PLEASE PRE-READ!!!!
Well.... this is quite interesting. Originally, my most prominent story was going to be
Ranma «: The Current Generation. Spiner Moon was supposed to take a back seat to it; Golden
Mop and it were going to be released at about the same rate (approx. bi-weekly or once a month
each).
To hell with that.
I released Spiner Moon: Part one to the fanfic mailing list and got fairly good reviews
(understatement.... "bastard" is a good thing, right?). I released Ranma «: The Current Generation
up and got one letter (thank you). So now, Spiner Moon is going to be longer that originally
planned and will probably be coming out faster than Ranma «. Oh, and Golden Mop. It was
truncated into a one-off and re-titled "From Mishima With Love". It may be continued, probably
not. The response has to be VERY favorable for there to be more.
One last note: when this was written, MST3K was going to be cancelled. The idea of it staying
around and going to the big screen was unthinkable.
And now, Spiner Moon, part two.
Kami-sama help you.
******************************************************************************
[Scene: the bridge of the Starship Enterprise. Serina has that huge sweat drop on her head, and is
debating between begging Luna for her help or getting the ensign's number. All of the other Sailor
Scouts are giving the scene their full attention....except for Ami. She is slowly edging toward the
replicator.]
Ensign: Captain.... is something wrong?
Serina: OH!!! You mean me! Heh heh...... ummmm.... I'm fine.
Ensign: .......
Serina: How do you say "........." anyway?
Ensign: Dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot, etc.
Artemis: I think that means that he isn't saying anything.
Serina: Ah... thanks, Artemis.
Ensign: Sir.... is there any reason that you're talking to Spot? Hey... what is he doing here
anyway?
Serina: *cough*.... he's, um, here for.... advisory?
Ensign: ...... [Sweat drop].
Serina: There is again.
Ensign: Oh.... we got a subspace message from Starfleet. Would you like me to read it to you?
Serina: Ok.
Ensign: Alright..... lesse.... aw, damn, not one of these again!
Serina: What is it?
Ensign: [sigh]..... it's a.... Jim Carrey O gram.
Serina: WHAT!? No way!
Luna: [Looking to Ami, who is frantically waving with her hands for more time to do something
with the replicators]: Oh! Captain, you love those!
Serina and Ensign: Really?
Luna: YES!!!!
Serina: Ok.... make it so [thinking] Where did THAT come from?
[The Ensign sighed again pulled a data clip out of his pocket. He reached into his other pocket and
pulled out a viewer. He placed the chip in].
Ensign: Switch.... ON!!!!!
[Jim Carrey pops out]
Jim: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYA!!!! I am [switching voice] Jyyyyyyyyyyim Careeeeey!!!!
Alllllllllllrighty then!!!!! Starfleet ASSES you to be on the look out for some fa-reeeky behavior of
your crew. There are some [pulling sliding glass door out of nowhere and opening it and closing it
while he yells] THEY Are IMPOsterS!!!!"Did I mention I have money shooting out of my ass for
acting like your 3rd grade class clown? AHHHHHH they were brought by the disturbance!
WHOOOOOOO! The BORG are near DS9!!!! Feel like a fried egg!? Proceed there and
Sa-sa-sa-SURVEY!!! Do NOT try and follow my footsteps!
Ensign: [getting over sickness]: Ugh.... Hey wait a minute. YOU'RE the imposters!
Rei: Shit! He figured it out!
Lita: Who couldn't?
Ensign: I'm gonna have you bust- [Suddenly, he is covered in brown liquid] AUUUGH!!!!!
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS STUFF!?!?!?!?!
Ami: NOW!!!!!!
[From out of the turbolift Rush Limbaugh waddles out, eats the ensign (shut UP Kathryn), and
waddles back in. The doors close behind him]
Sailor Neptune: Perhaps we shouldn't take that turbolift down, huh?
Luna: Ami.... what did you do?
Ami: It is quite simple. I entered the chemical formula for A-1 sauce in to the replicator and then
transported it over loser boy's head.
Serina: Oh? But your boyfriend isn't here.
