Alright...
By popular demand (and on threats of violence) I'm posting the first
little bit of the Ranma/Bond story...
Now so far I've sent it to 11 people and the eight or so that have
gotten back to me said I should post it here - it's probably got some
errors in is (since none of the C&C I got back went into very much
detail), but I'd like to get some more opinions on it...
I caution you tho.. this fic will not be completed for a *while* -
I've already got too many fics going (another one would probably kill
me.. or at least my wordprocessor...), but if you like it.. let me know...
*************************************************************
Ranma swept his foot into the first assassin's knee,
shattering it. Leaping over the heads of the other two, he
grabbed one by the shoulders and threw him into a brick wall.
The remaining assassin looked at the figure standing before
him in a tuxedo, "You've had it pretty-boy", he snarled. He
pulled out his knife and charged, hoping to catch his opponent
off guard.
"Oh come now", Ranma said contemptuously, "You know how
much I dislike knives".
Ranma simply caught the knife arm of his attacker, turned
inside and threw as hard as he could. But instead of
releasing the assassin's arm the held on and twisted. The
sharp *crack* of an arm being snapped echoed through the alley
and the foolish assassin screamed in pain.
Ranma gave the trio a pitiful look, "I assume Kuno is
still upset at the loss of his diamond smuggling operation?",
he asked.
An affirmative groan was all the response he needed and
he walked calmly out of the alley, brushing a few motes of
dust from his tux. Straightening his collar he reapproached
the young lady waiting for him, "I'm sorry about that my
dear", he said, sitting down in the drivers seat of the
Austin-Martin.
"Ranma", the girl said happily, grabbing onto his arm,
"Where did you run off to?".
Ranma smiled, "Just taking out some trash", he explained.
With a screech of tyres the car took off into the night.
007 & 1/2
by
Brett Handy
"Morning Kasumi!", Ranma greeted the receptionist
cheerily, throwing his coat onto the coat-rack. He looked
around at the neat and tidy office, it looked like it had only
been cleaned a few minutes ago (and with Kasumi that was
probably correct).
"Ranma", she replied happily, "N wants to see you right
away".
Ranma sat down on the desk, "I'm sure she does", he
replied, "But don't *you* have anything for me?".
She nodded and fished under her desk, "Here you go", she
said, placing a plate full of cookies on the desk.
Ranma gulped them down hungrily, "Thank you Kasumi, I'll
take you to dinner next week", he promised through a mouthful.
"That's alright", Kasumi said, "I've already got a date
with T".
"Oh??", Ranma asked, "So he finally got out of that
stuffy lab and decided to ask you out?".
Kasumi nodded, "I couldn't believe it myself but...", she
broke off at a sound from the intercom on the desk.
"If 007 has finished with breakfast, could you send him
in straight away?", came N's stern voice.
Ranma sighed, "Does she always listen at the intercom?",
he asked Kasumi.
"YES!", Kasumi replied.
N echoed her on the intercom, "YES! and if you don't
hurry up I'm docking your pay".
Ranma jumped off the desk and walked into N's office,
"Sorry Ma'am", he apologised, "I didn't have the opportunity
for breakfast this morning".
N nodded, "Too busy getting your latest girl home before
dawn?", she asked.
Ranma grinned a little sheepishly, "Uhh.. yeah", he
admitted.
"Well you are not going to have time for that anymore", N
announced, "We've got a meeting with the minister this morning
and he's got some specific orders for you".
Ranma sighed, "Meeting Minister Tendo is always a
pleasure", he said between clenched teeth.
"Be nice to him 007", N warned, "If he decides to cut our
budget, you'll be the first to go!".
Ranma nodded, "I thought you had him bluffed cause he's
your father?", Ranma asked.
N shook her head, "That doesn't work anymore", she
admitted, "Since I took over administration of the double-0's
the budget's been getting a little thin".
Ranma glanced back at the door behind which Kasumi was
re-cleaning the spotless office, "Could be because you keep
putting on family", he suggested.
N gave him a steady look, "I'd leave it alone Saotome,
unless you want to be assigned to a research station in the
arctic?".
Ranma too the hint and shut up quickly. The two of them
waited patiently for the minister to arrive, "So who was the
floozy you took home last night", N asked curiously.
Ranma smiled broadly, "Oh, she's the daughter of the
owner of a string of restaurants", he replied casually,
"Nothing special".
