Please let me apologize for the formatting of this message.  I mistyped 
the address the first time, and the system spit it back at me as an 
attachment to its error message, so this is how I had to resend it.
Gomen.

-joyce, Disciple of Kasumi

On Wed, 27 Mar 1996, Helen Suh wrote a nifty story beginning:

Hurrah!  
I found a few spelling errors, but that's about it!  (More praise at the 
bottom of this post.)

Ranma stood before Shampoo, wearing a black and white tuxedo and looking
absolutely wonderful.  Shampoo unconciously touched her hair as she

(dream sequence snipped)

I liked the dream sequence.  It's good that you started with something 
happening.
  

resturant.

restaurant.

COLOGNE : You are up late, great granddaughter. 

I think there's a hyphen: great-granddaughter.

     Please assist Mousse in
the kitchen.  I don't feel quite safe when I leave him there alone.

Ha ha ha!

furthest thing from her mind.

I think maybe farthest....
 

<What am I doing here?> Shampoo muttered softly in mandarin, <Am I not a

Should mandarin be capitalized, since it's a language?

beautiful accomplished Amazon warrior, one of the best in my village?  Yet
here I am in Japan, chasing after a man like a cheap harlot.  Not to
mention, a man who obviously prefers another.>

I liked this bit.  Nice thought process.

Shampoo wandered aimlessly through the streets of Nermia, trying hard to

Nerima.

Ukyou tensed as Shampoo appeared inside.  She griped two little spachulas,

 gripped...spatulas.

immediately recognized Ukyou's alertness.  She looked into Ukyou's eye

Eyes?

and held up both of hands in the universal sign of peace.

I think you mean 'both hands' or 'both of her hands'.
 

UKYOU : hmmmm, well ok, (grudgingly) I guess you can have a sit.  So what
	brings you to my resturant, Ranma isn't here you know.

restaurant?  Ranma isn't...

SHAMPOO : Shampoo had bad dream last night.  Dream about Ranma and
	Shampoo.......
UKYOU : oh?....and that's bad? (lifting her eye brows)

Ha ha ha!  (oh, btw: eyebrows)

SHAMPOO : and.............Akane.
UKYOU : ah.....there's the stinger.....but so what? I mean you see Akane
	and Ranma together all the time anyway.  Never stopped you before.
SHAMPOO : Shampoo know that.  That reason why Shampoo so confused.
	Shampoo no longer know what to do.

Shampoo quickly turned to leave.  She was feeling alive again, and in
control.

  I've seen a couple of other people's comments that they don't think 
Shampoo would have come to this decision so easily, but I don't see it as 
easy.  These lines explained a lot to me: Shampoo didn't just wake up and 
say, "Okay, let's give up on Ranma now."  She woke up confused, and not 
even sure why.
  And Shampoo does seem to like being in control (for example, she uses 
potions, powders, etc. to make people do what she wants).  I think that 
part of the reason she made this decision was because she felt it gave her 
control over herself.
  She won't get over Ranma right away.  She'll probably still dream and 
think about him a lot, and she'll probably always have a tender spot in 
her heart for him, but I think she will be able to love someone else (if 
your fanfic takes that turn ^_^).
  Other than the little nit-picky spelling things, I couldn't find 
anything really wrong with this.  I WANT THE NEXT PART!!

-joyce, Disciple of Kasumi