Ranma 1/100th Vol. 2
			Your Wish is my Command
			Chapter 1

Credits:
Produced by: Horde O' Hentai Productions, Literature Division
	Darren Demaine: Chairman of the Horde, President for Life
						(chance of parole in 20
years)
	Lee (Grey Wolf): Pun Minister, Guy We Rub For Luck
	Rob (Barbarian): P.U. Officer, Breath Weapon Specialist
	Craig (Dr. Ruminahui): Minister of Foreign Affairs
				(until we caught him at it)
Series Concept: Darren Demaine
Written by: Darren Demaine (eighth holy warrior from Samurai Showdown;
				   next boah warrior: the boah-a
constrictor;
				   moving into the Greenwood dorm next
semester)
Based on works and an idea from: Takahashi Rumiko-megamisama

Note:  It is not necessary to read Ranma 1/100th Vol. 1 to enjoy this,
although it will make some things clearer.  Also, this series takes place
after volume 25 of the manga, and before volume 30.
_______________________________

	Deep inside that cursed locale known as the Tendo Dojo, an evil
experiment was underway.
	A small man, who possessed a smaller heart, and a large perversion,
was busy working on a devilish plan.  Before the ancient master sat a
collection of chemistry equipment that bubbled and spat as strange fluids
flowed through it.  Fiendishly flipping through a small booklet, he compared
the marks there with another book in his lap.
	"Um...let's see," Happosai muttered.  "According to this," he looked
from one book to the other, "these characters mean...ah, let it simmer for
half an hour."  He studied them for a few more moments, then threw both
books over his shoulder.
	"Argg!" he shouted.  "Who needs to know what these Chinese
characters mean!?  I've got the basics down; that's more then enough! 
Besides, I've got this!"
	Reverently, he pulled a small vial from the inner pocket of his gi. 
The vial itself was filled to the top with a colourless liquid.  Holding it
before him, he sighed contentedly; who could have ever thought (without
going insane) that one of his dreams was about to come true?  Through his
hard work he now held pure joy in his small hands.  Carefully pouring it
into a small funnel, the vial's clear liquid flowed down into the
contraption of chemistry equipment.  Setting the timer for 30 minutes,
Happosai turned on the Bunsen burner and started the distillation.
	Watching the proceedings commence, his face turned cold. "This will
teach that ungrateful pupil of mine.  He who should be on his knees thanking
me that I'm so gracious to teach him my art!  How he tasks me by constantly
going against the wishes of his master..." His mind's eye saw the image of
Ranma unjustly beating him into the ground as he, a kindly old man,
innocently reached out towards the sweet young girls who called out for him
to approach them.
	"No more of that though," the old goat continued, brightening. 
"With this one act, I'll be able to change that forever.  To think I'll
finally be able to enjoy the sweet, sweet embrace of that darling Ranma-chan
all to myself."  The mental image slowly changed as he began to fantasize
about the future he was in the process of making.  Now, a pure, gentle
Ranma-chan looked down with a sweet smile at the small bundle she held
lovingly in her arms.  There, laying innocently against her ample bosom,
Happosai cuddled up, glancing with big, innocent eyes at the lovely young
maiden holding him.
	Back in the present, Happosai shook himself out of his reverie and
wiped the drool from his mouth.  Such a wonderful future to look forwards
to, and all because of the liquid he'd worked so hard to obtain!  Well...he
hadn't actually worked for it...swiped would be a more accurate term; but
why quibble over details?  He glanced over at the timer and sighed; so near
and yet so far.  In order to pass the time he ruffled though a pile of
papers, pulled out a collection of lemon fan-fics and began reading.
	Time passed.
	Happosai kept reading.
	More time passed.
	Sweat began to bead the old master's bald plate; but he kept
reading.
	Even more time passed.
	He began to tremble, sweat running in rivers down his brow.
	Time continued to flow onwards.
	Giving in, he screamed and threw the papers aside.  Leaping over,
Happosai stared at the timer.
	Still twenty eight and a half minutes to go.
	"ARRGG!!  I can't stand it any longer!!  Darling Ranma won't have to
wait for me!!"  Grabbing hold of the Bunsen burner, he cranked the flame up
high and boiled the remaining liquid out.  The vapours traveled through the
distillation machine and condensed the pure essence of their substance into
a small beaker.
	Removing the beaker after the last of the fluid entered it, he
carefully poured the liquid into a small glass.  Unable to help himself, he
cackled loudly.  "So soon to bliss!"  Taking the glass in hand, he left his
room and bounced to the kitchen.  Seeing no one there, he carefully went to
one of the cupboards and took out a pitcher.  With extreme patience, he let
the liquid he had distilled pour into the container.  After this was
completed, he filled the pitcher with water from the tap and waited.  After
a few minutes, Ranma wandered in the kitchen, heading for the fridge.
	"Ranma!  There you are!  Your sweet Ji-chan wants to talk to you!"
the pervert shouted as he jumped up and leapt towards the youngster.
	"Do you mind?!  I'm trying to get a snack!"  Ranma said as he nailed
the old freak to the ground and stood on him.  Ignoring the wails of
protest, he kept Happosai there until he'd finished making the sandwich. 
"So what do you want to talk to me about?"  Ranma muttered as he let the
master go free.
	Jumping up to the counter, Happosai grabbed the pitcher of water and
poured a glass.  "I see you're eating right.  That's good; a martial artist
must do his utmost to keep up his strength."  Ranma looked over at the
master and humphed, stuffing the sandwich into his own mouth.
	"At least we can agree on something, ya old freak."
	Happosai nodded.  "Yes, I think our relationship really is
improving."
	Ranma glanced askew at the master.  "What relationship?" he muttered
between bites.
	Happosai looked professionally offended.  "Why, the one of natural
cooperation and trust that is built up between master and student as the
student gladly takes in knowledge the master is gracious enough to pass on
to the young, eager disciple."
	"Whatever," muttered Ranma as he started to leave the kitchen.
	"Wait!  You should wash that meal down with a glass of nice, cold
water.  Here," Happosai held out the glass he'd poured.  "As proof of our
strong and stable trust, accept this drink your master is so kind enough to
bring you."
	For a moment, the young man stared intently at the ancient figure
before him.  "You're right," Ranma said finally, nodding.  "This one act
will be the true display of the trust we have for each other."  With those
words, Ranma walked up to Happosai, took the glass in hand...
	Happosai couldn't help but grin expectantly.
	...and dumped the contents down the drain.
	While Happosai looked on, shocked, Ranma placed the glass down by
the sink.  "That is how much I trust you." he replied, then turned to leave.
	The ancient master began to sob.  "Oh poor me!  To think that my
student doesn't trust me!!  How much it hurts my gentle soul!"  Happosai
then pulled out the pitcher and splashed Ranma with that.
	"Lucky for me," the old goat gloated, "I'm always prepared."
Staring at the dripping Ranma-chan with big, puppy-dog eyes, Happosai began
to tremble.  It had happened just as he'd planned it...with a few unforeseen
complications of course.  The potion would take effect instantly; she was
now all his.  A wide grin on his face, Happosai leapt towards her, yelling,
"Oh you poor, sweet thing, your clothes are ruined!  Let me comfort-"
	BAMPH!  He ran into Ranma-chan's fist on the way in.
	"Just what do you think you're doing, old man!?" she asked. 
Happosai plopped to the floor and looked up at her, surprised.
	"Y-you don't want to hold me, dear girl?" he asked, shocked.
	"Why would I want to have anything to do with you, you reject of
nature?" Ranma asked, stepping on his head.  "Besides, I'm a guy!"
	Looking up from around Ranma's heel, Happosai asked, "You don't feel
anything for me?"
	"What are you talking about?!"
	"No sweet, warm light of compassion in your breast for me?"  
	"No!!"
	"No gentle, motherly concern and the desire to take care of a kindly
old man like myself?"  He asked, playing the innocent bit to the hilt.  And
failing.
	"Motherly concern?!?!  How many times do I have to tell you freak,
I'm a guy!!  Understand?"
	Happosai's world crumbled around him.  "Woe is me!!  It didn't
work!"  He leapt back up and stared deeply into the nearly empty pitcher of
water.  "This can't be!  I followed the instructions exactly!  Oh, why is my
life so empty of joy?!"  He began to cry.  "That which I worked so hard for
is now never to be!  My life is but a dark and barren existence!"  He leapt
towards Ranma's bosom.  "Hold me tight and console me as I cry for my lost
joy!"
	