N gave him a long look, "You know that I think it's
disgusting the way you use women", she remarked severely.
Ranma shrugged and straightened his tie, "It goes with
the territory", he replied.
N smiled knowingly, "So what happens when you finally
find the girl you want to marry?", she asked.
Ranma gave her a sceptical look, "Somehow I don't think
I'm gonna live long enough to find someone like that with all
the missions you send me on", he replied.
N nodded, "There is that", she said, "And she'd also have
to be able to handle the fact that your such a jerk all the
time".
Ranma laughed and sat down in a chair, "There is that
too", he admitted.
N shook her head, "007 sometimes I think you're...", he
broke off as the office door opened and Minister Tendo walked
in.
N stood, "Father", she said, "Good to see you again".
"Nabiki", Minister Tendo greeted her warmly, "Nice to see
you too". The minister walked over and took a seat, greeting
Ranma with a small nod, "We have a crisis on our hands", he
began.
"Why am I not surprised?", Ranma said quietly.
Minister Tendo gave him a withering glance, "Well 007",
he said, "You can't expect us to come to *you* in anything
less than a crisis".
Ranma growled but said nothing, "I believe you know the
person at the centre of this 007", the Minister continued, "A
certain Dr Saotome has been working on a formula that allows
people to change shapes".
"Pop??", Ranma asked in amazement.
Minster Tendo nodded, "Yes, your father... from what
we've gotten out of the CIA, he's been captured by SLOC", he
finished.
Ranma frowned, "Why would the Superior Lords of Crime
want Pop??", he mused, "I can't understand it".
N looked up from the document she was reading, "Think
about it Saotome", she said, "If they could change shapes they
could steal from anywhere and not get caught".
Ranma nodded, "So where is Pop now?", he asked.
Minister Tendo shrugged, "That's what we pay *you* to do
007, find him and his formula and bring them back", he
ordered.
Ranma stood, "Yes Sir!", he said, walking to the door.
N suddenly thought of something, "Oh 007, you'll have a
partner in this case", she announced.
Ranma frowned, "I think I should take care of this
myself", he replied.
"Tough!", N said bluntly, "002 will be joining you".
Ranma sighed and then nodded, "Alright then", he said,
"So long as he remembers that *I'm* in charge".
N sighed, "You'll meet your partner at the airport", she
said, "Look for someone wearing blue, T should be able to fill
you in on everything else you need to know".
Ranma walked from the room quickly and the two Tendos
exchanged a glance, "Are you sure teaming him with *her* is a
good idea?", N asked.
Minister Tendo nodded, "Every since she got kicked out of
the CIA for being too violent, she's just been ripping up the
house", he said, "It's getting expensive to fix".
N sighed, "and you don't think that giving them the cover
of newlyweds is not overdoing it?", she asked.
Minister Tendo shrugged, "I'm sure they'll work out
something", he replied.
******
"Ahh.. 007.. good to see you again", T said as Ranma
walked into the lab.
"Hey Doc", Ranma greeted him shortly, "What have you got
for me?".
"You know you're suppose to call me 'T'?", Dr Tofu asked.
"Aww come on Doctor Tofu", Ranma said, "You been my
doctor for years...".
Dr Tofu shrugged, "Well I guess I can make an exception
in your case", he said.
The two of them walked further into the lab, pausing to
watch people testing various types of new equipment. "Now
this is something that you should find interesting 007", Dr
Tofu said, indicating one of his technicians who was holding a
nice looking watch. The technician was in a small room, with
a test dummy at one end of the room.
The Technician nodded and took aim with the watch, he
depressed one of the buttons and a spurt of gas filled the
small room. "What the?!??!", the poor fellow exclaimed his
eyes rolled back in his head and he fell unconscious to the
ground.
Ranma turned to look at Dr Tofu, who was clicking stop on
his stopwatch, "Hmm... five seconds", he said, "Not bad...".
Dr Tofu pulled a watch from his pocket, "Here you go", he
said, strapping it on Ranma's wrist.
Ranma looked at the watch in shock, "What do you think
I'm going to do with this?", he asked, "I'll be out in five
seconds if I ever use it".
Dr Tofu shook his head, "Not if you use your cufflinks",
he said.
Ranma looked at his cufflinks, "What are you talking
about?".
Dr Tofu picked up a pair of cufflinks from a desk, "Stick
them up your nose", he said.
Ranma examined the offered cufflinks, "So they're
miniature filters?", he asked.
