Excerpts from mail.fanfic: 27-Feb-96 Re: [FanFic] Spammity spam by
XTSEBASTIAN@ccvax.fuller 

BRING ON THE POKER GAME, FOLKS!

You asked for it...  Heheh.

Seriously, anyone who wants to begin (this means you, Bentley)
can go ahead and do so.  Infact, I sugget that Bentley repost
what's happened so far so people can get a handle of what's
happened.

(some backtracking; I one-up some against Mike  ;)

-----

    John frowned.  "You mean we're *still* waiting for people?"
 
    Several unhappy looks greeted his question.
 
    He shrugged.  "Fine, I can deal with it."  He dug around in his
satchel again.  "Now where did I put that home lobotomy kit..."
 
    He looked up again, and chuckled at the stares directed his way.  "I
just love messing with people's heads."
 
 
    Meanwhile, on Blue Lightning...
 
    Damon nodded to Jeremy.  "The translator was acting a bit funny while
I was there.  I'm not sure what's wrong with it, but I was hoping you could
take a look."  He popped the device out of its socket behind his ear, and
dropped it on the table.
 
    "All right," he said.  "It's probably just time for maintenance.  But
I'll take a look at the log for now.  Just a sec..."  Jeremy twisted
around, and hooked a few leads up to it from a rather complicated looking
oscilloscope-with-friends.  "One moment."
 
    A speaker from the equipment shot out a strange hum, over a distorted,
crackly recording.  "...something...Saf...lady...attached...dangerous...
million..."  Then the recording ended.
 
    "I don't get it."  Jeremy frowned.  "Looks like you picked up
*something*, but I'm not sure what.  I'll get back to you on it, okay?"
 
    Damon nodded.  "There were some rather high tech persons attending that
supposedly 'friendly' game.  I'll have Chris do a scan of me, the flitter,
the ship, etc., just to be on the safe side.  Somebody might be holding
a grudge against advanced technology or something."
 
 
    The bridge was silent, and the mass of dim, blue starlight ahead was
a bit disconcerting.  Damon sat in thought, while Chris made a few routine
checks, then left for the "night", as ship's night was just beginning.
 
    She should be okay, he thought.  I wonder what the trouble is on Hbria
this time, though.  It's rare they send out a jump probe to come *looking*
for me.  And the encoded message wasn't very helpful, either.
 
    He nervously watched the screen, awaiting whatever might lie ahead.

-----

(the poker game supposedly began...)

-----

"MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PEOPLE!!!"
 
Panda rubbed his suddenly hoarse throat after his bellowing call. Geez this
was getting out of hand he thought. It was time to play some poker.
 
"Everybody-  Can I have your attention please? . . . Thank you. As you all
know, I have asked you here for a friendly game of poker. Each of you
has been selected as representatives of the most ingenious minds that humanity
- and non-humanity- has to offer in this solar system. Some of you 
have been summoned here without prior knowledge of the pretense. I
deeply regret the imposition, but if I had asked, I am sure you would not
have come."
     The assembled throng all gaped at Panda as they realized that this was
far from a simple game of poker. This was a meeting of the minds.
     Panda continued, now standing atop a small rock so that he could see all 
of his guest's faces. One blue furred face in particular caught his eye, causi
ng him to stop momentarily, overcome by nausea at her repulsive
countenance. Unknown to the oriental bear, he was still feeling the effects
of the "opposite effect" nacho dip. "Let me welcome you all to my humble
pen. Here you will find all the amenities of modern civilization. If there is 
anything I can get you, you need only ask Chang or myself. Please do not
bother my robot duplicate. He's a little cranky today."
     A few of the guests who had experience with androids cracked knowing grin
s at Panda's attempt at a joke. The rest just stared at the plump bear on
the rock, wondering how the poor hunk of granite he was standing on could supp
ort the bear's weight.
     "So, now that we've had a few refreshments and gotten acquainted, I'd say
 it's time we got down to business. First, a note about the varying types
of currency involved. Chang will exchange whatever currency forms any
of you may be carrying for good old American green backs. I assure you, the ex
change rates are favourable to the player. Second, any weapons you may
have brought have already been neutralized. As long as you remain inside the p
erimeter of my pen, no weapon, and I repeat NO weapon will
be able to function. 
     Several of the guests suddenly reached inside their attire to fish out
an odd assortment of hand-guns, laser pistols and matter displacement
devices, and test them at harmless targets around the pen. Much to their surpr
ise, the bear had spoken the truth.
     "Third, if you are good enough to cheat and not get caught, by all means 
go ahead. But if you get caught you will be automatically ejected from the gam
e and subject to the ire of the other players if they catch up to you afterwar
d. Fourth . . .  let's have fun."
     The assembled guests formed a gentle tide that surged towards the huge
bamboo and whicker poker table that Chang had set up in the middle of the
pen. Surrounding it's perimeter were over a dozen ornate bamboo chairs, 
upon which the guests now sat. Chang circled the table with a warmed bottle of
 saki, filling empty glasses and made sure all of the guests were comfortable.
 Panda held up a cigar for inspection that Mr.B had given him
earlier, and then drew it across the space between his nose and upper lip. Wit
h a satisfied smile he took out a platinum cigar cutter and nipped off the end
. Seemingly from nowhere, Chang lit Panda's cigar with a platinum lighter and 
then set it on the table in front of Panda. Puffs of blue and white smoke drif
ted lazily into the darkening evening sky. The players had all settled themsel
ves in their seats, and now looked toward their host with expectant expression
s.
     Panda gestured his friend Chang over to his side, and then leaned over to
 whisper something discretely. Chang nodded and then mad a bee-line
for the bamboo grove in the corner of the pen. For a moment, the puzzled
guests lost sight of the zoo-keeper as he faded into the shadows of the long b
amboo stalks. Then, moments later, he reappeared carrying a very shiny
gold box about the size of a hard cover book. Chang returned to Panda's
side, and placed the gold box very gently on the felt covered poker table
directly in front of the calm, cigar puffing black and white bear. Panda
placed a large furry paw on top of the mysterious box, and spoke, his voice
taking on a mystical tone. "My friends. In this box resides the fate of mankin
d; the symbol of life on this planet; the answer to the question- Why
are we here? Not just a deck of cards, but the finest example of the random la
ws of the universe that our respective creators could ever create."
     Panda slowly scanned the silent faces of his guests for dramatic effect,
halting only momentarily on the visage of the Blue Tigress, causing a
temporary wave of nausea. Moving on, he completed the circuit, and then
began to open the box.
     Suddenly he jerked his hand away from the lock and sat bolt upright. He
twitched for a second or two, then narrowed his eyes. "I'm sorry my friends.
We cannot begin until *all* the guests have arrived. Someone is missing."
     The guests began to murmur amongst themselves, postulating on the
identity of this missing guest, when Bentley spoke up. "SkyKnight- that's who'
s missing isn't it?"
     Panda's face brightened at the offering, and slowly nodded, a very large 
grin froming on his face. "We can't start a game of poker, unless SkyKnight
is here to cut the deck."