Ami: Don't MAKE me get real on your ass.
Sailor Uranus [perking up]: ALRIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I'll get the whi-... wait, that's a metaphors,
isn't it?
Serina: Ewwwwwwwwww..... I don't even want to THINK about that!
[The turbolift (the other one) opens again and another ensign gets out]
Ensign 2: Hi, have you guys seen Brian? We Ensigns have to stick together, we last about as long
as storm troopers if we don't. So... Have you....seen....him.....uh-oh. [Noticed that all the sailors
are looking at him.... smiling.] Oh shit.....
******************************************************************************
[Scene: Geordie, Data, Deanna, Worf, and Q are all in Serina's room (Shut UP Kathryn!!!!!).
Data is on the bed, kicking up his 14 year old feet. Everyone else is sprawled out on the floor, save
for Q who is trying to levitate.]
Q: So I am to understand that I have lost all of my powers AND I'm stuck in this body? AND
I'M DATA'S FIANCEE?! [Q falls and goes thud for the umpteenth time]
Geordie: You have to admit, it's not all bad.
Q: Name one thing.
Geordie: Ummmm... you have a big supply of roses?
Deanna: Women love that.
Worf: No, I have found that women are more responsive to huge robots.
Deanna: You're kidding me.
Worf: Nope. And I have dated a lot.
Deanna: Who?
Worf: I can't remember them all... B-ko, Skuld..... some red-head that worked by the
Gunbuster...
Deanna: I get the picture.
Q: And what exactly would *I* do with women? [Everyone starts to open their mouth] OH
GROW UP!!!!
Data: Now, we also have to remember that we are "Sailor Scouts". You, from what I understand,
are Tuxedo Kamen [points at Q].
Tom Servo: Then perhaps we should call him "Tuxedo Q-men!". [Everyone turns to look/stare at
Tom.] Oh... sorry, I meant to ask what set MST3K is being filmed on.
Geordie: You were canceled by Comedy Central.
Tom Servo: DAMMIT!!!! We BUILT that network! We were there when their second best show
was "Almost Live", and Two Drink Minimum was a PREMIER show instead of a being regulated
to "Stand-up, Stand-up" in clips! They OWE us!!!!!
Geordie: Get in line.
Tom Servo: Maybe a mail in campaign will save us, perhaps- [Tom implodes] BOOOOM!!!
Data: What caused that rockin' boom? It went medieval on my do!
Deanna: I sense.... GREAT PAIN!!!!!
Geordie: Did we steal that implosion gag?
All: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Q: Whenever a character that is not supposed to be in the series is in here, they have to be
destroyed, cool or not.
Data: Like Wesley.
Q: What about him?
Data: No, I said "Like Wesley", not "Like, Wesley".
Deanna: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... guys.... what is this grey swirly thing above my head? [Deanna
points to orange swirly thing above her head]
Q: Ummmm... that thing is orange
Deanna: No...... It's grey.... you're not under it, it must be the angle.... WAIT..... something is
coming out. Hey, it looks like- [Picard and Riker come out]
Picard: I'm gay
Riker: I'm gay.
[Not like THAT!!!!!!! [Large blocks saying "Ye authors Anger" falls toward Picard and Riker.
They dodge.... Deanna doesn't].
Deanna: OOF!!! I sense...great.....pain... [passes out].
Q: Ah, Captain! Long time no see. What brings you here?
Picard: Riker and I hitched a ride with a "Babs Bunny" who drove a Mac Truck through a plot
hole and POOF! were here.
Geordie: Great.... hey, Commander.... you look like a bun-
Riker: Shut UP!!!!!
Geordie: And who's gonna make me?
[ Just then, a youma bursts in through the wall]
Youma: Art though bored?! Step into a Slim Jim.... or a force bolt.
Data: AHHHHH! Grody! COMMERCIAL!!!!!
[Fade to black]
*****************************************************************************
[Fade in]
[I said fade in]
[FADE IN, Goddamit!!!!!!!!]
