the characters were stol-- I mean borrowed from Rumiko
Takahashi and that twit Saban. All rights reserved.
Blah, blah blah.
The Angel Grove Exchange Program pt 5--- Ranma no more?
By Marie DEl Rio
Billy holds up a box of cookies and smiles. He could
not believe the luck he had getting these cookies from
Ranma's suitcase. This Akane person must be one hell of
a chemist. He would have to ask her to bake more of these
, ahem, cookies. Now, with these cookies he would finally
show up his peers(if he could call them that) . Just then
he saw Tommy and some crazy girl with a ribbon coming in
his general direction.
"Hello, Billy," Tommy chokes out.
"Hello, Tommy, here have some cookies." Billy hands
one over to Tommy. Tommy eyes it warily and pops it
in his mouth. The female companion shakes her head.
"Thanks," Tommy says as he swallows it. Tommy's pupils
dilate and his body begins to slightly twitch.
He lunges forward for a second, but then catches himself.
"I am Kudachi Kunou, the black rose. I know what
poison looks like." Kudachi grabs Tommy with her ribbon
and Tommy follows.
"Most unusual," Billy comments as he watches Tommy
stumble away from him.
Nabiki Tendo is sitting at a table with her trusty
calculator by her side. In front of her is a huge line
of people waiting to do business. Nabiki runs her fingers
through her hair and motions for the next person to come up
and see her.
"Yes?" she asks in a disinterested tone.
"Yes, we need you to do a little investigating for us."
A heavy set grungy looking boy says as his skinny wannabe
biker companion just nods.
"What kind of investigating?" Nabiki asks.
"We need you to discover the true identity of the
Power Rangers."
"Easy enough. Six hundred dollars, no less."
"Six hundred!! Well, I have that much saved up for
college, so it is a deal."
"Very good," Nabiki says. "I need about two hundred up
front and when I find out what you need to know, then I will
collect the rest."
"Thank you very much. At last the information we need
will be at hand!"
" Yeah, whatever, next." Nabiki says as a teacher
walks up to her.
"I need to place a bet on the upcoming tournament."
Nabiki's eyes light up at the prospect of more money.
America truly was the land of opportunity!
Ryoga shakes his head as he tries once again to
explain the situation to Ukyo.
"So you are actually going to go through with it?" Ukyo asks.
"Well if I don't, Ranma will die."
"So? I thought you hated Ranma."
"I do! But I want to be the one to kill him!"
"Whatever, Ryoga-honey."
"Hey, do you want to be my best man?"
"What!?"
"I need someone to be one."
"I always thought I'd be in Ranma's wedding, I just
didn't think I'd be the best man," Ukyo sighs.
"Well what about this one?" Ranma asks as she
twirls around in a white wedding dress.
Both Akane and Nadoka look at each other in utter awe.
Ranma has on a western bridal gown. It is a high collared
satin gown with lace appliques on the edge. The sleeves
are puffed, but fit tightly down at the wrists. The back was
cut out into a huge heart. The dress hits the floor and the
train is about 10 feet long with tiny hearts cut out of
the edge of the fabric.
"Ranma you look--" Akane begins as tears well
up in her eyes.
"Stunning," Nadoka finishes for her. "I guess we found
the dress now all we have to do is get the other stuff."
"What other stuff?" Ranma asks slowly not sure if she
really wants to know.
"Why stuff for the honeymoon of course." Nadoka says as
she winks to Ranma.
Akane and Ranma both fall on their faces to the floor.
Ranma stares into the mirror and sighs. She can't
believe the mess that she has gotten herself into. Now
because of her own foolishness, she is honor bound to marry
Ryoga. But as she considers this, she figures that Ryoga as
a husband isn't a horrible fate. He is strong and powerful. Although he is somewhat directionally challenged, he isn't
stupid. He could take care of her. She has witnessed him
protect her more times than she could count. Plus he is
kinda cute. But, she considers Ryoga a friend, marrying
him is not a priority of hers. If she has to, though,
she will marry him and be as good a wife as she could be. Unfortunately, Ranma couldn't help but feel impending doom
all around her.
"Billy have you been noticing that Tommy is acting a
little strange lately?" Adam asks.