	For some time, the sounds of combat mixed with a woman's screams
echoed out from the kitchen.

		*				*
*

	A while later, the Tendo and Saotome families were gathered at the
front step of the house.  Standing away from the rest, Kasumi had a set of
luggage by her side, and a frosty-glassed Tofu-sensei standing next to her. 
She was dressed in traveling clothes and looked quite fetching; Tofu-sensei
just looked goofy.
	"I just can't believe it," Soun said, crying into the sleeve of his
gi.  "My little girl is going away!  Will I ever see her again?!?"
	"Now, now, Otosan," Kasumi replied, smiling at her father, "You know
that it's only for a few weeks.  One of my old friends from high school just
had a difficult delivery, and she needs some help taking care of the baby
while she gets back on her feet.  Isn't that right, Tofu-sensei?"
	"Yes, Mina-chan really suffers from a frail constitution.  Isn't
that right Mina-chan?"
	"I'm Nabiki, sensei."
	"Ah!  So you are," the doctor laughed, one hand rubbing the back of
his head.  "It seems as if I might need a new prescription.  Don't you
think, Akane-chan?"
	"I'm Genma."
	"It's easy to mistake the two," Ranma-chan laughed.  She got an
elbow in the gut for that.
	"It's so good of you to watch over my daughter while you attend a
conference in Niigata as well." Soun continued through his tears.
	"Well, it'll be nice to have such a good traveling companion on the
way to Kyushu."
	Kasumi giggled.  "Oh sensei, Niigata is on Honshu.  You're so cute
when you play these little jokes."
	Looking at Tofu foolishly grinning from ear-to-ear and laughing at
himself, Ranma-chan leaned over to Akane and whispered, "It's a good thing
they're taking a train and not going by car.  In his condition, Tofu-sensei
probably has the direction sense of Ryoga."
	"I don't think it would have been all that bad," Akane whispered
back. "Kasumi-oneechan's always wanted to see Paris."
	"Are you sure you can spare me, Otosan?" Kasumi asked one more time. 
"I mean, if my leaving will cause too much of an inconvenience-"
	"D-don't think about that, Kasumi." Her father cut her off, placing
his hands on her shoulders.  His gaze flickered over to his youngest
daughter, who was standing there smiling.  "I'm sure we'll survive."
	"-Against incredible odds," he finished, under his breath.
	Glancing at his right wrist, although his watch was on his left,
Tofu looked surprised.  "It's time we got going, Kasumi-san."
	"Are you all packed, sensei?" she asked.
	"Yes, I'm ready," he responded, pulling out his pet skeleton.  "It's
Betty-chan who really doesn't know how to travel lightly."
	Soun looked up from his crying and grasped Tofu by the shoulders. 
"I'm entrusting my daughter to your care.  Please look after her and make
sure she comes back home safely."  He pulled the doctor close and whispered
into his ear; "And as soon as possible."
	Something that managed to vaguely approach a look of seriousness
entered Tofu's face as he nodded to Soun.  Kasumi gave one final hug to each
member of her family, then with a final bow, she and the sensei left the
dojo grounds.
	Akane stared after her departing sister.  <Don't worry, oneechan,>
she thought.  <I'll take good care of the family while you're gone.>  A
chill autumn wind chose that moment to blow by.
	Genma cleared his throat, "Well my boy, it looks like Kasumi-san's
away."
	"It sure does, Oyaji," the red-head replied.  "Ready?"  she asked,
pulling her full backpack out from hammerspace.
	"You bet," her father returned, now also shouldering his gear.  Both
would have walked out the gate as well, except for the fact that Akane was
suddenly standing in their path, looking very annoyed.
	"And just _where_ do you think you're going Ranma?" she asked.  A
look of firm determination on her features, Ranma walked up to Akane placed
her hands on the girl's shoulders.  Taking a deep breath, she gazed hard at
her fiancee.
	"Akane...it's time I faced facts...I'm going home to my mother and
telling her about my curse."
	Shocked at his announcement, Akane just stared back.  After a long
pause, she softly whispered, "Ranma...are you serious?"
	"Yes," she nodded, holding Akane's shimmering eyes with her own. 
"After all, committing seppuku is a faster and less painful way to die then
by eating your cooking."
	Hammer.  Ranma's head.  More need not be said.

		*				*
*

	"That damn jerk!" Akane growled as she stomped through the house,
heading nowhere in particular.  "How dare he insult me like that!  Sure, I'm
not as good as oneechan when it comes to cooking, but it's not like he ever
gives me a chance to prove myself!"  
	Muttering angrily to herself, she glanced up at a clock on the wall. 
Reading the time, she nodded grimly and reversed her course, rolling up the
sleeves of her blouse.
	"I'll show them...I'll show them all.  I'll cook them a dinner
they'll have to admit is good, even if it kills them!!"
	Stomping into the kitchen, she threw an apron on over her skirt and
blouse.  Tying it, she checked to make sure everything was in place for the
preparation of tonight's feast.
	There was her mother's notebook, a few pages of suggestions from
Kasumi, the cooking utensils, ingredients she'd need, and a note from Ranma
that pleaded with her to send out for pizza.
	That last item she picked up, set afire, and watched burn; all the
while muttering curses to bring evil down upon him.
	"All right," she said, reading herself.  "I'll make you eat those
words Ranma, just like you'll eat my cooking tonight!"
	Looking around, she saw she first had to clean up the kitchen from
what appeared to be another one of Ranma's fights.  "Honestly Ranma," she
muttered, "If you're going to make a mess in here, the least you could do is
clean it up yourself."  Frowning at the mess, she kneeled down and picked up
an overturned pitcher from beside an imprint of Ranma-chan's body in the
floor.  Most of the water was missing from the container, and she looked in
disgust at it.  
	"As if our water bills weren't high enough," she muttered as she
used the remaining bit of water in the pitcher to fill a glass for herself. 
Shaking her head angrily, she chugged back the water with one gulp.
	While refilling the pitcher, she paused, then blinked repeatedly. 
For some time she stared off into space, a blank expression on her face. 
After a moment of this, she shook her head and seemed to come back to
herself.  There was a subtle but definite change to the set of her facial
features, and a soft smile brightened her face.
	"Tonight will be a dinner that they'll never forget," she said
softly.