[Sailor Saturn steps in front of a the black screen]
Saturn: Gomen-nassai, but.... well....this was supposed to be a toy ad, but Ban-Dai and Playmates
are both fighting for this spot, with DIC and Paramount backing them up.
[ We see a bunch of old men on the floor wrestling to get a piece of paper that says "Ad slot #1"]
Saturn: But.... we must combine our power if we are to stop Bill Gates and Mike Eisner from
taking over the world.
[We see Bill Gates of Microsoft and Michael Eisner of Disney in their respective thrones]
Bill: Gaia
Mike: Uranos
Sailor Uranus: What?
Mei-Mah: They're not talking to you! [smacks Uranus]
Deanna: I sense great- OW!!!!!!! [Mei-Mah smacked her]
Mei-Mah: Now where's that damn Minn-Mei?
[Fade out]
*****************************************************************************
[Fade in]
[Scene: The Borg Ship. The interior has been SEVERELY redecorated. It now more resembles
the catacombs of the Negaverse. At the center, there is a large room, and in it a throne]
Jadeite [from throne]: Ok people, roll call! Neflite!
Neflite: Here!
Jadeite: Malekite!
Malekite: Here!
Jadeite: Transvestite!
Zoicite: Dammit, I am NOT a transvestite!!!!
Jadeite: Pamela Anderson!
[No response]
Jadeite: Janet Jackson!
[No response]
Jadeite: Oh well.... worth a shot. Anyway, you know why you're here....because you screwed up!
But unlike Beryl, I'm not gonna kill you. No, I resurrected you. Once Beryl was dead, my spell
was broken and I hitched a ride through a temporal anomaly.
Malekite: You..... hitchhiked?
Jadeite: Yes. Two androids on a piece of space debris helped me; showed me how. Eimi and
Nuku-something. Anyway, we are gonna be living a care free life from now on!
All of the "ite" family: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!
Jadeite: As soon as we get some dilithium crystals. [The entire ite' family, including Jadeite
flinches at the word "crystal"] This ship, while being light years ahead of the Federation in
technology, still needs dylithium crystals to focus our power. Without them, we don't have the
anti-proton beam, the ability to "heal" the ship, etc. So, I have a plan. We are gonna go to a place
called DS9 and cut off our impulse engines. They come out, we board, take the crystal, and run.
Bing bang boom, we're gone. And we don't have to do any more immoral stuff.
Neflite: Is dating underage red-headed humans considered immoral?
Jadeite: YES.... well.... seeing as no human ever LIVES to a demon's age of consent.... sure, go
ahead.
[Neflite grins stupidly]
Zoicite: And just when does this plan take effect?
Jadeite: We will be coming up on DS9 in 20 minutes.
******************************************************************************
[Pan in on the old dark universe. Everything is shattered and destroyed, and Queen Beryl's dress is
laying on the ground, tattered. Suddenly, it starts to form, as if something is filling it out.
A face appears.... and it is familiar.]
Wesley: Shaaaa..... I feel like RuPaul.
[Suddenly, all of the "assistant youma" start to look up from a Magic game]
Youma #1: I put "Righteousness on my holy strengthened Mesa Pegasus and block your "Lord of
the Pi-" Augh! Dammit, she's here! Thought you said we had an hour!
Youma #2: So I didn't set my watch ahead at daylights savings. Shoot me.
Youma #3: Shut up you two! Queen Beryl, we have already sent a scout Youma to the
disturbance and he has followed the scouts to their meeting point. He will be reporting back soon.
Ouch.... A Lord killed by a Mesa.
Wesley: Huh boy....
******************************************************************************
[Bridge of the Enterprise. All of the scouts and Darian are lined up, with Luna addressing them]
Luna:[pacing] You will find out who you are and what you do on this ship in a moment! Right
now you MUST learn that it is IMPORTANT that you act as a team.... no matter how outclassed
or over classed you THINK you are! [the inner and outer scouts trade glances]. IS THAT
CLEAR?!
All: Hai!
Luna [still pacing]: You must stay in character of who's body you are inhabiting, and you must
not give away any tell tale signs that you are NOT who you will be pretending you are!
Remember! Know your team and don't give anything away!
