On Fri, 22 Mar 1996, White Wolf wrote:

On Fri, 22 Mar 1996, Ranma al'Thor <ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu> wrote:

     I'm still trying to figure out how to do the ending...I'm not 
entirely satisfied with it as it stands...

I liked it...  but would Nabiki really...  do that??  Even for Ranma?
(I'm trying not to give away anything in case someone hasn't read it 
yet.  I'm talking about what Kasumi wonders about.)

Indeed a mystery :)
 

     Now maybe I can finally get around to writing Episode 4 of Furinkan 
Summer...

That a promise?  ^_^

Maybe :)
 

     After a few minutes, she heard footsteps and looked up.  It was 
Akane in a yellow bikini.  Somewhere nearby was a faint noise, perhaps 
the sound of someone changing rolls of film.  Akane stretched, her arms 
behind her head.

This is a bit of a stretch...  Pun intended.

Heh :)
 

     Akane made faint purring sounds and Ranma-chan froze up.  "Akane?"

How purrfectly romantic.

Heh.
 

     Akane advanced on her like a prowling lion.  "I feel so close to 
you, what with you wearing my clothing and all."  Did she really have the 
hose in one hand?"

It was safer for Ranma when she was lioning on the ground.

Quite :)
 

     "Well, I owe someone a favor, so you're gonna have to pay it off for 
me, Ranma.  And I can find something for you too, Akane."  Nabiki 
smiled.  This is going just as we planned it.

When I hit this planned line, I couldn't puzzle out who the we was.  Very 
nicely placed.

Thanks.  I aimed for a surprise ending..which was tricky...Wanted to hint 
without being obvious.
 

     Ranma-chan looked up at the clock.  Only two more hours.  Bleah.  
The door chime rang and Ranma-chan glanced over.  Kodachi, dressed in a 
kimono, strode in.  "Hello, Ranma-sama!"

Um...  HUH???

I screwed up :)

Draft 2 will fix that :0
 

     "She came to see you, but she still does not seem to understand that 
your curse exists."  Cologne smiled faintly.  "She muttered something 
about it being very important to find you and stormed out."

So, why did she call Ranma-chan, Ranma-sama?

I screwed up.  Will fix.
 

     Honesty this time.  "Nabiki blackmailed me into working for Cologne 
for four hours with no pay."

Oh the irony!

Heh.
 

peace.  Something awful had to happen.  Where was everyone?
***********************************************************************
     Cologne frowned.  Someone had sabotaged the sprinklers so they 
***********************************************************************
     Ukyou closed the door as the last customer left.  With the 
***********************************************************************
     Ryouga sat at the base of the Colonel Chicken statue.  He clutched 
***********************************************************************

Where's Akane?

Good point.  I forgot :)
 

     Ranma watched as the stacks grew to a remarkable size.  He wondered 
how she could even get that much money into her wallet.  Finally, she 
shoved over the left stack to him.  "20,000 yen for you.  20,000 yen for me."

I'm confused.  Where did the extra 10,000 come from?

Sale of Ranma pictures and other fundraising activities derived from the 
many sufferings of Ranma today :)
 

     Nabiki contemplated telling Ranma the real reason, then decided this 
wasn't the right time or place, so she'd settle for something equally 
true...but less potentially dangerous.  "Because it shows you're getting 
smarter.  Because I stood to make a profit...Because...you trusted me not 
to cheat you.  I know everyone doesn't trust me very much...I guess 
they've got good reason.  When you're working with a partner, trust is 
vital.  If you can't trust each other, it just won't work out.  I...thank 
you, Ranma."

If that's not the real reason, then what is?  Is Nabiki falling in love?

Heh :0  Could be...I plead the fifth :)
 

     Downstairs, Kasumi finally finished cleaning up the kitchen.  "When 
will Nabiki ever learn to clean up after she bakes cookies?"  Kasumi 
muttered to herself, then blinked.  "Nabiki made cookies?  Wait...that 
never happens...I guess it must have been a special occassion.  Oh my."

Yeah...  must have.

Yep!

John Walter Biles :  MA-History, Ph.D Wannabe at U. Kansas         
ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu   http://falcon.cc.ukans.edu/~ranma/falcon.html 
                            http://www.dhp.com/~wraven/john/index.html
"He's a try hard homie... those idiots who hang around wearing baggy pants 
and have hats on the top of their heads (not *on* their heads) who just 
go 'Yo, man' all the time, hanging around in groups. Bleh."--Caroline 
Seawright, speaking of an obnoxious person.