		*				*
*

	In the actual dojo itself, an emergency gathering of the remaining
members of the household was underway.  Soun and Genma were kneeling close
to each other, holding hands as tears rolled down their cheeks.  Sitting
cross-legged nearby, Ranma-kun watched the two fathers disinterestedly;
Nabiki was leaning up against one of the walls, hands behind her head, with
a bored/unconcerned look on her face.
	"Saotome-kun, I'm afraid that the Tendo clan is now facing the most
dire moment in its history."
	"I'm afraid you're right, Tendo-kun," his friend agreed. 
"Previously we had been blessed with the skill and ability of your eldest
daughter.  Now we must face the terrifying fact that Akane will be cooking
for the next few weeks."
	Soun began to cry.  "Far be it for a loving father to say unkind
things about his own flesh and blood...but...but...For the sake of the
continued existence of the Tendo clan I must admit that...that..."
	"That we'll all be dead before the week's out if we have to eat
Akane's cooking," Ranma finished for him.  Soun exploded into a veritable
Amazon river of tears as he nodded to Ranma's statement.  Genma glanced
reprovingly at this son.
	"Ranma!  How dare you say such things about your innazuke!"
	"Do you deny it?" Ranma challenged.
	"That's not the issue," Genma returned, dodging the question.
	"That's right," Ranma cut him off.  "The issue is what are we going
to eat for the next few weeks.  Unfortunately, the damage Jiji and I did to
the kitchen is easily repairable.  Never thought I'd admit it, but having
Shampoo and Ukyou as fiancees is going to come in handy for a while."
	Suddenly Genma scooted over and grabbed his child's hands in his
own.  "My son,  I think that it's time I got to know the other women in your
life better."
	Ranma dumped a bucket of water on him.  "Why don't you just admit
you want along for a free lunch?!"
	Panda held up a sign {I just want to see if they'll be good
coo...er...} he paused, then flipped the sign around {...companions for
you!}
	Listening to the sounds of "Ya right, Oyaji!" "Saotome-kun!  How
could you abandon me in my time of need?!" and marker pen on wood, Nabiki
finally sighed and quietly said, "You know, there is another possibility."
	The fighting stopped, and the three males turned to face her.  After
a moment of stunned silence, Soun crawled towards his daughter.  "Nabiki,
you do understand that your poor father-"
	"-has no regular source of income, three unwed daughters, and two
free-loading house-guests with bottomless pits for stomachs," she finished
for him.  "Yes, Otosan, I've heard you repeat that often enough; especially
when people come around asking for donations.  But I think there is a
something that you all may not be considering."  She now had their entranced
attention; pausing dramatically, she gave them a sly grin.
	"It's just possible that Akane has learned how to cook."  Nabiki
finished triumphantly.
	The guys went back to fighting among themselves.
	"Think about it," Nabiki continued, talking over the commotion. 
"She's being taught whenever Ranma's mother comes over, she's got Okasan's
notebook, and we have proof she can cook a decent curry."
	{Hmm...} Panda signed.  {That's true, my wife is a wonderful cook
and may have cured her.}  He pulled out another sign.  {But what if she
hasn't?  A Saotome can't live on curry alone.}
	"Of course," Nabiki replied, still relaxing against the wall. 
"However, I know what Akane's planning to make for dinner tonight, and
suggest that we check to make sure that its safe enough to eat.  A show of
support might just be what the girl needs."
	Ranma smirked.  "Yeah right, Nabiki.  Do you really think that we're
all going to go inside smiling and cheerfully risk death and anguish on the
off chance Akane won't poison us?"
	"Who said anything about all of us?"  Nabiki continued.   "What I
propose is single sacrifice while the rest eat out tonight."  Her eyes
narrowing into slits, she stared hard at Ranma.
	"Wait a minute!" he yelled, starting to back away.  "I've suffered
the most from her cooking.  Why should I be the one to die?!"
	"Because, as you've said, you've had the most experience with her
food.  You'll be able give us an informed opinion as to whether or not she's
improved any."  Nabiki finished, smirking the whole time.
	"No way!" Ranma yelled, then bolted.  He didn't get far as both
fathers brought him to the floor, shouting and holding signs.  "It'll be
good for your relationship!  Show her how much you trust her!  Sacrifice
yourself for the sake of your loving father you stupid ingrate!"

		*				*
*

	Through the open garden doors, a cool autumn breeze wandered into
the main room.  The outside showed the vibrant colours of the changing
leaves, and the low sun shone brightly into the cozy room.  Adding to the
scene of homely comfort, sitting at the low table with his legs under the
table's thick comforter, was a rather dejected looking Ranma.
	He glanced up when he heard the sounds of footsteps coming down the
outer hall.  A look of terrible fear etched itself on his face when he saw
that the footfalls belonged to Akane.  She entered the room wearing an apron
and carrying some sort of pot in her hands.
	"Everyone!  Dinner's on!"  Akane called.  She put the pot down and
began to set the table in a calm, unhurried manner.
	"I don't think you have to do that, Akane," Ranma muttered.
	She looked up at him.  "Hmm?  Why, aren't the others hungry?"
	"No, they all skipped out to eat."
	"Really?  They should have told me they wanted to eat out tonight."
she said, setting Ranma's place.  "Why didn't you join them?" she wondered. 
Ranma pulled up the edge of the comforter and pointed.  Akane looked under
the table and saw that Ranma's right leg was manacled to a large, heavy
chain.  The chain itself ended in a solid iron ring that had been bolted
into the floor.
	Akane blinked, then smiled slightly as she continued to get the
table ready.  "Well, at least that means there'll be more for you."  Ranma
shivered and again tried to pull the ring from the floor.
	<Maybe I should just chew off my own leg,> he thought.  <It would
probably hurt less and taste better too.>  He steeled himself and took a
deep breath.  "Look; Akane, I'm not going to eat that crap you call food! 
You can't cook, and I'm not going to die this time because you think you
can!  Beat me, hit me, do whatever you want, but it won't make me eat that
putrid refuse that you think passes for food!!
	In the process of filling his bowl, Akane paused.  Slowly she looked
towards the floor, hiding her face from him behind her bangs.  For a moment
she was perfectly still, then spoke very quietly.  "Do you mean that?"
	"Of course!" he continued.  "You'll not poison me this time!  So
just suck on it Akane; I'm not eating it!!"  Setting himself, he braced for
the incoming storm of violence that he knew would follow.  After a few
moments of tense waiting, he cracked an eye open and glanced over at her.
	She was still sitting there, holding his half-filled bowl in one
hand and the ladle spoon in the other.  For a long moment she didn't move;
Ranma leaned a little towards her, wondering if anything was wrong.  Then
she sighed; Ranma jerked back, tensing himself.  To his utter shock, he saw
her start to scoop the food in his bowl back into the pot.
	It took some time for Ranma's mind to actually come to grips with
this situation.  "Umm...ah...umm..." was all he could think to vocalize.
"Umm...A-Akane?  W-what exactly are you doing?" For a moment he wondered if
Akane could have hit him so hard he was seeing things.
	Very quietly and demurely, she responded, "If you're not going to
eat, I'm going to put it in the refrigerator.  You know how Otosan gets when
food is wasted."
	Stunned, Ranma hesitated, then leaned over and grabbed her by her
shoulders.  "Alright, what have you done with the real Akane?"
	Keeping her face averted, Akane just sat there, not looking at him. 
"Really now Ranma; I have to get this finished."  
	Releasing her, Ranma sat back, staring at her with wide eyes.  He
just couldn't believe that Akane was taking this so well; something
definitely was wrong.  On the other hand, whatever was going on had managed
to get him out of eating Akane's cooking.  Just a little more time, and he'd
have survived yet another of her many attempts to poison him.
	Unfortunately, his stomach didn't seem to understand this
significant point and growled loudly.
	In the still silence that followed, Akane shyly glanced at him. 
"Are you sure you don't want any?"
	Ranma's eyes flickered over to the pot, the gag reflex already
starting to kick in.  Turning back to face her, he opened his mouth to tell
her exactly where her food should be put...
	...looked into her eager, large hazel eyes staring back at him...
	...and muttered "Ah...S-sure...I'll...[gulp]...ta-take a bite."
	A smile blossomed on Akane's face as she began to refill his bowl. 
<I'm a wimp, I'm a gutless wimp,> he thought hopelessly as he watched her
get his dinner ready.  <I'm a gutless, pathetic wimp with a death wish.>
	Akane handed over the full bowl and a set of chop sticks.  "Eat up!"
Reluctantly taking it, Ranma looked down at his 'last supper.'
	"I don't suppose you tasted this?" he asked, Akane shook her head in
response.  Sighing, Ranma hoped she knew where the medical kit was and
lifted the first (and as he well knew, only one he could stand) bite to his
lips.
	
	In the distance, birds flew through the sky; the carp jumped in the
pond; and the wind-chime twinkled in the breeze.