Billy watches as Tommy runs around barefooted screaming
'I am the pumpkin king!'
"No, Adam, not really," Billy says nonchalantly.
Adam studies Billy pretty carefully. He knows that
he is hiding something, but he didn't know what. Maybe it
is time to take care of Billy before, he ended up like Tommy.
Tommy walk up to Billy and Adam and smiles.
"Hey Adam, did you know that there are gender
changing martial artist here?"
"Really Tommy? I think you have been drinking
a little too much."
"I don't drink silly," Tommy slurs.
"Whatever Tommy," Adam replies
"Look! Vampires! They're coming to suck your blood
Adam. Yes they are!" Tommy points to a few clouds in
the sky while Kudachi comes up behind him.
"Tommy have we been having fun without me?"
"Oh my fair lady of course not." with that Tommy
leans forward and passionately kisses her for about 2 minutes.
"Oh my,most intriguing," Billy says.
"Most intriguing, yeah right, I think I am going to
be ill," says a bystander.
"I AM NEVER TOUCHING ALCOHOL!" Adam yells.
Tommy finally breaks the kiss and Kudachi looks up a
little dazed.
"Why Tommy-darling, I never knew you felt this way!"
"That's it!" Adam yells "I'm stopping this." Adam
runs to a pay phone and dials 911.
The wedding
Ryoga Hibiki takes a huge swig of vodka as Ukyo helps
him with his tuxedo. She fixes his tie and brushes
back his hair.
"Take off your bandana," she orders.
Ryoga takes 2 more swigs of vodka and complies. Ukyo
grabs a silk gray cloth and ties it around his forehead.
"There, now you match."
Ukyo pats him on the back.
"You look pretty good."
Ryoga smiles as he studies the mirror image of himself,
his fangs glinting. Ryoga is dressed in a double breasted
tuxedo with tails. He has on a grayish blue vest and matching cumberbun. He has on his feet gray spats and in his left
pocket is a red rose. He has never looked more handsome
to Ukyo. She never knew that Ryoga could be so damn
attractive. It seemed almost a pity that she never
noticed him and that she was engaged. It seemed a bigger disappointment that he was going to marry her fiancee.
Ukyo watches as Ryoga takes four more sips of vodka.
"You don't look too bad yourself Ukyo.You make a pretty
handsome guy"
"I should I've been doing this for over 10 years."
Ukyo is dressed in a gray tux with a black and white tie
and matching cumberbun. In the right pocket is a white silk handkerchief. She is holding a cane with a gold handle.
"Yeah," Ryoga answers, "but you look too dapper
for your own good."
"Thanks sugar, you don't look too bad yourself."
Ryoga smiles as he takes about a dozen more swigs
of Vodka. Ryoga staggers up to Ukyo and hugs her tightly.
Ukyo looking slightly annoyed hugs him back.
"Hey Ryoga, how much of this did you drink?"
Ukyo holds up the bottle which is 1/2 gone.
"Um, um about what's gone. It was full when I found it."
"You drank that much?"
"Yep, I sure did!"
"Oh great Ryoga." Ukyo puts her hands on her head in
disbelief.
Ranma checks herself in the mirror one last time
as anxiety fills her very soul.
"I guess I am as ready as I will ever be." Ranma sighs.
"I suppose you should put on the veil, your my maid of
honor you know."
Akane grabs the veil and starts to fasten the lace. The
crown of the veil has fresh white roses circled with
baby's breath. Her hair is flowing down to her ankles
is slightly curled and seems to sparkle with the movement of the lights.
"Well, at least I look good," Ranma says as she
smiles grimly in front of the mirror.
"At least that makes one of us," Akane says as she
looks at her own dress in annoyance. Akane is in a
puple gown with pink bow ties and flowers on it. It is truly hideous.
"I think you look very cute."
"Cute," Akane repeats slowly. "Are you sure you want
to go through with this?"
"It's too late to stop now."
"Well I guess its almost time," Akane says slowly
<Oh Ranma> she thinks <Please get well soon. I want
the old Ranma back. Let's hope Nabiki's plan works out,
for your sake.>
Nabiki Tendo enters the lair of Lord Zed and smiles
confidently as both Lord Zed and Rita Repulsa stare at
her in utter shock.