Luna: Example: URANUS!!!!! Is Sailor Neptune's hair green/blue all over?
Uranus: Hai! [winces as she realizes that she just screwed up royal. Neptune shoots her an evil
look.]
Luna: And how would YOU know that? Yet still, it is good to know you team inside and out!
Study what they do... like in Serina's diary on Oct. 30.
Serina: [panicking] : Ahhhh ahhhh [sweat drop] I can explain! Really! I had a few drinks with
Da-.. I mean some guy, things got a *little* teeeeeeeeensy bit out of ha-..... wait a sec... THAT
WAS NOVEMBER 12!!!!!!!!
[Luna sighs, turns to Ami and Rei]
Ami: I swear! MI-6 came to ME for help! I didn't want to be a secret agent! AUUUGH!!!
Rei: They said it was a part time job and... and.... Bean said that the stuff in the trunk was flour
and I only had to drive it to the refinery... it was to help him pay for another chin implant...
Luna: ....I was going to ask you the time.
Rei & Ami: ...............
Serina: There it is again!
Luna: Ohhhhhhhhhh... kay. Well, Ms. Ensign, if you would tell us who we are?
Ensign: First, I would like to make a statement. We, the ensigns of the starship Enterprise
REFUSE
to be used like cannon fodder! We have lives, families, and friends that are just as important as
those of the main characters. Also, we-
Luna: Ms.... please don't make me have to shoot you.
Ensign: Ahhh, right. Luna, you are Beverly Crusher, our CMO... a human, as you may well have
noticed.
Luna: Yes... walking on 2 legs is odd. With exception of me, Darian, Artemis, we are all human
females.
Ensign: Ah.... that might be a problem for a few of you. [points at Ami] You are Lt. Commander
Data-
Ami: An android. Yes, I know what I do around here.
Ensign: Wow! How do you know?
Ami: Reruns.... over and over and over again.
Ensign: Ok you [points at Lita] are Worf... The head of security.
Lita: Cooooool! Ass kicking!
Ensign: No, this is not the LAPD, but our security is just about as ineffective. You [points to
Serina] Are captain Jean-Luc Picard.
Serina: I'm in charge! Weeeeeee!
Rei: Oh, shut up!
Serina: Why do you always yell at me? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Ensign: Umm.... the captain doesn't cry.... hey, how do you get those rivers to flow out of your
eyes?
Serina: If you tell me how to do the "dot dot dot dot dot" thing I'll show you!
Ensign: Never mind. You [points to Rei] are the second in command, Commander Riker. If
anything should happen to Serina, you are in charge.
Rei: Cool! I'm in charge!
Serina: Uh, Rei? Nothing has happened to me.
Rei: Yet.
Ensign: You [she looks very scared at this point, as she is turning to Darian] are.... Q. You have
superpowers beyond human comprehension.
Darian: Oh! So THAT'S why I can see under everyone's clothes! [all give him an evil eye]. Hey,
it's not my fault!
Ensign: [glad to be away from Q/Darian] You are Lt. Barclay [turns to Sailor Neptune]. You are
very meek in personality, remember that.
Neptune: Fine, I'll try to remember that.
Ensign: [turns to Mina] You are Deanna Troy, a Betazoid. You are the ship's counselor. It is your
job to listen to people as they tell you their problems.
Mina: Did you say something?
Ensign: [sighs] And you [points to Uranus] are the chief engineer Geordie La Forge. You work in
engineering around the warp core and also do work on all other systems of the ship like the
sensitive weapons area. Before you did that, you were a pilot. Oh, yes.... you're blind.
Uranus: Wow... Starfleet really thought long and hard on that one. Hey, if I'm blind, how can I
see?
Ensign: I dunno... must be a part of leaping. [turns to thin air] Al, does Ziggy say I can get outta
here now? [Suddenly is engulfed in blue light, and returns to normal].
Ensign: Captain.... may I take the day off? I feel a little sick.
Sarina: Sure. I think we all need a day of.... ugh. Too bad we can't take it.