	Back in the family room, Ranma slowly put the bowl down.  Very, very
calmly, his face struggling to contain his emotions, he began to stutter.
"A-Akane..."  She leaned close, looking at him intently.  "Akane..."
	"This is great!!" He shouted, absolutely stunned.  Akane clasped her
hands and sat back, a huge smile on her face.
	"Oh Ranma!  Do you truly mean that?"  For an answer, Ranma grabbed
his bowl and began to stuff the contents down his throat.
	"I don't [chew] know what [swallow] you've [chomp] done," he
muttered betwixt stuffing his face.  "Or [munch] how you've [swallow] done
it, [lick] but this is great [munch] stuff!"
	"Do you want more?"
	"Hai!!" he shouted, holding his empty bowl out to her.  The second
she refilled it Ranma grabbed the bowl from her and returned to stuffing his
face.  When she got the chance, Akane put a small amount in her own dish and
began to eat unhurriedly; constantly interrupted by Ranma's desire for more.
	Ranma was polishing off his sixth bowl when he finally noticed how
little she was having.  "Yo, Akane; why aren't you having more?  I thought
you'd be glad to finally be able to eat something that you made without
gagging."
	Akane glanced down shyly.  "Oh, this is enough for me; I'm really
not all that hungry."
	<This just gets stranger and stranger,> thought Ranma as he began to
work on his seventh helping.  <She sure is acting weird...but then again,
what do I have to complain about?>  He shrugged and returned his full
attention to the wonderful food.
	In one of those rare moments when Ranma paused to catch his breath,
he said,  "Akane; once dinner is over and everything, how'd you like to have
a little spar?  Oyaji jumped ship before we could train tonight;  and while
you aren't much of a challenge for me, you really could use the practice."
	"Thank you Ranma, but no.  I still have some housework to get
finished tonight," she replied.  He gagged on his food and took a long look
at her.  <Akane not wanting to fight?> he wondered as he started to eat more
thoughtfully.  <This really is turning into a strange night.  If I didn't
know better, I'd say that she was acting like a girl.>  
	He shivered.  <Brrr...scary thought.>

		*				*
*

	"WHAT?" Genma shouted as he dodged his son's leap kick.  "Akane
cooked a good dinner last night?"
	"Incredible isn't it," Ranma returned, getting into the swing of
their morning warm-up session.  "For the first time I wasn't sorry you
engaged me to that pathetic excuse for a girl."  He grinned as his father
tried a shoulder throw.  "And since the rest of you weren't around I was
able to eat my fill."  Reversing the hold, Ranma tossed his father.  "So how
was your evening?"
	Rolling with the fall, Genma tumbled to his feet, facing his son. 
"During our long training with the master Happosai, Tendo-kun and I thought
we had seen all the ways possible to leave an eating establishment without
paying the bill." He intoned, attacking his son.  "However, last night I
have to admit: we were humbled to be in the presence of the true master."
	"So Nabiki cut out and left both of you with the bill, huh?" Ranma
asked, blocking the in-coming jabs.
	Tears began to roll from the elder Saotome's eyes.  "It was pure
genius she displayed before us; nay, a work of art!  If only I possessed
such skill, I...I..."
	"Wouldn't have sold me for food multiple times!" yelled Ranma,
driving his father's head into the tree in the Tendo's yard.
	"But your loving father's life depended on it!  Each and every
time!"  Genma returned, punching Ranma square in the face, then lobbing him
into the outer wall.
  	"Well...not with Ukyou," Genma muttered to himself.  "And that time
with the Shanghai noodles involved extenuating circumstances..."
	Getting up, Ranma shook himself and looked over the wall and into
the surrounding streets.  He frowned, then jumped back down to his father
and continued to spar.  "Hey, Oyaji; shouldn't Akane be getting home from
her morning jog about now?"
	"Actually, she didn't go out this morning.  Said she wanted to get
the lunches ready, take a bath, then had to fix breakfast."
	"Akane said that," Ranma muttered, unbelieving.  "I just can't
imagine."  Finishing their practice, the Saotomes booted each other into the
family room, joining Soun and Nabiki.
	"Ranma-kun," Soun demanded upon seeing the boy.  "Is it true what I
hear?  Has my poor, sweet, lovely daughter finally been cured of the
horrible problem that afflicts us?"
	Ranma grinned.  "Hey, I can't believe it myself."
	"You know, this can only mean one thing," Soun continued.
	"Yeah," Ranma questioned, "What's that?"
	"The last obstacle to your happy marriage to my daughter is now
removed!  Oh this is a happy day!"  Soun cried.
	"Come on," Ranma grumbled.  "Just because she can now cook doesn't
mean that I'm going to marry her.  After all, cooking doesn't do a thing
about the rest of her personality problems.  She's still uncute, violent,
macho, and-"
	"WELL EXCUSE ME!!"  Akane shouted as she appeared out of nowhere and
slammed a steam cooker down on the back of his head.  Her father was
overjoyed.
	"Oh Akane!  To think that I'll finally be able to enjoy the sweet
taste of food made by your own hands!  How proud it makes your father!"
	"This isn't the first time I've cooked for you Otosan," Akane said
as she scooped out food for the family.  Soun started to sweat.
	"Umm...t-that's right...you have c-c-cooked for me before...But this
time I'm just so proud of you!"
	Nabiki glanced over at her younger sister, "So Akane, I hear you
blazed a path to Ranma's heart through the most important organ in his body;
his stomach."
	Akane looked annoyed.  "Oneechan!  Just because I cooked something
for that jerk doesn't mean anything.  If you'd been home I'd have done the
same for you."
	"But there was a risk if I'd stayed home," Nabiki said dryly.
"Something might have come up."
	Glaring at her sister, Akane passed out the filled bowls. Ranma
waited eagerly for his; as Akane handed it over, he grinned.  "I was worried
about what I was going do for breakfast, but now I think I might just enjoy
Kasumi's vacation.  Dig in!"
	As one, the men shoveled the breakfast in while a smiling Akane
proudly looked on.
	Nabiki, food held just a centimeter from her lips, was giving the
males careful scrutiny.  The only expression that crossed her face was a
single raised eyebrow.  
	On the other hand, the men's faces showed expressions of pain,
suffering, distress, agony, and woe.
	With a small sigh of resignation, Nabiki put her bowl down and
reached under the table.  "I knew it was too good to be true.  Lucky for me,
I kept a doggy bag from last night."
	Looking at the guys all twitching and gagging, Akane blinked, a
large sweat drop in her hair.  "I-is there something wrong?"
	Genma and Soun both slowly rolled over backwards and crashed to the
floor.  Ranma, through great effort, managed to croak out, "A-A-Aka-ne?"
	"Yes, Ranma?"
	"What did you do?!  This tastes terrible!"
	"What!?"
	"It's rotten!  Like eating glass!  Or your regular cooking, I can
never tell the two apart."
	"That can't be," Akane said, looking devastated.  "I followed
oneechan's instruction's exactly."
	"Did you?"
	"Well, no, not quite...I did think my first breakfast should have
something unique to it-"
	"Well, your first breakfast will have something unique to it.  A
stomach pump!  Is anything left of last night's dinner?"
	"No, you ate it all."
	"Argg...thinking you were actually able to cook."  He shook his
head.  "It must have been some sort of hallucinogen you put in the food last
night.  Nothing else could possibly explain it."  He glanced down at his
bowl.  "Uncute, violent, and still unable to cook," he muttered to himself. 
<So much for thinking that she was making any progress becoming a girl.> 

		*				*
*

	At school later, the two kids were just sitting down for first
period, still arguing over the morning's fiasco.  The long walk had done
nothing to curb Akane's temper or Ranma's tongue.
	"Still trying to poison me, Akane?  Just what do you hold against
me?"
	"Other then the fact that you're a jerk, a baka, and a perverted
freak, not much."
	"Well at least I'm not guilty of aggravated attempted murder with a
meat-loaf."  he returned.  While those two continued to argue,
Hinako-chan-sensei burst into the room with a blaze of energy and
kawaii-ness.  Up to the front podium she shuffled, almost bursting with
excitement. 
	"All right all you, listen up!  As your sensei I've got great news
to tell you all!  Heh heh!!" She giggled, looking annoyingly cute.  "I've
just come back from a meeting with your Principal, and-"
	"He's back?" Yuka asked, surprised.
	"I didn't expect to see him again," Daisuke muttered.
	"Guess the cement didn't have enough time to harden before he fell
into the harbour," Hiroshi mussed.
	"Anyway," Hinako-chan continued, pouting at having been interrupted. 
"I'm so happy to inform you that your Principal is allowing Furinkan High to
put on an autumn dance for its students!!  Isn't that just so cute!?"  The
sensei hopped around and giggled after her announcement.  The class began to
talk among themselves.
	"Wow, a dance!"
	"Neat idea, I wonder why the Principal is being so nice?"
	"Who cares!  I've got to get my father to buy me a new dress!"
	"It's going to be great!  Who do you think Mikamoto is going to
take?"
	"Maybe me!  Heheh!"
	"Yeah, in your dreams!"
	Hinako tried to get the class back under control: she waved her
arms, yelled at the students, then burst into tears at being ignored, but
the gossiping continued unabated.  Surrounded by talkers, Akane listened to
the hubbub of her friends with only half an ear.  Holding her finger between
her lips, she thought about what the sensei had said.  A dance, a get
together of the whole school; it would be the event of Furinkan's year.  Or
at least until Ranma's next rival showed up.  Everyone would be watching who
was with whom.  It would be the topic of gossip for weeks afterwards. 
Relationships would be made or broken by the events of that night. 
Nervously, she glanced over at Ranma.
	And stared in disbelief.  "Honestly Ranma!  You're having your lunch
now?!  It's still first period!"
	"Well, remember that you cooked breakfast so I didn't have a chance
to eat anything."  He lifted the bite,  paused for a moment, then gave the
food a long, hard look.  Slowly and reluctantly he put the bento away.
	"What?" Akane wondered, "I though you were hungry."
	"I am; but on second thought I think I'm going to save it till
noon."
	"That's a change," Akane replied, her nose in the air.
	"I agree, but at lunch maybe I can find some poor dupe who doesn't
know how badly you cook and trade with them."
	Akane kicked him out the window.

