I couldn't find your emial address, so I hope the list dosen't mind my
spamming the list with this.
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how long their relationship would last." Nabiki smirked to
herself, remembering the windfall she'd garnered from that
little . "As far as I know sis, he's not dating anyone
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Little what?
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I like the addition of Kasumi's` flashback to when Genma told Soun about
the agreement was off. Nice touch.
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impulse, he bent down to kiss her on the forehead. Ranko
saw it coming and intercepted him, kissing her brother fully
on the lips. Ranma's cheeks colored furiously as she kissed
him, but he didn't want to push her away. After about ten
seconds, Ranko broke the kiss and sat back against the bed
suddenly, realizing what she was doing. "Oh God! Umm...
Ranma... I'm sorry! I..."
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You *really* want to make Ranma the one that has a thing for his sibling,
don't you? ;)
Every time you write one of these scenes, you make Ranma the "aggressive"
one, and then switch roles in one of the re-writes. ;)
I think you are on the right track having Ranko interested in Ranma.
Although your first impulse seems to be the opposite way, the scenes flow
better when Ranko is the one chasing her bro.
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I think you've done an excellent job with the characters, too. They act
like you would expect them to.
Except for Genma. This may be intentional on your part, but the Genma in
your universe seems too...rational. Or maybe effective. Serious?
Anyway, he just doesn't seem like the Genma we all know and love to hate.
I think he fits in this universe, I was just curious if it was
intentional.
I take all that back. I just read the scene with Ranma and Genma in the
Dojo. He's still the same idiot we know. ;)
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Ranma smiled satisfactorily as the approached the back
door of the house. Everything was going the way he'd hoped.
.`What could possibly go wrong tomorrow?' he asked himself
light-heartedly. He cringed as he heard thunder crack in
the distance.
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He should really know better than to say something like that! ;)
I don't remember if you answered this yet, but are planning an bringing in
other characters, like Ryoga. (I can't really see how you could bring in
Ukyou or Shampoo.)
Anyway, I really like this series. It is one of the more interesting
things out there right now.