"You impudent whelp! How dare you enter the fortress
of the mighty evil one Lord Zed!" Goldar screams as he
points a sword at Nabiki. Nabiki doesn't even seem
phased by the sword.
"Oh, I'm soo scared," Nabiki replies sarcastically
as she pushes the sword away from her.
"What are you doing here? Lord Zed asks.
"Yeah, what do you want?" Rita shrieks
"How rude. I'm so insulted and here I came to help you."
"How could you help us?" Rita asks.
"I know you want to defeat the Power Rangers.
I'd be willing to help, for a price of course."
"Defeat the Power Rangers?" Lord Zed says. "Go on we are listening."
Nabiki walks up to Lord Zed and smiles confidently.
"Well the, Zed-baby, have I gotta deal for you!"
Diaske and Horoshi look at each other as they sit
down in the first pew waiting for the ceremony to start.
"So, Horoshi, I can't believe we're here in America
watching Ranma get married to some guy,"Diaske says.
"Yeah, well I say this coming a while back," Horoshi
states calmly.
"It's funny how over the years we've witnessed
alot of Ranma's more sticky situations."
"I think this one takes the cake."
Diaske and Horoshi grow silent as the organ starts
to play. Kudachi runs out in a green gown leaping and
twirling her ribbon while rose petals of every color
fly out and hit the congregation.
"Oh ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha," she cries as she
winks at Tommy as he begins to eat the petals.
Ryoga has a huge smile on his face. Ukyo is a bit
unhappy as she tries to support Ryoga's weight so
he doesn't fall. Shampoo, Aiesha and Nabiki silently march
up to the alter with Akane in tow. Here comes the bride
loudly plays and Ranma, guided by Mousse steps into view.
Everyone is taken aback by the brides extreme beauty.
"Pretty girl," Ryoga mutters to Ukyo.
"Yeah, well you are marrying her," Ukyo says dryly.
"I am? Well lucky me!"
Ukyo stares at Ryoga and restrains herself from
hitting him as hard as she can.
"You're drunk Ryoga."
"Well I should be. I drank half a bottle of vodka you know."
"I was there stupid!"
Mousse leads Ranma up to the alter and hand her to Ryoga.
The priest goes through the ceremony rather quickly
until he utters the words:
"Now does any man or woman have any objection as
to why this man and woman should not be married let
them speak now or forever hold their peace."
Tatewaki Kunou smashes through the door with his bokken
and screams "I object to this travesty of justice.
Pig tailed Girl! I love you!" He runs up to her and squeezes her tightly. Ukyo pries him off with her spatula
and Shampoo knocks him unconscious by throwing one
of her maces nailing him right on the head.
"Nice aim," Horoshi remarks.
Kimberly studies Nabiki Tendo from the wings. Nabiki
had promised her that she would take care of everything,
but as the ceremony progressed, Kimberly felt less and
less sure about this. Now is the time for her to act.
She has to object, regardless of what Nabiki has told her.
Kimberly stands up to scream no or object or say something.
She opens her mouth to say something, when she finds mouth
filled with ribbon. Kimberly turns her head in time to see
Kudachi twirling her ribbon around her. Kimberly tries
to struggle, but she is trapped.
Nabiki shifts around uncomfortably while she stares
at her watch in anticipation, <It's too late> she thinks,
as she watches Ryoga nearly fall on the floor.
<I'm glad I always have a back up plan. On the bright
side at least I am getting plenty of photos from this.>
"I now pronounce you man and wife." the priest proclaims,
much to the horror of half the audience. "You may kiss
the bride."
"With pleasure," Ryoga says as he leans in to kiss
Ranma. He feels a huge arm grab him before he can land
on her lips however.
"I have you now, Ryoga Hibiki," Lord Zed screams as
he teleports Ryoga away.
"Gee, a day late and a dollar short," Nabiki mutters
under her breath.
"Ryoga!" Akane screams.
Adam, Billy, Rocky and Aiesha look around ready
to get into action. Kimberly is still unhappily tied up.
Tommy is busy talking to the rose petals.
"Hey! Give me back my husband!" Ranma screams.
Next: HUH?
Any questions, comments, observations, death threats and
hate mail should be sent to:
madelrio@vaxsar.vassar.edu