		*				*
*

	Later, Yuka and Sayuri were talking to each other over their
lunches.
	"You hear about those strange students seen hanging around the
grounds?" Sayuri asked.
	"Yeah, I wonder what they're doing here?  I hope its not a gang
moving in."
	"Oh I hope not!  That would be terrible!" Sayuri replied, alarmed. 
"They'd probably come and ruin the dance!"
	"I can't believe it; it seems like we've been going to this school
forever and we've never really had a dance yet."
	"I know, no dances, no finals...I keep wondering if we'll ever
finish tenth grade." Sayuri replied.  "I have a pen-pal from Quagmire in
America who seems to suffer from the same problem."  Then she leaned close
to her friend and slyly asked, "So...has he asked you to the dance yet?"
	Yuka blushed, "No, not yet.  I'm not sure he's even thought about
it...it kind of sucks that we have to wait for the guys to ask us out."
	"True, but if we did the asking it'd scare them out of their
pathetic, immature little minds.  Blame it on the culture we live in."
	Yuka sighed and thoughtfully took a bite of her lunch.  "An
assertive woman has so much trouble finding a man in today's Japan."
	"RANMA, GET BACK HERE!!!"
	"So true," Sayuri replied philosophically, "so true."
	Neither girl bothered to look up as Ranma raced by, closely followed
by Akane, who carried an open bento box in her hand.  "Forget it Akane,
you're not feeding me that junk!"
	"You haven't even tried it, you jerk!"
	Ranma tried to cut across the soccer field.  "Good!  Maybe then I'll
live long enough to round up some dinner I can actually eat!"
	"Baka!" Akane broke across the field after him.  Interrupting the
game, she intercepted the soccer ball and gave it a mighty kick.  Driven
straight and sure, the ball sailed through the air and wonked Ranma right
across the back of the head.  He went to the ground hard, and Akane jumped
on his back and pinned him there.
	"Now eat!"
	Ranma opened his mouth to scream in terror; Akane used that
opportunity to stuff food in his mouth.  Then she kneed his head into the
ground, forcing his jaw closed and him to swallow.
	A long moment of silence followed, then Ranma slowly crawled his way
up from under her.  Moving to a sitting position, he paused to take a deep,
cleansing breath.
	Then he grabbed the bento from her hands and started to stuff his
face.  Akane, so unused to this, looked on in amazement.
	"You mean it's good?" she asked, opening her own lunch.  After the
first, cautious bite, she broke out into a bright smile.
	"I just can't understand it," Ranma muttered between bites.  "Your
breakfast was a pain, yet this lunch is even better then anything Kasumi's
ever made.  What did you do differently?"
	"I-I don't know," Akane said, savouring her own lunch.  "I got up
this morning and made the lunches, then breakfast."
	"That's all?"
	"Well...I did take a bath and change after finishing the lunches,
but I don't see how that could affect anything."
	Finished his own meal, Ranma began to sneak bites from Akane's.  "I
don't see how it could either.  But there must be some reason."
	Shifting uncomfortably, Akane only half-heartily engaged him in a
war of chop sticks over the food.  She glanced over at him from the corners
of her eyes; <Now's the time girl...If he's ever going to ask you to the
dance, it'll be when he's stuffed from your cooking.  Not that you actually
care, mind you...>  Trying to be cool and unconcerned, she started to speak.
	"Ran...Ranma?  I-is there s-something on y-your mind?" she fumbled
over the question and blushed.
	Ranma munched thoughtfully.  "Yeah, now that you mention it, there
is something I want to ask you.  It-it's just that it's kind of embarrassing
though."  	
	Akane looked up at him hopefully. "Yes?"
	He shifted uncomfortably.  "Akane, do you..." he glanced at the
ground, embarrassed.
	"Yes?" she asked, leaning close.
	"Do you..." he took a deep breath, then looked up at her.  "Do you
think it could be you're cooking better because it's that time of the month
for you?"
	Utter, complete, and DEAD silence answered him.
	But only for a moment.
	

	When Ranma returned to earth from his orbital trip courtesy of Tendo
airways, he considered what exactly had gone wrong.
	"There are times I just don't understand her," he muttered, sitting
cross legged and upside down with his head firmly implanted into the limb of
a tree.
	"I mean, here I am, concerned about why she's suddenly able to cook,
and what does she do?  She beats me for no reason at all.  Well, this is the
last time I'll ever be concerned over her problems!  Stupid, kawaikune,
macho chick."
	"I can't believe you actually said that."
	"Really, I-I didn't mean it!"
	Surprised, Ranma looked down (or up from his perspective).  At the
base of the tree, two students were talking there, totally unaware of his
existence.
	"You keep saying that," the long, dark haired female student said. 
"How can I believe you?"
	"Please believe me!" the guy pleaded.  "I-I'm just not good
at...at..."  The girl turned her back to the guy, folding her arms across
her chest.
	"Can't you make up your mind?  Isn't it about time you started
acting like a man and take the lead?"
	Turning slightly, the guy put a hand up against the tree.  Quietly,
so that the girl wouldn't hear, he muttered, "Yes...yes it is.  And you're
right, I've got to make a decision.  There has to be a resolution.  And I do
want to go to the dance with you."
	<Wait a minute,> Ranma thought, overhearing this.  <Could it be that
Akane was expecting me to ask her to the dance?  Just like that macho chick,
worried about something stupid like that when she should be trying to figure
out why she's able to cook.>  Despite those thoughts, he did managed to look
apprehensive.  <I better go see.>
	Ranma swung out of the tree just as the guy walked up to the girl
and gently turned her around.  "Alright...I'm asking you, w-would you go-"
	"DARLING!" A cute bundle of girl shouted as she appeared from
nowhere and jumped into the guy's arms.  "I just heard there's going to be a
dance!  Can you believe it sempai?!"
	Shocked, the guy looked at the new girl, affectionately cuddling up
in his arms, then glanced up at the other woman, who was now walking away.
	"A-Ayukawa..."