*****************************************************************************
[Scene: Serina's room.... well, add ST:TNG characters running around screaming and Youma
with Deanna in a headlock.... oh, and don't forget the gaping hole in the wall.]
Geordie: We need music to fight by! Play "March of the Valkyries"!
[The Robotech OP starts up]
Geordie: Never mind
Youma: HahAHAHAHA! See what I did to HULK HOGAN!!!
Deanna: Ow! Ow! Ow! Data! Help me!
Data: As soon as I remember my lines!
Deanna: LINES!?!?!?!?
Picard [in Sasami's normal clothes]: I need my aid flying over my head to transform!
Riker: No way in hell! Sorry, sir, but I don't have on my Air Kirks. I don't have any ups without
them.
Worf [grinning evilly]: Heh heh heh.... no problem, sir.
[Worf bends over to pick a struggling Riker-ohki.]
Worf: Blue 42! HUT HUT!!!! [He fakes being handed off to. Realization of what Worf is going
to do dawns on Riker's face]
Riker: Oh SHIT!!!!
[Work chucks a Hail-Mary pass over toward Picard]
[Cut shot to Picard changing into Pretty Piccy!]
Riker [overhead]: aaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!! [THUD]
(Doppler effect.... c'mon, work with me people!)
[Picard's "ring of hair" turns blue, and superlong blue ponytails sprout in back. All of Picard's
clothes melt away. Everyone barfs. Then, instantly, the Pretty Sammy suit appears.]
Youma: Great...now we wait for 2 minutes while he she does a special move.... maybe I could
order a piz- OW!!!! [Picard just beaned him with the cane] HEY! You can't do OW!!!! [Piccy just
did it again]. No fair! I have a hosta- [WHACK] ok, she's free!
Data: I remember my lines!
Riker: Mmdkd dlfjd tiidm
Data: Huh? [Turns to see Riker half in and half out of the wall....head first]
Worf: Heh Heh.... whoops.... maybe I over did it a little bit. [Runs over a stunned Youma and
pulls Riker-ohki out of the wall]
Riker: I'm a 10lb cabbit now, not a 160lb man! COMPENSATE!!! And I said "HURRY UP and
TRANSFORM!!!!"
Data: Right! Geo Prism... no, wait... MOON PRISM POWER!!!!!
[Actors take 5, Data transforms]
Data: Um... I'm done [actors resume places]
Data: I AM SPINER MOON, CHAMPION OF JUSTICE! I FIGHT FOR..... uh....I FIGHT
FOR..... um.... ah....
Riker [whispering]: Meaningless sex.
Data: MEANINGLESS SEX!!!!!!! IN THE NAME OF THE MOON....hey, wait a minute...
Youma: Hah! Do you think that you can hit me with slow "Moon Frisbee"?
[Suddenly, a rose plops on the Youma's head]
Q-men: Damn.... they don't come starched.
Data: Oh! Tuxedo Q-men! My hero! [hearts for eyes]. Ewwwwwwwwwww....
Q: I don't like it much more than you do.
Youma: Do you think that stupid little rose will stop me! Ultimate evil armpit lock! [Grabs Worf
and headlocks him... with Worf's head in the Youma's armpit]
Worf: Mmmmmmmmmmm.... smells like momma's home cooking on the Klingon home world.
Q: Picard! Give me your pole! I can use it!
Picard: Ok [hands Q the pole]
Q: FORE!!!!!!! [whops the shit out of the Youma with it]
Youma: Unnnnnng.....
Geordie: I see! You stun him and then Data can hit him with that "Slow Moon Frisbee"! Brilliant!
Q: Uhhh... yeah, sure. Exactly.
Data: MOON TIARA....... MAGIC!!!!!!!!!! [Frisbee flies... ah, you know the speel. But what's
left behind is.... a business card?]
Riker-ohki: We MUST find out who did this to us and WHY!
Deanna: *cough*.... huh.... this says.... WESLEY CRUSHER EVIL AGENCY!?!?!
Picard: Huh.... We will cause any evil for you. Where have I heard something like that?
Worf: That solves the who part but.... why?
******************************************************************************