-----

    John frowned in Panda's direction.  "Something wrong with that boy,"
he muttered.  Thinking for a moment, he pulled a tiny bottle from his
satchel, and poured a viscous concoction on his hands.  "Well, it'll either
take care of his problem, or knock him out cold.  Either way, an
improvement, I guess."

    He looked at the rather ominous plate of nachos and dip sitting on
the table, unnoticed for the moment.  "But I'd better get rid of that,
first."

    While the crowd talked, introducing themselves to the many later
arrivals, John made his way towards the table of snacks set out for the
guests.

    "Hey John!  Hold on a minute there," a voice called out.  John turned
to see Firehawke running up to him.  "Have you seen Nabiki, by any chance?
She was going to be here, but I think she's been avoiding me."

    "Sorry, can't say that I have."  John kept his hands in his pockets,
careful not to look too anxious at the crowd beginning to drift in his
direction.  "I'll be right back, I'd like to grab a little something to
munch on."

    "See you later."  He wandered away, looking glum.

    John looked back to see Foxtrot smiling at him, holding a nacho in
her paw.  He gestured frantically.  "Wait, that's not--"  She waved back
with one paw, and tucked the nacho into her mouth with the other.
"--a good idea..." he finished, sighing.

    Her whiskers quivered, and an odd expression made its way across her
features.  Glancing about to make sure no one was watching, he waved both
hands in front of her long nose.  "Here goes trouble," he murmured.

    Her face went blank for a moment.  Then she smiled back for several
seconds before toppling over into the nachos and dip, snoozing happily.

    "Oh, great."  he heaved a sigh.  "I guess it could be--"  A huge paw
rested on his shoulder.  "--worse?" he whispered.

    John smiled nervously up at Panda.

    "Is Foxtrot okay?" he asked.  "I was hoping to chat.  There are
precious few *decent* females around to have a satisfying conversation
with."

    John sweated, thinking quickly.  If he goofed, there would be several
very angry people wanting explanations he didn't have.  "I--I noticed she'd
fallen asleep.  Could you give me a hand?  We'd better clean that off
before it dries."

    Panda nodded slowly, shrugging.  "There's a nice little pond I enjoy
wading in from time to time."  He lifted Foxtrot's prone form with one
meaty paw, and sauntered away.

    John looked back and forth between the retreating bulk of the Panda,
and the remains of the nachos and dip.  "She's gonna kill me...but I need
to get rid of that stuff."  He shoveled what was left of the mess onto the
plate, and headed for the garden area of the zoo.  Best to dump it there.

    On the path ahead of him, Nabiki jogged into view, looking winded.
John glanced around quickly, and shoved the plate into a convenient hole
in a nearby tree.

    "Move it, I'm late!"  She rushed past.

    "Firehawke was looking for you!" he shouted after her.

    Within seconds, she had disappeared from view again, and he breathed
a sigh of relief.  "Finally, that's over with."

    Gathering his wits, he trotted off down the path after her.  "Now, to
go keep Saf company, like I'm supposed to..."

    Several minutes later, excited chitters and pained shrieks drifted from
the hole in the tree.  Two squirrels shot out of the hole, down the path
towards the garden, and out of sight.  Neither looked very happy.

Damon Casale, scyth@andrew.cmu.edu

				* Love *
                 Between two people, there is nothing that
                      can draw them closer together