	
	Storming back into school, Akane fumed, thinking nasty thought about
Ranma; something she had vast experience doing.  Still steamed, she didn't
stop when she heard him calling her.
	"Akane!  Wait!"  He hopped in front of her; she tried to walk around
him, but he kept moving to block her way.  "I...uh...suppose you're...going
to want to go to that dance?"
	Akane stopped and looked up at him, surprised.  "Well,
yes...I'd...like to go."
	"Well, then...ah..." One hand rubbing the back of his head, Ranma
glanced down at his feet.  "I, uh, guess you'll need someone to go with."
	"H-hai, I think I might," Akane responded, a tight feeling
constricting her chest as she looked up at him.
	"And it's obvious that an uncute tomboy like yourself will have
trouble getting a date-"
	Akane imbedded fist into his face.  "Just get to the point!"
	"A...Akane..."
	"Hai?"
	"You're coming with me!"
	The two jumped in surprise, then looked over at the voice. 
Hinako-chan-sensei Tokyo Shuffled over to Ranma, carrying her 'Hime-chan no
Ribbon' bento box in one hand and a glass of water in the other.
	"Saotome-kun, you've been a bad, bad boy!  Skipping out of first
period is no way for a student to behave!"
	"What?  I didn't skip class, Akane threw me out!"
	"No arguing with your sensei, you bad, naughty boy!  Now come with
me young man!"  She hooked one of his arms with her's, and tried to pull him
away.
	"Just wait a minute!" he shouted, snatching his arm free. 
Unfortunately, doing that yanked Hinako off balance.  Struggling with
limbs-a-blur to stay upright, the sensei to spilled her lunch and splashed
water all over the three of them.
	"Ahhh!!" the sensei cried out, holding the soiled spot of her
sweater between her hands.  "I'll never get that stain out!!"  Hinako began
to drag the red-head away, crying at the same time.  "Wahhh!!  To detention
with you!!"
	"In a minute!" Ranma-chan yelled.  "I've got to talk to Akane
first!"
	"Ranma, I really think you should go with the sensei," Akane said,
very quietly.  "After all, we should be respectful to the wishes of our
elders."  With one hand she brushed the water out of her hair.  "Please be
good for the sensei.  I'll see you after school."  She bowed to Hinako and
walked away, leaving Ranma-chan there staring after her wide-eyed and
Hinako-sensei yanking on her shirt and crying.

		*				*
*

	The final bell rang the end of the school day, and Ranma-kun raced
out the front doors, looking for someone.
	"Kuso...stuck in detention all day...for a kid, Hinako-sensei sure
can be mean."  Looking through the throngs of people, he grunted when he saw
Akane leaning against the entry, waiting for him.  He raced up towards her,
opened his mouth to say something, and instead ran full speed into the blade
of a giant spatula.
	"Oh, hello there Ukyou," Akane said pleasantly as the long-haired
girl peeled Ranma off her trademark utensil.
	"Hello Akane-chan," Ukyou replied, smiling wily.  "If you don't
mind, I'd like to invite Ran-chan here," she picked his carcass up off the
ground, "for a snack at my place.  You can just run along home, I've got so
much to talk to him about, and a private chat between best friends just
wouldn't be of any interest to you.  You understand of course."
	"Of course," Akane said cheerfully.  
	"You do?"  Ukyou returned, looking surprised.  Ranma, busy resetting
his face, stopped to gape at her.  
	She turned to him, "I'll see you at home later Ranma."  That done,
Akane waved to them and easily strolled off.
	Leaving two people standing there, slack jawed and blinking in her
wake.

		*				*
*

	"Strange behaviour from her," Ukyou pondered as she worked on
Ran-chan's five okonomiyakies.   She'd changed out of her male school
uniform and into her more flattering work outfit.  "I've never know Akane to
be so meek."
	"Yeah, well, it's really not that important," Ranma muttered as he
watched her get his food ready.  "So what did you want to talk about?"
	"Umm...you hear about that group of students from another school
that have been hanging around Furinkan?" Ukyou began, using some small talk
before getting to the main reason she dragged him here.
	"Nope.  First I've heard about.  You know why they're here?"
	Ukyou shook her head.  "I've managed to catch glimpses of people in
different uniforms hanging around, but they never stay long enough to get a
good look at.  What's weird is that I keep hearing things just before they
disappear."
	"Hearing things?"  Ranma asked.
	"Yeah, sort of like a Discman played really loudly, or a
getto-blaster of some kind.  Never can make out the tune though."
	"Awh, don't worry about it Ucchan," Ranma returned, sounding
confident.  "It's probably just a bunch of guys looking for dates.  Although
why they'd look for girlfriends at Furinkan is beyond me; after all, no cute
chicks go there."  Ranma suddenly realized what he'd said and quickly
blurted out, "I, uh, mean other then you, of course."
	Tossing him his food, Ukyou cleared her throat.  "Speaking of
girlfriends," she began, sounding anxious.  "You've heard about the dance
that's upcoming, haven't you Ran-chan?"
	"Yeah," Ranma grunted, busy stuffing his face.  "So what?  You'd
think by the way the girls are acting that this is really a big deal."
	"Oh, but it is Ran-chan!"  Ukyou's voice and actions became animated
as she threw herself into her attempt to convince him.  "You just can't
imagine how much it means for a girl to go to a public event like that!  To
actually be asked by the man she cares about!  Dancing the night away in
someone's arms gives me shivers just thinking about it!  To be swept off her
feet by her one, true love...It just can't be described!  It really is a
night that a girl's dreams are made of!"
	Ranma frowned as he continued to eat.  "So if it's that important,
why don't the girls just come out and ask us to take them?  They're really
being an nuisance, putting us guys on the spot by having to ask them out."
	Ukyou cupped her cheeks in her palms and blushed (as she'd seen
girls do in movies).  "Oh Ran-chan; that just couldn't be!  For a girl,
nothing is more important that to have the guy approach her...to show that
he's man enough to risk everything, even his heart, for her!"
	Leaning close, Ranma stared intently into his fiancee's eyes and
grasped her hands in his.  "Tell me the truth: is it really that important
for a girl?"
	"Y-yes, yes it is," Ukyou whispered, her eyes shimmering; she felt
light-headed and the room swam slightly in her vision.  Ran-chan was going
to ask her!
	"I never knew," Ranma muttered, his eyes shaking.  After another
moment, he took a deep chestful of air and nodded grimly.  "Ucchan, arigato. 
I can always count on you to open my eyes."
	"Ran-chan..." she breathed.
	Letting go of her hands, Ranma gobbled down the last of his
okonomiyaki and headed out the door.  "Thanks for everything, Ucchan!" he
waved as he left.  "The meal and the talk were really great!"
	For a moment, all Ukyou could do was stare after him as he left, a
large sweat drop running down her hair and a sick smile plastered on her
face; then she raised a hand and weakly waved.  After a moment she unslung
her kick-ass spatula and held it lovingly.
	"I'll kill him," she vowed sweetly as she twisted the metal weapon
into a pretzel.


