"Nice. Getting decorative?" Linna said, pointing at the designs on the
black plate.
     "It needed it."
     "What else does it so?" asked Priss, curiously.
     "Later. Where's that doctor?"

Quick comment: spelling error, I believe.. "What else does it do?"

Next..

Sleaves
and gloves with no fingers provided the same function and color for the arms.

Sleeves, I believe, is the correct spelling.

(Btw, sorry for commenting on the spelling.. I'm enjoying the story
immensely, but spelling reaches out and grabs my attention and drives me
insane for some odd reason..)

     Just before they attacked, the terrible creatures began singing, "I love
you, you love me, we're a happy family..."
     "After this, I'm going to have a long talk with that girl," Sylia
promised grimly.
     "Actually, they look kinda cute, besides the knives that is," Nene
observed.

Ahh yes, the infamous Barney attack. You've changed a lot of this part of
the story, but THIS I remember..

     "I hope not," Bochinski said quietly to himself. He hadn't mentioned it
to the doctor since she hadn't seen anything unusual but he felt...different.
More...alive.
     His partner might not have been the only one changed. 
     He wondered if he should be worried.
     Nah.

Hmm... I suspect the SK portion is coming up right after this.. <grin>.. I
know a lot of what your future holds and such.. I don't think you intend to
finish describing what happened to the other man here.. perhaps you should
explain? I feel kinda stupid for saying so, but this part LOSES me... <blush>

     Stunned, Wadderson released the elf and slowly came over to the now
grinning Bochinski. She stopped in front of him and looked at every part of
his body. His clothes were a little blood-stained but that was it. "How...?"
was all she was able to manage, indicating his unbroken body.
     He could only shrug helplessly, grinning. "Got me. I still feel sore
though. Remind me never to spar with you again."
     Before Wadderson could respond to that, the Chief arrived.

Aha.. Now I feel like a complete fool.. HEALING! <sound of mallet striking head>

     "Let's just say you only have to worry about silver bullets now, instead
of normal ones," she said, hinting at the truth.
     "Wolf..." Bochinski's eyes widened as he finally realized what had been


Double DOH! Somebody shoot me quick! Ack, a lythrancope!

If he survived, Malkon was going to be very,
very pissed. Great.

Hmm.. this I look forward to.. BRING ON THE REMATCH!! CHEER!

     "Sylia!" Twister shouted, catching their attention for he sounded
slightly angry. "Could you get everyone down to Mackie's room?"

Ah.. this IS new.. I like... even if it's a bit embarassing.. Could you send
me a .GIF of that picture of Darlene? <fake leer>... Aw, damn.. can't
imitate a hentai tonight.. <shrug> Oh well!


     Indeed it was Ryouga, impossible as it was, and in a very frustrated
mood, not helped by mistakenly thinking he saw his rival. 

Ryoga?! THIS was NOT in the beta I saw! Wow.. this gets interesting!

     She smiled, and both Nene and Twister recognized the particular smile
the black-haired aerobics teacher wore, one that appeared too often when
faced with a member of human males. Standing up briskly, Linna came within a
foot of the suddenly nervous Ryouga.

Your description here is excellent. It captures the sudden feelings of Linna
and Ryoga quite well.

Ryouga started sweating a lot more.


Aww.. is this where it ends for now??! Nuts.. I was enjoying this! :P

Oh well.. C&C for the ending chapters finished.. I'll write C&C for the
beginning chapters a bit later.. (Hey! I like doing things with a touch of
chaos! Backwards HO!)


Overall, rating given: 20 digits up! 

Well written. Small suggestion:

I suspect some here may not have read the original TP.. perhaps you should
post the first two chapters and part 1 of chapter 3 to the ML?



John "Firehawke" Peasley                     /|
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            |\  Knight of Nabiki [M. Miner] 
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            | |SF2,TP,BGZ,SFA,R1/2,KOR,BGC,SNES,PC,C++,ASM
             \| "What's wrong? Why do you hold back?"