Tofu nodded, "Exactly, if you need to use the gas,
remember to put the cufflinks in first, he explained.
"So what if I loose one?", Ranma asked nervously.
Dr Tofu looked at him seriously, "Don't", he said,
"Unless you want to have a nap".
Ranma nodded and fixed the cufflinks in place, "So
where's the car?", he asked eagerly.
Tofu sighed, "Please remember that Nabiki's decided to
take the cost of repairs out of your pay-check", he reminded
Ranma.
Ranma wince, "That's not fair", he complained, "I go
through cars like other agents change clips".
Tofu nodded, "*I* know that", he said, "I'm the one that
has to replace them all the time!".
Ranma nodded, "So why kind of car have I got this time?",
he asked.
Tofu gestured to the other end of the lab, "There she
is", he said pointing.
Ranma looked at him, "You're not serious?", he asked,
"That piece of junk won't even get me across town".
Tofu looked insulted, "Trust me, I've made a few special
modifications myself", he said, "She may not look like much
but she'd got it where it counts".
Ranma grumbled and sat down in the car, starting it
gingerly. The engine revved powerfully and Ranma nodded,
"That's not bad", he said, looking at the digital readouts of
engine performance rush past on the dashboard display.
Tofu sat down in the passenger seat, "Here's your missile
launcher, machinegun and smokescreen controls", he said,
pointing out various buttons. He flicked another switch and
the windscreen darkened, bringing up an enhanced image, with a
heads-up-display, "That'll bring you targeting data, as well
as information on terrain and weather conditions, it's also
equipped with infra-red, thermal and low-light detection
equipment", he explained.
Ranma nodded, "I still think you should have given me
something that looks a little better", he complained, "How am
I suppose to act like a secret agent in *this* kind of car?".
Tofu shrugged, "Talk to Nabiki about it", he said, "It's
cost cutting".
Ranma sighed, it was futile to try talking to Nabiki if
money was involved. "Well thanks Doc", he said, "I'd better
go and meet my new partner, he's probably waiting for me".
Dr Tofu stepped out of the car and closed the door, "Good
luck 007", he said, "And bring back the car in one piece".
Ranma shrugged, "Sure Doc", he said, before jamming down
the accelerator and driving up the short ramp that led to the
street.
Tofu watched the VW-Beetle scream off into the night,
making sounds that VoltsWahgen never dreamed possible. "I
*really* hope he takes care of *that* one", he said, looking
at the next car he had to refit for service. "I still can't
work out how to fit a morris-minor with an autocannon", he
mused.
******
002 was not having a good day, she'd spent most of the
morning getting through traffic to the airport. For some
reason she'd been assigned a partner for her next mission.
Unfortunately she failed to notice the car-full of thugs that
pulled up behind her car as she parked.
"What do you want?", she asked angrily, "I'm late for an
appointment".
"Why don't you forget about that appointment?", said one
particularly large thug, he stepped forward and smiled.
Akane shuddered at the fangs he displayed, what made them
all the more frightening was the mess of steel that had been
drilled into them.
"You want us to handle this Jaws?", asked one of the
other thugs, cracking his knuckles suggestively.
"I told you my name is Ryouga!", said Ryouga, thumping
the thug on the back of the head angrily.
Akane winced as the poor thug's head hit the pavement,
"Look, I'd really like to stay and play", she said, "But I've
*really* gotta go".
"Not to fast", said one grabbing her arm.
Akane turned quickly, breaking the grip and throwing him
into his friends, she then turned and walked into the crowded
airport. Ryouga looked at the pitiful remains of his thugs,
"You guys are *really* pathetic", he said scornfully. He
turned and began to follow Akane, unfortunately, being Ryouga,
he was lost in about two seconds.
******
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AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Geeze I've got no idea why the hell I'm writing something
like this :) - blame it on the 30th anniversary collector's
edition James Bond theme songs album that I just got :)
Ah well it's nice just to play with characters
occasionally - I've never written something quite like this
before, should I continue or quit while I'm behind??
-----Brett
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Address: darkwnd@sv.net.au WWW page: http://www.sv.net.au/~darkwnd
Spock: Sir, what these people are saying is logical; If we use up a
finite resource, logic dictates that eventually all
resources will be exhausted and the resulting calamity
will expunge all life forms...
Kirk: Meaning???
Spock: We're rooted....
-----Fast Forward (1989)
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