	Racing home along the tops of fences, Ranma spent his time muttering
nasty thoughts about Akane.  "Stupid chick, why does she only act like a
girl in these situations where its inconvenient?  If she acted feminine all
the time it would be better.  Yeah, that's what I'd like, a girl who knows
how to be a girl.  Not all these butch ones that seem to hang around me."
	Off in the distance, danger approached.  However, Ranma was too busy
wrapped up in his internal monologue to be paying the proper attention to
this surroundings.  
	"Wouldn't that be great," he mussed out loud, "a real girl: one who
was polite, sweet, and nice.  Someone who could cook without poisoning me or
putting magical ingredients in the food."  
	The danger stalked closer, but Ranma was still unaware.  
	"I'd give a lot to get away from these macho women, just give me
some demure, sweet thing.  One that did what she was told without getting
mad or hitting me.  Man, I'd take a woman like that any day."  
	The danger loomed close; Ranma received his only warning by the
sudden double ring of a small bell.  Hearing that, he came back to his
senses and turned at the last second.  
	Just in time to experience the patented
Ancient-Chinese-French-Kiss-Of-Burning-Rubber technique, firsthand.
	"Ai-yah!  Shampoo so happy to see Ranma!"  Jumping off her bike, the
Chinese amazon pulled her husband's face free from the front tire and hugged
him fiercely.  As a result, both of them fell off the fence; Ranma taking
the brunt of the fall to the back of his head.  "And Shampoo know Ranma have
something to ask her!"
	Groaning loudly, Ranma maneuvered them both up to a sitting
position.  With great effort, he unlatched Shampoo from his body.  "What are
you talking about?"
	"Oh Ranma!  Shampoo hear school to put on dance!  And Shampoo know
that husband ask Shampoo!"  She rose to her feet and spun around
dramatically, her long hair flowing behind her majestically as rose petals
fluttered across the scene.
	"Oh, such joy to dance on clouds light as air...held in loving arms
of darling husband!  It thing that melt Shampoo's heart and turn Shampoo's
legs to soggy ramen!"  Her legs did go weak and she fell back down beside
him.  However, her arms were still as strong as ever and she crushed the
breath out of him with her sudden embrace.  "Hurry and ask Shampoo out!"
	Disengaging himself from her crushing love-hug, Ranma stood up. 
"Well...I'd like to...but, you see...I've...I'm..."  Desperately searching
for an excuse, he started to back away.
	Fortunately, an excuse showed up.
	"Saotome!" Mousse shouted as he charged up, "How dare you go to a
dance with the woman I'm going to marry!  Die you fiend!"  Throwing multiple
manhole covers, Mousse unleashed his unabated fury against a passing bus. 
Leaping forward, he grabbed Ranma's hands in his own.
	"Shampoo, I will be the first to ask you!  Will you go to the dance
with me?!  Oh what is to be your answer my lovely?!"
	Ranma put his foot into Mousse's face.  "Why don't you ask her and
find out?!"
	Mousse tossed Ranma aside and into a wall, then ran towards Shampoo. 
"I ask you, my dear Shampoo, will you go with me to the dan-"  Shampoo gave
him her answer by punting him across Tokyo.
	"Ai-yah!  Shampoo no want go with stupid, blind Mousse."  She pulled
a small item from one of her pockets and yanked Ranma's face from the brick. 
"Eat up," she said and tossed it in his mouth.
	Ranma caught it with his teeth and spat it into his hand.  Looking
at the item, he saw it was a small, brown mushroom.  Warily, he asked,
"Shampoo, what is this?"
	"Mind control mushroom," she answered proudly.  "Way to man's heart
is through stomach, then mind!"
	Ranma crunched the fungus in his hand, dropped it on the ground and
stepped on it.  Definitely pissed, he advanced a step towards her and waved
his arms.  "Listen up Shampoo; I want you to understand this!  Don't mess
with my mind!  I'm sick and tired of people trying to run my life!  I'll
make my own decisions!  It's my life and I'll be the one to decide how it
goes, without any interference!  Me!  You got that?  Me!  Without any tricks
or deceit!  Let me make up my own mind about how my life is to be run!"  
	Finished, he let out a breath and tried to lose his head full of
steam.  The cute Chinese girl just stared back at him, eyes wide and
concerned.
	"Look," he continued, much more calmly, "do you really want someone
to be with you because of magic or 'cause they can't control themselves, or
do you want the real thing?"
	Shampoo looked down, scrapping at the ground with her toes.  For a
long moment, she didn't reply.  "Shampoo know real love is best," she
finally answered quietly, "and not want fake."  She took a deep breath and
looked him in the eye, very calmly.  "And Shampoo know that eventually,
Ranma make right choice for him.  And Shampoo trust Ranma make decision in
his heart."
	Looking deep in her eyes, Ranma couldn't help but be moved.  Here,
for once, one of his suitors was actually being truthful and open with him. 
"If that's so," he began slowly, "why do you keep-"
	"Because Shampoo also know if she wait for Ranma to make up mind by
self, Shampoo as old as Hibachan before Ranma get around to choosing her!"
she replied, pulling another mushroom from her other pocket and trying to
stuff that down his throat.
	<I knew it was too good to last,> Ranma thought as he broke for
cover.
	"Ranma no ask Akane to dance!  Akane too violent for Ranma!"
Shampoo shouted as she tried to cripple him so he wouldn't get away.  "Ranma
need real, loving woman like Shampoo as date!"
	"Shampoo!!" Mousse shouted as he made his reappearance, arms held
wide to sweep her into an embrace; she screamed.  So did Ranma when Mousse
ended up hugging him tightly by mistake.  "Please my love, go out with me! 
Let me take you to the dance!  I will make you forget that horrible
Saotome!"
	"Just who do you think you're holding?!"  Ranma shouted as he
thumped Mousse a good one.  The Chinese hammerspace wizard pulled out his
glasses and took a good look at who he had an armful of.
	Then he punted Ranma into the sky.  That done, he raced towards
what, by the process of elimination, had to be Shampoo.  "Shampoo!  Please
allow me to-"
	She punted him airborne as well.
	There sure was a lot of air traffic over Nerima today.


	Flying through the air, Ranma noted with some surprise that his
flight trajectory was carrying him back to the dojo.  <Good,> he thought. 
<No one in the way to intercept me on the way home, Oyaji and Ojisan were
going out, Nabiki has a Junior Loan-Shark meeting tonight, and we saw Ryoga
just two days ago, so there's no chance he'd be back so soon.>  With those
thoughts, Ranma crashed through the roof.
	He came to rest in a sitting position right next to the family room
table.  The open garden doors were behind him, and to his surprise, Akane
was sitting on the other end of the table, a fashion magazine open on the
table before her.  She seemed to take his arrival in stride.
	"Welcome home."
	"Yeah; uh...listen...A-Akane," he stumbled over the small speech
he'd just thought up and turned a little red.  "...I...I know that
you're...kind...of anxious to g-go to this dumb dance...and well...I was
just thinking..." he really began to stutter as he noticed she was paying
him great attention.  "...y-you know...it might be OK...if...well, since I
know that you'll have trouble finding a d-date...not that that's what this
is...well, I was just wondering if...if..."  Here he took a deep gulp and
stared at the hole in the ceiling.  "...ifyou'dliketogowithmetothedance!"
He finished, red of face.
	For long moments afterwards, the only sounds in the room were the
gentle twinkle of the wind-chime, and the creak of broken roof timbers. 
Ranma continued to stare at the ceiling, his face still burning, while Akane
looked at him, an unreadable expression on her face.
	Finally, she sighed slightly and gently smiled at him.  "Ranma," she
began, very softly.  "I'd really enjoy going to the dance with you, and I'm
glad you asked me."
	Ranma turned to face her, trying to keep his emotions and feelings
in check.  In his chest, his heart continued to thump loudly, but no longer
with embarrassment.  "Akane..." he gently returned.
	"Unfortunately," Akane continued, "someone has already asked me, so
I'm afraid I'm going to have to decline your offer."
	Ranma turned to stone.
	"I'm terribly sorry, and I realize that this must be awful for you,
but they did ask before you, and it would have been rude to say no."
	It took much time for Ranma's brain to reconnect with his anatomy. 
When it did, all his emotions hit him at once; as usual, anger led the pack. 
"What?!  Who asked you?!"
	"The gentleman you're currently sitting on," she replied, motioning
to the prone figure that Ranma had driven into the floor by his landing upon
him.
	With a sudden bust of power, Kuno Tatewaki sat up, dumping Ranma to
the floor.  "Yes, you poor foolish Saotome," he began, his face bearing the
imprinted pattern from the tatami floor mats.  "It is I, Kuno Tatewaki, the
Blue Thunder who has quested for, and finally won the loving heart of the
dear and noble Tendo Akane."
	Ignoring the two people present, Kuno struck up a melodramatic pose. 
"For long did I grapple with the question as to whom I should grace with my
presence; the lovely and active Tendo Akane, or the equally as lovely and
pure and innocent Osage-no-Onna.  To deny either would be a travesty.  Yet,
to not seek their companionship would be a crime against the very nature of
their gentle hearts.  After much troubled searching, did I finally cast my
lot to the kami themselves.  It was they who guided me here, to the abode of
my angel, my Tendo Akane, so that I might, in my manner so humble and pure,
ask her to accompany me to the festival so soon hence"
	"Actually," said Sasuke from his customary place under the Tendo's
floor, "we're here because Tatewaki-sama got lost while he was out pondering
who to ask to the dance."
	Kuno drove his sword through the floor boards.  "Silence!!  It is
the will of the kami that I should arrive here on this, so momentous a day! 
Clear your thoughts of all other beliefs as I have and submit to the
glorious plan of the heavens!"
	Glancing over at Ranma, Akane seemed a bit sorrowful.  "I'm so sorry
Ranma.  I realize this must have been very important for you, but-"
	"What?!" Ranma yelled back, now very ticked and angry (and hurt,
although he wouldn't admit that).  "Do you think that I give a pair of
putrid dingo's kidneys who a kawaikune macho chick like yourself goes to a
stupid dance with?!?  HA!"  He followed that up with several more ha's, all
of them sounding forced.  "Go!  Have a good time with Kuno-sempai!  Don't
worry about me; I've had the women knocking down the door waiting for me to
ask them!"  He threw that in her face.
	"Well, I'm glad to hear that you'll be able to find a date," Akane
replied, without any anger.  "I'd feel terrible if my rejection caused you
any problems."  Ranma cringed at the word 'rejection.'
	"N-no problems...i-in fact, I think I'll go ask one of those girls
right now!"
	"I hope you're successful," Akane replied, sounding truthful; yet
another part of Ranma's ego crumbled.
	<I'll show her,> he thought, working up a headful of anger.  <I'll
show that stupid, uncute, unfaithful-> he cut that thought before he had to
consider what exactly he was thinking by that last word.  <I'll ask out the
very next girl, right to Akane's face; the very next girl!>
	"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!!!!"
	"Kodachi-sama!" Sasuke divined from under the floor; Ranma felt his
heart sink lower then the ninja.
	Bounding into the common room with a blizzard of black petals
following, Kuno 'The Black Rose' Kodachi, dropped down in front of her love. 
"My darling Ranma-sama, Otosama has just told me glorious news!!  Your
school is to hold a dance!  And I am here for you my darling!  To save you
from those wicked and evil women who plague your nightmares!  Just request
of me, and I, Kuno Kodachi, will be your date for this wondrous occasion!"
	"Well," Ranma began, looking for a way out.  "Y-you see...it's like
this..."  Searching, his eyes fell upon Akane; Kuno was standing before her,
handing her another of his unlimited bouquets of flowers.  Ranma's features
hardened, and he turned back to face the Black Rose.
	"K-Kodachi, I was wondering if y-you'd like to go with me to the
d-d-d-dance?"
	"OH!  Ranma-sama!!!  To think that you would be so kind as to look
upon an unpicked flower like myself!"  She began, shifting to the full
melodramatic mode that must have been in the Kuno genes.  "You are a prince
among men!  I would have never, ever considered the possibility that you
would think to pick me from your legions of devoted!  Oh, this is just too
much!  I must go forth and spread my joy with others!!!
OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!!"
	With that, she hugged Ranma once and leapt out of the room; using
her brother's head for a springboard, and leaving a soft carpet of dark
petals to settle over everything.
	"I don't like the way this is turning out," Ranma muttered to no one
in particular.  He glanced over at Kuno and Akane; then scowled.
	<I _really_ don't like it.>

