokyo John knew was a
>thriving world, protected by the Knight Sabers and AD Police. Why was
>this so... dead?
>
>The whole scene lying before his eyes was overwhelming. He shivered, the
>eerie desolation making him nervous. He looked down, rubbing his arms.
><It's cold.. What happened here?>
Ooo I like this - dark and forbidding. Keep going !
>He noticed a small computer expension card sitting by his foot. The card
[snip]
>He sprinted to the building and forced the metal door open. The musty
>smell of an ancient tomb rushed to his nostrils, causing him to wince
>slightly. Bile rose into his throat, fear threatening to overtake him.
>He swallowed hard and walked inside.
[snip]
>The terminal came to life, displaying a still logged-in account. John
>studied all the login information. Sylia Stingray was the last user..
>and she'd been logged in for... 30 years. <My god... The city has been
>dead for 30 years...>
>
>John shivered. Spending several hours on the terminal, he was able to at
>last piece together the final hours of MegaTokyo. The Knight Sabers had
>been killed, except for Sylia, on a suicide mission. She was wounded
>badly enough that she'd never be able to fight again. Several years
>passed, the boomer rampages becoming more and more violent. They turned
>against and destroyed Genom utterly. All of humanity was helpless to
>stop the advance. In one final battle, all life on the planet was
>destroyed, but all of the boomers were destroyed as well.. a dead planet
>remaining.
Oh yes - a dark and forbidding atmosphere. Go Go Go !
>[The part upcoming sucks, IMHO-- needs severe work..]
>
>John also discovered files describing hardsuit design. A lot of the
>files were wrecked with age, but enough was readable to get a basic
>theory of design.
>
>Leaving the terminal, he walked back to the intersection and down the
>dark corridor. His footsteps echoed into his mind, the death march of an
>entire population weighting his soul. At the end of the corridor,
>another metal security door lay, shattered. He stepped over the remains
>of the door and into the room beyond.
>
>Glass cylinders, hardsuits inside, filled the room. Most of the
>hardsuits were severely damaged, to the point of uselessness. He studied
>each of the suits, an idea beginning to take shape. He could take parts
>from some of the hardsuits here and put together a working suit using
>the designs on the computer. A determined smile lit John's face for the
>first time in this world.
Hehehe
>...more to come...
This shows promise - another Marco de la Cruz ?
If you don't know who Marco de la Cruz is; then check out ...
Jeanne Hedge's short story page http://www.accsyst.com/jhedge/STORY.HTM
and Marco's home page http://128.100.80.13/
Keep at it Firehawke.
Don't you dare stop, or I'll call Foxtrot in :-)
-- Tempest aka Robin Smith Author: "The Tempest Chronicles"
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/2302 Lichfield, Staffordshire, United Kingdom
"I was committed once, but the fools let me out for good behaviour !"
IRC : Mink or Tempest- [ but "Mink" most of the time ^_^ ]