On Thu, 7 Mar 1996, Author Marisa Price wrote:

HI ALL. I just started writing this in class one day... is it worth
finishing? Does anyone have any suggestions? Comments? Praise? Criticism?
This is the first time I have ever tried to write a fan-fic.... soooo...
don't be TOO hard on me! ^_^
                -MISA

  I really liked this story (but then, I like romance stories in general 
^_^). I really REALLY liked the part at the end, where Akane 
has that mass-confusion what-did-I-just-do? moment (it's right after 
P-chan interrupts them). 
  A couple of things, though:  
1) When Shampoo, Cologne, and Mousse are together, wouldn't they speak 
  Chinese to each other?  That way Shampoo no talk like this!  When 
  talking with the others, she would speak with normal grammar.
2) The kiss (Ranma and Akane) did seem kind of sudden and almost out of 
  character.  It would be a believable scene if they had previously 
  admitted their feelings and if Akane were just a little less bold (like 
  if she starts the kiss, but wimps out, so Ranma finishes it)...I think 
  someone else made a suggestion about that part earlier, but I've 
  forgotten what they said.  Forgive me if I repeat anything.  
  Perhaps, in the middle of their arguement, they could suddenly realize 
  how close they're standing or something....or have Ranma unintentionally 
  blurt out that he cares for her....or something.  Man, I don't know!  I'm 
  just a sig character; what do I know about writing? 

Just wanted to let you know that I eagerly await the next section!  (And 
when it comes in, I'll try and do a more detailed going-over of it 
(pointing out phrases that could be worded better, typos, etc), but right 
now the other chars want to use the computer too.)

Kirna-Nir of Rothorn
But I don't wanna be princess today!