		*				*
*

	"No believe Ranma not take Shampoo!"
	Angry at not being chosen, Shampoo stormed through the Nekohanten,
dropping off orders roughly and muttering to herself.  Unfortunately, her
great-grandmother overheard.
	"Yes, it is a shame that the son-in-law didn't submit to the
inevitable and take you."
	"Well then," Shampoo began, angry and determined.  "We just go and
get Ranma at dance."
	"That could be difficult grand-daughter; according to the
information we bought from Nabiki, the dance is for the school population
only.  If you can't find a partner from Furinkan, they won't let you in."
	Shampoo scanned the crowd, then smiled slyly.  "That no problem
Hibachan.  Shampoo go to dance and win Ranma back."  That said, she tossed
her hair back and slaundered up to a table that had a single student eating
there, wearing a Furinkan uniform.  "Nihao," Shampoo began, all but purring
at the young man.
	Gosunkugi looked up from his dinner to see Shampoo standing over
him, and promptly choked on his noodles.  
	He didn't even have time to scream.

		*				*
*

	Ukyou was already in a bad mood, and pulling Mousse out of the
lamppost in front of her restaurant wasn't doing anything to make her feel
any better.
	"Why can't Shampoo hit you so you come down someplace else?" she
asked the boy as she used her spatula to pop him free.
	Once free, Mousse began to cry.  "Oh, it's terrible!  My love has
decided to go to this dance with another!  I tried to stop her, or beat this
man up, but she wouldn't hear of it!  Oh, why am I so unlucky!?"
	"Tell me about it," Ukyou muttered.  Hearing the anger in her voice,
Mousse looked at her, then followed her gaze.  He was just able to make out
that she was looking at a large billboard sign down the street.  He pulled
out his glasses for a better look.
	
	            	  ATTENTION  ATTENTION

		Let it be know to one and all that 
		KUNO 'THE BLACK ROSE' KODACHI
		will be accompanying her one, 
		true love, SAOTOME RANMA 
		to the upcoming Furinkan 
		School Dance.  So there.
		OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!

	"She's plastered those things up all over town," Ukyou growled,
gripping her spatula tightly.
	Mousse sniffled.  "Both the people we love will be at this dance,
and there's nothing we can do about it!"  Ukyou was about to whack him a
good one for saying that, then paused.
	"Actually, there is something we can do about it," she grinned. 
"And it all depends on you, dear Mousse..."

		*				*
*

	"So I hear you're going to the dance with Kodachi.  I always knew
you were a masochist Ranma-kun."
	Ranma grunted, still angry from the earlier scene.  "Like you're one
to talk Nabiki.  I haven't seen you get a date yet."
	Snacking on some Kyoto rice-cakes, Nabiki smiled easily.  "Actually,
I've already got my date."
	"I don't mean to pry, oneechan, but can you tell us who it is?"
Akane asked politely.
	"Ryoga-kun."
	"Ryoga!?" Ranma yelled.  Akane just nodded slightly and seemed to
take the announcement in stride, almost as if she'd expected something so
simple.  "How did he ask you out?"  Ranma demanded.  "That guy gets
tongue-tied just thinking about girls.  Besides, where did you meet him?"
	"I saw him wandering around the other high school where I had my
club meeting.  When I explained it to him that you'd agreed to go with
Kodachi -those billboards were a great idea by the way- and that you'd
failed Akane by allowing her to go with Kuno-chan, he swore that he'd quote,
'rip that stinking Ranma's head clear off his body in front of the whole
school,' unquote.  Then I told him that he'd need someone from Furinkan to
accompany him if he wanted to kill you at the dance.  It was quite a
motivator for him; he didn't even need all that much coaching for his lines
when he asked me."
	Shaking his head, Ranma looked outside watching the stars shine in
the darkness, looking down on a world gone mad.
	A dance, but with all the wrong partners.  Akane, actually able to
cook; or so it occasionally seemed.  Who knew what else was going to happen?
	So far, it was shaping up to be a relatively normal week.
	
	
[continued: Chapter 2]
____________________
Author's Notes:
	
	What's going on?  
	(How should I know?)
	Is the author on drugs?
	(Lots and lots of Coke.  The drinking kind.)
	Is he insane?
	(Quite possibly.)
	Anyway, this is the first of volume 2 of Ranma 1/100th, and as you
can see, I've only gotten more clinically insane since my last writings. 
The plot for this story came from a scene from a Ranma manga.  I'm not going
to tell which one (not yet), but it did get me thinking crazy thoughts.
	For all the weirdness in this, you should know that there is a
method to my madness, a pattern to my perversion, direction to my
dementedness, and incentive to my insanity.  All will eventually make sense
(and when it does, could you please explain it to me?)
	Just for note, in the first episode of the Shinnosuke series, Akane
was able to make a normal pot of curry by herself.  Nothing else mind you,
just curry.  For sake of certain jokes, this series occurs between the time
Akane learns to cook good curry (manga volume 25), and the appearance of
Akari (volume 30).
	On another note, my '95 Ranma 1/100th Christmas Special: "'Twas the
Fight Before Christmas," was a great success.  Everybody seems to have liked
it, and I was quite happy with the mail it generated.  In particular, my
favourite letter was by Shampoo (A.K.A. watsonwe@[edited for privacy]) who
responded:

	> For behind these creatures, together in a cart;
	>Was a pig-tailed boy, and a purple haired tart.

	TART?!?!?! <smooch> Shampoo kill you now!!
	^_^

	And so, I'm going to be spending the next few weeks dodging a
determined purple haired...young woman who want me dead when I'm a male.
	Thus, with a kiss, I die.  [not quite what Shakespeare had in mind
when he wrote that line, but it works anyway]
	To leave comments over this, leave mail for me at the Horde O'
Hentai's mail-person Grey Wolf at [greywolf@ffarm.ampr.ab.ca].