On Sat, 24 Feb 1996, Travis Butler wrote:

If you don't mind a little C&C... (and stop drooling, all you hentai in 
the peanut gallery! Ivanova's *not* here!)

All C&C will be listened to - and may even be acted upon.  ^_^
 

Sheridan:	Have Zeta Squadron put on stand-by.  If these ships get too
		close before moving off, I want them turned into plasma.

This doesn't quite ring true. True, Ivanova was ready to blast the Soul 
Hunter's ship when it was on a collision course with the station; but 
that was mainly due to the very tight time frame. IIRC the Copernicus in 
"The Long Dark" was also on a collision course with the station, and in 
that case they went out and stopped the ship before it could hit. Two 
hours would seem like plenty of time to scramble enough fighters and 
shuttles to pull the ships away from the station -- assuming the ships 
aren't *huge*. (I admit I'm not familiar with your three ships; I haven't 
read [or found] any of your earlier stories. Gomen.)

Those ships *are* huge (at least the REF and Meltran ship are, with the 
Mordred at ~1.5 Km in length and the Meltran ship ~4Km)  The Invid ship 
is small by comparison.  WHich is why I didn't consider it possible for 
"nudging" by outside forces.

And previous stories can be found at FTP.STD.COM (plug, plug)
 

		who questions the order.  Maybe this will prompt the others
		to obey.

Again, I'm not familiar with the ships or your characters; but it doesn't 
seem quite in Zentraedi character to simply abandon ship without making 
*some* attempt to save her. I'd also expect some discussion of what their 
situation will be after they abandon ship -- do they expect B5 to rescue 
them, and what will they do to build back up again? (This is another 
point that might be answered by the earlier stories -- if the Zentraedi 
are working together with the Mordred, they might be expecting 
rescue/help from them.) 

Hmm, lets see if I can explain this without giving too much away.

A proper zentraedi fight invovles going down with the ship.  Repairing 
the ship does not even come into consideration unless we are talking 
minor repairs, the Zents just simply ignore the damage until such a time as 
they can go into a repair facility.  The Meltran captain is abandoning 
ship, which is something a Zent would normally not consider, and is 
questioned about it.  By this time, most Zentraedi have been tainted to 
some degree by contact with the humans, and this is reflected in the 
captain's explanation.

and yes, you are right... The zentraedi *are* expecting outside help once 
they abandoned their ship - but not from Bab5... it's just a convenient 
staging area.  more as the story develops.
 

Garibaldi:	Oh no, Londo.  I'm not lending you any money.

This exchange sounds like something out of B5's first or early second 
season -- by the third season their relationship is *very* strained 
(remember the scene between them when Londo returns to B5 in "The Long, 
Twilight Struggle"?), and Londo wouldn't need to borrow money (remember 
Londo paid Garabaldi back when his fortunes had improved, as a friendly 
gesture?). This bit might work better if you set it back in that period, 
depending on what you have planned with the Shadows.

Hmmm, I haven't seen any third series yet (I just got the first few 
episodes last night - gimme time  ^_^ ) so all of these interactions are 
speculation.  Londo *didn't* ask for money, I just took it as an 
automatic reaction from Garibaldi.

I might have to change all that.

I'd drop this scene completely; Kosh doesn't sound right, and you could 
probably get the same effect simply picking up with Sheridan coming back 
from talking to Kosh.

I think I'll follow that suggestion.  I wasn't very happy with the scene 
in the first place.  Let's face it - the only good Kosh around is 
Ardwright Chamberlain.  ^_-
 

I'm sorry, this is all sounding like criticism, and I don't intend it 
that way; I really like B5, I appreciate how difficult it is to write in 
that work, and I admire you for trying. :>

And I'll keep trying until I get it right.  Oh well, only two (three?) 
more Bab-5 chapters before I move on to another setting...  Robo-Files, 
anyone?  ^_^


Neoculture              (Crash-Test Dummy On The Information SuperHighway)
-------------------------------------+------------------------------------
Dans le froid glace de l'Olympe noir | Dans le vide de l'espace infernal -
Les Dieux malins ont en vain         | Fatigue, lasse, vainqueur -
Use de leur puissance, leurs pouvoirs| Ulysse pres d'une Aurore Boreale
Contre Ulysse 31.                    | Rechauffe un peu son coeur.
-------------------------------------+-------- Aubry.Thonon@qed.qld.gov.au