At 11:18 PM 4/5/96 -0800, you wrote:

  Hmm...interesting idea. Speaking as an old Banshee driver, I found the 
way you integrated the two appealing. The writing had a crisp style to it 
that captures the spirit of the game.

        Thanks.

  BUT....being a nitpicker at heart, I've decided to point out stuff 
that only another Battletech junkie would notice.

1.>      Pushing hard on the controls, the Lost Boy brought his mech's arm 

back for a punch.  <It won't do a tenth of a PPC's damage, but 45 tons of 
wrecking ball punches will flatten that bastard!> he thought, slamming 
the controls forward. 

A punch from a 85-ton Battlemaster would do 9 points of damage, just 
below a PPC's 10 points. In addition, Ryoga's chance of hitting Ranma's 
'mech in the cockpit and killing him are about 1 in 6.

        Ryouga and Ranma are in stiff competition for the team's kill
record.  Ryouga was _not_ aiming to kill Ranma, he just wanted him out of
his way.

2.       > Both pilots were about to reply when another new voice 

entered.  "No worry, Phoenix.  I take care Locusts.

  Given the Clans attitude on respect for Star League language, I find 
it puzzling that Shampoo is talking like this. Clansmen get upset at the 
use of _contractions_, for crying out loud. A bit out of place, quiaff?

        Neg.  Shampoo is a freeborn, not a trueborn and in most of the stuff
I've read, frees usually talk with contractions and other "none clan"
dialect just to make trues mad.

3.      >  The man fumed for a second, but he was thirsty, so he let the 

insult slide.  "Very well then, 'Cologne,'" he said.  "I am Galaxy 
Commander Herb, formerly of Clan Wolf."

  Clan Wolf, a Warden clan with greater respect (well, tolerance anyway) 
of Freebirths than any other clan save Diamond Shark, 

        I didn't know that!

is a curious choice 

to have Herb belong to. Smoke Jaguar or Jade Falcon would match his 
attitude more fittingly.

        Smoke Jaguar sounds appropriate.        

4.      >  "The movement was a disaster, the clans tore my unit apart and 

forced us to retreat."  As he said it, Akane saw the look in his eyes 
that said he remembered the mission like it had just happened.  "I was 
covering the rear of the retreat in my Behemoth ,my legs got shot out 

>from under me and the mech went down.  I guess I blacked out for a 

minute, because the next thing I knew,

  The 100-ton Behemoth battlemech, designed by Stefan Amaris for the 
defence of Terra against General Kerensky and the SLDF, was deemed a 
failure due to trouble with the leg actuators. Although the Clans later 
on solved this problem after the Exodus, there have been no Behemoths in 
the Inner Sphere since before the First Successor War, making it 
impossible for Jase to have piloted one against the clans.

        That's "Jace"  J-A-C-E (I know, I spell it funny).  As for the
Behemoth, he "acquired" it when he escaped from the clans (thats where his
scars over his eyes came from), I guess I forgot to put that in there, sorry.

  Gomen about the nitpicking. Cool story, can't wait for part two.

        Thanks Mike, I appriciate it.  The repost of this story will be up
in a few days and it will have probably have some major changes.

-Mike of No Particular Title or Handle

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