On Mon, 25 Mar 1996, Ranma al'Thor <ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu> wrote:

Rei:  I had a horrible nightmare where Usagi said her mother thought Ami 
was a bad influence and...

Usagi:  That was real, Rei.

[Rei faints again.]

Bwahahaha!

Rei:  Mamoru took pity on you?

	Er ... when'd she regain consciousness?

[Rei picks up a table and hits Grandpa with it.]

Rei:  Grandfather no baka!

	Hum.  Why does this seem strangely familiar?

Grandpa:  Cover me.

Rei:  What?

[Grandpa kicks the door open and charges in, waving his rods.]

Grandpa:  All right, come out with your hands up!  And no psychokinesis 
either!

Rei:  [thinking]  Please, kami-sama, let this all just be a bad dream.

[A shadowy figure with glowing red eyes, dressed in a business suit, and 
with a small blue flame floating over each shoulder looks up from the 
computer he is typing away at.]

Ghost:  Do I know you?

Grandpa:  [strikes silly poses]  I am High Priest Hino of the Hikawa 
Shrine!  You cannot be allowed to harrass your descendants any longer!  I 
will punish you in the name of the Kamis!

Ghost:  What?

Rei:  [thinking]  I'm going to be ill.  [out loud]  I think you've been 
reading too many Sailor V mangas, Grandpa.

Heeheeheehee!

[The fire flickers.]

Grandpa:  I don't think they'd care if I threatened them with spiritual 
retribution.  They've decided you don't exist, anyway.

[The fire flickers.]

Grandpa:  No, burning down their house would just make their insurance go 
up.  So what are we going to do about this ghost...

[The fire gets brighter.]

Grandpa:  Burning his house down wouldn't help either.  If we could 
reconcile him to his son...but how?  

	This is what I love about elementals ... they're so ... so ... 
elemental. :)

Rei:  I don't know if they can be reconciled...

[Grandpa starts.]

Grandpa:  I...uh, how long have you been there?

Rei:  [quietly]  A little while.  Dinner is ready.

Grandpa: Let's eat.

	Exactly how long was she there?

Grandpa:  Look, Moo Goo Gai-pan, we're here to destroy you for how you 
have tormented this family.

Spirit:  My name isn't Moo Goo Gai-pan.

Grandpa:  So, do you have any last words, Moo,  before we banish you into 
the netherrealms?

Spirit:  My NAME IS NOT MOO GOO GAI-PAN!  I am not chinese food!

Grandpa:  Then what is your name?  Can you say it backwards?

Spirit:  It's Ry...hey, I'm not dumb enough to fall for that old trick.

	Is it a real part of Shinto tradition that if you can get a 
spirit to say its name backwards it will leave ... or are you referencing 
Superman's old nemesis Mr. Mxyztplk?
 

[View shifts to show Ghost and Mr. Zeihara standing in the hallway doing 
the glowing blue fighting aura thing, staring at the Spirit.]

Spirit:  Uh...hi?

Ghost and Mr. Zeihara:  SHINE!!!!!!!!!!

 
	You know, I really like this ending!  Too often in these sorts of 
stories (evil force is preying on hatreds in this country or that 
neighborhood), the forces of light usually just deal with the critter but 
can't figure out how to deal with the real issues ... with this, you 
allow these characters to come to terms with their issues, and deal with 
the spirit themselves ... 

Rei:  Now I have to go try and bring peace between Usagi and Artemis 
before they kill each other off.

	Um.  I don't think she'd say this out loud.  Wouldn't Grandpa 
wonder why she has to intervene between a cat and a person?

Chris Davies.