It was with great sorrow that it first noticed the existance of Peter 
Noone in the fanfic world.
   I first came across this guy while editing stories on the news desk. 
I'd be skimming through a report on a crash, and there he would be:

"Noone saw the Ford skid off the road."

   But Noone was never quoted, nor did he appear again in the story.
   He did that a lot. "Noone was around to help the wheelchair-bound 
grandmother," one report would read. But the callous Mr. Noone apparently
failed to call for help, because she died unaided. "Noone protested the 
extreme measure," another story said. The careless reporter who wrote the 
story neglected to get a quote or opinion from Noone, for which I 
upbraided him. Mr. Noone had an exciting life, always witnessing tragic 
events and knowing things known to no other.
   The Reno phone book listed one Noone, Peter. I tried calling him 
several times, but he was most uncooperative. 
   And now he's getting walk-on parts in fanfics.
   I would advise against including him in your next story. Although he 
has seen a lot, he appears to be a rather passive fellow, and most 
diagreeable.

-Mike of No Particular Title or Handle

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