I warned you...^_^

---------

(We fade in on a decrepit looking mansion. The usual stereotypical 
thunder and lightning FX. We cut to the interior of the house and 
pass through several corridors, all with U-Haul boxes stacked in 
them. We go down a staircase into a basement/laboratory type thing. 
We see most of the lab equipment is being packed up by a tall blond 
man in a bad blue polyester suit. This is Igor Smith-Jones.)

Igor: Gee, Professor, why do we have to leave? We've done okay so far.

(From the back of the lab we hear a yell and an old man with wild 
white hair in a lab coat comes storming into shot, his arms loaded 
with tomatoes. This is Prof. Mortimer Gangrene.)

Gangrene: Okay? Okay, you pathetic putz?! You call three defeats in 
the U.S. and one in France okay?! 

Igor: Well, actually it was only two defeats in the U.S., Professor. 
We weren't in the first movie, remember?

Gangrene: Silence, numbskull! I have new plan in mind. The creation 
of the ultimate tomato weapon of destruction!

Igor: I thought the Intercontinental Ballistic Tomato was the 
ultimate tomato weapon of destruction.

(Gangrene throws a tomato at him.)

Gangrene: No, Lamebrain! I'm going to use the equipment we used in 
"Return of the Killer Tomatoes" to create a new tomato-man, then we 
will program it with the combined skill of some of the world's best 
martial artists! If it is successful, we will clone it off and take 
over the world, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Igor: But, we don't have the budget to hire the world's best martial 
artists!

Gangrene: Good point. We'll have to find some other martial artists, 
somewhere...

(As if in answer, we hear, coming from the next room...)

Voice: Tomboy!

Voice2: Pervert!

(Gangrene looks puzzled, then enters the other room. The three 
Mutomatoes, Zoltan, Viper, And Ketchuck [Author's note: see either 
"Killer Tomatoes Eat France" or the second season of the "Attack of 
the Killer Tomatoes" animated series.] are laughing hysterically at a 
"Ranma 1/2" video. Gangrene watches then and evil smile plays across 
his lips.)

Gangrene: Boys! Saddle up! We're going to Japan!

(Cue "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" Theme Music)

======================================================================
               ----KILLER TOMATOES EAT NERIMA!----
======================================================================
                         By Erin Mills 
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Killer Tomatoes" characters created by C.J. Dillon & 4 Square 
Productions.
"Ranma 1/2" characters created by Rumiko Takahashi
---------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Applications now being accepted for offical lyric writer for the 
theme. Lyrics must fit "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" theme music     
and have something to do with the fact that this is a Ranma/Killer 
Tomatoes crossover.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
 
    (As the credits end and the theme fades out. We fade in on the 
Tendo dojo. It is a typical Sunday morning, the sun is shining, the 
birds are singing and Ranma is being clobbered by Akane.)

Akane: RANMA NO BAKA!!!

(Ranma comes sailing over the front gates and lands face first on the 
pavement. He gets up and shakes his head.)

Ranma: Tomboy. I mean, even if the food was edible, I HATE tomatoes. 
(Shudders) Eeeuggghhh! They're gooey, gushy, squishy...

(The theme music starts up again. Ranma looks up.)

Ranma: Could we cut the music, please? (Music stops) Thank you.
(his stomach growls) Wonder if Ucchan's is open yet?

(He runs off. Cut to the Kuno mansion. Gangrene is standing outside 
the front gates talking to Principal Kuno. Off to the right we can 
see Igor and the U-Haul van.)

Gangrene: So you see, it is vitally important that we get set up 
soon. The Hilton refuses to take us because of all the equipment 
and...

Principal Kuno: Aloha! So, you are expecting me to sub-let my home 
and move my family out so you can do some sort of experiments into 
fertilizer research? Sorry, but I'm afraid...

Gangrene:(holding up plane tickets) Did I mention that I'm including 
three first class tickets to Hawaii in the deal?

Principal Kuno: ...That I must accept your most generous offer. 
Here's the keys. (hands the keys to Gangrene, dashes off screen and 
reappears a moment later hauling Kodachi and Kuno in tow.)

Gangrene: And I thought our characterization was weird. (shrugs) 
Good, we have a base of operations, we have the toxic waste necessary 
to promote the transformation from vegetable to human. Now all we 
need are some martial artists to get the necessary skills from.

(As if in answer to Gangrene's request, Ryoga comes wandering by, 
casually Bakusaitenketsu's a wall and continues on his way.)

Gangrene: Ask and ye shall recieve. Boys!

(The Mutomatoes leap out of the U-Haul.)

Zoltan: Yo, what's up, boss.

Gangrene: (points at Ryoga) You see the kid over there with the 
bandanna?

Zoltan: Yeah?

Gangrene: Follow him, find out who his friends are, and sic 'em!

Zoltan: Check!

(The mutomatoes roll out, accompanied my some normal Killer Tomatoes. 
Cut to Ucchan's, where Ranma has just wolfed down half a dozen 
okonomiyaki(s).)

Ranma: (to Ukyou) I mean, come on. She knows I can't stand tomatoes. 
I don't know where she got the recipe from, but you can be it was 
disgusting.

Ukyou: Well, I really can't--

(She's cut off by Ryoga storming in through the door.)

Ryoga: Where is the Tendo dojo?

Ukyou & Ranma: Ryoga? (Ryoga blinks and recognizes where he is.)

Ranma: (sighs) Come on, I'll take you there.

Ryoga: What makes you think I need *your* help, Saotome?

Ranma: Oh, for cryin' out loud, Ryoga! Don't be so (grins) *pig*-
headed about this!

Ryoga: Why you-- 
    
    (Ranma runs out followed by Ryoga. Ukyou smiles and 
begins cleaning up. As she works, we hear an odd gurgling sound. 
Ukyou freezes and listens. Her hands go to her combat spatula.
    She turns and is shocked to see about twelve Killer Tomatoes 
sitting on the counter with Viper. She stares, Viper smirks.)

Viper: Charge!!!

(The Tomatoes launch themselves at Ukyou. She unslings the combat 
spatula and proceeds to make pizza sauce. After about half a dozen of 
the Killer Tomatoes are paste, Viper leaps forward and sinks his 
fangs into Ukyou's shoulder. She tries to shake him off, but she soon 
tires and her vision goes blurry as Viper's venom races through her 
bloodstream. Ukyou's eyes roll back in her head and she collapses on 
the floor.)

Viper: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

------


    Okay, so it's not quite quality. It's a Killer Tomatoes flick, 
whaddya want? :)

C&C is accepted because this thing is turning out to be harder to 
write than I thought.

                                        ---Erin 2.5