Well...

The mood of the story was great...though it was occasionally confusing as
to who was thinking what about who.  Leaping from one person's thoughts to
another's and back...was disconcerting.  You may try writing the scene from
only the girl's point of view...discovering the two out there alone,
her anger at seeing someone else in her place, etc.

Nightelf
nwl9354@tamvm1.tamu.edu